6 Thoughts
1) Well, that will do it. Miami played tough, showed grit, got down 21 in the third quarter and battled back to within 3 in the fourth quarter, but in the end the Celtics were a better team than Miami. Bigger, stronger, more good players. It's been a long, long season. Let's do what we do one last time...
2) Okay, we don't want to be all weepy, but we have to say it one more time for two guys. Dwyane Wade - he was great again, 31 points, 10 assists, and 8 rebounds. But he was just "normal great," not "mind-bendingly great," and in this series "normal great" was not enough. Don't know if Dwyane will be here next year, or somewhere else, but either way, he is almost certainly going to be playing with players who can give him more help than he received this year. He's got two, three more years at his peak, probably - it would be nice to see him get to make one more championship run. Always love Dwyane Wade, no matter where he is playing.
3) The other guy, of course, Udonis Haslem. If the Heat were like, "look, we could sign someone better and win more games, or we can re-sign Udonis and not be as good," I'm probably going for the "Udonis-not-as-good" option. As the season wound down, it has become clear to me that he is my favorite basketball player of all-time, for the reasons cited over and over in this blog. Beyond that, he's not just from Miami; he is Miami. We have Hispanic guys in Miami - that's one thing; we've got black dudes in Miami - that's UD; and we have white guys in Miami - mostly old Jews. I mean, that's just how we do it! And, by the way, it's the coolest city ever - partially because we have all different types of dudes. It's like this for UD, though: Dwyane Wade belongs to basketball fans everywhere; Udonis belongs to Miami. To see him come here in another team's uniform will be heartbreaking - I might have to skip that game. Frankly, it seems almost pointless to play a season if we don't have him. But I guess that's how life is. Doesn't seem fair, though...
4) Don't even want to be negative, but Mike Beasley didn't get to play in the second half. He earned his way off the court with a terrible first half with 2 points in 14 aimless minutes. Also, sported maybe the worst set of braids in the history of black people - a sort-of modified-Chris-Bosh-bunched-on-top-spilling-loose-in-back abomination. M.Minutos and I spent a good 8 minutes debating whether it was a mistake where he started to take the braids out, and then messed it up, and just had to leave it, or whether it was on purpose. In the end, I had to defer to her braiding expertise - she decided it was deliberate. If you are Coach Spo, and you get on the team bus for the ride to the arena, and you see that - you just have to shake your head. Not sure thinking up and executing that hairdo was a really focused use of time. If you were giving grades for the season, Mike probably earned a D-. I mean, he made it to all the games, he didn't get kicked off the team, so we should probably pass him. But if you gave him an F, it would be tough to argue. He is so passive - just hasn't learned to play with force - as M.Minutos pointed out, that's a problem, because the description is right there in the name of his position: he's a power forward...There have been a lot of rumors over the past week that Miami will try to trade Mike - hard - into someone else's cap space at the end of the season. That is, essentially just give him to another team - maybe even with a future first round pick as a sweetener - so they are not obligated to the 5 million he is due next season. If they do that, they will have the most salary cap room in the NBA this offseason - they would be able to sign Wade, two other maximum salary guys, and still have 6 million left over. Trading Mike and signing two max players isn't likely - but I guess it is worth a try. Hang in there, Mike. Try to get your mind right, hopefully with a fresh start somewhere new. I'll be rooting for you.
5) To end the season, we thought we would do some quick word associations with M.Minutos. By the way, we woke her up to do this. Some explanations in parentheses.
Jax: "Carlos Arroyo, rolling the 'r's'"
Eric Reid: "loyal" (freaky - same word flashed into my mind)
Tony Fiorentino: "Sacramento" (the one place he seems to despise)
Jermaine O'Neal: "number 7" (classic halftime piece early in the season when Jermaino explained that once, when he changed numbers, 'people' couldn't get used to him wearing a new number - in Casa Dos, earned the obligatory "and by 'people,' he means 'Jermaine O'Neal'" comment; a few days later, another Heat player, I forgot who, was explaining how weird it is when a guy changes numbers, and says, "like when Jermaine O'Neal changed numbers, I just couldn't get used to it;" Jermaino won't be back next year, and it was weird having him on the Heat for a season and a half - but he did what he could...Good luck, Jermaino!)
Quentin Richardson: "The Pres"
Coach Spoelstra: "he doesn't have any personality outside of the Heat" (by the way, M.Minutos meant that as a vague compliment, not a criticism at all)
Dorell Wright: "penis" (hey - he put it on the intra-net)
Joel Anthony: "natural butterfingers" (literally - literally - there have been hundreds of variations of this joke told in Casa Dos over the past two season: "that would have been a great pass, Dwyane, if you hadn't thrown it to a guy who naturally secretes butter out of his pores")
Mike Beasley: "the fro lives!" (Eric Reid's exclamation on a thunderous Mike Beasley follow-dunk during the one game this year he let the hair out - also the one game O. and P.Minutos attended this season)
Emcee Chalmers: "fouling"
Udonis Haslem: "Mr. Heat"
Dwyane Wade: "Flash"
6) No jokes, or long, gay signoffs. Basketball is huge in Casa Dos - we all love it. I mean, we all love it, if you completely exclude P.Minutos, who plays his own little league hoop games with the general intensity of an almost-6-year-old who could absolutely care less about organized sports of any kind. Or, Mike Beasley. But, besides that, everyone loves it. If you took the time to check this out once in a while, that kind of makes you family. But, like, don't come to my house without advance warning, or anything. Thanks to everyone who read, and especially everyone who took the time to write back at us. Always funny - and somewhat creepy - to realize quite a few people were reading this every game. May be back next year, may not. Don't know.
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Keep your minds right.
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Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Heat 101 Celtics 92 - Celtics lead 3-1
6 Thoughts
1) Whoops, have to push back those vacations plans a couple more nights. Does it really mean anything to win a game down 0-3? Not really, no. The Heat are still going to lose the series. But tell it to Dwyane Wade...
2)...because he was ridiculous. If this ends up being his last game ever in Miami, at least playing for the Heat, he went out with one of his best: 46 points on 16-24 from the floor, including 5-7 threes. Hit 3 threes in the first three minutes of the fourth quarter to turn a six point deficit into a Heat lead - it was jussssst about time to pack up the gym bags for the season, and he went bananas. In Casa Minutos, the gym bags had already been packed, and loaded on to the team bus, and I was taking a snooze in the back, back seat (you know, where the cool kids sit) - but when Wade made his fourth three of the quarter, and went past 40 points, even I got sucked back in - it would have been a shame to lose a game in which DWade played so well, and tried so hard, even when it didn't really, really matter. "I think they ought to try to re-sign this guy," ABC broadcaster Jeff Van Gundy chuckled during the Wade outburst, "I almost stormed the court myself after that last three."
3) It was almost certainly the last Heat game in Miami for The President, Quentin Richardson. Eventful first quarter for Q: 3 triples, 13 points, and one argument with his nemesis Paul Pierce. Pres finished with 20 for the game. Few guys on the short stint have been as popular in Miami as The Pres. Eric Murdoch had the famous "throat slit" during his one playoff run against the Knicks - that was good; Lamar Odom was solid in his year, but not lovable; the first Skip Alston run was fun - but Quentin probably surpassed them all. He came from nowhere to be a productive shooter and defender for this team, as well as a hype man for fellow Chicagoan Wade. At this time last year, it was more likely that Quentin Richardson would be out of the league right now than a starter on a 5th seed in the playoffs. When the Heat acquired him this offseason, no one believed in him - except me. We've had a good run together, you and I, QRich. I'll always love you.
4) The Heat are now 2-0 this season in games in which Mike Beasley is wandering around the basket area late in the fourth quarter and an airball happens to come right to him, and he puts it in the bucket for the biggest hoop of the game. First there was the early season win over Orlando, and then today's reverse layup flip that steadied the Heat cause during Boston's last run. 15 and 5 for Supercool. I think I have written more about Jim Buckets than all other Heat players combined this year. He's that kind of guy. I wish him all the best, but ideally, on another team - unfortunately, he'll probably be back if only because he has absolutely zero trade value around the league. Don't take it personal, though, Mike - I'll always love you, too. You may be a mess up, but you're kind of our mess up. By the way, picking you in the draft two years ago instead of Brook Lopez or Russell Westbrook probably killed the franchise...
5) Best play of the game: In the second quarter when Emcee Chalmers pushed the ball up the court in transition, while Beasley sprinted the wing with Big Baby Davis in hot pursuit. A step or two inside the three point line, Baby suddenly got his feet tangled and, going full speed, had all 6'8", 330 pounds of him crash to the floor, and careen forward in a crazy body roll that approximated what it would look like if you pushed a (full) oil drum off of a cliff, while Emcee flipped the ball up in the air and Beas power dunked it. Anytime a fat man hits the floor going full speed and rolls that far, let's be honest - it's going to be the play of the game, even if it doesn't result in a crushing dunk.
6) So, went out a comedy show tonight at the Broward County Hard Rock - Jim Gaffigan. He's a pasty, tame white guy who tells jokes about Hot Pockets. You would recognize him if you saw him. More importantly, probably our favorite Dos reader, Rick, was amongst our group, and he had two requests: One, could he have a "Minutos" name? Yes, I guess he can - from now on we are going to call him R.Minutos. He's our favorite reader, after all. Two, R.Minutos is, ummmm, newly single, and he was explaining dating life on the "single adult circuit," to another friend, E, and myself - important, because E and I decided we should each take the summer off from our marriages and be single ourselves. Anyways, R.Minutos asked me to please, please tell the following story in the blog - he claims it helps him gets girls. We are happy to take requests here - I'm just going to paraphrase it in his words, as he told it to E and me: "So, I have this friend who is an extremely wealthy bond trader, literally worth hundreds of millions of dollars. A couple of years ago, a bunch of us, including him, had to go to New York City for a bachelor's party. He owns a plane, so he flew all of us up on the plane, and we bring the bachelor out to a really nice strip club in New York City, but not Scores...What?...No, not Scores...I don't know, what's the difference?...Just not Scores, okay?...So, our friend, he goes up to the manager, and tells him he wants to take the club over immediately, throw the best bachelor party ever, have the hottest women, and all that kind of thing [editor's note: this seems like something you should plan out in advance]. So the manager clears out this back room, and my friend gives him, literally, fifty thousand dollars, which the manager changes in to funny money, and gives each of us five thousand - that's a lot of lap dances...So all the hottest girls in the club are dancing for us, and we are showering them with funny money, until finally I notice one guy sitting off in the corner of the room, a guy not with us, and he has one dancer with him, but like a day-time shift dancer, if you know what I mean. And a little while later the waitress comes over, and says, 'that gentleman was having some of these girls dance for him, and he would appreciate it if you sent them back,' and I was drunk and hyped up, so I tell the waitress to go back over there and tell him to f-off, which she does. So this guy, upon hearing the news, gets up and walks over into the middle of our party - Jesus, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme! So, he's like, That's not cool, these girls were dancing for me, and I'm like, How much did you pay them, and he's like, Five hundred each, and I look at the girl straddling me, and I'm like, Here's $1500 to tell Miyagi here to get lost! I mean, I'm way drunk. And Van Damme is like, Look, man, I don't want any trouble, and I'm like, Well, it looks like you found some anyways, and he sneers at us, and my group kind of calls him a couple of Chinese slurs - just 'cause the whole karate thing, you know - and he f-bombs us back, and so I get up off the couch and kind of step to him - by the way, he's about 5'4" - and he suddenly swings a back kick at me which, due to my recent boxing training, I'm able to "wax off" and block. At this point, the bouncers all rush in and grab Van Damme, and with a slight struggle, hustle him out of there. I go to sit down, still amp'd up, and sit right on something hard - I reach down and it is Van Damme's shoe - it flew off when I blocked his kick! So, now, I have Van Damme's shoe sitting on my mantle at home as a souvenir. When girls see that, and hear the story? I'm telling you, man, you don't even want to know what can go down at that point..."
Dos comments: I am pretty sure Miyagi was Japanese, not Chinese...
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Well, unexpectedly, we'll see you Tuesday night - one more time. We'll see if R.Minutos has any more romantic stories that he'd like me to tell - ladies, I can probably get you a date if you email me at the blog here, but please, please, I can't emphasize this enough, only do so if you're hot!
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1) Whoops, have to push back those vacations plans a couple more nights. Does it really mean anything to win a game down 0-3? Not really, no. The Heat are still going to lose the series. But tell it to Dwyane Wade...
2)...because he was ridiculous. If this ends up being his last game ever in Miami, at least playing for the Heat, he went out with one of his best: 46 points on 16-24 from the floor, including 5-7 threes. Hit 3 threes in the first three minutes of the fourth quarter to turn a six point deficit into a Heat lead - it was jussssst about time to pack up the gym bags for the season, and he went bananas. In Casa Minutos, the gym bags had already been packed, and loaded on to the team bus, and I was taking a snooze in the back, back seat (you know, where the cool kids sit) - but when Wade made his fourth three of the quarter, and went past 40 points, even I got sucked back in - it would have been a shame to lose a game in which DWade played so well, and tried so hard, even when it didn't really, really matter. "I think they ought to try to re-sign this guy," ABC broadcaster Jeff Van Gundy chuckled during the Wade outburst, "I almost stormed the court myself after that last three."
3) It was almost certainly the last Heat game in Miami for The President, Quentin Richardson. Eventful first quarter for Q: 3 triples, 13 points, and one argument with his nemesis Paul Pierce. Pres finished with 20 for the game. Few guys on the short stint have been as popular in Miami as The Pres. Eric Murdoch had the famous "throat slit" during his one playoff run against the Knicks - that was good; Lamar Odom was solid in his year, but not lovable; the first Skip Alston run was fun - but Quentin probably surpassed them all. He came from nowhere to be a productive shooter and defender for this team, as well as a hype man for fellow Chicagoan Wade. At this time last year, it was more likely that Quentin Richardson would be out of the league right now than a starter on a 5th seed in the playoffs. When the Heat acquired him this offseason, no one believed in him - except me. We've had a good run together, you and I, QRich. I'll always love you.
4) The Heat are now 2-0 this season in games in which Mike Beasley is wandering around the basket area late in the fourth quarter and an airball happens to come right to him, and he puts it in the bucket for the biggest hoop of the game. First there was the early season win over Orlando, and then today's reverse layup flip that steadied the Heat cause during Boston's last run. 15 and 5 for Supercool. I think I have written more about Jim Buckets than all other Heat players combined this year. He's that kind of guy. I wish him all the best, but ideally, on another team - unfortunately, he'll probably be back if only because he has absolutely zero trade value around the league. Don't take it personal, though, Mike - I'll always love you, too. You may be a mess up, but you're kind of our mess up. By the way, picking you in the draft two years ago instead of Brook Lopez or Russell Westbrook probably killed the franchise...
5) Best play of the game: In the second quarter when Emcee Chalmers pushed the ball up the court in transition, while Beasley sprinted the wing with Big Baby Davis in hot pursuit. A step or two inside the three point line, Baby suddenly got his feet tangled and, going full speed, had all 6'8", 330 pounds of him crash to the floor, and careen forward in a crazy body roll that approximated what it would look like if you pushed a (full) oil drum off of a cliff, while Emcee flipped the ball up in the air and Beas power dunked it. Anytime a fat man hits the floor going full speed and rolls that far, let's be honest - it's going to be the play of the game, even if it doesn't result in a crushing dunk.
6) So, went out a comedy show tonight at the Broward County Hard Rock - Jim Gaffigan. He's a pasty, tame white guy who tells jokes about Hot Pockets. You would recognize him if you saw him. More importantly, probably our favorite Dos reader, Rick, was amongst our group, and he had two requests: One, could he have a "Minutos" name? Yes, I guess he can - from now on we are going to call him R.Minutos. He's our favorite reader, after all. Two, R.Minutos is, ummmm, newly single, and he was explaining dating life on the "single adult circuit," to another friend, E, and myself - important, because E and I decided we should each take the summer off from our marriages and be single ourselves. Anyways, R.Minutos asked me to please, please tell the following story in the blog - he claims it helps him gets girls. We are happy to take requests here - I'm just going to paraphrase it in his words, as he told it to E and me: "So, I have this friend who is an extremely wealthy bond trader, literally worth hundreds of millions of dollars. A couple of years ago, a bunch of us, including him, had to go to New York City for a bachelor's party. He owns a plane, so he flew all of us up on the plane, and we bring the bachelor out to a really nice strip club in New York City, but not Scores...What?...No, not Scores...I don't know, what's the difference?...Just not Scores, okay?...So, our friend, he goes up to the manager, and tells him he wants to take the club over immediately, throw the best bachelor party ever, have the hottest women, and all that kind of thing [editor's note: this seems like something you should plan out in advance]. So the manager clears out this back room, and my friend gives him, literally, fifty thousand dollars, which the manager changes in to funny money, and gives each of us five thousand - that's a lot of lap dances...So all the hottest girls in the club are dancing for us, and we are showering them with funny money, until finally I notice one guy sitting off in the corner of the room, a guy not with us, and he has one dancer with him, but like a day-time shift dancer, if you know what I mean. And a little while later the waitress comes over, and says, 'that gentleman was having some of these girls dance for him, and he would appreciate it if you sent them back,' and I was drunk and hyped up, so I tell the waitress to go back over there and tell him to f-off, which she does. So this guy, upon hearing the news, gets up and walks over into the middle of our party - Jesus, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme! So, he's like, That's not cool, these girls were dancing for me, and I'm like, How much did you pay them, and he's like, Five hundred each, and I look at the girl straddling me, and I'm like, Here's $1500 to tell Miyagi here to get lost! I mean, I'm way drunk. And Van Damme is like, Look, man, I don't want any trouble, and I'm like, Well, it looks like you found some anyways, and he sneers at us, and my group kind of calls him a couple of Chinese slurs - just 'cause the whole karate thing, you know - and he f-bombs us back, and so I get up off the couch and kind of step to him - by the way, he's about 5'4" - and he suddenly swings a back kick at me which, due to my recent boxing training, I'm able to "wax off" and block. At this point, the bouncers all rush in and grab Van Damme, and with a slight struggle, hustle him out of there. I go to sit down, still amp'd up, and sit right on something hard - I reach down and it is Van Damme's shoe - it flew off when I blocked his kick! So, now, I have Van Damme's shoe sitting on my mantle at home as a souvenir. When girls see that, and hear the story? I'm telling you, man, you don't even want to know what can go down at that point..."
Dos comments: I am pretty sure Miyagi was Japanese, not Chinese...
-----
Well, unexpectedly, we'll see you Tuesday night - one more time. We'll see if R.Minutos has any more romantic stories that he'd like me to tell - ladies, I can probably get you a date if you email me at the blog here, but please, please, I can't emphasize this enough, only do so if you're hot!
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Friday, April 23, 2010
Celtics 100 Heat 98 - Celtics lead 3-0
6 Thoughts
1) Make or miss league, example # 678: Tied with 30 seconds to go, hobbled by a bad knee and calf, Dwyane Wade ran the shot clock down as far as he could, and launched a 3 over the top with 11 seconds to go - no good. The Celtics called timeout, and Paul Pierce dribbled the clock to .5, took his patented step back jumper with Dorell Wright hanging all over him, buzzer off, lights on - good. Ballgame. Series. Wade and Haslem Era. Make or miss league - always, always a make or miss league.
2) Look, there will be a game Sunday, but, of course, no team has ever come back from a 3-0 defict in the NBA. Down 3-0 is the worst - I'd rather lose and get it over with, frankly. And it is unclear if Wade will be able to play - he had to be carried off the court (by the Big Cat, Jamal Magloire) after his missed 3 with 11 seconds left. Either way, this may have been the last meaningful game Dwyane ever plays for Miami. He was great: 34 points, 8 assists, 5 rebounds, 2 steals, 2 assists. He was heroic. He has always been heroic. He was the best player this franchise ever had. It has been great to watch him play 500 or so games - just fantastic. Thanks, Dwyane. Was that too gay? Sorry...
3) Both teams played really, really well - it was a good game, both teams played hard. Pierce was huge, Ray Allen was huge, and even Kevin Garnett dragged his bad leg around to make several big jumpers down the stretch. For Miami - shockingly - it was the kids. Dorell Wright was big-time: 15 points, 5 assists, and 4 rebounds in 31 minutes. He deserved better than Pierce hitting the game-winner over him. Two huge threes, and three big free throws down the stretch for Dorell, including an absolute nut-up triple from the right wing with a minute to go to tie the game, matching a potential dagger three by Pierce on the preceding trip. Emcee Chalmers battled his way to a feisty 10 points. And Mike Beasley. Mike Beasley. He's been bad for two months. Bad. Very, very bad. Tonight he was bad for three quarters. But at the beginning of the 4th quarter, with the Heat down 9, and looking ready to roll over, and Dwyane Wade on the bench, Mike made four jumpers in a row. Got the Heat back in the game. Kind of single-handedly. 16 and 6 tonight on 7-11 for SuperCool. Does it absolve him of the last two months? No. But at least he can go out on a good note for the year. Good job, Mike! Love you, kid. Please find another team for next year, though.
4) Oh, Jermaino. Jermaine O'Neal. Here were his three playoff games: 3-14, 8 points; 1-10, 2 points; 1-7, 2 points. That's a combined 5-31, for 12 points in the 3 games. By the way, he's the Heat's second best player. My goodness. This team won 47 games - now do you understand how good Dwyane Wade is? Coach Spo gave up on Jermaino tonight - played him only 19 minutes. Had JO played well in this series, a contender signs him next year for 2 years, 12 million. Now I bet he gets 1 year with an option at about 4 million guaranteed. That's a lot of cash he lost over the past week. Somehow it never seemed real that Jermaino was on the Heat - now, essentially, he is not. Can't say I loved the Jermaino Era. I mean, except for the name "Jermaino."
5) NBA Commissioner David Stern was at the game, and spent halftime with Jax in the Sunsport Lounge. I have a very love-hate type of relationship with Mr. Stern. First of all, he is Jewish; I'm half-Jewish. Good to feel like we are still running things. On the other hand, he is a completely disingenuous human being, for whom I have little respect. He has the last two days complaining about and fining Lakers coach Phil Jackson, Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy, and semi-conscious and overweight Celtic forward Rasheed Wallace. $35,000 each for complaining - very mildly in all three cases, by the way - about refereeing. Stern took exception to expressed concerns that referees may be influenced by crowds, or may give stars calls, or may have interpersonal agendas from time to time which affects the outcome of a given game. Stern's contention - and it is always his contention - is that none of these things is even remotely possible. Incidentally, in the last couple of years we have had one referee busted - while active in the league - for betting on NBA games (he just got released from prison, by the way); and another referee challenge Spur star Tim Duncan to a physical fight - during a game - get fired, and then re-hired after the season. Stern isn't an idiot - so to claim that the refereeing situation is good - no, flawless - that's patently disingenuous, and frankly, I find it insulting to my intelligence, and to the intelligence of all fans. Now he is threatening to suspend coaches and players who complain about refereeing. Whoops - my bad - forgot this was Amerika! No freedom of speech (or parking) allowed! In any case, it made me sick to watch Jax treating him like a welcome guest in The SS Lounge - the guy is a liar. I don't care how rich he is, or what his job is, or even how Jewish he is - he's kind of a piece of crap dude. It isn't a nice thing to say about someone, but he has kind of earned it. Which just makes the league even more fun, by the way - emotion is always good!
6) Right on, so we'll probably watch the game Sunday, although there is nothing more meaningless than an 0-3 game. Blog will probably focus on off-season scenarios and, hopefully, a big night out with M.Minutos, Thor, and several other Dos luminaries Sunday night to see a comedy show at the Hard Rock. More on that Sunday. So we want to take this # 6 to say "hey" to everyone that read the blog this year. It seemed like a lot more people than last year, which I guess is good; but you didn't always seem smarter than last year! Just kidding. We had many people tell us Dwyane Wade stinks, and many people tell us Coach Spo stinks. Neither of those assertions are accurate. If you watched this series so far, you now can see that those two guys won 47 games with exactly one NBA-level starter. We also had one guy blame us for his troubled relationship, and vow to stop reading the blog - that was definitely the funniest reader we had this year! We had one reader send us a really nice email late in the year telling us that he waits until noon the day after the game to read the blog, because it makes for an enjoyable lunch time - that was super-cool in the gayest way possible, because I do that with other peoples' blogs! We had one dude ask us if I might be interested in investigating ways to try to "monetize the blog" - I think he means sell advertising on it to make money. Yes, we would, but only if it involves pornography. We had a couple of dudes ask us if I would write articles for their various blogs - that seemed like they were really desperate. I mean, I think my only contribution to the Heat literary legacy was figuring out that Jermaine O'Neal should be called Jermaino - which, admittedly, is pretty big. I went through a major, major depression from November through January - kind of like a mid-life crisis, for no reason, broke out of it, only to have Mike Beasley, after a good start while I was depressed, suddenly slip in to a (second) early-life crisis. That was weird. I think only one of us can be happy at a time. For the second straight year, the most important reader was M.Minutos, because all of it was really only to make her laugh. Every morning she wakes up and while we are all eating our Hostess breakfast donuts and drinking mimosas, she reads the blog and laughs. Even when it isn't funny, which is most of the time. She is the best M.Minutos ever. This is a good time to mention that we probably won't have this blog next year. I really want to write these three books - I can actually write, like, normal, too - and it seems like this blog thing, with its instant-gratification, short-news-bite, free type of format is destined to die out and give way to long-form, complex, hard-cover, expensive reading in the very near future, and I'd like to be in on the ground floor of that. One book is my fake memoirs - it is about a third done. Some of you readers are in that, although it is a fake memoir, so the stuff you do isn't usually stuff you really did. Doesn't always put you in the best light, either - sorry about that. I'll change the names, I guess, but I am sure everyone you know will still recognize you...Then of course we are having the classic "Mennonite forbidden-love story" set in Belize - we've said this before, but it is like From Here to Eternity crossed with a Graham Greene novel. And, finally, for our history graduate program we are going to write some kind of definitive history about 1950s Miami. So we have a lot on our plate - you can look for all those at your bookstore sometime in the future - if they still have bookstores, that is. I mean, don't get me wrong, if we get Dwyane back, with LeBron and Chris Bosh, we'll be writing this blog like it's the New York Times, but failing that...
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See you Sunday, sort of. Look at the bright side - you'll probably never have to look at this stupid blog after that! Time to celebrate!
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1) Make or miss league, example # 678: Tied with 30 seconds to go, hobbled by a bad knee and calf, Dwyane Wade ran the shot clock down as far as he could, and launched a 3 over the top with 11 seconds to go - no good. The Celtics called timeout, and Paul Pierce dribbled the clock to .5, took his patented step back jumper with Dorell Wright hanging all over him, buzzer off, lights on - good. Ballgame. Series. Wade and Haslem Era. Make or miss league - always, always a make or miss league.
2) Look, there will be a game Sunday, but, of course, no team has ever come back from a 3-0 defict in the NBA. Down 3-0 is the worst - I'd rather lose and get it over with, frankly. And it is unclear if Wade will be able to play - he had to be carried off the court (by the Big Cat, Jamal Magloire) after his missed 3 with 11 seconds left. Either way, this may have been the last meaningful game Dwyane ever plays for Miami. He was great: 34 points, 8 assists, 5 rebounds, 2 steals, 2 assists. He was heroic. He has always been heroic. He was the best player this franchise ever had. It has been great to watch him play 500 or so games - just fantastic. Thanks, Dwyane. Was that too gay? Sorry...
3) Both teams played really, really well - it was a good game, both teams played hard. Pierce was huge, Ray Allen was huge, and even Kevin Garnett dragged his bad leg around to make several big jumpers down the stretch. For Miami - shockingly - it was the kids. Dorell Wright was big-time: 15 points, 5 assists, and 4 rebounds in 31 minutes. He deserved better than Pierce hitting the game-winner over him. Two huge threes, and three big free throws down the stretch for Dorell, including an absolute nut-up triple from the right wing with a minute to go to tie the game, matching a potential dagger three by Pierce on the preceding trip. Emcee Chalmers battled his way to a feisty 10 points. And Mike Beasley. Mike Beasley. He's been bad for two months. Bad. Very, very bad. Tonight he was bad for three quarters. But at the beginning of the 4th quarter, with the Heat down 9, and looking ready to roll over, and Dwyane Wade on the bench, Mike made four jumpers in a row. Got the Heat back in the game. Kind of single-handedly. 16 and 6 tonight on 7-11 for SuperCool. Does it absolve him of the last two months? No. But at least he can go out on a good note for the year. Good job, Mike! Love you, kid. Please find another team for next year, though.
4) Oh, Jermaino. Jermaine O'Neal. Here were his three playoff games: 3-14, 8 points; 1-10, 2 points; 1-7, 2 points. That's a combined 5-31, for 12 points in the 3 games. By the way, he's the Heat's second best player. My goodness. This team won 47 games - now do you understand how good Dwyane Wade is? Coach Spo gave up on Jermaino tonight - played him only 19 minutes. Had JO played well in this series, a contender signs him next year for 2 years, 12 million. Now I bet he gets 1 year with an option at about 4 million guaranteed. That's a lot of cash he lost over the past week. Somehow it never seemed real that Jermaino was on the Heat - now, essentially, he is not. Can't say I loved the Jermaino Era. I mean, except for the name "Jermaino."
5) NBA Commissioner David Stern was at the game, and spent halftime with Jax in the Sunsport Lounge. I have a very love-hate type of relationship with Mr. Stern. First of all, he is Jewish; I'm half-Jewish. Good to feel like we are still running things. On the other hand, he is a completely disingenuous human being, for whom I have little respect. He has the last two days complaining about and fining Lakers coach Phil Jackson, Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy, and semi-conscious and overweight Celtic forward Rasheed Wallace. $35,000 each for complaining - very mildly in all three cases, by the way - about refereeing. Stern took exception to expressed concerns that referees may be influenced by crowds, or may give stars calls, or may have interpersonal agendas from time to time which affects the outcome of a given game. Stern's contention - and it is always his contention - is that none of these things is even remotely possible. Incidentally, in the last couple of years we have had one referee busted - while active in the league - for betting on NBA games (he just got released from prison, by the way); and another referee challenge Spur star Tim Duncan to a physical fight - during a game - get fired, and then re-hired after the season. Stern isn't an idiot - so to claim that the refereeing situation is good - no, flawless - that's patently disingenuous, and frankly, I find it insulting to my intelligence, and to the intelligence of all fans. Now he is threatening to suspend coaches and players who complain about refereeing. Whoops - my bad - forgot this was Amerika! No freedom of speech (or parking) allowed! In any case, it made me sick to watch Jax treating him like a welcome guest in The SS Lounge - the guy is a liar. I don't care how rich he is, or what his job is, or even how Jewish he is - he's kind of a piece of crap dude. It isn't a nice thing to say about someone, but he has kind of earned it. Which just makes the league even more fun, by the way - emotion is always good!
6) Right on, so we'll probably watch the game Sunday, although there is nothing more meaningless than an 0-3 game. Blog will probably focus on off-season scenarios and, hopefully, a big night out with M.Minutos, Thor, and several other Dos luminaries Sunday night to see a comedy show at the Hard Rock. More on that Sunday. So we want to take this # 6 to say "hey" to everyone that read the blog this year. It seemed like a lot more people than last year, which I guess is good; but you didn't always seem smarter than last year! Just kidding. We had many people tell us Dwyane Wade stinks, and many people tell us Coach Spo stinks. Neither of those assertions are accurate. If you watched this series so far, you now can see that those two guys won 47 games with exactly one NBA-level starter. We also had one guy blame us for his troubled relationship, and vow to stop reading the blog - that was definitely the funniest reader we had this year! We had one reader send us a really nice email late in the year telling us that he waits until noon the day after the game to read the blog, because it makes for an enjoyable lunch time - that was super-cool in the gayest way possible, because I do that with other peoples' blogs! We had one dude ask us if I might be interested in investigating ways to try to "monetize the blog" - I think he means sell advertising on it to make money. Yes, we would, but only if it involves pornography. We had a couple of dudes ask us if I would write articles for their various blogs - that seemed like they were really desperate. I mean, I think my only contribution to the Heat literary legacy was figuring out that Jermaine O'Neal should be called Jermaino - which, admittedly, is pretty big. I went through a major, major depression from November through January - kind of like a mid-life crisis, for no reason, broke out of it, only to have Mike Beasley, after a good start while I was depressed, suddenly slip in to a (second) early-life crisis. That was weird. I think only one of us can be happy at a time. For the second straight year, the most important reader was M.Minutos, because all of it was really only to make her laugh. Every morning she wakes up and while we are all eating our Hostess breakfast donuts and drinking mimosas, she reads the blog and laughs. Even when it isn't funny, which is most of the time. She is the best M.Minutos ever. This is a good time to mention that we probably won't have this blog next year. I really want to write these three books - I can actually write, like, normal, too - and it seems like this blog thing, with its instant-gratification, short-news-bite, free type of format is destined to die out and give way to long-form, complex, hard-cover, expensive reading in the very near future, and I'd like to be in on the ground floor of that. One book is my fake memoirs - it is about a third done. Some of you readers are in that, although it is a fake memoir, so the stuff you do isn't usually stuff you really did. Doesn't always put you in the best light, either - sorry about that. I'll change the names, I guess, but I am sure everyone you know will still recognize you...Then of course we are having the classic "Mennonite forbidden-love story" set in Belize - we've said this before, but it is like From Here to Eternity crossed with a Graham Greene novel. And, finally, for our history graduate program we are going to write some kind of definitive history about 1950s Miami. So we have a lot on our plate - you can look for all those at your bookstore sometime in the future - if they still have bookstores, that is. I mean, don't get me wrong, if we get Dwyane back, with LeBron and Chris Bosh, we'll be writing this blog like it's the New York Times, but failing that...
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See you Sunday, sort of. Look at the bright side - you'll probably never have to look at this stupid blog after that! Time to celebrate!
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Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Celtics 106 Heat 77 - Celtics lead 2-0
6 Thoughts
1) That didn't go too well. I blame the New Jersey Nets. I mean, Miami tried to lose to the Nets in the last game of the season, didn't play their three best players, and played the backups to the backups much of the night, and still couldn't lose. Had the Nets not been so terrible, Miami would have been beating Atlanta tonight. Instead? Embarrassing beatdown in Boston to fall behind 2-0 in the series. Damn you, Nets!
2) Problem 1: The Heat can't score against the Celtics. Dwyane Wade can score - he was 11-18 for 29 points. But Jermaine O'Neal, for the second straight game, got absolutely beat up by the Celtic frontline. 1-10 for dos points for Jermaino. He can't get a clean look against Kendrick Perkins. Perkins is bigger, stronger, and quicker. He is a better defender than Jermaino is an offensive player at this point in their respective careers. The Heat's next best option? Well, it's Mike Beasley. Right - exactly. So the Celtics are loading up on Wade, daring anyone else to try to beat them, and no one else on Miami can. Under 80 points in two straight playoff games is, ummm, not good.
3) Problem 2: They are getting shoved around in the paint on the defensive end. With Kevin Garnett out for the evening, courtesy of a one game suspension for an elbow to The Pres Q's head, Baby Davis stepped in and annihilated the Heat down low, camping out in the lane and bullying his way to 23 and 8, while Perkins had 13 and 9. Two minutes into the second half, Davis had shot 10 free throws, Dwyane Wade had shot one; the Celtics had shot 20 as a team, the Heat 4; and Jermaino and Mike Beasley each had four fouls. Was part of that getting home-jobbed a little in a playoff game? Sure - this is the NBA, after all. But more of it was the Heat frontline just getting pushed around by a bigger and stronger Celtic group. I mean, if they are hitting you, and it's not a foul, and you are contesting their shots, and they are called fouls, you might as well hit them harder...That's not really what J.O. and Mike do, though. And that, my friends, is why we didn't want to play the Celtics in Round 1. Again - thanks Nets!
4) In Jax's halftime interview with assistant coach Ron Rothstein, with the Heat well on the way to getting blown out, Rothstein emphasized the need to try to get back in the game "one basket at a time." "One" basket at a time? We scored 76 points in Game 1, and 33 points in the first half of Game 2. We are not scoring "any" baskets at a time! With the Heat down 30 in the third quarter, Eric Reid exclaimed, "Have you ever seen anything like this?" Umm, not since, well, just last year, when the Heat and Atlanta played seven straight blowout games, including the infamous Josh Smith fiasco where he went behind the back and missed a breakaway dunk near the end of a Hawks laugher over the Heat in Atlanta. But, I mean, besides those seven of the last eight playoff games the Heat have played - besides those - no, I have never seen anything like this.
5) Best moment of the game? Besides when it ended, it was probably in the fourth quarter of an absolute blowout, when mercurial Celtic forward Rasheed Wallace, who had already accumulated a technical foul on his way to a disinterested 6 point night, half-heartedly posted up on the block, and was the target of an entry pass from Tony Allen, which he proceeded to watch bounce by him directly out of bounds, making absolutely no effort to catch it whatsoever. Looked at Allen like, "No - I told you don't throw it in here!" Love that Rasheed - watching him is fun all by itself.
6) The downside of the British Empire (for the indigenous people): slavery; exploitation of natural resources; rape; pillaging; forced subservience to a foreign power thousands of miles away with whom your population has nothing in common for hundreds of years; the Beatles, and tea. By the way, after the rape and slavery and, maybe, pillaging, I would say the Beatles are the worst element.
Upside: cricket.
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Okay, Friday night in Miami, we're back. Either Miami defends its home court and makes this a series, or the season is, for all intents and purposes, over. The latter isn't sounding too bad right now - I'm pretty, pretty sick of writing this blog. See you then!
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1) That didn't go too well. I blame the New Jersey Nets. I mean, Miami tried to lose to the Nets in the last game of the season, didn't play their three best players, and played the backups to the backups much of the night, and still couldn't lose. Had the Nets not been so terrible, Miami would have been beating Atlanta tonight. Instead? Embarrassing beatdown in Boston to fall behind 2-0 in the series. Damn you, Nets!
2) Problem 1: The Heat can't score against the Celtics. Dwyane Wade can score - he was 11-18 for 29 points. But Jermaine O'Neal, for the second straight game, got absolutely beat up by the Celtic frontline. 1-10 for dos points for Jermaino. He can't get a clean look against Kendrick Perkins. Perkins is bigger, stronger, and quicker. He is a better defender than Jermaino is an offensive player at this point in their respective careers. The Heat's next best option? Well, it's Mike Beasley. Right - exactly. So the Celtics are loading up on Wade, daring anyone else to try to beat them, and no one else on Miami can. Under 80 points in two straight playoff games is, ummm, not good.
3) Problem 2: They are getting shoved around in the paint on the defensive end. With Kevin Garnett out for the evening, courtesy of a one game suspension for an elbow to The Pres Q's head, Baby Davis stepped in and annihilated the Heat down low, camping out in the lane and bullying his way to 23 and 8, while Perkins had 13 and 9. Two minutes into the second half, Davis had shot 10 free throws, Dwyane Wade had shot one; the Celtics had shot 20 as a team, the Heat 4; and Jermaino and Mike Beasley each had four fouls. Was part of that getting home-jobbed a little in a playoff game? Sure - this is the NBA, after all. But more of it was the Heat frontline just getting pushed around by a bigger and stronger Celtic group. I mean, if they are hitting you, and it's not a foul, and you are contesting their shots, and they are called fouls, you might as well hit them harder...That's not really what J.O. and Mike do, though. And that, my friends, is why we didn't want to play the Celtics in Round 1. Again - thanks Nets!
4) In Jax's halftime interview with assistant coach Ron Rothstein, with the Heat well on the way to getting blown out, Rothstein emphasized the need to try to get back in the game "one basket at a time." "One" basket at a time? We scored 76 points in Game 1, and 33 points in the first half of Game 2. We are not scoring "any" baskets at a time! With the Heat down 30 in the third quarter, Eric Reid exclaimed, "Have you ever seen anything like this?" Umm, not since, well, just last year, when the Heat and Atlanta played seven straight blowout games, including the infamous Josh Smith fiasco where he went behind the back and missed a breakaway dunk near the end of a Hawks laugher over the Heat in Atlanta. But, I mean, besides those seven of the last eight playoff games the Heat have played - besides those - no, I have never seen anything like this.
5) Best moment of the game? Besides when it ended, it was probably in the fourth quarter of an absolute blowout, when mercurial Celtic forward Rasheed Wallace, who had already accumulated a technical foul on his way to a disinterested 6 point night, half-heartedly posted up on the block, and was the target of an entry pass from Tony Allen, which he proceeded to watch bounce by him directly out of bounds, making absolutely no effort to catch it whatsoever. Looked at Allen like, "No - I told you don't throw it in here!" Love that Rasheed - watching him is fun all by itself.
6) The downside of the British Empire (for the indigenous people): slavery; exploitation of natural resources; rape; pillaging; forced subservience to a foreign power thousands of miles away with whom your population has nothing in common for hundreds of years; the Beatles, and tea. By the way, after the rape and slavery and, maybe, pillaging, I would say the Beatles are the worst element.
Upside: cricket.
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Okay, Friday night in Miami, we're back. Either Miami defends its home court and makes this a series, or the season is, for all intents and purposes, over. The latter isn't sounding too bad right now - I'm pretty, pretty sick of writing this blog. See you then!
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Saturday, April 17, 2010
Celtics 85 Heat 76 - Celtics lead 1-0
6 Thoughts
1) First of all, I just watched the Heat score 76 points in a playoff game. Second of all, I was out in the Florida sunshine from 7:30 am - at P. and O.Minutos soccer games - until 6:30 pm, on a boat in the intercoastal and Peanut Island. Thirdly of all, I had several beers, and about 2 quarts of rum punch, along with three turkey sandwiches, and some fried chicken. I'm toast. Let's do this how we do this anyways...
2) I don't know who I hate more: Mike Beasley or ageless NBA ref Dick Bavetta. Okay, that's a total lie - it's Dick Bavetta, by a mile!!! I absolutely hate the NBA playoffs - I love making the playoffs, but I hate playing the playoffs. It's too intense for me, I can't take it. At least tonight, when M.Minutos and I saw Bavetta step on to the court, it removed all suspense from the game - we knew we would lose. It is waayyyy too hard for any road team to win a playoff game that Bavetta refs - he loves the happy roar of the home crowd waayyyyy too much. He's ninety - so arguably the happy roar of the home crowd is all he can hear. I am not even complaining - the Heat have won plenty of playoff games in Miami that Bavetta has reffed. But you're not beating Boston in Boston with Bavetta refereeing - everyone knows that. Boston shot 28 free throws, Miami shot 13 - that was pretty much the difference in the game. I'm pretty sure Baby Davis (7 free throws) didn't get fouled more in the game than Dwyane Wade (6 free throws), but as I said, I had several gallons of rum punch, and I am suffering from low-grade heat stroke, so who knows? It is worth mentioning that Dick Bavetta is so old and incompetent that you wouldn't even hire him to be a crossing guard in your neighborhood. You'd be like, No, no, he's way too old - he can't handle a crowd of second graders safely. Somehow, though, the NBA can't find anyone younger and more competent, though they claim they try year-after-year. M.Minutos wondered during the game if I could ever envision a time when Dick Bavetta is not referring NBA games. I can; unfortunately it is long, long after we are all dead...
3) Rarely has Udonis Haslem been madder than tonight. With the Heat on a Bavetta-assisted second half meltdown, and Udonis having a tough night overall, midway through the fourth quarter he had had enough of Celtic irritant Kevin Garnett. I have no problem with Garnett - he is a professional irritant, he pokes, he talks, he elbows, he agitates. It's what he does. He used to be a great player, but age and injuries have caught up to him. But he can still defend and irritate. Udonis got increasingly frustrated with Garnett poking him, and several times physically shoved Garnett away from him. So, late in the fourth quarter, when Kevin Garnett and The Pres, Quentin Richardson (excellent tonight by the way with 15 on 3-6 triples), went nose-to-nose, it was Udonis who came flying in and escalated the situation by getting in Garnett's face. The resulting mini-skirmish resulted in Garnett being ejected, and Udonis furiously trying to break free of the many arms holding him back to get at Garnett again. It would be nice to think that UD was trying to protect his teammate Q, but he wasn't - he was trying to kill Garnett for his own satisfaction! And, by the way, he would kill him.
4) Look, I always, always defend Coach Spo. His roster is smallish and under-athletic. For the Heat to win 47 games is a tribute to his ability to get them organized, with their minds right. But if he thinks it is appropriate to play Mike Beasley 32 minutes in a playoff game, he should be fired. I don't care who was in foul trouble. I can't even imagine what Spo has been watching the past two months. If you feel like you can't start UD because it would break up the rythym, fine, start Mike, but yack him quick - you can't leave him out there for extended stretches like he did tonight. He was absolutely brutal offensively - brutal. He shot 3-8 for 6 points and had five - five - turnovers. The first four were plays where he dribbled in to traffic, jumped, and attempted to throw the ball back out to the perimeter, which he did, only to a Celtic instead of a Heat player, leading to Celtic fastbreaks the other way. The fifth was a play where he was dribbling and just fell down backwards, stumbling 6 steps for a travel. He was the worst player on the court - although, to be fair, I thought he tried hard to contest plays at the rim defensively, with some success, although to be double-fair, he also got back-doored for dunks at least three times. I don't want Spo coaching if he is going to play this kid. Everyone else is trying to win - why should they have to suffer?
5) The biggest problem for the Heat in this series - I mean besides Dick Bavetta in Boston - is Boston's size and strength upfront. Kendrick Perkins is big and physical; Kevin Garnett is long and nasty; Baby Davis is a wide-load; Rasheed Wallace is long, albeit half-interested. Miami's quartet upfront of Jermaine O'Neal (back after an extended vacation tonight - very rusty, 3-14), Udonis, Beasley, and Joel Anthony, is small physically, and only Joel Anthony is athletic. Though the rebounding was about even tonight, the Celtics got to the rim far more than Miami. That is going to be a huge factor over the next week and a half. I don't know how Miami combats that - play better perimeter defense, if they can, I guess. By the way, because of this factor, I picked the Celtics in 7 before the game; I still think that's the most likely result. But Miami could also easily lose in 5.
6) Like over a month so far and absolutely no one has died from the new health care bill, not even an elderly poor white trash tea bagger. Oh - I mean no one if you don't count Mike Beasley...
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Back Tuesday night for Game Two from Boston. Let's hope for Joey Crawford for Game Two - unlike Bavetta, he's a good ref on the road, because he hates people and helps the road team just to piss off the fans in the stands. Oh, and challenges players to fights. Classy guy - quite a crew the NBA has! All part of the drama and pageantry! By the way, please, please watch "Treme" on HBO. If you don't watch cool shows, they won't make them.
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1) First of all, I just watched the Heat score 76 points in a playoff game. Second of all, I was out in the Florida sunshine from 7:30 am - at P. and O.Minutos soccer games - until 6:30 pm, on a boat in the intercoastal and Peanut Island. Thirdly of all, I had several beers, and about 2 quarts of rum punch, along with three turkey sandwiches, and some fried chicken. I'm toast. Let's do this how we do this anyways...
2) I don't know who I hate more: Mike Beasley or ageless NBA ref Dick Bavetta. Okay, that's a total lie - it's Dick Bavetta, by a mile!!! I absolutely hate the NBA playoffs - I love making the playoffs, but I hate playing the playoffs. It's too intense for me, I can't take it. At least tonight, when M.Minutos and I saw Bavetta step on to the court, it removed all suspense from the game - we knew we would lose. It is waayyyy too hard for any road team to win a playoff game that Bavetta refs - he loves the happy roar of the home crowd waayyyyy too much. He's ninety - so arguably the happy roar of the home crowd is all he can hear. I am not even complaining - the Heat have won plenty of playoff games in Miami that Bavetta has reffed. But you're not beating Boston in Boston with Bavetta refereeing - everyone knows that. Boston shot 28 free throws, Miami shot 13 - that was pretty much the difference in the game. I'm pretty sure Baby Davis (7 free throws) didn't get fouled more in the game than Dwyane Wade (6 free throws), but as I said, I had several gallons of rum punch, and I am suffering from low-grade heat stroke, so who knows? It is worth mentioning that Dick Bavetta is so old and incompetent that you wouldn't even hire him to be a crossing guard in your neighborhood. You'd be like, No, no, he's way too old - he can't handle a crowd of second graders safely. Somehow, though, the NBA can't find anyone younger and more competent, though they claim they try year-after-year. M.Minutos wondered during the game if I could ever envision a time when Dick Bavetta is not referring NBA games. I can; unfortunately it is long, long after we are all dead...
3) Rarely has Udonis Haslem been madder than tonight. With the Heat on a Bavetta-assisted second half meltdown, and Udonis having a tough night overall, midway through the fourth quarter he had had enough of Celtic irritant Kevin Garnett. I have no problem with Garnett - he is a professional irritant, he pokes, he talks, he elbows, he agitates. It's what he does. He used to be a great player, but age and injuries have caught up to him. But he can still defend and irritate. Udonis got increasingly frustrated with Garnett poking him, and several times physically shoved Garnett away from him. So, late in the fourth quarter, when Kevin Garnett and The Pres, Quentin Richardson (excellent tonight by the way with 15 on 3-6 triples), went nose-to-nose, it was Udonis who came flying in and escalated the situation by getting in Garnett's face. The resulting mini-skirmish resulted in Garnett being ejected, and Udonis furiously trying to break free of the many arms holding him back to get at Garnett again. It would be nice to think that UD was trying to protect his teammate Q, but he wasn't - he was trying to kill Garnett for his own satisfaction! And, by the way, he would kill him.
4) Look, I always, always defend Coach Spo. His roster is smallish and under-athletic. For the Heat to win 47 games is a tribute to his ability to get them organized, with their minds right. But if he thinks it is appropriate to play Mike Beasley 32 minutes in a playoff game, he should be fired. I don't care who was in foul trouble. I can't even imagine what Spo has been watching the past two months. If you feel like you can't start UD because it would break up the rythym, fine, start Mike, but yack him quick - you can't leave him out there for extended stretches like he did tonight. He was absolutely brutal offensively - brutal. He shot 3-8 for 6 points and had five - five - turnovers. The first four were plays where he dribbled in to traffic, jumped, and attempted to throw the ball back out to the perimeter, which he did, only to a Celtic instead of a Heat player, leading to Celtic fastbreaks the other way. The fifth was a play where he was dribbling and just fell down backwards, stumbling 6 steps for a travel. He was the worst player on the court - although, to be fair, I thought he tried hard to contest plays at the rim defensively, with some success, although to be double-fair, he also got back-doored for dunks at least three times. I don't want Spo coaching if he is going to play this kid. Everyone else is trying to win - why should they have to suffer?
5) The biggest problem for the Heat in this series - I mean besides Dick Bavetta in Boston - is Boston's size and strength upfront. Kendrick Perkins is big and physical; Kevin Garnett is long and nasty; Baby Davis is a wide-load; Rasheed Wallace is long, albeit half-interested. Miami's quartet upfront of Jermaine O'Neal (back after an extended vacation tonight - very rusty, 3-14), Udonis, Beasley, and Joel Anthony, is small physically, and only Joel Anthony is athletic. Though the rebounding was about even tonight, the Celtics got to the rim far more than Miami. That is going to be a huge factor over the next week and a half. I don't know how Miami combats that - play better perimeter defense, if they can, I guess. By the way, because of this factor, I picked the Celtics in 7 before the game; I still think that's the most likely result. But Miami could also easily lose in 5.
6) Like over a month so far and absolutely no one has died from the new health care bill, not even an elderly poor white trash tea bagger. Oh - I mean no one if you don't count Mike Beasley...
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Back Tuesday night for Game Two from Boston. Let's hope for Joey Crawford for Game Two - unlike Bavetta, he's a good ref on the road, because he hates people and helps the road team just to piss off the fans in the stands. Oh, and challenges players to fights. Classy guy - quite a crew the NBA has! All part of the drama and pageantry! By the way, please, please watch "Treme" on HBO. If you don't watch cool shows, they won't make them.
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Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Heat 94 Nets 86 2 ot
6 Thoughts
1) First of all, I just watched an NBA team score 86 points in double overtime against a team without its three best players. The Nets really earned their 12-70 record this year. Second of all, the Heat won the game when Yakhouba Diawara banked in a three - his first of the year, which isn't hard to believe because he has only played 40 minutes and scored one other basket all season. Thirdly, Jesus, I don't know - but that was something. I don't think it was good, but it sure was something. Also, if Wade, Udonis, and Jermaino didn't have to play tonight, I don't know why I have to write this blog.
2) Well, it's Boston in Round 1. I feel more comfortable against Atlanta myself, but the Heat, although they sat their best players, didn't blatantly tank the game, which would have earned them the Hawks. C'est la vie - both teams won more games than the Heat did, so get your mind right, and take your best shot. Game 1 will be either Saturday or Sunday in Boston.
3) Jax interviewed Jermaine O'Neal before the game - he is still on "vacation," but says he will be ready for this weekend's playoff game. Jax told the audience that Jermaino would be on the bench tonight, wearing a nice suit and looking good as he always does, but did NOT mention epaulets. I am not saying I would call out JO on the epaulets - I mean did you see the punch he laid on the fan in the Indiana brawl? - but I like to think Jax is better than me.
4) Eric and Tony were geeked up tonight, rooting for Carlos Arroyo to claim the assist-to-turnover ratio "crown" tonight, which he would have done with a turnover free game. A first quarter transition bounce pass to a loping Michael Beasley was kicked out of bounds by Beas, and Eric and Tony noted with discernible consternation that Carlos was hit with the turnover instead of Mike - which meant that Carlos needed six assists to nudge into the ratio lead. By the way, yes, this is a somewhat meaningless accomplishment - I mean, the accomplishment is not turning the ball over all year and getting a lot of assists. There is no trophy for having the best ratio, or anything. I mean, at least not one that Eric and Tony don't have made for him. Anyways, the second quarter starts up a few minutes later and Eric reports that in between quarters, the turnover was re-assessed to Beasley. Odds that Eric accosted the official scorer? Either 99.9% or 100%. Moments later, Arroyo travelled in the open court - turnover. The basketball gods, man, the basketball gods. Anyways, nothing is better than Eric keeping track of records - he hasn't been this geeked since Anthony Carter hit a three pointer on the last possession of a game like a decade ago to extend the Heat's consecutive games with a three streak alive at about 10,000 games.
5) Best thing about the Nets? Pretty tall.
6) Okay, last regular season # 6. We're not going to get all weepy; we're not going to reminisce; we're not going to say how it was a great season, or blah, blah; we're not going to thank people, especially not our readers; and especially not our readers who write in to say we are idiots; and especially not the one reader who blamed his relationship troubles on the blog, and called us idiots, and then stopped reading the blog! We're not even going to make a "Kumar leaves his White House job joke" - okay, a quick one, with no set up and no punctuation: He was upset about the passing of the health care bill and standing up for what he believes in as a champion of democratic principles the rules of Congress and capitalism No he needed to make another movie about smoking pot By the way thats the same reason Sarah Palin quit as Governor of Alaska except instead of making a movie about smoking pot she is traveling around the country getting paid for sucking on poor white trash tea baggers' asses...What we are going to do is list the five best tv sitcom sidekicks ever, from 5 to 1.
5 - Kramer
4 - One of the gay dudes from Will and Grace (for political correctness)
3 - George Costanza
2 - Norm from Cheers
1 - Schneider
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See you this weekend in Boston. Could be the last four to seven games Dwyane Wade and/or Udonis Haslem ever play for the Heat. That's sad. Let's hope they go out with an upset series victory - I think if the Heat win the series, Udonis should shave his head. Going to see what I can do about that. Until then: four wins away from Bald Udonis.
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1) First of all, I just watched an NBA team score 86 points in double overtime against a team without its three best players. The Nets really earned their 12-70 record this year. Second of all, the Heat won the game when Yakhouba Diawara banked in a three - his first of the year, which isn't hard to believe because he has only played 40 minutes and scored one other basket all season. Thirdly, Jesus, I don't know - but that was something. I don't think it was good, but it sure was something. Also, if Wade, Udonis, and Jermaino didn't have to play tonight, I don't know why I have to write this blog.
2) Well, it's Boston in Round 1. I feel more comfortable against Atlanta myself, but the Heat, although they sat their best players, didn't blatantly tank the game, which would have earned them the Hawks. C'est la vie - both teams won more games than the Heat did, so get your mind right, and take your best shot. Game 1 will be either Saturday or Sunday in Boston.
3) Jax interviewed Jermaine O'Neal before the game - he is still on "vacation," but says he will be ready for this weekend's playoff game. Jax told the audience that Jermaino would be on the bench tonight, wearing a nice suit and looking good as he always does, but did NOT mention epaulets. I am not saying I would call out JO on the epaulets - I mean did you see the punch he laid on the fan in the Indiana brawl? - but I like to think Jax is better than me.
4) Eric and Tony were geeked up tonight, rooting for Carlos Arroyo to claim the assist-to-turnover ratio "crown" tonight, which he would have done with a turnover free game. A first quarter transition bounce pass to a loping Michael Beasley was kicked out of bounds by Beas, and Eric and Tony noted with discernible consternation that Carlos was hit with the turnover instead of Mike - which meant that Carlos needed six assists to nudge into the ratio lead. By the way, yes, this is a somewhat meaningless accomplishment - I mean, the accomplishment is not turning the ball over all year and getting a lot of assists. There is no trophy for having the best ratio, or anything. I mean, at least not one that Eric and Tony don't have made for him. Anyways, the second quarter starts up a few minutes later and Eric reports that in between quarters, the turnover was re-assessed to Beasley. Odds that Eric accosted the official scorer? Either 99.9% or 100%. Moments later, Arroyo travelled in the open court - turnover. The basketball gods, man, the basketball gods. Anyways, nothing is better than Eric keeping track of records - he hasn't been this geeked since Anthony Carter hit a three pointer on the last possession of a game like a decade ago to extend the Heat's consecutive games with a three streak alive at about 10,000 games.
5) Best thing about the Nets? Pretty tall.
6) Okay, last regular season # 6. We're not going to get all weepy; we're not going to reminisce; we're not going to say how it was a great season, or blah, blah; we're not going to thank people, especially not our readers; and especially not our readers who write in to say we are idiots; and especially not the one reader who blamed his relationship troubles on the blog, and called us idiots, and then stopped reading the blog! We're not even going to make a "Kumar leaves his White House job joke" - okay, a quick one, with no set up and no punctuation: He was upset about the passing of the health care bill and standing up for what he believes in as a champion of democratic principles the rules of Congress and capitalism No he needed to make another movie about smoking pot By the way thats the same reason Sarah Palin quit as Governor of Alaska except instead of making a movie about smoking pot she is traveling around the country getting paid for sucking on poor white trash tea baggers' asses...What we are going to do is list the five best tv sitcom sidekicks ever, from 5 to 1.
5 - Kramer
4 - One of the gay dudes from Will and Grace (for political correctness)
3 - George Costanza
2 - Norm from Cheers
1 - Schneider
-----
See you this weekend in Boston. Could be the last four to seven games Dwyane Wade and/or Udonis Haslem ever play for the Heat. That's sad. Let's hope they go out with an upset series victory - I think if the Heat win the series, Udonis should shave his head. Going to see what I can do about that. Until then: four wins away from Bald Udonis.
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Monday, April 12, 2010
Heat 107 Sixers 105
6 Thoughts
1) "Okay, guys - we're tied, there are 20 seconds to go, and Miami has the ball. Remember what we talked about before the game - late in games on big possessions they like to run this simple play where Dwyane Wade drives hard right, draws defenders, and then kicks it across to the left baseline for an open 14 footer by a spotting up Udonis Haslem. They've played like 500 games together and run that play like 9,000 times. So whatever you do, don't get sucked off Udonis Haslem, you must stay at home on Udonis Haslem. Ready? Okay, Sixers on three: one, two, three, Sixers!" ..........."Uh-oh."
2) If this is the last regular season game Udonis Haslem ever plays for the Heat - and there is a good chance it will be - it has been a beautiful career. He won a title in his hometown; he carried himself with dignity and grace; he played every possession - every possession - as hard as he could; and over the years he knocked down big shot after big shot. Including tonight. A fitting way to go out. Dwyane Wade is the best Heat player ever - by a mile, but Udonis is the guy. He's the guy.
3) Okay, so Udonis banged the jumper - in Philly, second night of a road back-to-back - to win the game, and Miami has clinched no worse than the sixth spot in the playoffs with one game left. They will play either Boston or Atlanta in the first round - it seems we won't know until Wednesday, the last day of the season. I think we all prefer Atlanta - but just be glad that we won tonight, and it can't be Orlando. This team can't win more than one round, and even a win in the first round would be a pretty big upset. All you can do is get your mind right, get on DWade (and Udonis') back, and see where it takes you.
4) Last week these two teams matched up and one of the highlights was maybe the worst combined power forward matchup this blog had ever seen. Tonight was the rematch of Elton Brand vs. Mike Beasley: these two put the "ill" in "Philadelphia." A recap: Elton Brand - first of all, he is in the top five of overweight players in the NBA. Before last year, he signed like a 20 year 800 million dollar contract - so thanks for caring and getting in shape. Secondly, he is the most blatant "carry-er" in the league - he looks to back down by taking a dribble, cupping the ball in his hand and holding it upright in his palm while trying to ass-bash his backwards one step, dribble again, repeat, lower a shoulder, try to make a fallaway jumper. Literally - literally - you could call a travel on him every time he dribbles the ball. I think they don't because he can't make the shot anyways. He did make 7-12 jump shots tonight, but that was mostly because his rival Beasley kept wandering down under the basket in transition, and Brand made a few open 8 footers. Elton is 6'8", maybe 290 pounds, and he managed 4 rebounds in 32 minutes - and one was his own missed two footer that he caught. Also had a shot blocked by the land-locked Quentin Richardson. Late in the game, on a key possession, he went to the "traveling ass-man" move, and launched a horrific turnaround that missed so badly it caused Tony Fiorentino to exclaim, "Oh, man, what kind of shot was that?" So that was his night. Mike Beasley, for his part, okay - he did keep losing Brand and allowing open 8 footers. But at least he did come out aggressively, three times in the first quarter driving by Brand for 2 dunks and a foul. Mike Beasley isn't exactly...let's just say there are quicker players out there than Mike - M.Minutos noticed on one drive that Brand tried to move his feet, but his body was so heavy that it looked like he needed to rock himself back and forth a couple of times to get some momentum. When Mike's blowing by you these days, it might be time to start keeping an eye on the carb intake. Or, it would be if you cared...Mike had 15 points and 6 rebounds in 31 minutes, but he also twice - once with under three minutes to go - provided no resistance whatsoever on Jason Kapono - Jason Kapono! - drive-and-finishes at the rim. Look, if anyone has the time and skill to just splice together every possession of Beasley and Brand playing against each other this season, I promise you I would pay $100 bucks for it. It is just what James Naismith had in mind when he invented the game of basketball, except the exact opposite.
5) Wednesday night is Fan Appreciation Night in Miami, for the last game of the season against the New Jersey Nets. The Heat will show appreciation for their fans by not even considering playing Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, or Jermaine O'Neal in a meaningless game against a team that is 12-69 for the season. Ummm - thanks?
6) Okay, everyone can stop emailing me: yes, I did confuse the Backstreet Boys with New Kids on the Block - Jesus, you all who sent me emails about this are nerds! Sorry for liking cool bands, and not teeny-bopper pop. Which brings me to tonight's list: my three favorite groups ever (from # 3 up to # 1):
3 - Led Zeppelin
2 - Sugar Ray
1 - Merle Haggard
Wait - what? Oh, Merle Haggard is not a band, it's an actual guy? Oh, I thought it was like Jethro Tull or Pink Floyd...Umm, okay, I'll go with Hall & Oates at # 1. Loved Darryl Hall - they call that Blue Eyed Soul, you know. Not too sure why. And Oates was rock solid on the, on the whatever he played - I'm assuming it was guitar or bass. By the way, The Captain turned out to be a big fan of Merle Haggard's when I brought him up this afternoon at Dos M. Int'l HQs: "I think he did time."
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Side note: set an all-time Dos Minutos record tonight by watching my 80th game of the season, breaking last year's record of 79. Not all of the games were, ummm, good. But like The Situation says, "Five 2s equals a 10!"
Back with you Wednesday night for the last game of the season. If for some reason you feel like you need to go to the game to see Kenny Hasbrouck and Yakhouba Diawara take on Terrance Williams and Yi, God bless you, you're a better fan than I am. But even if he is just wearing street clothes, show Udonis some love. He has "The Right Stuff!" - Quick: NKOTB or Backstreet?!!!
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1) "Okay, guys - we're tied, there are 20 seconds to go, and Miami has the ball. Remember what we talked about before the game - late in games on big possessions they like to run this simple play where Dwyane Wade drives hard right, draws defenders, and then kicks it across to the left baseline for an open 14 footer by a spotting up Udonis Haslem. They've played like 500 games together and run that play like 9,000 times. So whatever you do, don't get sucked off Udonis Haslem, you must stay at home on Udonis Haslem. Ready? Okay, Sixers on three: one, two, three, Sixers!" ..........."Uh-oh."
2) If this is the last regular season game Udonis Haslem ever plays for the Heat - and there is a good chance it will be - it has been a beautiful career. He won a title in his hometown; he carried himself with dignity and grace; he played every possession - every possession - as hard as he could; and over the years he knocked down big shot after big shot. Including tonight. A fitting way to go out. Dwyane Wade is the best Heat player ever - by a mile, but Udonis is the guy. He's the guy.
3) Okay, so Udonis banged the jumper - in Philly, second night of a road back-to-back - to win the game, and Miami has clinched no worse than the sixth spot in the playoffs with one game left. They will play either Boston or Atlanta in the first round - it seems we won't know until Wednesday, the last day of the season. I think we all prefer Atlanta - but just be glad that we won tonight, and it can't be Orlando. This team can't win more than one round, and even a win in the first round would be a pretty big upset. All you can do is get your mind right, get on DWade (and Udonis') back, and see where it takes you.
4) Last week these two teams matched up and one of the highlights was maybe the worst combined power forward matchup this blog had ever seen. Tonight was the rematch of Elton Brand vs. Mike Beasley: these two put the "ill" in "Philadelphia." A recap: Elton Brand - first of all, he is in the top five of overweight players in the NBA. Before last year, he signed like a 20 year 800 million dollar contract - so thanks for caring and getting in shape. Secondly, he is the most blatant "carry-er" in the league - he looks to back down by taking a dribble, cupping the ball in his hand and holding it upright in his palm while trying to ass-bash his backwards one step, dribble again, repeat, lower a shoulder, try to make a fallaway jumper. Literally - literally - you could call a travel on him every time he dribbles the ball. I think they don't because he can't make the shot anyways. He did make 7-12 jump shots tonight, but that was mostly because his rival Beasley kept wandering down under the basket in transition, and Brand made a few open 8 footers. Elton is 6'8", maybe 290 pounds, and he managed 4 rebounds in 32 minutes - and one was his own missed two footer that he caught. Also had a shot blocked by the land-locked Quentin Richardson. Late in the game, on a key possession, he went to the "traveling ass-man" move, and launched a horrific turnaround that missed so badly it caused Tony Fiorentino to exclaim, "Oh, man, what kind of shot was that?" So that was his night. Mike Beasley, for his part, okay - he did keep losing Brand and allowing open 8 footers. But at least he did come out aggressively, three times in the first quarter driving by Brand for 2 dunks and a foul. Mike Beasley isn't exactly...let's just say there are quicker players out there than Mike - M.Minutos noticed on one drive that Brand tried to move his feet, but his body was so heavy that it looked like he needed to rock himself back and forth a couple of times to get some momentum. When Mike's blowing by you these days, it might be time to start keeping an eye on the carb intake. Or, it would be if you cared...Mike had 15 points and 6 rebounds in 31 minutes, but he also twice - once with under three minutes to go - provided no resistance whatsoever on Jason Kapono - Jason Kapono! - drive-and-finishes at the rim. Look, if anyone has the time and skill to just splice together every possession of Beasley and Brand playing against each other this season, I promise you I would pay $100 bucks for it. It is just what James Naismith had in mind when he invented the game of basketball, except the exact opposite.
5) Wednesday night is Fan Appreciation Night in Miami, for the last game of the season against the New Jersey Nets. The Heat will show appreciation for their fans by not even considering playing Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, or Jermaine O'Neal in a meaningless game against a team that is 12-69 for the season. Ummm - thanks?
6) Okay, everyone can stop emailing me: yes, I did confuse the Backstreet Boys with New Kids on the Block - Jesus, you all who sent me emails about this are nerds! Sorry for liking cool bands, and not teeny-bopper pop. Which brings me to tonight's list: my three favorite groups ever (from # 3 up to # 1):
3 - Led Zeppelin
2 - Sugar Ray
1 - Merle Haggard
Wait - what? Oh, Merle Haggard is not a band, it's an actual guy? Oh, I thought it was like Jethro Tull or Pink Floyd...Umm, okay, I'll go with Hall & Oates at # 1. Loved Darryl Hall - they call that Blue Eyed Soul, you know. Not too sure why. And Oates was rock solid on the, on the whatever he played - I'm assuming it was guitar or bass. By the way, The Captain turned out to be a big fan of Merle Haggard's when I brought him up this afternoon at Dos M. Int'l HQs: "I think he did time."
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Side note: set an all-time Dos Minutos record tonight by watching my 80th game of the season, breaking last year's record of 79. Not all of the games were, ummm, good. But like The Situation says, "Five 2s equals a 10!"
Back with you Wednesday night for the last game of the season. If for some reason you feel like you need to go to the game to see Kenny Hasbrouck and Yakhouba Diawara take on Terrance Williams and Yi, God bless you, you're a better fan than I am. But even if he is just wearing street clothes, show Udonis some love. He has "The Right Stuff!" - Quick: NKOTB or Backstreet?!!!
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Sunday, April 11, 2010
Heat 111 Knicks 98
6 Thoughts
1) A bit of a night off for Miami against the Knicks. Let's just say the Knicks don't play with maximum effort or efficiency, and leave it at that. It was a game that had to be got, and it got got. Miami plays tomorrow night in Philadelphia, and Wednesday against New Jersey. Win either of those games and Miami sews up the sixth spot in the East. Right now they would play Atlanta, but it could be Boston. If Miami somehow loses both games this week, and Charlotte win both of its games, Miami falls to 7th, and a first round date with Orlando - that's a disaster. Let's just win tomorrow in Philly, and not worry about it...
2) On the last play of the first half, with Miami up 8, Dwayne Wade charged down court with the ball, elevated in traffic, and tried to flip in a left-handed bank shot before crashing to the floor, where he lay writhing, holding his wrist. His right wrist has bothered him all year, and his jump shooting has probably suffered for it. Looked like trouble when he stayed down, and the trainers eventually walked him gingerly to locker room. However, just before the beginning of the second half, as sideline reporter extraordinaire Jason Jackson began to report on Wade's status, Wade suddenly popped his face in front of the camera, smiled, and reported, "I'm okay!" It would have been funnier if we all weren't just relieved to hear he was good. Wade had a solid night with 32 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists. New York, along with Chicago, are considered to be the two challengers to Miami for Wade's services this offseason. At this point, I think the Heat are about 9 in 10 to retain him - it's just a guess. They need to get him help, though, in order to convince him to re-sign. One thing is for sure: Wade would go nuts in Knicks' coach D'Antoni's "push the ball up and jack it quick" system, and he would turn second year sharpshooter Danilo Gallnari into a 20 point a game scorer. Something to be worried about...
3) Seems like a good time to mention that Dorell Wright is finishing games now in place of Quentin Richardson, and finishing them well. It's no knock on The Pres, who had a good night: 4-7 triples and 14 points. He continues to give Miami an early long-ball threat. But DWright is younger, more athletic, longer, and better off the dribble than QRich. Longer! And, he has shot the three extremely well over the past month - he's at 39.5% for the year. He's also a dear, dear friend. And, most importantly, he has perfected the late game, I'm-going-to-spot-up-on-the-right-wing-or-corner-when-Dwyane-Wade-has-the-ball-up-top-and-when-Wade-takes-one-or-two-dribbles-down-the-seam-when-my-defender-cheats-to-help-Wade-will-kick-it-to-me-and-I-will-make-the-backbreaking-three. Or, as it is more commonly known in Miami, "The James Posey."
4) So, of course, every time Miami is in the playoffs, there is a color-theme for the home games. Some years it is a "White Out." Some years, "Red Hot." This year it is "Back in Black," which means black people only at the games, please. Or, if you are white, at least wear black face.
5) One reader wrote in last week to ask if Dos really has a Miami Heat tattoo on his back, like Mike Beasley. First of all, that tattoo in the picture isn't a Heat tattoo, it is a "SuperCool Dos" tattoo. Second of all, no, that isn't real. I did have pierced nipples for a while, but took them out because I didn't want to traumatize young O. and P.Minutos when they had to go to swimming lessons, a lesson learned early on when O.Minutos' infant swimming instructor asked me if I was "some kind of pirate?" I think she kind of had a pirate fetish. The same reader also asked what we thought the best moment of the season was. That is a dumb question; obviously it was the game on the national network TNT when a crazed Heat fan stood directly behind Doug Collins and did a serial killer-esque mock clap at Collins for the entire duration of one on-camera Collins report. Second best? When another reader became involved in a difficult personal situation, somehow blamed the blog, and then essentially vowed never to read us again. By the way, it wasn't Michael Beasley. That was bizarre, but excellent in its own way. Third best? In about two weeks, when the season is over.
6) Big debate in Casa Dos tonight during the American Airlines Arena commercial advertising upcoming concerts. Two of the acts coming up in the AAA - which, for you non-Miami people, is where the Heat plays - the Backstreet Boys and Maxwell. First of all, Jax or Eric Reid - I can't remember which - read the copy for the Backstreet Boys which claimed that they had been entertaining America for over two decades. Except, really, as M.Minutos pointed out: 1) not that entertaining, and 2) really haven't been a group for most of the 2000s. Not that she would know that, or anything. Also worth pointing out - as Plumber, I am sure, will happily attest to - in college I dated a girl who also, at one time, dated a Backstreet Boy (Joe McIntyre, for those scoring at home). That didn't go well - as Plumber would even more happily attest to, I am sure. Then, just to cap it off, I dated her roommate, and that, predictably, went even worse, to Plumber's eternal delight..Anyways, the debate: who could sell more tickets now, the Backstreet Boys or Maxwell? To me, it's the Boys. I figure they can draw 8,000 36 year old moms who put on clothes that are now too tight for them, get together with their other girl friends for dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp in Bayside before the show, then have one Appletini too many and trip on the way up the four thousand steps leading up to the Triple A's entrances, breaking a heel and tearing a stocking in the process. M.Minutos claimed I was underestimating how large Maxwell was in the late 1990s "because you're white." It's a strong point. Let's be honest: combined it seems unlikely the two of the them can fill The Trip. If I had to pick one show to go to, I'm picking the Backstreet Boys because 1) I have a history with them, even if it is bad; 2) "Step by Step" is a crazy great song: "Step One - we can have lots of fun!!!"; and 3) nothing personal against Maxwell, but like a lot of these black fella soul singers he needs to pick up the pace by a few dozen bpms.
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Tomorrow night in Philly, trying to wrap up the sixth spot. If you get into any unpleasant personal situations, remember, it probably didn't have anything to do with this blog. But, if you feel compelled to use as a scapegoat, go right ahead - we're here for you.
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1) A bit of a night off for Miami against the Knicks. Let's just say the Knicks don't play with maximum effort or efficiency, and leave it at that. It was a game that had to be got, and it got got. Miami plays tomorrow night in Philadelphia, and Wednesday against New Jersey. Win either of those games and Miami sews up the sixth spot in the East. Right now they would play Atlanta, but it could be Boston. If Miami somehow loses both games this week, and Charlotte win both of its games, Miami falls to 7th, and a first round date with Orlando - that's a disaster. Let's just win tomorrow in Philly, and not worry about it...
2) On the last play of the first half, with Miami up 8, Dwayne Wade charged down court with the ball, elevated in traffic, and tried to flip in a left-handed bank shot before crashing to the floor, where he lay writhing, holding his wrist. His right wrist has bothered him all year, and his jump shooting has probably suffered for it. Looked like trouble when he stayed down, and the trainers eventually walked him gingerly to locker room. However, just before the beginning of the second half, as sideline reporter extraordinaire Jason Jackson began to report on Wade's status, Wade suddenly popped his face in front of the camera, smiled, and reported, "I'm okay!" It would have been funnier if we all weren't just relieved to hear he was good. Wade had a solid night with 32 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists. New York, along with Chicago, are considered to be the two challengers to Miami for Wade's services this offseason. At this point, I think the Heat are about 9 in 10 to retain him - it's just a guess. They need to get him help, though, in order to convince him to re-sign. One thing is for sure: Wade would go nuts in Knicks' coach D'Antoni's "push the ball up and jack it quick" system, and he would turn second year sharpshooter Danilo Gallnari into a 20 point a game scorer. Something to be worried about...
3) Seems like a good time to mention that Dorell Wright is finishing games now in place of Quentin Richardson, and finishing them well. It's no knock on The Pres, who had a good night: 4-7 triples and 14 points. He continues to give Miami an early long-ball threat. But DWright is younger, more athletic, longer, and better off the dribble than QRich. Longer! And, he has shot the three extremely well over the past month - he's at 39.5% for the year. He's also a dear, dear friend. And, most importantly, he has perfected the late game, I'm-going-to-spot-up-on-the-right-wing-or-corner-when-Dwyane-Wade-has-the-ball-up-top-and-when-Wade-takes-one-or-two-dribbles-down-the-seam-when-my-defender-cheats-to-help-Wade-will-kick-it-to-me-and-I-will-make-the-backbreaking-three. Or, as it is more commonly known in Miami, "The James Posey."
4) So, of course, every time Miami is in the playoffs, there is a color-theme for the home games. Some years it is a "White Out." Some years, "Red Hot." This year it is "Back in Black," which means black people only at the games, please. Or, if you are white, at least wear black face.
5) One reader wrote in last week to ask if Dos really has a Miami Heat tattoo on his back, like Mike Beasley. First of all, that tattoo in the picture isn't a Heat tattoo, it is a "SuperCool Dos" tattoo. Second of all, no, that isn't real. I did have pierced nipples for a while, but took them out because I didn't want to traumatize young O. and P.Minutos when they had to go to swimming lessons, a lesson learned early on when O.Minutos' infant swimming instructor asked me if I was "some kind of pirate?" I think she kind of had a pirate fetish. The same reader also asked what we thought the best moment of the season was. That is a dumb question; obviously it was the game on the national network TNT when a crazed Heat fan stood directly behind Doug Collins and did a serial killer-esque mock clap at Collins for the entire duration of one on-camera Collins report. Second best? When another reader became involved in a difficult personal situation, somehow blamed the blog, and then essentially vowed never to read us again. By the way, it wasn't Michael Beasley. That was bizarre, but excellent in its own way. Third best? In about two weeks, when the season is over.
6) Big debate in Casa Dos tonight during the American Airlines Arena commercial advertising upcoming concerts. Two of the acts coming up in the AAA - which, for you non-Miami people, is where the Heat plays - the Backstreet Boys and Maxwell. First of all, Jax or Eric Reid - I can't remember which - read the copy for the Backstreet Boys which claimed that they had been entertaining America for over two decades. Except, really, as M.Minutos pointed out: 1) not that entertaining, and 2) really haven't been a group for most of the 2000s. Not that she would know that, or anything. Also worth pointing out - as Plumber, I am sure, will happily attest to - in college I dated a girl who also, at one time, dated a Backstreet Boy (Joe McIntyre, for those scoring at home). That didn't go well - as Plumber would even more happily attest to, I am sure. Then, just to cap it off, I dated her roommate, and that, predictably, went even worse, to Plumber's eternal delight..Anyways, the debate: who could sell more tickets now, the Backstreet Boys or Maxwell? To me, it's the Boys. I figure they can draw 8,000 36 year old moms who put on clothes that are now too tight for them, get together with their other girl friends for dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp in Bayside before the show, then have one Appletini too many and trip on the way up the four thousand steps leading up to the Triple A's entrances, breaking a heel and tearing a stocking in the process. M.Minutos claimed I was underestimating how large Maxwell was in the late 1990s "because you're white." It's a strong point. Let's be honest: combined it seems unlikely the two of the them can fill The Trip. If I had to pick one show to go to, I'm picking the Backstreet Boys because 1) I have a history with them, even if it is bad; 2) "Step by Step" is a crazy great song: "Step One - we can have lots of fun!!!"; and 3) nothing personal against Maxwell, but like a lot of these black fella soul singers he needs to pick up the pace by a few dozen bpms.
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Tomorrow night in Philly, trying to wrap up the sixth spot. If you get into any unpleasant personal situations, remember, it probably didn't have anything to do with this blog. But, if you feel compelled to use as a scapegoat, go right ahead - we're here for you.
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Friday, April 9, 2010
Pistons 106 Heat 99
6 Thoughts
1) Blaaaaahhhhhh. Le. Thar. Gic. Nine game winning streak: over. Dwyane Wade: waiting for the playoffs. Jermaine O'Neal: returning from injury, out of rhythm. Mike Beasley: umm, still terrible!
2) Okay, playoff reset: the Heat are two games ahead of Charlotte for the 6th spot with 3 games to play. If they end up tied, Charlotte wins the tiebreaker. The only thing that matters is staying out of 7th, and avoiding Orlando in the first round. Miami plays New York Sunday, and Philly Monday. Win those two games, and you've got sixth - Charlotte can't catch them.
3) During a third quarter stint with Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, Heat President Pat Riley said Mike Beasley has sometimes "been judged too harshly." Okay, okay - when I threatened to electrocute myself with M.Minutos' flat iron in the tub, that was a little harsh. After all, he did play Pistons rookie second round draft pick Jonas Jerebko to a virtual draw tonight. Although, when Mike was somehow reinserted in to the game with three minutes to go, facing a four point deficit, I momentarily thought Coach Spo was crazy for giving up so soon until I realized he actually was still trying to win the game in some bizarre manner. And with 45 seconds to go, down 6, when Mike caught the ball on the wing, wheeled baseline off the dribble, and then stepped out of bounds while he fell down without any contact whatsoever, I was looking to make sure the tub was still filled with water...Jesus. How can we keep starting him? Do we have to be down 7 at the end of every first quarter?
4) The Heat caught 39 from Ben Gordon tonight - 7 out of 11 threes. They also caught 28 points and 7 assists from Tayshaun Prince. I'm not saying that I believe in jinxes, but in the first quarter someone in Casa Dos may have said "when your primary offensive option is Tayshaun Prince, that doesn't bode well for your basketball team." I don't want to say who said it - I am not even confirming that it actually was said. I am just saying there is a possibility...
5) On a second quarter drive Dwyane Wade warded off Ben Wallace's block attempt with his free arm, made the layup, and the foul went against Wallace. The replay showed that a foul on Wade probably would have been the correct call. "That foul should have been on Wade, Eric," said Tony, "especially because one of the points of emphasis this season for referees is the ward-off offensive foul." Every year we hear about some so-called point of emphasis for the referees, but somehow it seems that every year it still comes down to the same crappy group of refs making the same terrible calls in the same unconscious manner. Do I seem grouchy tonight? I am just tired - it doesn't even matter that Miami lost. I mean, sure, Mike did make me want to electrocute myself, but overall, as long as we get 2 out of the next 3, we are fine - I wasn't upset by the loss or anything...
6) Movie pitch: A remake of "The Flamingo Kid," the old summertime classic starring Matt Dillon, called "The Flamenco Kid." You get a hot young Hispanic actor who can put teenagers in the theater, shift the setting from New York to Miami, have the kid lusting after Rosario Dawson, and instead of a card game, have him taking on Edward James Olmos in a dramatic dance off in a cheesy Kendall night club. Flaw in the pitch: there are no hot young Hispanic actors who can put teenagers in the theater. Maybe Twilight's Taylor Lautner - what is he? He doesn't look that white. I mean, he doesn't look that white if I even knew who Twilight's Taylor Lautner was, or what he looked like...
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Game Sunday night in New York. Nuuuu Yooooork! By the way, someone emailed us today to ask if we will be watching "Treme," which starts Sunday night on HBO. Word up, of course. And you should, too. It is David Simon's new project, and his last show, "The Wire," was only the greatest television show ever, by a mile. The second greatest television show ever? "Major Dad." Third best? "St. Elsewhere."
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1) Blaaaaahhhhhh. Le. Thar. Gic. Nine game winning streak: over. Dwyane Wade: waiting for the playoffs. Jermaine O'Neal: returning from injury, out of rhythm. Mike Beasley: umm, still terrible!
2) Okay, playoff reset: the Heat are two games ahead of Charlotte for the 6th spot with 3 games to play. If they end up tied, Charlotte wins the tiebreaker. The only thing that matters is staying out of 7th, and avoiding Orlando in the first round. Miami plays New York Sunday, and Philly Monday. Win those two games, and you've got sixth - Charlotte can't catch them.
3) During a third quarter stint with Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, Heat President Pat Riley said Mike Beasley has sometimes "been judged too harshly." Okay, okay - when I threatened to electrocute myself with M.Minutos' flat iron in the tub, that was a little harsh. After all, he did play Pistons rookie second round draft pick Jonas Jerebko to a virtual draw tonight. Although, when Mike was somehow reinserted in to the game with three minutes to go, facing a four point deficit, I momentarily thought Coach Spo was crazy for giving up so soon until I realized he actually was still trying to win the game in some bizarre manner. And with 45 seconds to go, down 6, when Mike caught the ball on the wing, wheeled baseline off the dribble, and then stepped out of bounds while he fell down without any contact whatsoever, I was looking to make sure the tub was still filled with water...Jesus. How can we keep starting him? Do we have to be down 7 at the end of every first quarter?
4) The Heat caught 39 from Ben Gordon tonight - 7 out of 11 threes. They also caught 28 points and 7 assists from Tayshaun Prince. I'm not saying that I believe in jinxes, but in the first quarter someone in Casa Dos may have said "when your primary offensive option is Tayshaun Prince, that doesn't bode well for your basketball team." I don't want to say who said it - I am not even confirming that it actually was said. I am just saying there is a possibility...
5) On a second quarter drive Dwyane Wade warded off Ben Wallace's block attempt with his free arm, made the layup, and the foul went against Wallace. The replay showed that a foul on Wade probably would have been the correct call. "That foul should have been on Wade, Eric," said Tony, "especially because one of the points of emphasis this season for referees is the ward-off offensive foul." Every year we hear about some so-called point of emphasis for the referees, but somehow it seems that every year it still comes down to the same crappy group of refs making the same terrible calls in the same unconscious manner. Do I seem grouchy tonight? I am just tired - it doesn't even matter that Miami lost. I mean, sure, Mike did make me want to electrocute myself, but overall, as long as we get 2 out of the next 3, we are fine - I wasn't upset by the loss or anything...
6) Movie pitch: A remake of "The Flamingo Kid," the old summertime classic starring Matt Dillon, called "The Flamenco Kid." You get a hot young Hispanic actor who can put teenagers in the theater, shift the setting from New York to Miami, have the kid lusting after Rosario Dawson, and instead of a card game, have him taking on Edward James Olmos in a dramatic dance off in a cheesy Kendall night club. Flaw in the pitch: there are no hot young Hispanic actors who can put teenagers in the theater. Maybe Twilight's Taylor Lautner - what is he? He doesn't look that white. I mean, he doesn't look that white if I even knew who Twilight's Taylor Lautner was, or what he looked like...
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Game Sunday night in New York. Nuuuu Yooooork! By the way, someone emailed us today to ask if we will be watching "Treme," which starts Sunday night on HBO. Word up, of course. And you should, too. It is David Simon's new project, and his last show, "The Wire," was only the greatest television show ever, by a mile. The second greatest television show ever? "Major Dad." Third best? "St. Elsewhere."
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Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Heat 99 Sixers 95
6 Thoughts
1) Nine in a row for Miami, and 44 for the year, one more than last year with 4 to go. They played hard for about 8 minutes out of 48 tonight, but the Sixers are dreadful, so that's all it took. Stayed two games ahead of Charlotte to stay out of 7th place, the only thing Miami still has left to play for in the regular season. Let's go.
2) Tonight's starting matchup at power forward: The Corpse Purporting To Be Elton Brand vs. The Draft Pick Who Did Not Turn Out To Be Mike Beasley. Oh. My. God. Elton: 35 minutes, 2-9 shooting, 6 points, 3 rebounds, the worst drive-and-kick turnover of the season, and removed for Jason Smith - Jason Smith - for defensive purposes late in the game. Who is Jason Smith, you ask? Exactly...However, against all odds, the Sixers won the battle of starting power forwards. Mike Beasley: 16 minutes, 2-9, 4 points, 2 rebounds, a minus 20 while he was on the court, 2 incredibly bad turnovers, several blown defensive assignments, and 1 black eye giving a touch foul on a Samuel Dalembert dunk. Starting him right now is a joke. Playing him is a bit of a joke. He's in the tank. When he is in, Miami plays poorly - it's worse than 4 on 5, because he keeps shooting ridiculously bad shots. M.Minutos put it best: "Even when he shoots well, you never feel like he can help win a game." No - no, you don't. That is all.
3) Dorell Wright won the game. Dwyane Wade sleep-walked his way to a 22 point 8-18 "effort," and Jermaino O'Neal was all out of sync in his first game back from a tweaked knee. Every time they got down, Dorell banged a three. Ummm, maybe a bad choice of words - keep those trousers up when sending your photo on the internet, kid! 19 points on 4-6 threes for Dorell, 3 of them in the fourth. Dorell Wright won the game!
4) We like to complain when a big call goes against us here, so it is only fair to give one back. With less than a minute to go, and the Heat up 2, Sixers guard Jrue Holliday drove the lane, drew attention, and flipped an alley-oop up over his shoulder to Samuel Dalembert for a dunk to tie the game. Except - no, no, no, here came an official running in from the side to wave off the basket and call a foul on Holliday for running over Udonis Haslem, well after the pass, and when Haslem was clearly late, late, late with the help. Awful call. Not even a basketball play defensively, it was more like a classic Duke slide-and-flop. Brutal. Moments later, in transition, Louis Williams' layup attempt was dunked in by Dalembert as it was coming off the rim - basket again waved off, this time for goaltending. This one was goaltending, but it was tough for the Sixers to have to eat that call immediately after the bogus charge. Also, didn't hear Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, who love to complain about Heat offensive goaltending calls when the ball is "mostly" off the rim, complain about the Dalembert whistle. We got a couple tonight - thanks, David Stern!
5) The Heat continues to put the hard sell on for season tickets during the broadcast. Seems more desperate than other years. Maybe it is the economy, maybe it is just me. Also seems like it would be incredibly difficult to get people to buy season tickets before the potentially tumultuous offseason plays itself out. Everyone is shilling hard during broadcasts: Jax, Eric Reid, Tony, Pat Riley, team owner Mickey Arison...Tonight's special guests on the job? Former Heat point guard Tim Hardaway, and the Heat cheerleaders, answering the phone lines (like a telethon), and giving out special team-autographed posters (I'd just cut out Quentin Richardson, frame him, and hang it). Tim is beautiful, he never changes, always smiling and laughing (when not making, and then apologizing for, homophobic slurs), and most of all, always answering your question by saying, "yeah," and then repeating your question. "Tim, it looked like a dogfight out there," "Yeah, it was a dogfight out there." Tim, you know how you and the Heat cheerleaders could convince me to buy season tickets? Trade Mike Beasley. "Yeah, we'll trade Mike Beasley."
6) "Hey, Tim...it's me, Tiger. I need to you to do me a favor...It's huge." "Yeah, I can do you a favor. Do you want to buy some, umm, some season tickets? We're trading Mike Beasley." "Umm, sort of...hey, could you put one of the Heat cheerleaders on the phone? That white one that was standing next to you before, the one with the kind of trashy blond dye job? That one?" "Yeah, I can put the one with the trashy blond dye job on the phone."
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Friday night. Not sure who we are playing. Maybe Detroit? I lost interest about 6 games ago when it was obvious we were going to make the playoffs, and just lose in the first round. The season is essentially over - we know the outcome - now we are just waiting to see what happens in free agency this summer. But we promise Friday will be really, really exciting! In fact, get your season tickets now!!!
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1) Nine in a row for Miami, and 44 for the year, one more than last year with 4 to go. They played hard for about 8 minutes out of 48 tonight, but the Sixers are dreadful, so that's all it took. Stayed two games ahead of Charlotte to stay out of 7th place, the only thing Miami still has left to play for in the regular season. Let's go.
2) Tonight's starting matchup at power forward: The Corpse Purporting To Be Elton Brand vs. The Draft Pick Who Did Not Turn Out To Be Mike Beasley. Oh. My. God. Elton: 35 minutes, 2-9 shooting, 6 points, 3 rebounds, the worst drive-and-kick turnover of the season, and removed for Jason Smith - Jason Smith - for defensive purposes late in the game. Who is Jason Smith, you ask? Exactly...However, against all odds, the Sixers won the battle of starting power forwards. Mike Beasley: 16 minutes, 2-9, 4 points, 2 rebounds, a minus 20 while he was on the court, 2 incredibly bad turnovers, several blown defensive assignments, and 1 black eye giving a touch foul on a Samuel Dalembert dunk. Starting him right now is a joke. Playing him is a bit of a joke. He's in the tank. When he is in, Miami plays poorly - it's worse than 4 on 5, because he keeps shooting ridiculously bad shots. M.Minutos put it best: "Even when he shoots well, you never feel like he can help win a game." No - no, you don't. That is all.
3) Dorell Wright won the game. Dwyane Wade sleep-walked his way to a 22 point 8-18 "effort," and Jermaino O'Neal was all out of sync in his first game back from a tweaked knee. Every time they got down, Dorell banged a three. Ummm, maybe a bad choice of words - keep those trousers up when sending your photo on the internet, kid! 19 points on 4-6 threes for Dorell, 3 of them in the fourth. Dorell Wright won the game!
4) We like to complain when a big call goes against us here, so it is only fair to give one back. With less than a minute to go, and the Heat up 2, Sixers guard Jrue Holliday drove the lane, drew attention, and flipped an alley-oop up over his shoulder to Samuel Dalembert for a dunk to tie the game. Except - no, no, no, here came an official running in from the side to wave off the basket and call a foul on Holliday for running over Udonis Haslem, well after the pass, and when Haslem was clearly late, late, late with the help. Awful call. Not even a basketball play defensively, it was more like a classic Duke slide-and-flop. Brutal. Moments later, in transition, Louis Williams' layup attempt was dunked in by Dalembert as it was coming off the rim - basket again waved off, this time for goaltending. This one was goaltending, but it was tough for the Sixers to have to eat that call immediately after the bogus charge. Also, didn't hear Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, who love to complain about Heat offensive goaltending calls when the ball is "mostly" off the rim, complain about the Dalembert whistle. We got a couple tonight - thanks, David Stern!
5) The Heat continues to put the hard sell on for season tickets during the broadcast. Seems more desperate than other years. Maybe it is the economy, maybe it is just me. Also seems like it would be incredibly difficult to get people to buy season tickets before the potentially tumultuous offseason plays itself out. Everyone is shilling hard during broadcasts: Jax, Eric Reid, Tony, Pat Riley, team owner Mickey Arison...Tonight's special guests on the job? Former Heat point guard Tim Hardaway, and the Heat cheerleaders, answering the phone lines (like a telethon), and giving out special team-autographed posters (I'd just cut out Quentin Richardson, frame him, and hang it). Tim is beautiful, he never changes, always smiling and laughing (when not making, and then apologizing for, homophobic slurs), and most of all, always answering your question by saying, "yeah," and then repeating your question. "Tim, it looked like a dogfight out there," "Yeah, it was a dogfight out there." Tim, you know how you and the Heat cheerleaders could convince me to buy season tickets? Trade Mike Beasley. "Yeah, we'll trade Mike Beasley."
6) "Hey, Tim...it's me, Tiger. I need to you to do me a favor...It's huge." "Yeah, I can do you a favor. Do you want to buy some, umm, some season tickets? We're trading Mike Beasley." "Umm, sort of...hey, could you put one of the Heat cheerleaders on the phone? That white one that was standing next to you before, the one with the kind of trashy blond dye job? That one?" "Yeah, I can put the one with the trashy blond dye job on the phone."
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Friday night. Not sure who we are playing. Maybe Detroit? I lost interest about 6 games ago when it was obvious we were going to make the playoffs, and just lose in the first round. The season is essentially over - we know the outcome - now we are just waiting to see what happens in free agency this summer. But we promise Friday will be really, really exciting! In fact, get your season tickets now!!!
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Saturday, April 3, 2010
Heat 97 Timberwolves 84
6 Thoughts
1) Easy win in Minnesota for Miami, over the league's second worst team. That's eight wins in a row for Miami, and 43 on the year, equaling last year's total with 5 to go. Chicago beat Charlotte tonight, so Miami now leads Charlotte by 2.5 games for the sixth spot. Good night. Dull game, so we are rolling through in a hurry.
2) Dwyane Wade: 43 last night, 39 tonight. That's 82 in two nights, by my count. Had 8 more rebounds, and 6 more assists tonight. With Jermaine O'Neal continuing to sit with strained knee-like symptoms, Dwyane Wade is the primary scoring option, the secondary scoring option, the thirdly scoring option, the forthtuple scoring option...
3) ...because they still can't get it from Mike Beasley. Scored three straight hoops right at the beginning tonight, then instantly committed two fouls so he had to come out. Came back in the second quarter only to immediately commit a fourth foul. Also, decided to stop attacking the basket and settle for missing jumpers, mostly shot standing on or near - but not behind - the three point line, which is the most ill-conceived shot in basketball. Then someone apparently told him to move behind the line, because he did that, and missed a couple of jumpers from there. Overall the number didn't look horrible: 6-13 for 12 points in the 20 minutes he could stay out there, but believe me, it didn't play that well on the court.
4) A third quarter close up of the bench showed Beasley, Chalmers, and Daequan Cook bunched together, wearing their NBA "Green Week" t-shirts, and enjoying a nice conversation while Wade, Udonis, and QRich were winning the game. "Hey - you finish that new Jonathan Lethem novel yet?" "Nah, I found it a little pedantic, so I put it aside. Plus, I got caught up in The Pacific miniseries on HBO." "Cool. Can I get the Lethem novel as soon as I finish this Truman biography I'm reading?" "No doubt."
5) Best moment of the game. Two parter. First, former #2 overall draft pick (three spots ahead of Dwyane Wade) and major, major, major bust Darko Milic came out and scored five easy baskets in the first half. After each one he would run down the court rubbing his jaw. "What's wrong with his face?" asked O.Minutos. Nothing that a second half in the locker room holding an ice bag to his face couldn't fix, apparently. I wouldn't exactly call that Darko a gamer. So he was replaced by Ryan Hollins who started the third quarter by committing multiple fouls in the rim area, getting an offensive three seconds call to wipe out a basket, setting an illegal screen for a turnover, having a dunk try caught by Joel Anthony, and missing five straight free throws. Nine minutes into the quarter, with the Heat now up 20, he finally caught a ball in the basket area and viciously flushed it while QRich fouled him, giving him at least a small moment of redemption. Ryan Hollins was doin' it all that quarter...
6) O. and P. Minutos were on spring break this past week. Took Monday off to hang out with them. It was pouring rain and cold in Florida. It's been freezing all winter and early spring, actually - I guess Obama has stabilized the economy, passed a health care bill, and solved global warming! So instead of going to the beach like we planned, we went to see How to Save Your Dragon, or Train Your Dragon, or something like that. It is about Viking dudes living in the olden times and fighting against dragons. Except that these Vikings had Scottish accents. And the main Scottish Viking? Yup, you guessed it: Gerard Butler! Like a wooden stake through my heart! I told you I never should have had kids...
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Five games left, boy, then the playoffs! Off until Wednesday! See you then - try to avoid Scottish Vikings!
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1) Easy win in Minnesota for Miami, over the league's second worst team. That's eight wins in a row for Miami, and 43 on the year, equaling last year's total with 5 to go. Chicago beat Charlotte tonight, so Miami now leads Charlotte by 2.5 games for the sixth spot. Good night. Dull game, so we are rolling through in a hurry.
2) Dwyane Wade: 43 last night, 39 tonight. That's 82 in two nights, by my count. Had 8 more rebounds, and 6 more assists tonight. With Jermaine O'Neal continuing to sit with strained knee-like symptoms, Dwyane Wade is the primary scoring option, the secondary scoring option, the thirdly scoring option, the forthtuple scoring option...
3) ...because they still can't get it from Mike Beasley. Scored three straight hoops right at the beginning tonight, then instantly committed two fouls so he had to come out. Came back in the second quarter only to immediately commit a fourth foul. Also, decided to stop attacking the basket and settle for missing jumpers, mostly shot standing on or near - but not behind - the three point line, which is the most ill-conceived shot in basketball. Then someone apparently told him to move behind the line, because he did that, and missed a couple of jumpers from there. Overall the number didn't look horrible: 6-13 for 12 points in the 20 minutes he could stay out there, but believe me, it didn't play that well on the court.
4) A third quarter close up of the bench showed Beasley, Chalmers, and Daequan Cook bunched together, wearing their NBA "Green Week" t-shirts, and enjoying a nice conversation while Wade, Udonis, and QRich were winning the game. "Hey - you finish that new Jonathan Lethem novel yet?" "Nah, I found it a little pedantic, so I put it aside. Plus, I got caught up in The Pacific miniseries on HBO." "Cool. Can I get the Lethem novel as soon as I finish this Truman biography I'm reading?" "No doubt."
5) Best moment of the game. Two parter. First, former #2 overall draft pick (three spots ahead of Dwyane Wade) and major, major, major bust Darko Milic came out and scored five easy baskets in the first half. After each one he would run down the court rubbing his jaw. "What's wrong with his face?" asked O.Minutos. Nothing that a second half in the locker room holding an ice bag to his face couldn't fix, apparently. I wouldn't exactly call that Darko a gamer. So he was replaced by Ryan Hollins who started the third quarter by committing multiple fouls in the rim area, getting an offensive three seconds call to wipe out a basket, setting an illegal screen for a turnover, having a dunk try caught by Joel Anthony, and missing five straight free throws. Nine minutes into the quarter, with the Heat now up 20, he finally caught a ball in the basket area and viciously flushed it while QRich fouled him, giving him at least a small moment of redemption. Ryan Hollins was doin' it all that quarter...
6) O. and P. Minutos were on spring break this past week. Took Monday off to hang out with them. It was pouring rain and cold in Florida. It's been freezing all winter and early spring, actually - I guess Obama has stabilized the economy, passed a health care bill, and solved global warming! So instead of going to the beach like we planned, we went to see How to Save Your Dragon, or Train Your Dragon, or something like that. It is about Viking dudes living in the olden times and fighting against dragons. Except that these Vikings had Scottish accents. And the main Scottish Viking? Yup, you guessed it: Gerard Butler! Like a wooden stake through my heart! I told you I never should have had kids...
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Five games left, boy, then the playoffs! Off until Wednesday! See you then - try to avoid Scottish Vikings!
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Friday, April 2, 2010
Heat 105 Pacers 96 ot
6 Thoughts
1) Seven wins in a row for Miami. 42 wins with 6 games to go, and a 1.5 game lead over 7th place Charlotte, which is the real battle right now. Fifth or sixth place doesn't matter - only staying out of seventh, and avoiding Orlando in the first round of the playoffs, matters. Let's do this, 2 through 6 style:
2) Dwyane Wade was mostly spectacular with 43 points on only 22 shots, 9 rebounds, 6 assists, 3 steals, and 3 blocks. 18 third quarter points to bring Miami back from a 10 point deficit. Had one brief stretch late in regulation where he dribbled the shot clock down too low about 4 possessions in a row, and allowed Indiana to come back and tie the game. But he made back-to-back threes with 90 seconds to go in overtime to effectively end the game. The jumper has often been missing for Dwyane this year, but tonight it was there. Also was named Eastern Conference player of the month for March today. We could be entering the last days of the Dwyane Wade era in Miami. Enjoy it, just in case...
3) Mike Beasley was brutal. They are winning games in spite of him right now. Shot 6-17 from the floor and missed both his free throws. Gave up a 20-10 night to Indiana's Troy Murphy. In the first half. Every night now, Heat announcers Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino shill for the Heat organization, pleading for people to buy season tickets now, so that "we" don't miss out on the opportunity to see "all" the great players Miami is going to sign with their salary cap space this summer. Thanks - you know what, though? You sign the guys first, and then I'll figure out a way to get tickets, I promise you. As Meth said on The Wire - this mess is a little unseemly. Tonight Eric said it was important to get our tickets now so that we get the opportunity to see all these great players we will have next year. And, also, Mike Beasley, too..Damn, Mike, try to play with some force...
4) Best moment of the game: When Heat backup center, and natural butterfingers, Joel Anthony, starting again for the Jermaine O'Neal (out with hyperextended knee-like symptoms), caught a ball on the right block, faked his his little natural left handed jump hook, then stepped back through right for the up-and-under and finished with his right hand. Now I have seen everything. Love that Joel Anthony, just keeps working!
5) Second best moment of the game: When usually by-the-book, law-and-order color commentator Tony Fiorentino advocated a bit of civil disobedience when he admonished a front row fan who caught an errant pass for not immediately shooting the ball at the basket. "Tough to shoot the ball when you are sitting with your legs crossed," cracked Eric Reid, trying to lighten the moment. An unamused Tony: "He'll never have that chance again."
6) Two things in the six hole tonight. First, a reader question: can't remember the dude's name, but he wrote in a couple of weeks ago after our "Troubled White Man Beard" montage to ask which white guy has the best beard of all-time. Sir, I am sorry I don't remember your name and didn't save your email, because it was the best question this blog has ever been asked. I am going to give you two answers. I think the best white guy beard of all-time is probably, obviously, Jesus. But, my favorite white guy beard is a tie between two guys who influenced my positive feelings towards beards as a young white kid growing up in The CT: Pete Townshend and Paul McCartney. Townshend, in the late 70s, had that whole full-beard, open-shirt, Let-My-Love-Open-The-Door thing going, which was irresistible to little white Dos in 1979, and he was the guy I always wanted to grow up to be. You know, this look:
And, anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a big fan of The Beatles, mostly because they are lame as piss. But that's how powerful the white man's beard is: When it can even make Paul McCartney cool, you know you are really on to something:
Thanks again for your question, Sir, whomever you are...
Finally, The Captain had a suggestion regarding how to deal with a scenario in which your sibling is trying to take your recently-deceased parent's stuff, a recently covered topic in the blog:
Re #6. When your parents are visiting, make a list of their properly functioning organs. If the grim reaper comes a calling and you can do some prompt pre autopsy organ removal before the ambulance gets there, you can cash in on some serious black market profit. Call me for a price list.
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We are coming back tomorrow night in Minnesota. Oh my God, if we had only drafted Kevin Love instead of Beasley last year. Oh. My. God. I need to grow a beard...
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1) Seven wins in a row for Miami. 42 wins with 6 games to go, and a 1.5 game lead over 7th place Charlotte, which is the real battle right now. Fifth or sixth place doesn't matter - only staying out of seventh, and avoiding Orlando in the first round of the playoffs, matters. Let's do this, 2 through 6 style:
2) Dwyane Wade was mostly spectacular with 43 points on only 22 shots, 9 rebounds, 6 assists, 3 steals, and 3 blocks. 18 third quarter points to bring Miami back from a 10 point deficit. Had one brief stretch late in regulation where he dribbled the shot clock down too low about 4 possessions in a row, and allowed Indiana to come back and tie the game. But he made back-to-back threes with 90 seconds to go in overtime to effectively end the game. The jumper has often been missing for Dwyane this year, but tonight it was there. Also was named Eastern Conference player of the month for March today. We could be entering the last days of the Dwyane Wade era in Miami. Enjoy it, just in case...
3) Mike Beasley was brutal. They are winning games in spite of him right now. Shot 6-17 from the floor and missed both his free throws. Gave up a 20-10 night to Indiana's Troy Murphy. In the first half. Every night now, Heat announcers Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino shill for the Heat organization, pleading for people to buy season tickets now, so that "we" don't miss out on the opportunity to see "all" the great players Miami is going to sign with their salary cap space this summer. Thanks - you know what, though? You sign the guys first, and then I'll figure out a way to get tickets, I promise you. As Meth said on The Wire - this mess is a little unseemly. Tonight Eric said it was important to get our tickets now so that we get the opportunity to see all these great players we will have next year. And, also, Mike Beasley, too..Damn, Mike, try to play with some force...
4) Best moment of the game: When Heat backup center, and natural butterfingers, Joel Anthony, starting again for the Jermaine O'Neal (out with hyperextended knee-like symptoms), caught a ball on the right block, faked his his little natural left handed jump hook, then stepped back through right for the up-and-under and finished with his right hand. Now I have seen everything. Love that Joel Anthony, just keeps working!
5) Second best moment of the game: When usually by-the-book, law-and-order color commentator Tony Fiorentino advocated a bit of civil disobedience when he admonished a front row fan who caught an errant pass for not immediately shooting the ball at the basket. "Tough to shoot the ball when you are sitting with your legs crossed," cracked Eric Reid, trying to lighten the moment. An unamused Tony: "He'll never have that chance again."
6) Two things in the six hole tonight. First, a reader question: can't remember the dude's name, but he wrote in a couple of weeks ago after our "Troubled White Man Beard" montage to ask which white guy has the best beard of all-time. Sir, I am sorry I don't remember your name and didn't save your email, because it was the best question this blog has ever been asked. I am going to give you two answers. I think the best white guy beard of all-time is probably, obviously, Jesus. But, my favorite white guy beard is a tie between two guys who influenced my positive feelings towards beards as a young white kid growing up in The CT: Pete Townshend and Paul McCartney. Townshend, in the late 70s, had that whole full-beard, open-shirt, Let-My-Love-Open-The-Door thing going, which was irresistible to little white Dos in 1979, and he was the guy I always wanted to grow up to be. You know, this look:
And, anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a big fan of The Beatles, mostly because they are lame as piss. But that's how powerful the white man's beard is: When it can even make Paul McCartney cool, you know you are really on to something:
Thanks again for your question, Sir, whomever you are...
Finally, The Captain had a suggestion regarding how to deal with a scenario in which your sibling is trying to take your recently-deceased parent's stuff, a recently covered topic in the blog:
Re #6. When your parents are visiting, make a list of their properly functioning organs. If the grim reaper comes a calling and you can do some prompt pre autopsy organ removal before the ambulance gets there, you can cash in on some serious black market profit. Call me for a price list.
-----
We are coming back tomorrow night in Minnesota. Oh my God, if we had only drafted Kevin Love instead of Beasley last year. Oh. My. God. I need to grow a beard...
-----
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