6 Thoughts
1) Ahhhh, Toronto. It was good to see them. Life's a lot easier against the Torontos, New Jerseys, and Philadelphias of the world than the Bostons and Utahs. Dull, dull game, but good to win one. Miami got up big, let off the gas in the fourth quarter - again - before DWade regained control and Miami cruised in. Let's Go...Actually, let's not go, let's stay right here, and just play Toronto over and over...
2) Offensive Report: The offense still looks stagnant. But, yet, against Boston it scored over 100 points against the best defensive team in the league, and it dropped 109 tonight. Wade had 31 on 11-16 and James had 23 on 8-21. Of the 13 shots that James missed, about 10 were plays that you were characterize as "a brutal decision," bad, stagnant jump shots. Other times, he probed into the lane, got to 10 feet, and instead of elevating and finishing, opted to pitch out to shooters. He is still problematic with his decision making. Overall, Miami shot 50% from the floor, and 36 free throws, so it's tough to be too critical. Doesn't look fluid yet, though.
3) Defensive Report: Defensively it is a different story right now. The results are not there, and it is obvious why: the effort level was a little low. Both LeBron James, and to lesser degree, Dwyane Wade, have to lock on their man more, and make it more challenging for the opposition to move the ball. There is nothing wrong with Toronto as an offensive group - they can shoot it - so you have to make it more difficult for them to get it to the spots on the court where they want to shoot from. James, in particular, had the defensive intensity dialed up to about a 1.5.
4) One Thing We Learned About Tony Fiorentino Tonight: 6 feet 2 inches tall. I would have guessed 5'10". Good for him - that's solid height.
5) Best Moment of the Game: When Toronto's Italian big man Andrea Bargiani missed a tough jumper off the dribble and Tony said "He just forced a bad shot, even though he's Italian." Trust me - it was a really dull game...
6) Earlier this season we recounted a story in which we pointed out that Lenny Kravitz' second album, "Mama Said," is a classic, just an old-school-y emotion fest about challenging relationships, while his third album, "Are You Gonna Go My Way," is a hacky, gimmicky step back for Kravitz which mostly signaled the beginning of the end for him as a really important artist. Also, that someone associated with this blog hurled it across his lawn in a (justifiable) moment of rage against an ex-girlfriend...This led to an interweb conference thread between two Dos readers, M.Minutos and T.H.A. which resulted in one of them asking whether it was possible that Lenny Kravitz had knocked around his one-time wife, Lisa Bonet, at all, to which the other replied that if he had, it was probably because she was so annoying. First of all, I'd like to say that I would have commented on this sooner, but I was busy answering racist emails from R.Minutos. Second of all: how dare you two? Never, ever, ever say anything derogatory about sweet, sexy little Lisa Bonet again. Ever! Let me tell you something: for a young white ingenue growing up in Connecticut with no black people around except for the occasional basketball player bused in to the public high school, which I wasn't even allowed to go to because I had problems with my ability to focus, when Lisa Bonet first exploded on to The Cosby Show, and into my consciousness, wearing armpit-high parachute pants and brightly colored berets, proudly flaunting her obvious racially mixed heritage, and sassy Earth-girl persona, it was a sexual revolution in my mind, and in my trousers. I was, like, Oh, you mean there is something out there beyond prepped-out Jennifer Grey look-alikes who wear sweaters, slacks, and care about their careers? Really? I'm in in - Let's Go!!! And just look at me now, boy, just look at me now!...
Not even sure when the next game is - I think Wednesday against Phoenix. Let. Us. Go.
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Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Celtics 112 Heat 107
6 Thoughts
1) M.Minutos: "How can you even write about that game?" Dos Minutos: "Because that's how we do! Let's go!"
2) That didn't go well at all! It was just like the first matchup on opening night in Boston: watch the Celtics shoot about 90 percent from the floor, climb back in to it, then lose at the end. And Dwyane Wade was terrible tonight, just like opening night in Boston: 2-12 for 8 points. Maybe we did anger the basketball gods!
3) Full disclosure: there was something wrong with my cable feed, so large chunks of the game looked like they were being played in Matrix-style scramble-vision - which, frankly, I enjoyed. If I have to watch Joel Anthony give up one more layup while he is standing with his head under the rim, I'm going to throw my workboot through the new tv. I don't even own workboots - I'm from Connecticut - but I'll go buy some just to do it. Dick's Sporting Goods just opened near my house. Dick's!
4) I feel badly for Spo. The Heat are struggling right now - that's fairly obvious. The problems are numerous: they get bullied in the paint; their offense is not cohesive, and there is too much standing around; Chris Bosh joue comme une fille...Do I think they will figure it out? Yes, I think they will figure it out. But for the time being, everyone is going to pile on Spo because the team is struggling, because he is not white, and because he is not Pat Riley. Do I think Riley is going to come down and coach again? I think it would have to get a lot worse. And I don't honestly believe that he wants to...But isn't there some small part of him, some bit of ego, like we all have, that, even now, is imagining the day when Wade and James come to his office, and they are like, "Coach, we need you," and he's like, "Nah, guys, I'm done, I'm washed up," and they are like, "No - you are the only one who can fix this," and he is like, "When I killed that small forward in Sacramento, I promised myself I would get out, and stay out," and they are like, "Coach - you did it before; you can do it again - we believe in you - you are the best..." Looooong, soulful pause, a look down at the floor, then he stands up and looks them square in the eyes: "Okay, my n*ggaz, here's what we are going to do..."
5) Okay, fellas, depressing game tonight, so we are switching gears early, going to answer some mail here at #5. Why? I thought I told you in #1: this is how we do!
Our favorite reader, R.Minutos, emailed us a question yesterday. Here goes – just so you know in advance, this is word-for-word, this had nothing to do with me:
“What is up with the influx of Indian (not casino, but curry) FHP troopers? I just got a ticket yesterday on 95 going 83 in a 65 speed zone. This is my second ticket and both troopers were pudgy, looked 12, and smelled like pungent curry sauce. Did I mention I hate the `popo?’
First of all, this is the most racist question we have ever received here, so congratulations on that. Second of all, you’re driving too fast. Slow down and enjoy life as a white man in America. Third of all, your email was so inappropriate in so many ways, that I may be reconsidering my position on the po-lice...
6) That wasn't the end of R.Minutos' email. He also wanted to give some dating advice specifically for the Dos audience. He knows, like I do, that there are a lot of lonely fellas out there in our audience looking for love, and we want to try our best to keep them away from the hookers. At least the really nasty street ones - the ones from legitimate escort services are probably pretty okay. Here's R.Minutos' favorite pickup move:
New move for my single, and straying married, friends. Next time you are at dinner and see a hot girl, or in [a mutual associate's] case, a hot guy, write a tic tac toe board on a napkin, mark a spot on the board then write your move and have the waiter (give waiter/waitress a tip to deliver) deliver it to your soon-to-be naughty-naughty. Keep an eye on the waiter and then give a slight waive and pantomime to write back. Then go back to your dinner. If all goes well the napkin should bounce between tables a few times. Once done, take the napkin over to her table and say either 1) it looks like you won my little game and I owe you a drink, I am heading over to the bar, you should join me. Or 2) I was trying to let you win, you kinda owe me a drink, but I won't hold you to it. I am heading to the bar, you should join me. This move crushes, and has worked wonders, except for this one pissed off boyfriend in Philly. Good will hunting and LET'S GO!!!
2 Thoughts: 1) The one part I don't get is how dumb are we assuming the girl is? I mean, after you write the tic tac toe board, make the first move, and send the waiter over to her with it, why do you have to pantomime to her to write on the napkin? She is too dumb to figure that out? Personally, I like smart girls, because I really like to talk to them. 2) All that notwithstanding, I don't see any possible scenario in which this doesn't work perfectly. Well done, Ho-renzo Lamas!!!
See you on Saturday night for Toronto - Chris Bosh's old team. Allez!!!
-----
1) M.Minutos: "How can you even write about that game?" Dos Minutos: "Because that's how we do! Let's go!"
2) That didn't go well at all! It was just like the first matchup on opening night in Boston: watch the Celtics shoot about 90 percent from the floor, climb back in to it, then lose at the end. And Dwyane Wade was terrible tonight, just like opening night in Boston: 2-12 for 8 points. Maybe we did anger the basketball gods!
3) Full disclosure: there was something wrong with my cable feed, so large chunks of the game looked like they were being played in Matrix-style scramble-vision - which, frankly, I enjoyed. If I have to watch Joel Anthony give up one more layup while he is standing with his head under the rim, I'm going to throw my workboot through the new tv. I don't even own workboots - I'm from Connecticut - but I'll go buy some just to do it. Dick's Sporting Goods just opened near my house. Dick's!
4) I feel badly for Spo. The Heat are struggling right now - that's fairly obvious. The problems are numerous: they get bullied in the paint; their offense is not cohesive, and there is too much standing around; Chris Bosh joue comme une fille...Do I think they will figure it out? Yes, I think they will figure it out. But for the time being, everyone is going to pile on Spo because the team is struggling, because he is not white, and because he is not Pat Riley. Do I think Riley is going to come down and coach again? I think it would have to get a lot worse. And I don't honestly believe that he wants to...But isn't there some small part of him, some bit of ego, like we all have, that, even now, is imagining the day when Wade and James come to his office, and they are like, "Coach, we need you," and he's like, "Nah, guys, I'm done, I'm washed up," and they are like, "No - you are the only one who can fix this," and he is like, "When I killed that small forward in Sacramento, I promised myself I would get out, and stay out," and they are like, "Coach - you did it before; you can do it again - we believe in you - you are the best..." Looooong, soulful pause, a look down at the floor, then he stands up and looks them square in the eyes: "Okay, my n*ggaz, here's what we are going to do..."
5) Okay, fellas, depressing game tonight, so we are switching gears early, going to answer some mail here at #5. Why? I thought I told you in #1: this is how we do!
Our favorite reader, R.Minutos, emailed us a question yesterday. Here goes – just so you know in advance, this is word-for-word, this had nothing to do with me:
“What is up with the influx of Indian (not casino, but curry) FHP troopers? I just got a ticket yesterday on 95 going 83 in a 65 speed zone. This is my second ticket and both troopers were pudgy, looked 12, and smelled like pungent curry sauce. Did I mention I hate the `popo?’
First of all, this is the most racist question we have ever received here, so congratulations on that. Second of all, you’re driving too fast. Slow down and enjoy life as a white man in America. Third of all, your email was so inappropriate in so many ways, that I may be reconsidering my position on the po-lice...
6) That wasn't the end of R.Minutos' email. He also wanted to give some dating advice specifically for the Dos audience. He knows, like I do, that there are a lot of lonely fellas out there in our audience looking for love, and we want to try our best to keep them away from the hookers. At least the really nasty street ones - the ones from legitimate escort services are probably pretty okay. Here's R.Minutos' favorite pickup move:
New move for my single, and straying married, friends. Next time you are at dinner and see a hot girl, or in [a mutual associate's] case, a hot guy, write a tic tac toe board on a napkin, mark a spot on the board then write your move and have the waiter (give waiter/waitress a tip to deliver) deliver it to your soon-to-be naughty-naughty. Keep an eye on the waiter and then give a slight waive and pantomime to write back. Then go back to your dinner. If all goes well the napkin should bounce between tables a few times. Once done, take the napkin over to her table and say either 1) it looks like you won my little game and I owe you a drink, I am heading over to the bar, you should join me. Or 2) I was trying to let you win, you kinda owe me a drink, but I won't hold you to it. I am heading to the bar, you should join me. This move crushes, and has worked wonders, except for this one pissed off boyfriend in Philly. Good will hunting and LET'S GO!!!
2 Thoughts: 1) The one part I don't get is how dumb are we assuming the girl is? I mean, after you write the tic tac toe board, make the first move, and send the waiter over to her with it, why do you have to pantomime to her to write on the napkin? She is too dumb to figure that out? Personally, I like smart girls, because I really like to talk to them. 2) All that notwithstanding, I don't see any possible scenario in which this doesn't work perfectly. Well done, Ho-renzo Lamas!!!
See you on Saturday night for Toronto - Chris Bosh's old team. Allez!!!
-----
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Jazz 116 Heat 114 ot
6 Thoughts
1) "Guys, we're up nineteen at half, LeBron James has dominated play without even making shots, we're at home, and we're looking good. Very good. I don't see any possible way we can lose this game, unless Jazz power forward Paul Millsap, who has 2 career three pointers, suddenly drops 3 trips in a row in the last minute of regulation, sandwiched around a Deron Williams triple, Dwyane Wade and Carlos Arroyo miss several free throws in the waning moments, Millsap then follow-tips an airball at the buzzer to send it to overtime, then Andrei Kirilenko weather-balloons two threes in, and then on the crucial exchange of the game Dwyane Wade goes middle, gets bodychecked off a shot by Ronnie Price to no call, and Utah goes down to the other end and gets a highly questionable foul call against that same Dwyane Wade - who just didn't get an obvious call - with .4 secs left, make 2 free throws - including 1 they tried to miss on purpose - and win the game. I think we got'em. I mean, there's no way we're losing this game! Ready...Let's go!"
2) "Oh-no."
3) I've seen a lot of guys play a lot of games...but nothing like this...Paul Millsap - forget the 3 triples in the final minute of play, more than doubling his career output to this point. No - don't even forget them. The last one was backing up, from 26 feet, with Udonis Haslem hanging all over him. I mean, he made everything, all night long, finished with 46 points on 19-28!!! Holy Boozer!!! I have to say, as much as I hate losing, I kind of enjoyed Paul Millsap tonight.
4) It's a bad loss, no doubt. Over the course of 82 games, you are going to lose some bad ones. Fine. But down the stretch and in overtime, where was LeBron James? He was tremendous in the first half, probing the defense and creating wide open shots for others. Even though his own looks weren't falling, he ended the first half with 6 points, 7 assists, and 6 boards, not to mention playing tremendous defense. Finished with his first Heat triple double (20, 14 assists, 11 boards) - but he was a ghost down the stretch. They essentially went Dwayne iso, or Dwyane screen-and-roll late, partially because James didn't aggressively attack the middle. Dwyane was pretty brilliant, as usual - finished with 39. But James has to figure out something - something - to do at the end of a close game. Grab a rebound? Cut to the rim? Get a stop? Anything? I forgot he was out there, frankly...Should I stop writing my opinions? They're my opinions...
5) Election update: I don't know who won because I didn't watch the postgame show - had to go feed the baby - but tonight's poll question was which new teammates were going to have the biggest impact on their team this year (non-Heat division). Choices? Boozer and Korver in Chicago? No - too underathletic. Stoudamire and Felton in New York? No - too `B list.' Blake and Barnes in Los Angeles? No - too `C list.' The O'Neal Brothers - Shaq and Jermaino - in Boston? Of course!!! But I didn't text in my vote, you know why? Because that shit is rigged - still haven't received an explanation as to why my 88 votes for Jermaino in last week's poll weren't counted. You think I'm joking - I'm not. By the way, is Jermaino going to be in every poll this year? I mean, I'm not complaining - just checking.
6) Movie Review - "White Nights": Admittedly this review is somewhat belated since the movie came out sometime in the 1980s [editor’s note – 1985]. Also, full disclosure – I have not seen this movie. I did, however, recently watch Lionel Richie’s video for the song “Say You, Say Me,” which is the theme song for the movie – really, it’s more of a film – and the video is almost exclusively clips from the film, and you can pretty much piece together everything from that. So you have Mikhail Bayishnikov starring as a Russian ballet dancer who wants to emigrate to America, probably, and the KGB doesn’t want him to – remember, it’s 1985, during the Cold War, when Russians were still cool. And then Gregory Hines is the retired black dancer who lives in a dingy apartment in New York City , and he doesn’t dance anymore for some reason, either he blew a big audition, or his fiancé died in a dancing accident, or something like that. And Lionel Richie is in there somewhere as well, wearing a suede Members Only jacket. The Wikipedia page also says Helen Mirren is in it, though I didn't notice her in the video. You know why? 'Cuz I only notice hot girls. So Baryshnikov hides out in Hines’ apartment, and he tries to convince Hines to come back to dancing, which Hines is totally reluctant to do, but Baryshnikov is slowly winning him over through persistence. But you know the KGB are eventually going to find him, which they do, and then they kick the crap out of the both of them, because they are nancy-boy dancers who don’t know anything about fighting. But then right when they are going to take Baryshnikov away, back to Russia, probably putting him a gulag, Hines is like, “Wait, okay, I’ll do it – I’ll dance,” and he and Baryshnikov perform a wondrous dance that convinces the KGB to let Baryshnikov go. A couple of things: first, Mikhail Baryshnikov in this movie looks exactly Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day, sans the bad ink and wacky-colored hair (“Look – my hair’s red – I’m a punk!”). Second, say what you want to about Baryshnikov’s elegant brilliance, but I saw Gregory Hines on Broadway in 1992 starring in Jelly’s Last Jam, and believe me, dance-wise, he is holding back in the film so he doesn’t make Baryshnikov look bad. Baryshnikov may – may – be better at ballet than Hines, but there is no way he can hang with Hines in whatever it is you call the kind of dancing that Hines does. I call it "hot-footing!" Not sure that’s the technical term, though. Anyways, obviously, I give this movie 10 out of 10. Men in tights!!!
Back for Thursday night at home against Boston. I'd say it's a big game - already lost to them once, just took a bad beat at home...Let's GO!
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1) "Guys, we're up nineteen at half, LeBron James has dominated play without even making shots, we're at home, and we're looking good. Very good. I don't see any possible way we can lose this game, unless Jazz power forward Paul Millsap, who has 2 career three pointers, suddenly drops 3 trips in a row in the last minute of regulation, sandwiched around a Deron Williams triple, Dwyane Wade and Carlos Arroyo miss several free throws in the waning moments, Millsap then follow-tips an airball at the buzzer to send it to overtime, then Andrei Kirilenko weather-balloons two threes in, and then on the crucial exchange of the game Dwyane Wade goes middle, gets bodychecked off a shot by Ronnie Price to no call, and Utah goes down to the other end and gets a highly questionable foul call against that same Dwyane Wade - who just didn't get an obvious call - with .4 secs left, make 2 free throws - including 1 they tried to miss on purpose - and win the game. I think we got'em. I mean, there's no way we're losing this game! Ready...Let's go!"
2) "Oh-no."
3) I've seen a lot of guys play a lot of games...but nothing like this...Paul Millsap - forget the 3 triples in the final minute of play, more than doubling his career output to this point. No - don't even forget them. The last one was backing up, from 26 feet, with Udonis Haslem hanging all over him. I mean, he made everything, all night long, finished with 46 points on 19-28!!! Holy Boozer!!! I have to say, as much as I hate losing, I kind of enjoyed Paul Millsap tonight.
4) It's a bad loss, no doubt. Over the course of 82 games, you are going to lose some bad ones. Fine. But down the stretch and in overtime, where was LeBron James? He was tremendous in the first half, probing the defense and creating wide open shots for others. Even though his own looks weren't falling, he ended the first half with 6 points, 7 assists, and 6 boards, not to mention playing tremendous defense. Finished with his first Heat triple double (20, 14 assists, 11 boards) - but he was a ghost down the stretch. They essentially went Dwayne iso, or Dwyane screen-and-roll late, partially because James didn't aggressively attack the middle. Dwyane was pretty brilliant, as usual - finished with 39. But James has to figure out something - something - to do at the end of a close game. Grab a rebound? Cut to the rim? Get a stop? Anything? I forgot he was out there, frankly...Should I stop writing my opinions? They're my opinions...
5) Election update: I don't know who won because I didn't watch the postgame show - had to go feed the baby - but tonight's poll question was which new teammates were going to have the biggest impact on their team this year (non-Heat division). Choices? Boozer and Korver in Chicago? No - too underathletic. Stoudamire and Felton in New York? No - too `B list.' Blake and Barnes in Los Angeles? No - too `C list.' The O'Neal Brothers - Shaq and Jermaino - in Boston? Of course!!! But I didn't text in my vote, you know why? Because that shit is rigged - still haven't received an explanation as to why my 88 votes for Jermaino in last week's poll weren't counted. You think I'm joking - I'm not. By the way, is Jermaino going to be in every poll this year? I mean, I'm not complaining - just checking.
6) Movie Review - "White Nights": Admittedly this review is somewhat belated since the movie came out sometime in the 1980s [editor’s note – 1985]. Also, full disclosure – I have not seen this movie. I did, however, recently watch Lionel Richie’s video for the song “Say You, Say Me,” which is the theme song for the movie – really, it’s more of a film – and the video is almost exclusively clips from the film, and you can pretty much piece together everything from that. So you have Mikhail Bayishnikov starring as a Russian ballet dancer who wants to emigrate to America, probably, and the KGB doesn’t want him to – remember, it’s 1985, during the Cold War, when Russians were still cool. And then Gregory Hines is the retired black dancer who lives in a dingy apartment in New York City , and he doesn’t dance anymore for some reason, either he blew a big audition, or his fiancé died in a dancing accident, or something like that. And Lionel Richie is in there somewhere as well, wearing a suede Members Only jacket. The Wikipedia page also says Helen Mirren is in it, though I didn't notice her in the video. You know why? 'Cuz I only notice hot girls. So Baryshnikov hides out in Hines’ apartment, and he tries to convince Hines to come back to dancing, which Hines is totally reluctant to do, but Baryshnikov is slowly winning him over through persistence. But you know the KGB are eventually going to find him, which they do, and then they kick the crap out of the both of them, because they are nancy-boy dancers who don’t know anything about fighting. But then right when they are going to take Baryshnikov away, back to Russia, probably putting him a gulag, Hines is like, “Wait, okay, I’ll do it – I’ll dance,” and he and Baryshnikov perform a wondrous dance that convinces the KGB to let Baryshnikov go. A couple of things: first, Mikhail Baryshnikov in this movie looks exactly Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day, sans the bad ink and wacky-colored hair (“Look – my hair’s red – I’m a punk!”). Second, say what you want to about Baryshnikov’s elegant brilliance, but I saw Gregory Hines on Broadway in 1992 starring in Jelly’s Last Jam, and believe me, dance-wise, he is holding back in the film so he doesn’t make Baryshnikov look bad. Baryshnikov may – may – be better at ballet than Hines, but there is no way he can hang with Hines in whatever it is you call the kind of dancing that Hines does. I call it "hot-footing!" Not sure that’s the technical term, though. Anyways, obviously, I give this movie 10 out of 10. Men in tights!!!
Back for Thursday night at home against Boston. I'd say it's a big game - already lost to them once, just took a bad beat at home...Let's GO!
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Saturday, November 6, 2010
Heat 101 Nets 89
6 Thoughts
1) Well, this game was over at the end of the first quarter by which time Chris Bosh had missed 3 uncontested layups, Dwyane Wade 1, and LeBron James blew an alley-oop dunk, Nets Brook Lopez and Anthony Morrow were on fire...and the Heat was down only 1. Ballgame. Bad team in town, both teams on a back-to-back - just another boiler plate blowout in the NBA...Let's Go!
2) Best stretch of game: With Miami up 14 or so very late in the third quarter, LeBron James steamed down court in transition and got lightly, but mildly dirtily, body-checked by Terrence Williams a step before take off, sending him into the fourth row of the seats behind the basket. Williams got a flagrant foul, so James made 1 of 2 free throws, and Miami retained possession, and inbounded the ball to James who made a turnaround 3 in Williams' face. Oops. After a New Jersey miss, LeBron ran the third quarter clock down and drilled a 24 foot triple at the buzzer over two guys. Start the buses - let's go!
3) Dwyane Wade: back-to-back 10 rebound games, to go with 29 points tonight. Was able to get to the rim at will, banged a couple threes, shot 10 free throws. Effective night for Dwyane.
4) Heat power forward Chris Bosh against Net big man Brook Lopez was an absolute slugfest. And by "absolute slugfest," I mean it was like an episode of The Gilmore Girls. I mean, I think - I've never seen The Gilmore Girls, but I imagine that is what an episode would look like. Bosh - somehow - emerged victorious with 21 points and 5 rebounds, but that was mostly a function of him awkwardly stumbling into the lane only to get fouled by the even more awkward and out-of-position Lopez, or Troy Murphy. Oh - and I think he had 2 jumpers bank in. Let's just say the numbers look better than he did. Lopez scored on 3 of his first 4 touches, and then, I don't know...Gave up? Got fatigued? Retired? He's the biggest guy on the court by 4 inches and 35 pounds and he finished with 12 points and 3 rebounds on 5-17 shooting. Holy Petro! Not to mention he was - easily - the worst defensive player on the court. You can use the fouls to defend the rim - they give you six of them, sweetheart...In fairness to Bosh, he acknowledged after the game that he is still feeling tentative, and trying to figure out his role in the offense. But not Lopez: "I just thought we missed open shots." Okay! What about the layup line at your defensive rim? Let's go!
5) Okay, everybody's favorite game show is back: Hot Seconds with Jax! Last year's champion: Emcee Chalmers! This year's first contestant: LeBron James. Couldn't spell Ilgauskas - not even close, really - but bounced back strong by naming the last five Finals MVPs. Put 5 on the board, we'll see if it stands up. I'm going with Juwan Howard, because I think he'll take it seriously. M.Minutos is going with Udonis Haslem, just because she is in love with him.
6) Our favorite Dos reader, Scott, wrote in with a question: "On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the ultra-flamboyant, and openly gay and proud, figure skater Johnny Weir, how gay is a male wearing a towel on his head after a shower or bath? I say, spectacularly, a 10. That was how my neighbour, who lives with a girl it must be said, answered the door yesterday morning. Offputting in the extreme."
Great question. Not sure why you asked me a non-pejorative gay question, but I will do my best to answer it, of course. First of all, great job spelling neighbor with the extra European "u" - we know you are from Europe and more cultured than we are, but thanks for the reminder...Second of all, if a 10 on the scale is ultra-flamboyant figure skater Johnny Weir, than a 1 is, of course, presumptive House speaker-elect John Boehner. Boehner! Third of all, you are absolutely correct: man with a towel on head, post-shower - 10 out of 10 on the gay scale...Let's go!
Back Tuesday, home versus Utah. Let's Go!
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1) Well, this game was over at the end of the first quarter by which time Chris Bosh had missed 3 uncontested layups, Dwyane Wade 1, and LeBron James blew an alley-oop dunk, Nets Brook Lopez and Anthony Morrow were on fire...and the Heat was down only 1. Ballgame. Bad team in town, both teams on a back-to-back - just another boiler plate blowout in the NBA...Let's Go!
2) Best stretch of game: With Miami up 14 or so very late in the third quarter, LeBron James steamed down court in transition and got lightly, but mildly dirtily, body-checked by Terrence Williams a step before take off, sending him into the fourth row of the seats behind the basket. Williams got a flagrant foul, so James made 1 of 2 free throws, and Miami retained possession, and inbounded the ball to James who made a turnaround 3 in Williams' face. Oops. After a New Jersey miss, LeBron ran the third quarter clock down and drilled a 24 foot triple at the buzzer over two guys. Start the buses - let's go!
3) Dwyane Wade: back-to-back 10 rebound games, to go with 29 points tonight. Was able to get to the rim at will, banged a couple threes, shot 10 free throws. Effective night for Dwyane.
4) Heat power forward Chris Bosh against Net big man Brook Lopez was an absolute slugfest. And by "absolute slugfest," I mean it was like an episode of The Gilmore Girls. I mean, I think - I've never seen The Gilmore Girls, but I imagine that is what an episode would look like. Bosh - somehow - emerged victorious with 21 points and 5 rebounds, but that was mostly a function of him awkwardly stumbling into the lane only to get fouled by the even more awkward and out-of-position Lopez, or Troy Murphy. Oh - and I think he had 2 jumpers bank in. Let's just say the numbers look better than he did. Lopez scored on 3 of his first 4 touches, and then, I don't know...Gave up? Got fatigued? Retired? He's the biggest guy on the court by 4 inches and 35 pounds and he finished with 12 points and 3 rebounds on 5-17 shooting. Holy Petro! Not to mention he was - easily - the worst defensive player on the court. You can use the fouls to defend the rim - they give you six of them, sweetheart...In fairness to Bosh, he acknowledged after the game that he is still feeling tentative, and trying to figure out his role in the offense. But not Lopez: "I just thought we missed open shots." Okay! What about the layup line at your defensive rim? Let's go!
5) Okay, everybody's favorite game show is back: Hot Seconds with Jax! Last year's champion: Emcee Chalmers! This year's first contestant: LeBron James. Couldn't spell Ilgauskas - not even close, really - but bounced back strong by naming the last five Finals MVPs. Put 5 on the board, we'll see if it stands up. I'm going with Juwan Howard, because I think he'll take it seriously. M.Minutos is going with Udonis Haslem, just because she is in love with him.
6) Our favorite Dos reader, Scott, wrote in with a question: "On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the ultra-flamboyant, and openly gay and proud, figure skater Johnny Weir, how gay is a male wearing a towel on his head after a shower or bath? I say, spectacularly, a 10. That was how my neighbour, who lives with a girl it must be said, answered the door yesterday morning. Offputting in the extreme."
Great question. Not sure why you asked me a non-pejorative gay question, but I will do my best to answer it, of course. First of all, great job spelling neighbor with the extra European "u" - we know you are from Europe and more cultured than we are, but thanks for the reminder...Second of all, if a 10 on the scale is ultra-flamboyant figure skater Johnny Weir, than a 1 is, of course, presumptive House speaker-elect John Boehner. Boehner! Third of all, you are absolutely correct: man with a towel on head, post-shower - 10 out of 10 on the gay scale...Let's go!
Back Tuesday, home versus Utah. Let's Go!
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Friday, November 5, 2010
Hornets 96 Heat 93
6 Thoughts
1) One thing we are not going to do at this blog is make every game a referendum on the Wade-James-Bosh triumvirate, and the team as a whole...We are going to leave that for the 65 panicked emails I will get tomorrow about the game...It was a bad night in New Orleans, got down 10, stayed down 10 all night, clawed back to a one point lead in the last minutes or so, and didn't make a play or catch a break at the end. It happens. But one trend so far this season? Miami is just getting beat the hell up inside. That's disturbing...Let's Go!
2) Chris Bosh - I mean, he has to rebound. He is the starting power forward, and plays minutes at center, as well. He averaged over 10 rebounds a game last year. He is long, quick, and a good jumper. He came in averaging only 6.4 rebounds a game - that's not enough. Then tonight he somehow only "accumulated" 1 rebound in 34 minutes. Holy Jermaino! That's only 1 more rebound than L'il Wayne had tonight sitting courtside in a Cincinnati Reds cap and he just got out of prison this week, so you know he is rusty. Hornets center Emeka Okafor pummeled Bosh and Haslem, and everyone else, inside - 26 points and 13 rebounds. Troubling.
3) Chris Paul was brilliant. Only 13 points, but 19 assists, including the biggest play of the game, a drive-and-kick to Trevor Ariza for a triple to put NO up 4 with 14 seconds to go. Got through an entire game without punching anyone in the nuts, or otherwise taking a cheap shot.
4) Two observations about Miami's offense: 1) the halfcourt offense is 80% smoother when Wade runs it as opposed to LeBron, since Dwyane continually attacks and puts the ball in uncomfortable spaces for the defense; 2) the fastbreak flourishes best when LeBron takes the ball, thunders down court, smashes into someone, and then lays it into the basket. Let's all stick to our strengths until we have things smoothed out a little.
5) Some things you just can't learn about a guy until he is on your team. Two things about LeBron James: 1) He loves ending his tweets with a hearty "Let's Go!" For example: "Tuff loss 2nite in NO, my boy CP3 wuz gr8. Goin out 4 po-boys...Let's Go!" He'll change it up, too, depending on how badly he wants you to go, like, "Let's GO," or sometimes even "LET'S GO!" 2) No one - and I mean no one - has ever consistently got to the bench faster to sit down during timeouts than James. First noticed by M.Minutos halfway through the second game of the season. The instant the ball goes dead for a timeout, he immediately turns and motors for the bench - you can't deter him. Maybe - maybe - he gives some brief dap to a teammate who comes out to meet him, but he isn't slowing down to do it, and his eyes always stay riveted on the seat he is going to sit it. I don't know if he is really, really tired, or there is just a certain chair that he likes on the bench and he wants to get there first, or he needs the extra time over there to tweet to somebody to "Let's Go." But you watch - I don't know if he is going to lead the league in triple doubles this year, but he is definitely going to lead it in "least time on the court after dead balls." Let's Go!
6) How is everyone feeling about the election results from Tuesday? I feel great! First of all, many, many people have compared me to Florida Governor elect Rick Scott. And by “many, many people,” I mean, of course, The Captain. He points out that we are both lanky white dudes with shaved balding heads, a black sidekick, absolutely no moral compass, and a net worth of hundreds of millions of dollars. Oh, and we both hate the po-lice! I’m feeling like this could really jump start my political career…Also, love new presumptive House Speaker John Boehner. Boehner! Some people thought he might be voted out of office prematurely, but he held firm in his convictions and ended up drilling his opponent. What I love about him is not just the length of his service, but also the breadth of his experience. Some people think he can be a prick to work with at times, but I prefer to think of him as sticking it to big government. What a stimulating guy!
Back in Miami tomorrow night for Plumber's Nets. C u there - LET'S GOOOOO!
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1) One thing we are not going to do at this blog is make every game a referendum on the Wade-James-Bosh triumvirate, and the team as a whole...We are going to leave that for the 65 panicked emails I will get tomorrow about the game...It was a bad night in New Orleans, got down 10, stayed down 10 all night, clawed back to a one point lead in the last minutes or so, and didn't make a play or catch a break at the end. It happens. But one trend so far this season? Miami is just getting beat the hell up inside. That's disturbing...Let's Go!
2) Chris Bosh - I mean, he has to rebound. He is the starting power forward, and plays minutes at center, as well. He averaged over 10 rebounds a game last year. He is long, quick, and a good jumper. He came in averaging only 6.4 rebounds a game - that's not enough. Then tonight he somehow only "accumulated" 1 rebound in 34 minutes. Holy Jermaino! That's only 1 more rebound than L'il Wayne had tonight sitting courtside in a Cincinnati Reds cap and he just got out of prison this week, so you know he is rusty. Hornets center Emeka Okafor pummeled Bosh and Haslem, and everyone else, inside - 26 points and 13 rebounds. Troubling.
3) Chris Paul was brilliant. Only 13 points, but 19 assists, including the biggest play of the game, a drive-and-kick to Trevor Ariza for a triple to put NO up 4 with 14 seconds to go. Got through an entire game without punching anyone in the nuts, or otherwise taking a cheap shot.
4) Two observations about Miami's offense: 1) the halfcourt offense is 80% smoother when Wade runs it as opposed to LeBron, since Dwyane continually attacks and puts the ball in uncomfortable spaces for the defense; 2) the fastbreak flourishes best when LeBron takes the ball, thunders down court, smashes into someone, and then lays it into the basket. Let's all stick to our strengths until we have things smoothed out a little.
5) Some things you just can't learn about a guy until he is on your team. Two things about LeBron James: 1) He loves ending his tweets with a hearty "Let's Go!" For example: "Tuff loss 2nite in NO, my boy CP3 wuz gr8. Goin out 4 po-boys...Let's Go!" He'll change it up, too, depending on how badly he wants you to go, like, "Let's GO," or sometimes even "LET'S GO!" 2) No one - and I mean no one - has ever consistently got to the bench faster to sit down during timeouts than James. First noticed by M.Minutos halfway through the second game of the season. The instant the ball goes dead for a timeout, he immediately turns and motors for the bench - you can't deter him. Maybe - maybe - he gives some brief dap to a teammate who comes out to meet him, but he isn't slowing down to do it, and his eyes always stay riveted on the seat he is going to sit it. I don't know if he is really, really tired, or there is just a certain chair that he likes on the bench and he wants to get there first, or he needs the extra time over there to tweet to somebody to "Let's Go." But you watch - I don't know if he is going to lead the league in triple doubles this year, but he is definitely going to lead it in "least time on the court after dead balls." Let's Go!
6) How is everyone feeling about the election results from Tuesday? I feel great! First of all, many, many people have compared me to Florida Governor elect Rick Scott. And by “many, many people,” I mean, of course, The Captain. He points out that we are both lanky white dudes with shaved balding heads, a black sidekick, absolutely no moral compass, and a net worth of hundreds of millions of dollars. Oh, and we both hate the po-lice! I’m feeling like this could really jump start my political career…Also, love new presumptive House Speaker John Boehner. Boehner! Some people thought he might be voted out of office prematurely, but he held firm in his convictions and ended up drilling his opponent. What I love about him is not just the length of his service, but also the breadth of his experience. Some people think he can be a prick to work with at times, but I prefer to think of him as sticking it to big government. What a stimulating guy!
Back in Miami tomorrow night for Plumber's Nets. C u there - LET'S GOOOOO!
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Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Heat 129 TWolves 97
6 Thoughts
1) First of all: oh-no. I mean, just: oh-no. So, our boy, Mike "Supercool" Beasley was back in town tonight. Everyone thinks we hate him; we actually love him. It was great to see him wrestling with Dwyane Wade on the floor of the court during warmups - don't want any hard feelings between Mike and his former teammates. And he looks terrific - must have lost 15 pounds in the offseason. Came out aggressive, and when he rolled down the lane in to a one-handed tomahawk dunk on an offensive rebound, I couldn't have been happier. But moments later, he drove left, elevated, and got hit at the apex by Chris Bosh, and crashed down - hard - on to his hip. Couldn't shoot his free throw, couldn't stay in the game, could barely even walk to the locker room. Heat sideliner Jason Jackson reported that the Timberwolves were calling Mike's injury a hip contusion, but Jax wasn't buying it: "they better get him an MRI." Just: oh-no. Get well soon, Mike - get well soon.
2) This is now four games in a row that Miami has led by 25+ in the third quarter. That is ridiculous. They are killing people - the games aren't even competitive. The teams, besides Orlando, have been a little weak, but still...Is the whole year going to be like this? By the way, M.Minutos could care less: "This is what we have been working towards all these years. I love it!"
3) In the first half alone, Dwyane Wade had 22 points, virtually without ever dribbling the ball, just by cutting to open spots and dunking, or offensive rebounding. He barely played in the second half, and only 24 minutes overall. LeBron James had 6 points and 9 assists in the first half - he played the third quarter and poured in 14 to get to 20 for the night. The reality is, right now the third quarter is garbage time for this team, at least for the starters, since they aren't going to see the court in the fourth quarter. The fourth quarter is strictly for seeing how many shots and points the offensively ubiquitous Eddie House can accumulate in 12 minutes: tonight it was 5 and 15 (4-4 triples, and 3 free throws - impressive!)...
4) James Jones who, God bless him, seems like the nicest guy on the team, leads the NBA in triples right now, and is 18-34. That's pretty hot. And he is their second best shooter - their best, Mike Miller, is sidelined until February or so. If James Jones is making that many shots, and Eddie House is making that many shots, and UD stands on the baseline and makes shots, and Chris Bosh makes shots from the elbow - that's a lot of made shots. And it is tough to get to those guys when Wade and LeBron are zipping around with the ball. Right now this team is a serious, serious problem for the NBA...The offense still doesn't look that fluid and they dropped 129 tonight - goodness gracious...
5) Okay, Election Night in America!!! And I am not happy with the results! I am talking, of course, about the ATT Poll, in which tonight's question was: "Which former Heat player do you think will have the best season for their new team this year? Dorell Wright, Mike Beasley, Quentin Richardson, Daequan Cook, or Jermaine O'Neal?" You text in your vote to 789789. Early returns showed Supercool Beas with a fairly significant lead over DWright, although Dorell is actually off to the best start out of the group out in Golden State - 19 a game, and dropping triples like he's James Jones...But in disturbing news: initial numbers had Jermaine O'Neal at 0.0%. At that point, someone in Casa Dos may or may not have went and retrieved their cell phone, and texted "e" 88 times to 789789, only stopping when he or she got a message back that said I - I mean he or she - had reached the maximum number of allowable votes. But, when Jax called it in the postgame show, declaring Beasley the clearcut winner, even with a potentially broken hip, Jermaino still had 0.0% of the vote!!! I don't know if "certain" votes that may or may not have been cast were invalidated on suspicion of voter fraud, or there were so many votes cast that even 88 weren't enough to lift Jermaino to even 1%, or if there was some kind of correlation to the year I wrote a letter to the White House like sixty-one days in a row to George Bush asking him to "step off" until I got a polite cease-and-desist request from Washington. I just don't know. But what I do know is that Jermaino is going to make 100% of the electorate - minus 88 votes - very unhappy when he has the best year out of the five, and leads the Celtics to another title...
6) At grocery store this evening, saw headline on the Enquirer, or whatever: "Oprah's Gay Life Uncovered!" Okay, now we're just waiting for her straight life to be uncovered, and we'll be all set! Goodnight everybody, we'll be here all season, mostly watching games that aren't competitive from halfway through the second quarter onwards!
See you Friday in New Orleans!
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1) First of all: oh-no. I mean, just: oh-no. So, our boy, Mike "Supercool" Beasley was back in town tonight. Everyone thinks we hate him; we actually love him. It was great to see him wrestling with Dwyane Wade on the floor of the court during warmups - don't want any hard feelings between Mike and his former teammates. And he looks terrific - must have lost 15 pounds in the offseason. Came out aggressive, and when he rolled down the lane in to a one-handed tomahawk dunk on an offensive rebound, I couldn't have been happier. But moments later, he drove left, elevated, and got hit at the apex by Chris Bosh, and crashed down - hard - on to his hip. Couldn't shoot his free throw, couldn't stay in the game, could barely even walk to the locker room. Heat sideliner Jason Jackson reported that the Timberwolves were calling Mike's injury a hip contusion, but Jax wasn't buying it: "they better get him an MRI." Just: oh-no. Get well soon, Mike - get well soon.
2) This is now four games in a row that Miami has led by 25+ in the third quarter. That is ridiculous. They are killing people - the games aren't even competitive. The teams, besides Orlando, have been a little weak, but still...Is the whole year going to be like this? By the way, M.Minutos could care less: "This is what we have been working towards all these years. I love it!"
3) In the first half alone, Dwyane Wade had 22 points, virtually without ever dribbling the ball, just by cutting to open spots and dunking, or offensive rebounding. He barely played in the second half, and only 24 minutes overall. LeBron James had 6 points and 9 assists in the first half - he played the third quarter and poured in 14 to get to 20 for the night. The reality is, right now the third quarter is garbage time for this team, at least for the starters, since they aren't going to see the court in the fourth quarter. The fourth quarter is strictly for seeing how many shots and points the offensively ubiquitous Eddie House can accumulate in 12 minutes: tonight it was 5 and 15 (4-4 triples, and 3 free throws - impressive!)...
4) James Jones who, God bless him, seems like the nicest guy on the team, leads the NBA in triples right now, and is 18-34. That's pretty hot. And he is their second best shooter - their best, Mike Miller, is sidelined until February or so. If James Jones is making that many shots, and Eddie House is making that many shots, and UD stands on the baseline and makes shots, and Chris Bosh makes shots from the elbow - that's a lot of made shots. And it is tough to get to those guys when Wade and LeBron are zipping around with the ball. Right now this team is a serious, serious problem for the NBA...The offense still doesn't look that fluid and they dropped 129 tonight - goodness gracious...
5) Okay, Election Night in America!!! And I am not happy with the results! I am talking, of course, about the ATT Poll, in which tonight's question was: "Which former Heat player do you think will have the best season for their new team this year? Dorell Wright, Mike Beasley, Quentin Richardson, Daequan Cook, or Jermaine O'Neal?" You text in your vote to 789789. Early returns showed Supercool Beas with a fairly significant lead over DWright, although Dorell is actually off to the best start out of the group out in Golden State - 19 a game, and dropping triples like he's James Jones...But in disturbing news: initial numbers had Jermaine O'Neal at 0.0%. At that point, someone in Casa Dos may or may not have went and retrieved their cell phone, and texted "e" 88 times to 789789, only stopping when he or she got a message back that said I - I mean he or she - had reached the maximum number of allowable votes. But, when Jax called it in the postgame show, declaring Beasley the clearcut winner, even with a potentially broken hip, Jermaino still had 0.0% of the vote!!! I don't know if "certain" votes that may or may not have been cast were invalidated on suspicion of voter fraud, or there were so many votes cast that even 88 weren't enough to lift Jermaino to even 1%, or if there was some kind of correlation to the year I wrote a letter to the White House like sixty-one days in a row to George Bush asking him to "step off" until I got a polite cease-and-desist request from Washington. I just don't know. But what I do know is that Jermaino is going to make 100% of the electorate - minus 88 votes - very unhappy when he has the best year out of the five, and leads the Celtics to another title...
6) At grocery store this evening, saw headline on the Enquirer, or whatever: "Oprah's Gay Life Uncovered!" Okay, now we're just waiting for her straight life to be uncovered, and we'll be all set! Goodnight everybody, we'll be here all season, mostly watching games that aren't competitive from halfway through the second quarter onwards!
See you Friday in New Orleans!
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