6 Thoughts
1) "Hey, ref, see the giant white guy standing in the lane on defense? CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE HIM GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LANE?" Kevin Love, Minnesota's all-star forward who was terrific in this game, never, ever left the paint in this game defensively, making it difficult for Miami to run their slashing offense...until, the very last play of the game, tied, side out of bounds, when Love's cover, Chris Bosh stepped up out of the lane, Love decided to go with him, Wade slipped in behind, and from out of bounds LeBron threw a direct line alley-oop to the rim for the game winner. Damn, that was frustrating..right until the end! Two games in a row, DWade with the winner on the last possession - lost so many games like this last year. Regression to the mean. LeBron's birthday - Let's GO!
2) These Wolves are pretty good, I really like them. Love is great. He is a terrific rebounder, we already know that. But he has become such a good shooter, and the threat of his shot has allowed him to develop all kinds of counter drives, and post-ups. They hired Rick Adelman, the best offensive architect in the NBA, to coach; surrounded Love with a bunch of bouncy, athletic young kids; a couple of slick, white point guards; and Mike Beasley. Annnd, they were great...except The Beas who struggled to a 2-6 in only 22 minutes, and got lit up by LeBron for 15 in the first quarter. Look, getting lit up by LeBron can happen to anyone (34, 10 assists, and 8 boards, with 4 steals for the newly 27 year old LBJ). But Mike struggled with the same stuff he struggled with here - he got to the rim, but he can't finish because he can't jump and he looks to avoid contact and finish from impossible angles. It's a tough conundrum for him - he knows he can't elevate over people, and he knows he has good hands. But he is making the shots too tough. To be an efficient player in this league, he simply has to figure out a way to get to the line. This is his fourth year now - if it was going happen, it probably would have happened already. I do give him huge credit for this: after getting positively toasted in the first quarter, after a rest on the bench, he came back in with a new determination and effectively bodied up LeBron for several minutes. He could have given up, but he didn't. After the game, Dwyane and UD stood with him for a couple of minutes at midcourt, having a serious conversation - Dwyane, talking quietly, leaned forward forehead to forehead like Tom Cruise and the Rain Man. Everyone loves Mike because he's a nice kid. Everyone wants him to play hard, be focused, and get his mind right. We don't play Minnesota again this year, thanks to David Stern's ham-handed lockout strategy, so we will be left to root for Mike from afar. Be easy, Mike Beasley. Be easy...
3) Yeah! Rookie point guards! With huge cojones! For Miami, Norris Cole - another aggressive night for the kid, 12 points on 6-10, 4 assists with only 1 turnover, and 2 steals in 30 minutes (Emcee Chalmers was having another foul fest). He's fast, he's feisty, he loves to shoot. Love this kid! And for Minnesota, Richard Rubio! What do they call him? Rick? Dick? Rick, I think. Rick Rubio! He is wild. He dribbles all over the place, he's pretty tall, fairly fast, he makes great passes, he goes behind his back, he carries it, he throws it out of bounds at ninety miles an hour, he dropped a huge triple - he is going to be fine, he is going to be really good. He mixed in 6 rebounds with 12 points and 12 assists, though he also mixed in 5 turnovers, one of which was incredibly costly. But all the stuff he does wrong is stuff he will learn how to do. He will be an all-star someday, I believe.
4) This probably is going to jinx it, but we're 4-0 with the Dos Minutos Official Notebook that my dad, Pat Riley, gave me for Christmas. Damn, M.Minutos was right...By the way, here is one entry in the notebook: "Shane Battier just checked in, will probably be looking to draw a charge. 3, 2, 1...charge!" He was, literally, on the court 6 seconds before drawing a charge, and drew three on the night. He is going to shatter the all-time Heat record in limited minutes. To be fair, on a huge late possession, he shot a curving, wide open triple that missed the basket by sixteen feet. That was terrible. However...
5)...I was sitting in Dos Minutos International Headquarters today feeling incredibly stressed out about the sheer volume of tasks, work-related and otherwise, that I have to accomplish over the next two months. The Captain has been on vacation since, like, October, so I had nobody to talk to, and actually - literally - had this thought: "I wish Shane Battier were here. He would know what to do." What a comforting presence. Just knowing he lives in South Florida now made me feel better. Mentioned this to M.Minutos. "Call him, I'm sure he's available," she pointed out. Don't want to bother him, but if it gets any worse, I will.
6) So yesterday a friend of mine who grew up in Haiti was trying to convince me to take a trip there. And I was, like, "Oh, I've been to a couple of islands, like I went to Puerto Rico, and I've been to Barbados, and I have also been to Belize (not an island). Is it different than any of those places, or do all Carribean places kind of have the same vibe?" And he was, like, "Well, they all kind of have the same vibe, you're right, but one thing about Haiti, if you stray too far from the resort where you are staying, you might get kidnapped." Heyyy, you don't say! I'm in! "How was your trip?" "Awesome - the hotel was amazing, I ate all sorts of sweet Carribean-fusion meals, and I went ziplining. Also, I got kidnapped! How u?"
---
I'll be away this weekend, so chances are 99% that I won't see Sunday's rematch vs Charlotte at The Trip. I'm trying to be more relaxed this year after obsessively watching 188 out of 190 games (including playoffs) over the past two seasons - over 100 straight at one point. If you conservatively estimate it takes about 2 hours to watch a game on dvr, that's over 15 days the past two years only watching the Heat. That's totally healthy. I should be back Monday for the Atlanta game. If you need me before then, I'll be seeing if Shane Battier is an approved provider for the mental health portion of my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance. Happy New Year everybody!
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Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Heat 96 Bobcats 95
6 Thoughts
1) Dwyane Wade's night: bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, injured, take the third quarter off, bad, bad, awful, awful, pretty much lose the game...win the game back on one play. Ballgame, start the bus, get to the plane, get out of town. Is there an airport in Charlotte? Charlotte's fairly big, right?
2) In their first back-to-back of the year, after two emotional, season opening wins against their two biggest rivals, Miami looked tired, slow, disinterested, and got down 11-0 as Charlotte buzzed all over the court in, literally, the biggest home game they will play all year. Unless we play here again at some point- haven't memorized all 66 games on the schedule. Yet. Miami got down 15 at half, couldn't find their legs, couldn't find their rhythm, and little Charlotte point guard D.J. Augustin kept knocking down jumpers. In the third quarter, with Wade in the locker room nursing a bruised foot, LeBron took over, powering to the rim for layup after layup, and also checked Augustin, shutting him down totally, and turning him over repeatedly. It was one of those nights where LeBron looked like a man among boys: 35 points on only 23 shots, 6 boards, 7 assists, 3 steals, and 2 blocks. He was crazy. He was like Dwyane Wade! After the game, LeBron told Jason Jackson, "Without Dwyane out there, I had to add a little to the offensive power." Ha! Well said! Dwyane returned for the fourth quarter, and down the stretch turned the ball over up two with less than a minute to go; then lost his cover, Gerald Henderson, who banged a triple to put Charlotte up 1 with 12 seconds to go; but then took Henderson to the block and banked in the game-winner with 3 seconds left. So that last part was good.
3) Something I have never seen before: late in the third quarter, Charlotte rookie, and Connecticut champion!, Kemba Walker steamed downcourt with the ball. As he got to the paint, who was waiting for him? Mr. Shane Battier. Of course he was. As Walker started to pick a lane to drive, Battier got in front of him, and instead of waiting for Walker to throw a fake on him, he started to throw fakes on Walker, jittering quickly back and forth before calculating Walker's path, leaping in front of him, and drawing a charge. Not only have I never seen anyone do that before, I've never even seen a player who would actually want to do that - I mean, it was about as nerdy-looking a thing as you could do on basketball court. I mean, it worked, but it was bizarre. It stunned everyone on the court - the ref called a charge and everyone just stood around, like, "What the hell was that?" Meanwhile, in Casa Dos, I looked at M.Minutos and said, "What the hell was that?" Battier had a huge impact in this game: drew at least three charges that I remember, blocked three shots, and probably caused two other turnovers. Not sure exactly who said it in Casa Dos during the first half when Miami was down double digits, but someone said "I don't see how this guy is helping us at all. How is he helping us? He hasn't done anything so far this season." Let's not worry about who said what -- let's just all agree that Shane Battier is nerdy, a clever and determined defender, and at least tonight, he helped win a basketball game without scoring a single point, which I am sure is what he dreams about. Goodness gracious.
4) Play of the game: late in the fourth quarter, in a close game, Corey Maggette drove baseline, looked like he had a layup, and then Chris Bosh swooped in and blocked his shot. The ball bounced out towards the corner, almost certain to go out of bounds, retained by Charlotte, when LeBron swooped in, grabbed it, spun 180 degrees while leaping out of bounds, and fired a 70 foot strike down court to a basket-hanging Dwyane Wade for an uncontested dunk. Insane! No, not LeBron's pass -- Chris Bosh aggressively blocked a shot!!! Also, on another play, put D.J. White on a poster by taking two dribbles down the lane and throwing it on him for an and-one! Don't overheat, Big Fella! He was great tonight again, 25 on only 13 shots. If we played a team with a frontline with no one taller than 6'8" every night, like Charlotte, Chris would be Wilt Chamberlain!!!
5) Here is the Heat's new player introduction video, which debuted last night at The Trip. Is Shane Battier wearing a polo shirt, collar-up, underneath another polo shirt, collar also up? What do you mean? Of course he is! Why wouldn't he? Also, Eddy Curry has never looked more handsome!
6) Because I'm always trying to get smarter, I have been watching the Kardasian show for the last month or so. For years I've felt dumb because I don't understand who the Kardashians are. Here is what I knew about them before watching the show: their dad was that cheesy lawyer who was friends with OJ, but when he actually had to have a trial, they got better lawyers to defend OJ; one of the Kardashians is married to former Olympian Bruce Jenner, who everyone had always non-pejoratively assumed was gay, and who looks like an unholy freak due to plastic surgery gone way wrong; the main Kardashian, Kim, got famous for dating like C- level celebrities; former Laker Lamar Odom is married to a Kardashian, but she is not that attractive. Now, after watching the show for a month, I still don't totally get who they are - M.Minutos says they are famous "because they are glamorous." Okay, I am going with that. Here I am ranking the Kardashians, from worst to best:
5) Kris Humphries. This dude is a walking date rape.
4) The "other" Kardashian. Not the chunky one married to Lamar Odom, and not Kim. She
seems boring, and annoying,and she hates sex - she constantly is on her husband's case
(more on him in a minute). I would hate to be married to this woman.
3) The chunky Kardashian. She seems the most reasonable, but doesn't do much that is
actually likable. She's just not unlikable. Lamar Odom seems nice (and always has - we
had him in Miami for a year, he was very pleasant, and then we traded him for Shaq and won the
title).
2) Kim Kardashian. She seems both petty and dopey. But, I have to admit, she is rather attractive,
and that has to count for something.
1) Spencer Kardashian. He is married to the Kardashian in # 4. Oh, he's not married to her - but he
is the father of their child. His name is also not Spencer. I'm not sure what it is - unsurprisingly,
I don't know who "Spencer and Heidi" are, either, but this is the guy that I always imagined was
Spencer, even though M.Minutos assures me that it is not. Doesn't matter who he is, this guy is
great. He is a formal dresser - always looks sharp, and he announces his every thought as though
it is some kind of official proclamation. He is aggravated that his girlfriend won't have sex with
him, he has given up drinking, and he is constantly trying to advise Kris Humphries how to
survive being with a Kardashian, even though he never takes his advice. He dresses and acts
like he is about forty-eight years old, even though I assume he is in his twenties. Last week, he
tried to re-connect with his Jewish roots, which was difficult because the yarmulke kept slipping
off his slicked back hair. I love this kid, I wish he would spin off into his own show. Here he is,
looking dashing as hell:
---
That's a wrap from Charlotte. See you Friday in Minnesota. My boy Mike Beasley! If you need me before then, I'll be yarmulke shopping!
-----
1) Dwyane Wade's night: bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, injured, take the third quarter off, bad, bad, awful, awful, pretty much lose the game...win the game back on one play. Ballgame, start the bus, get to the plane, get out of town. Is there an airport in Charlotte? Charlotte's fairly big, right?
2) In their first back-to-back of the year, after two emotional, season opening wins against their two biggest rivals, Miami looked tired, slow, disinterested, and got down 11-0 as Charlotte buzzed all over the court in, literally, the biggest home game they will play all year. Unless we play here again at some point- haven't memorized all 66 games on the schedule. Yet. Miami got down 15 at half, couldn't find their legs, couldn't find their rhythm, and little Charlotte point guard D.J. Augustin kept knocking down jumpers. In the third quarter, with Wade in the locker room nursing a bruised foot, LeBron took over, powering to the rim for layup after layup, and also checked Augustin, shutting him down totally, and turning him over repeatedly. It was one of those nights where LeBron looked like a man among boys: 35 points on only 23 shots, 6 boards, 7 assists, 3 steals, and 2 blocks. He was crazy. He was like Dwyane Wade! After the game, LeBron told Jason Jackson, "Without Dwyane out there, I had to add a little to the offensive power." Ha! Well said! Dwyane returned for the fourth quarter, and down the stretch turned the ball over up two with less than a minute to go; then lost his cover, Gerald Henderson, who banged a triple to put Charlotte up 1 with 12 seconds to go; but then took Henderson to the block and banked in the game-winner with 3 seconds left. So that last part was good.
3) Something I have never seen before: late in the third quarter, Charlotte rookie, and Connecticut champion!, Kemba Walker steamed downcourt with the ball. As he got to the paint, who was waiting for him? Mr. Shane Battier. Of course he was. As Walker started to pick a lane to drive, Battier got in front of him, and instead of waiting for Walker to throw a fake on him, he started to throw fakes on Walker, jittering quickly back and forth before calculating Walker's path, leaping in front of him, and drawing a charge. Not only have I never seen anyone do that before, I've never even seen a player who would actually want to do that - I mean, it was about as nerdy-looking a thing as you could do on basketball court. I mean, it worked, but it was bizarre. It stunned everyone on the court - the ref called a charge and everyone just stood around, like, "What the hell was that?" Meanwhile, in Casa Dos, I looked at M.Minutos and said, "What the hell was that?" Battier had a huge impact in this game: drew at least three charges that I remember, blocked three shots, and probably caused two other turnovers. Not sure exactly who said it in Casa Dos during the first half when Miami was down double digits, but someone said "I don't see how this guy is helping us at all. How is he helping us? He hasn't done anything so far this season." Let's not worry about who said what -- let's just all agree that Shane Battier is nerdy, a clever and determined defender, and at least tonight, he helped win a basketball game without scoring a single point, which I am sure is what he dreams about. Goodness gracious.
4) Play of the game: late in the fourth quarter, in a close game, Corey Maggette drove baseline, looked like he had a layup, and then Chris Bosh swooped in and blocked his shot. The ball bounced out towards the corner, almost certain to go out of bounds, retained by Charlotte, when LeBron swooped in, grabbed it, spun 180 degrees while leaping out of bounds, and fired a 70 foot strike down court to a basket-hanging Dwyane Wade for an uncontested dunk. Insane! No, not LeBron's pass -- Chris Bosh aggressively blocked a shot!!! Also, on another play, put D.J. White on a poster by taking two dribbles down the lane and throwing it on him for an and-one! Don't overheat, Big Fella! He was great tonight again, 25 on only 13 shots. If we played a team with a frontline with no one taller than 6'8" every night, like Charlotte, Chris would be Wilt Chamberlain!!!
5) Here is the Heat's new player introduction video, which debuted last night at The Trip. Is Shane Battier wearing a polo shirt, collar-up, underneath another polo shirt, collar also up? What do you mean? Of course he is! Why wouldn't he? Also, Eddy Curry has never looked more handsome!
6) Because I'm always trying to get smarter, I have been watching the Kardasian show for the last month or so. For years I've felt dumb because I don't understand who the Kardashians are. Here is what I knew about them before watching the show: their dad was that cheesy lawyer who was friends with OJ, but when he actually had to have a trial, they got better lawyers to defend OJ; one of the Kardashians is married to former Olympian Bruce Jenner, who everyone had always non-pejoratively assumed was gay, and who looks like an unholy freak due to plastic surgery gone way wrong; the main Kardashian, Kim, got famous for dating like C- level celebrities; former Laker Lamar Odom is married to a Kardashian, but she is not that attractive. Now, after watching the show for a month, I still don't totally get who they are - M.Minutos says they are famous "because they are glamorous." Okay, I am going with that. Here I am ranking the Kardashians, from worst to best:
5) Kris Humphries. This dude is a walking date rape.
4) The "other" Kardashian. Not the chunky one married to Lamar Odom, and not Kim. She
seems boring, and annoying,and she hates sex - she constantly is on her husband's case
(more on him in a minute). I would hate to be married to this woman.
3) The chunky Kardashian. She seems the most reasonable, but doesn't do much that is
actually likable. She's just not unlikable. Lamar Odom seems nice (and always has - we
had him in Miami for a year, he was very pleasant, and then we traded him for Shaq and won the
title).
2) Kim Kardashian. She seems both petty and dopey. But, I have to admit, she is rather attractive,
and that has to count for something.
1) Spencer Kardashian. He is married to the Kardashian in # 4. Oh, he's not married to her - but he
is the father of their child. His name is also not Spencer. I'm not sure what it is - unsurprisingly,
I don't know who "Spencer and Heidi" are, either, but this is the guy that I always imagined was
Spencer, even though M.Minutos assures me that it is not. Doesn't matter who he is, this guy is
great. He is a formal dresser - always looks sharp, and he announces his every thought as though
it is some kind of official proclamation. He is aggravated that his girlfriend won't have sex with
him, he has given up drinking, and he is constantly trying to advise Kris Humphries how to
survive being with a Kardashian, even though he never takes his advice. He dresses and acts
like he is about forty-eight years old, even though I assume he is in his twenties. Last week, he
tried to re-connect with his Jewish roots, which was difficult because the yarmulke kept slipping
off his slicked back hair. I love this kid, I wish he would spin off into his own show. Here he is,
looking dashing as hell:
---
That's a wrap from Charlotte. See you Friday in Minnesota. My boy Mike Beasley! If you need me before then, I'll be yarmulke shopping!
-----
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Heat 115 Celtics 107
6 Thoughts
1) "Guys, the Heat are running us out of the gym. We can't stop their transition game at all. Here's what we are going to do for this fourth quarter: sit back in a zone, dare them to shoot from outside, and then go down and stick contested triples on the other end. There is no way the Heat can combat that, especially not rookie point guard Norris Cole, playing in only his second NBA game. As Dwyane Wade and LeBron stand around and look bored, there is absolutely no way Norris Cole will step up in crunch time, make big jumper after big jumper, draw a key charge on a 2 on 1 break, and salt the game away with 14 fourth quarter points. Ready? 'Celtics' on 3: 1, 2, 3, Celtics!" ... "Uh-oh."
2) Mario Chalmers, somehow, jammed 5 steals and 6 turnovers into 19 minutes. Fortunately, four of the turnovers were on four consecutive possessions to start the third quarter. Not sure I've ever seen that before. So Coach Spo went with Cole for most of the second half, and all of crunch time. Twenty-nine minutes for the kid, 20 points on 8-16, 4 assists, 3 rebounds, and 3 steals. Made all the big plays down the stretch while Dwyane and LeBron stood paralyzed on the perimeter in some kind of post-traumatic Finals syndrome when the Celtics went zone. I haven't checked Twitter yet, but I'm sure it is about to catch on fire with When-Is-Coach-Spo-Going-To-Start-Norris-Cole tweets. It doesn't really matter who starts - right now, two games in, it is fun to watch the kid play. Super-quick and savvy - good combination. And unfazed. Mario Chalmers? Fazed. Definitely fazed.
3) Someone asked me yesterday: Why didn't you kill Chris Bosh after his lackluster effort in the season opener against Dallas? Why? Mostly because we won by like 50 points. Tonight Bosh, continuing the latter games of the spring's playoff against Boston, took Kevin Garnett apart. 18 on 8-11 for Bosh, with 11 rebounds - kept running sharp cuts and beating Garnett to the rim. Also did a good job being mobile and showing on shooters defensively. He's never going to be a physical, aggressive defender, but he defends the pick-and-roll well because he is quick, and bright, and generally always positions himself correctly. Garnett, as per usual, spent forty percent of the game arguing with the opponent's point guards, and had a quiet 12 points and 5 rebounds.
4) O. Minutos, halfway through the third quarter: "I wonder how old Juwan Howard is?" Fifty. He's fifty. Got a layup in the second quarter when he ran down the court in transition, hid on the block behind Shane Battier, Kevin Garnett couldn't find him, and stepped in to the lane, received a pass, and finished. Veteran move!
5) Play of the game: Obviously when Norris Cole (who else?) streaked down the court at ninety miles an hour with the ball and dropped a perfect pass on a charging Chris Bosh, who caught the ball, elevated to dunk, dropped the ball out of bounds, lightly bumped into an indifferent Jermaine O'Neal, who was jogging by in the general vicinity of the play, and eighty-eight year old referee Dick Bavetta, in his thirty-seventh year in the league, the last twenty of which have been completely incompetent, blew his whistle and called a foul on O'Neal awarding Bosh two shots. It was right in front of the Celtics bench, which went absolutely mental - LeBron and Wade were running down the court dunking everything in sight to that point. All the Celtics needed was for the Heat to somehow finally screw up a fast break, especially on a play which didn't involve Mario Chalmers, and then for Dick Bavetta to somehow call a foul anyways. During the ensuing argument, Bavetta's crew chief Danny Crawford (Bavetta was finally demoted this year), looked mortified. He knew the call was brutal - it was unmissable - there was nobody near Chris Bosh! As Bosh shot the free throws, Bavetta sidled over to the Celtics bench and seemed to tell them, "Yeah, I think I missed that one." Ya think? This is what I hate about NBA refs - it's like La Cosa Nostra (whatever that is - why did I write that, I don't even know what it is - is it the Mafia?) - they can't ever admit a mistake and make the call right. If Danny Crawford knew the call was wrong, and Bavetta knew the call was wrong, why did Bosh still get two free throws? A few minutes later, Bavetta jammed up a block-charge call under the Heat hoop (again, in the Heat's favor - the only consistent thing about Dick Bavetta is that he loves the appreciative roar of the home crowd - he's always messing up the call that way!). Danny Crawford had finally had enough, he was like, "Fuck it, this is a real game, I'm changing the call." I applaud you, Danny Crawford, even if the call went against Miami.
5a) Just noticed this - Jermaino: 22 minutes, 0 points, 1 rebound. I'm not even mad, that's kind of impressive. Oh, Jermaino...
6) Movie Review: Drive. Tried to watch Drive last night, at long last. Put the boys to bed, poured myself a glass of red wine, settled down on the couch...M. Minutos may have been there, too - not too sure. For twenty minutes, it was the greatest night of my life. The seedier parts of Los Angeles, all burnt orange-y with splashes of icy cool blue, and ominous, synth-y, hipster music. Ryan Gosling with a vintage, short Newman-esque haircut, with sad eyes searching for meaning in life. Thennn, the screener DVD that my friend MCM gave me got janky, and I had to turn it off after twenty minutes. Whew. Don't blue ball me, MCM and Ryan Gosling. Don't blue ball me. You think it was over when I had to turn off the janky DVD last night? It's still not over!!!
---
Back tomorrow night, I think we play Charlotte. If you need me before then, I'll be squinting off in to the distance, answering questions with one syllable, and driving my Prius at ninety miles an hour down Dixie Highway. See you tomorrow!
-----
1) "Guys, the Heat are running us out of the gym. We can't stop their transition game at all. Here's what we are going to do for this fourth quarter: sit back in a zone, dare them to shoot from outside, and then go down and stick contested triples on the other end. There is no way the Heat can combat that, especially not rookie point guard Norris Cole, playing in only his second NBA game. As Dwyane Wade and LeBron stand around and look bored, there is absolutely no way Norris Cole will step up in crunch time, make big jumper after big jumper, draw a key charge on a 2 on 1 break, and salt the game away with 14 fourth quarter points. Ready? 'Celtics' on 3: 1, 2, 3, Celtics!" ... "Uh-oh."
2) Mario Chalmers, somehow, jammed 5 steals and 6 turnovers into 19 minutes. Fortunately, four of the turnovers were on four consecutive possessions to start the third quarter. Not sure I've ever seen that before. So Coach Spo went with Cole for most of the second half, and all of crunch time. Twenty-nine minutes for the kid, 20 points on 8-16, 4 assists, 3 rebounds, and 3 steals. Made all the big plays down the stretch while Dwyane and LeBron stood paralyzed on the perimeter in some kind of post-traumatic Finals syndrome when the Celtics went zone. I haven't checked Twitter yet, but I'm sure it is about to catch on fire with When-Is-Coach-Spo-Going-To-Start-Norris-Cole tweets. It doesn't really matter who starts - right now, two games in, it is fun to watch the kid play. Super-quick and savvy - good combination. And unfazed. Mario Chalmers? Fazed. Definitely fazed.
3) Someone asked me yesterday: Why didn't you kill Chris Bosh after his lackluster effort in the season opener against Dallas? Why? Mostly because we won by like 50 points. Tonight Bosh, continuing the latter games of the spring's playoff against Boston, took Kevin Garnett apart. 18 on 8-11 for Bosh, with 11 rebounds - kept running sharp cuts and beating Garnett to the rim. Also did a good job being mobile and showing on shooters defensively. He's never going to be a physical, aggressive defender, but he defends the pick-and-roll well because he is quick, and bright, and generally always positions himself correctly. Garnett, as per usual, spent forty percent of the game arguing with the opponent's point guards, and had a quiet 12 points and 5 rebounds.
4) O. Minutos, halfway through the third quarter: "I wonder how old Juwan Howard is?" Fifty. He's fifty. Got a layup in the second quarter when he ran down the court in transition, hid on the block behind Shane Battier, Kevin Garnett couldn't find him, and stepped in to the lane, received a pass, and finished. Veteran move!
5) Play of the game: Obviously when Norris Cole (who else?) streaked down the court at ninety miles an hour with the ball and dropped a perfect pass on a charging Chris Bosh, who caught the ball, elevated to dunk, dropped the ball out of bounds, lightly bumped into an indifferent Jermaine O'Neal, who was jogging by in the general vicinity of the play, and eighty-eight year old referee Dick Bavetta, in his thirty-seventh year in the league, the last twenty of which have been completely incompetent, blew his whistle and called a foul on O'Neal awarding Bosh two shots. It was right in front of the Celtics bench, which went absolutely mental - LeBron and Wade were running down the court dunking everything in sight to that point. All the Celtics needed was for the Heat to somehow finally screw up a fast break, especially on a play which didn't involve Mario Chalmers, and then for Dick Bavetta to somehow call a foul anyways. During the ensuing argument, Bavetta's crew chief Danny Crawford (Bavetta was finally demoted this year), looked mortified. He knew the call was brutal - it was unmissable - there was nobody near Chris Bosh! As Bosh shot the free throws, Bavetta sidled over to the Celtics bench and seemed to tell them, "Yeah, I think I missed that one." Ya think? This is what I hate about NBA refs - it's like La Cosa Nostra (whatever that is - why did I write that, I don't even know what it is - is it the Mafia?) - they can't ever admit a mistake and make the call right. If Danny Crawford knew the call was wrong, and Bavetta knew the call was wrong, why did Bosh still get two free throws? A few minutes later, Bavetta jammed up a block-charge call under the Heat hoop (again, in the Heat's favor - the only consistent thing about Dick Bavetta is that he loves the appreciative roar of the home crowd - he's always messing up the call that way!). Danny Crawford had finally had enough, he was like, "Fuck it, this is a real game, I'm changing the call." I applaud you, Danny Crawford, even if the call went against Miami.
5a) Just noticed this - Jermaino: 22 minutes, 0 points, 1 rebound. I'm not even mad, that's kind of impressive. Oh, Jermaino...
6) Movie Review: Drive. Tried to watch Drive last night, at long last. Put the boys to bed, poured myself a glass of red wine, settled down on the couch...M. Minutos may have been there, too - not too sure. For twenty minutes, it was the greatest night of my life. The seedier parts of Los Angeles, all burnt orange-y with splashes of icy cool blue, and ominous, synth-y, hipster music. Ryan Gosling with a vintage, short Newman-esque haircut, with sad eyes searching for meaning in life. Thennn, the screener DVD that my friend MCM gave me got janky, and I had to turn it off after twenty minutes. Whew. Don't blue ball me, MCM and Ryan Gosling. Don't blue ball me. You think it was over when I had to turn off the janky DVD last night? It's still not over!!!
---
Back tomorrow night, I think we play Charlotte. If you need me before then, I'll be squinting off in to the distance, answering questions with one syllable, and driving my Prius at ninety miles an hour down Dixie Highway. See you tomorrow!
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Sunday, December 25, 2011
Heat 105 Mavs 94
6 Thoughts
1) They say you have to beat the champs to be the champs. Dallas claims to be the defending champions, though I still have yet to see hard evidence. We beat 'em down, in Dallas - guess we're the champs! This is what the Christmas spirit is all about - humiliating a team on their home court! Who got the juice now, Mavericks? Who got the juice now? Happy LeBronica and Merry Boshmas! And. we. are. off!
2) We've seen this before - team wins a championship, opens at home the next season, raises a banner, and they are not quiiiite ready to play. Miami went through this 2007, getting blown off the court against the Bulls in the season opener after the title. Today, Miami was ready to play; Dallas wasn't. This game was over halfway through the second quarter when Miami's lead ballooned to the high 20s, peaking at 35 in the third quarter. As will be the case all season with such a compressed schedule, this was a matter of when, more than who. Although, Dallas opted not to bring back Tyson Chandler (because the Mavs aren't Fam - "thanks for the title - see you later, Tyson!") so it's not exactly the same team - no resistance in the paint defensively...
3) ...which meant that LeBron and Wade could post up all day and create easy shots. Dallas was ill-prepared and Miami was so juiced, that it was tough to find anything really meaningful in the game, except for signs of a new offense featuring both of those guys in the post area. LeBron showed the same mid-post game he displayed in the pre-season. It's not a classic, "catch it on the block and bump and grind to the rim" post up game. It's a "catch it at 15 feet, turn and face, and go to work" post up game. And you know what? That's enough. It allows LeBron to face the basket, which is how he is more comfortable, and then do the same things he always does - but, now, a 20 foot jumper becomes a 14 footer. His sweet new move where he faces, shows the ball above his head, and then flips the short jumper looks comfortable, repeatable, and fairly unstoppable. He also had a spinning left-handed jump hook 'and-one' that was spectacular. And, to be fair, mixed in a few bad fallaways. He had 33 points, 9 rebounds, and 6 assists through three quarters (37 overall)...so that's fairly decent. He also was part of the play of the game. Mario Chalmers snuck up from behind on Dirk Nowitzki on the baseline, picked him clean from behind, and steamed up court with LeBron on the right wing, and Wade on the left. As they approached the basket, Emcee lofted a fairly ill-advised alley-oop to LeBron, who was covered by Shawn Marion, so LeBron elevated over Marion, and tipped the ball back to a flying Wade, who jumped, caught the ball in the air, and FLUSHED!!! A double alley-oop! A dalley-oop! Besides a flurry of first half turnovers, Wade was everywhere - 26 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists. At one point in the third quarter, he and LeBron had 45, and the Mavs 43. In the end, it doesn't really mean anything - only the playoffs will mean anything again this year - but it was super-fun to watch.
4) Shane Battier played 4 first half minutes. He's been out with a strained quad, and since he wasn't necessary, he sat the entire second half. His main contributions: 1) shoved Mavs guard Jason Terry down to the ground on a transition play, allowing rookie Norris Cole (who had his moments) to finish a layup at the rim; 2) was invariably the first Heat player up off on the bench and on to the court to greet the team during every time out - that's nice to see, but at some point this season there is going to be a high-speed collision between he and LeBron, who freight-trains towards his seat on the bench during every break...Joining Battier on the bench was fellow wing Mike Miller, out a couple more weeks with a hernia. Should be back mid-January; that tells me that mid-to-late January should be his next injury. His houndstooth jacket is now the leader in the clubhouse for "Bench Outfit of the Year." Let's see how long that stands up...Battier and Miller are Dwyane and LeBron's backups at the wing. Battier and Miller's backup, James Jones, made three triples in a row during the second quarter run that effectively ended the game. Wings for days. Damn!
5) M.Minutos, back for another season, noticed at the start of the game that it seemed much darker in Dallas' arena than it did in Madison Square Garden for the Knicks-Celtic game which was on just before the Heat game. Either that, or we have darker players. Starting lineup: LeBron and Wade, they are pretty dark; Joel, very dark; Chalmers, lighter, more like a Carmelo Anthony shade; and Bosh somewhere in between - he's about the shade of M.Minutos, actually. On the Knicks, the aforementioned Melo and Chandler, on the lighter side, and Landry Fields, very, very white - he might be whiter than me. This is sample size-y - for instance, we think Wade is darker than Melo, but I propose we need to see them on the court together before judging definitively. It could just be that Dallas owner Mark Cuban is too cheap to pay for better lighting. I mean, he was too cheap to bring back Tyson Chandler...Yes, these are the things we talk about in Casa Minutos during a thirty point blowout. Or, any other game.
6) This was one of the presents I got this morning, a Miami Heat/Dos Minutos notebook, with the following letter:
Listen, they aren't, like, random scraps of paper. I take a normal piece of 8.5 x 11 white paper, fold it in half just so, and then scribble mostly indecipherable notes on it which I can not read at game's end. You would think M.Minutos, who has published like five novels, would recognize a totally effective writing methodology when she sees it. On the other hand, we're 1-0 wth the new notebook - double-positive jinx is: On! We may never lose!
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Next game is Tuesday, home opener against Boston. Paul Pierce may or may not be available with a sore heel. Kevin Garnett may or may not be available after smacking someone in the neck during the Knick game (then waiting for other people to intervene so he didn't get his butt kicked). If you need me before then, I'll be at the mall exchanging all my Christmas clothing gifts - I'm going all in on houndstooth! Happy Holidays!
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1) They say you have to beat the champs to be the champs. Dallas claims to be the defending champions, though I still have yet to see hard evidence. We beat 'em down, in Dallas - guess we're the champs! This is what the Christmas spirit is all about - humiliating a team on their home court! Who got the juice now, Mavericks? Who got the juice now? Happy LeBronica and Merry Boshmas! And. we. are. off!
2) We've seen this before - team wins a championship, opens at home the next season, raises a banner, and they are not quiiiite ready to play. Miami went through this 2007, getting blown off the court against the Bulls in the season opener after the title. Today, Miami was ready to play; Dallas wasn't. This game was over halfway through the second quarter when Miami's lead ballooned to the high 20s, peaking at 35 in the third quarter. As will be the case all season with such a compressed schedule, this was a matter of when, more than who. Although, Dallas opted not to bring back Tyson Chandler (because the Mavs aren't Fam - "thanks for the title - see you later, Tyson!") so it's not exactly the same team - no resistance in the paint defensively...
3) ...which meant that LeBron and Wade could post up all day and create easy shots. Dallas was ill-prepared and Miami was so juiced, that it was tough to find anything really meaningful in the game, except for signs of a new offense featuring both of those guys in the post area. LeBron showed the same mid-post game he displayed in the pre-season. It's not a classic, "catch it on the block and bump and grind to the rim" post up game. It's a "catch it at 15 feet, turn and face, and go to work" post up game. And you know what? That's enough. It allows LeBron to face the basket, which is how he is more comfortable, and then do the same things he always does - but, now, a 20 foot jumper becomes a 14 footer. His sweet new move where he faces, shows the ball above his head, and then flips the short jumper looks comfortable, repeatable, and fairly unstoppable. He also had a spinning left-handed jump hook 'and-one' that was spectacular. And, to be fair, mixed in a few bad fallaways. He had 33 points, 9 rebounds, and 6 assists through three quarters (37 overall)...so that's fairly decent. He also was part of the play of the game. Mario Chalmers snuck up from behind on Dirk Nowitzki on the baseline, picked him clean from behind, and steamed up court with LeBron on the right wing, and Wade on the left. As they approached the basket, Emcee lofted a fairly ill-advised alley-oop to LeBron, who was covered by Shawn Marion, so LeBron elevated over Marion, and tipped the ball back to a flying Wade, who jumped, caught the ball in the air, and FLUSHED!!! A double alley-oop! A dalley-oop! Besides a flurry of first half turnovers, Wade was everywhere - 26 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists. At one point in the third quarter, he and LeBron had 45, and the Mavs 43. In the end, it doesn't really mean anything - only the playoffs will mean anything again this year - but it was super-fun to watch.
4) Shane Battier played 4 first half minutes. He's been out with a strained quad, and since he wasn't necessary, he sat the entire second half. His main contributions: 1) shoved Mavs guard Jason Terry down to the ground on a transition play, allowing rookie Norris Cole (who had his moments) to finish a layup at the rim; 2) was invariably the first Heat player up off on the bench and on to the court to greet the team during every time out - that's nice to see, but at some point this season there is going to be a high-speed collision between he and LeBron, who freight-trains towards his seat on the bench during every break...Joining Battier on the bench was fellow wing Mike Miller, out a couple more weeks with a hernia. Should be back mid-January; that tells me that mid-to-late January should be his next injury. His houndstooth jacket is now the leader in the clubhouse for "Bench Outfit of the Year." Let's see how long that stands up...Battier and Miller are Dwyane and LeBron's backups at the wing. Battier and Miller's backup, James Jones, made three triples in a row during the second quarter run that effectively ended the game. Wings for days. Damn!
5) M.Minutos, back for another season, noticed at the start of the game that it seemed much darker in Dallas' arena than it did in Madison Square Garden for the Knicks-Celtic game which was on just before the Heat game. Either that, or we have darker players. Starting lineup: LeBron and Wade, they are pretty dark; Joel, very dark; Chalmers, lighter, more like a Carmelo Anthony shade; and Bosh somewhere in between - he's about the shade of M.Minutos, actually. On the Knicks, the aforementioned Melo and Chandler, on the lighter side, and Landry Fields, very, very white - he might be whiter than me. This is sample size-y - for instance, we think Wade is darker than Melo, but I propose we need to see them on the court together before judging definitively. It could just be that Dallas owner Mark Cuban is too cheap to pay for better lighting. I mean, he was too cheap to bring back Tyson Chandler...Yes, these are the things we talk about in Casa Minutos during a thirty point blowout. Or, any other game.
6) This was one of the presents I got this morning, a Miami Heat/Dos Minutos notebook, with the following letter:
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Next game is Tuesday, home opener against Boston. Paul Pierce may or may not be available with a sore heel. Kevin Garnett may or may not be available after smacking someone in the neck during the Knick game (then waiting for other people to intervene so he didn't get his butt kicked). If you need me before then, I'll be at the mall exchanging all my Christmas clothing gifts - I'm going all in on houndstooth! Happy Holidays!
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Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Orlando104 Miami 100 (preseason)
1) Ask me how I'm doing. No, really, ask me how I'm doing. For real...I ate empanadas in Paul Walker Park in downtown Miami for lunch today! I'm up in here, I'm on fiyah! PAUL WALKER!!
2) Preseason basketball is brutal. We are halfway through the fourth quarter - I was ready for this game to be over an hour ago. Miami played a great first half -- LeBron with some sweet moves in the mid-post gave the offense a new wrinkle. Then, just when it seemed that Orlando's entire season would disintegrate, Stan Van Gundy's head would explode, and they would trade Dwight Howard to the Lakers or Nets at halftime, suddenly they found their legs and started draining jumper after jumper, and now lead by 7 with five minutes to go. No one could care less who wins or loses. Starters are out. Maybe Coach Spo. But I doubt it.
3) Best moment of the game: When The President, and former Heat small forward, Quentin Richardson, tried to start a fight with the man who replaced him, LeBron James. The Pres is fiery, and he's Fam, but he got a little too geeked up tonight and kept skirmishing with LeBron like it was the Eastern Conference Finals. When Pres finally ended one exchange by lowering his shoulder for a shiver into LeBron's chest, which LeBron, to his credit, mostly laughed off, the refs responded in true midseason form by giving Pres a normal foul, a technical foul, then mistakenly giving the ball to Orlando after the technical free throw, then realizing it 25 seconds later after calling a phantom foul on Juwan Howard when his son Dwight tried to drive past him to the basket, then huddling to talk about it for 6 minutes, then taking Dwight Howard's free throws away and giving the ball back to Miami, then arguing with Stan Van Gundy for 6 more minutes before re-starting play. Good job, refs! Anything you can do to drag this preseason game out even longer is much appreciated!
4) Prediction time: If I have to pick "any other team" or Miami to win the title, I'm going "any other team." That's smart money. If I have to pick one team, I'm picking Miami. They were probably the best team last year; they are probably the best team this year. After that, I would guess: Chicago, then Dallas, then OKC. That's all I'm predicting. Predicting is fairly dumb -- they're going to play games, we don't need to predict what's going to happen, we can just watch it. The one thing I know: more than ever this season, it's not going to be only WHO you play, but WHEN you play -- the crazy, compressed schedule is going to lead to some serious sample size-y results. Let us go, Fam -- let us go!
5) Game is finally over, Orlando won. Crowd seems fairly pumped. Or they are manically desperate because Dwight Howard is on his way out of town -- Ha, Jax is asking J.J. Redick about it right now!!! J.J. is right -- as long as they have Dwight Howard, Orlando will be pretty good. Like this J.J. Redick -- he's overcome absolutely brutal coaching in college to craft a pretty good career...By the way, did everyone but me know that Steven Tyler is on American Idol now? I've seen this same dumb ad forty times during the game...Man, preseason basketball is brutal...Best thing about the lockout: only two preseason games!
6) Book Review -- Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention, by Manning Marable. Alex Haley's The Autobiography of Malcolm X has stood as the definitive record of the Nation of Islam minister for over forty-five years! That's a looong time for a single book on such a controversial and interesting dude to endure as the gold standard. That book is part Malcolm speaking directly to the readers, part Alex Haley skillfully constructing a readable narrative, and it presents an iconic, incendiary, coming-of-age fable about a passionate intellectual. Look at how the imagery of Malcolm X has endured -- that doesn't happen without Alex Haley's book. I love it - it is one of my favorite books ever. This new book, which came out this past year, aspires to be something Autobiography is not: a definitive, factual, documented account of Malcolm's life. Alex Haley was a writer, but he wasn't a historian; Manning Marable, the author of this new biography, is a historian who possesses only workman-like writing skills. I love the topic, so I love the book. When it was published, it was reputed to be highly controversial, but that's mostly hype. There are some interesting nuggets in there, though, which we didn't previously know about Malcolm X. Here are my three favorites:
1 -- Was second cousins with Malcolm Jamal Warner
2 -- As a young adult living in Boston, once nailed Lola Falana after a J. Geils concert at the
Beacon Theater
3 -- Until his later conversion to genuine Islam, he always claimed he hated white people; yet, he
loved frozen yogurt
Okay, okay, okay -- the preseason is mercifully over. Let's Stay the Course! We Have Enough! Fifteen Strong! Let's Get It On! Season starts Sunday in Dallas -- if you need me before then, I'll be calibrating my DVR so I make sure to miss Dallas' championship banner ceremony before the game. I've still never seen evidence that they actually won the title - and I'm going to keep it that way. Happy Holidays, everybody!!!
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2) Preseason basketball is brutal. We are halfway through the fourth quarter - I was ready for this game to be over an hour ago. Miami played a great first half -- LeBron with some sweet moves in the mid-post gave the offense a new wrinkle. Then, just when it seemed that Orlando's entire season would disintegrate, Stan Van Gundy's head would explode, and they would trade Dwight Howard to the Lakers or Nets at halftime, suddenly they found their legs and started draining jumper after jumper, and now lead by 7 with five minutes to go. No one could care less who wins or loses. Starters are out. Maybe Coach Spo. But I doubt it.
3) Best moment of the game: When The President, and former Heat small forward, Quentin Richardson, tried to start a fight with the man who replaced him, LeBron James. The Pres is fiery, and he's Fam, but he got a little too geeked up tonight and kept skirmishing with LeBron like it was the Eastern Conference Finals. When Pres finally ended one exchange by lowering his shoulder for a shiver into LeBron's chest, which LeBron, to his credit, mostly laughed off, the refs responded in true midseason form by giving Pres a normal foul, a technical foul, then mistakenly giving the ball to Orlando after the technical free throw, then realizing it 25 seconds later after calling a phantom foul on Juwan Howard when his son Dwight tried to drive past him to the basket, then huddling to talk about it for 6 minutes, then taking Dwight Howard's free throws away and giving the ball back to Miami, then arguing with Stan Van Gundy for 6 more minutes before re-starting play. Good job, refs! Anything you can do to drag this preseason game out even longer is much appreciated!
4) Prediction time: If I have to pick "any other team" or Miami to win the title, I'm going "any other team." That's smart money. If I have to pick one team, I'm picking Miami. They were probably the best team last year; they are probably the best team this year. After that, I would guess: Chicago, then Dallas, then OKC. That's all I'm predicting. Predicting is fairly dumb -- they're going to play games, we don't need to predict what's going to happen, we can just watch it. The one thing I know: more than ever this season, it's not going to be only WHO you play, but WHEN you play -- the crazy, compressed schedule is going to lead to some serious sample size-y results. Let us go, Fam -- let us go!
5) Game is finally over, Orlando won. Crowd seems fairly pumped. Or they are manically desperate because Dwight Howard is on his way out of town -- Ha, Jax is asking J.J. Redick about it right now!!! J.J. is right -- as long as they have Dwight Howard, Orlando will be pretty good. Like this J.J. Redick -- he's overcome absolutely brutal coaching in college to craft a pretty good career...By the way, did everyone but me know that Steven Tyler is on American Idol now? I've seen this same dumb ad forty times during the game...Man, preseason basketball is brutal...Best thing about the lockout: only two preseason games!
6) Book Review -- Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention, by Manning Marable. Alex Haley's The Autobiography of Malcolm X has stood as the definitive record of the Nation of Islam minister for over forty-five years! That's a looong time for a single book on such a controversial and interesting dude to endure as the gold standard. That book is part Malcolm speaking directly to the readers, part Alex Haley skillfully constructing a readable narrative, and it presents an iconic, incendiary, coming-of-age fable about a passionate intellectual. Look at how the imagery of Malcolm X has endured -- that doesn't happen without Alex Haley's book. I love it - it is one of my favorite books ever. This new book, which came out this past year, aspires to be something Autobiography is not: a definitive, factual, documented account of Malcolm's life. Alex Haley was a writer, but he wasn't a historian; Manning Marable, the author of this new biography, is a historian who possesses only workman-like writing skills. I love the topic, so I love the book. When it was published, it was reputed to be highly controversial, but that's mostly hype. There are some interesting nuggets in there, though, which we didn't previously know about Malcolm X. Here are my three favorites:
1 -- Was second cousins with Malcolm Jamal Warner
2 -- As a young adult living in Boston, once nailed Lola Falana after a J. Geils concert at the
Beacon Theater
3 -- Until his later conversion to genuine Islam, he always claimed he hated white people; yet, he
loved frozen yogurt
Okay, okay, okay -- the preseason is mercifully over. Let's Stay the Course! We Have Enough! Fifteen Strong! Let's Get It On! Season starts Sunday in Dallas -- if you need me before then, I'll be calibrating my DVR so I make sure to miss Dallas' championship banner ceremony before the game. I've still never seen evidence that they actually won the title - and I'm going to keep it that way. Happy Holidays, everybody!!!
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Sunday, December 18, 2011
Heat 118 Magic 85 (preseason)
6 Thoughts
1) I don't know how it's going elsewhere around the league, but all the people who claimed that the NBA suffered irreparable damage from the lockout, and that it would take fans a looong time to come back, were spot on. In Miami, they only had nine thousand people on a week night for a intersquad scrimmage, and then had a full house at tonight's exhibition game. So, it took, well, maybe about ten days for everyone to come back. A quick Dos tonight, just trying to get some rhythm going, get my sweat on, get some shots up. Don't want to go too hard, too early - (let's go).
2) Actually, I know one place where it's not going real well, and thaaaat's Orlando. Not. Real. Well! Their best player, Dwight Howard, wants to be traded to...well, pretty much anywhere that's not Orlando. We've done this here before, but let's list the positives and negatives about Orlando as a place to live. Positives: none. Negatives: everything. Why wouldn't he want to be traded? I'm tired of it - he's whining that he wants to be traded, Orlando's whining that they want to keep him (especially their obnoxious GM Otis Smith, who constantly takes shots at the Heat). Trade him anywhere. He's a great player, wherever he is, Miami, or anyone else, will have to beat him to win a title. It's not, like, the end of everything if he gets traded. Oh, I mean, it's not the end of everything, except for Otis Smith and the entire Orlando franchise! Sorry dudes! See you in the lottery!
3) There was a game tonight, kind of. Both teams played their starters three quarters - Miami led by 20 or so after three. Then Miami put in its roster camp invitees, most of whom have no chance to make the team, Orlando left its starters in, sans Howard, and the lead suddenly ballooned to 37! Is that it? Is it over? Are we the champs? No? Oh, that was just a practice game. Damn -- thought we had wrapped the title up early...
4) LeBron, sort of, worked on his post game. But he still doesn't seem to understand the fundamental point of being down on the block. One, you can try to score from in close. Two, you can make the other team double team you, then find open people. Too often, he catches it, gives one shimmy, then fades away for a tough jumper that he can make because he is a freak. But there are better, more rhythmic, options. He has to be willing to hold the ball, and start to back people down. Overall, it was a positive development that he even went down there with some frequency - at a minimum, it changes the angle of attack somewhat, and gives the defense something else to think about. He made a couple of nice passes, including one sweet flip to a cutting Udonis Haslem, who missed the layup. We'll see how dedicated to it LeBron is when the real games start - can't hurt to practice it. They aren't going to play a game that truly matters until the playoffs, anyways...
5) Rookie point guard and flavor du jour Norris Cole looked pretty good. He spent a lot of time matched up against butterball-ish Magic backup point guard Chris Duhon, and was able to get up into Duhon's dribble defensively. Like that. Against Magic starter Jameer Nelson, he showed a little inability to get off of screens, but that's to be expected for a young player. I think his best skill is that he pushes the ball up the court, with his head up. He's a really nice ballhandler, unlike Mario Chalmers who treats the ball like a live hand grenade. He's going to get a chance to play. Also, Dexter Pittman went in there and threw his weight around a little - he still looks pretty fat, and slow, but he's fairly good at holding his spot on both ends of the court, and he has nice hands. He's going to get a chance, also. Because the season is going to have so many games, in so few days, everyone is going to get a chance to play. It will be fun to see if either of these two can take advantage of that, and craft a little role for himself.
6) I was planning to answer a question from good friend of the blog Thor down here in #6, but I have misplaced the list of questions he sent me a couple of weeks ago. And by "misplaced," I mean, "deleted the email." Instead, I will make one up for him, then answer it.
"Dear Dos, your last post was all about how the Heat franchise, and this season, is all about family. However, you hate people, are called "mysterious" by me and everyone else who knows you, and you dread going up north to be with your actual family...What gives?"
Dos: "What? That's totally different..."
We play Orlando again later this week in another exhibition game, not sure what day. Then, the real games start on Xmas, in Dallas! Suh-weet! If you need me before then, I'll be watching a porn I've been dying to see, which my friend MM burned and delivered to me over Greek omelettes at the O.P. today. And by "porn," I mean, Ryan Gosling's "Drive." Later!
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1) I don't know how it's going elsewhere around the league, but all the people who claimed that the NBA suffered irreparable damage from the lockout, and that it would take fans a looong time to come back, were spot on. In Miami, they only had nine thousand people on a week night for a intersquad scrimmage, and then had a full house at tonight's exhibition game. So, it took, well, maybe about ten days for everyone to come back. A quick Dos tonight, just trying to get some rhythm going, get my sweat on, get some shots up. Don't want to go too hard, too early - (let's go).
2) Actually, I know one place where it's not going real well, and thaaaat's Orlando. Not. Real. Well! Their best player, Dwight Howard, wants to be traded to...well, pretty much anywhere that's not Orlando. We've done this here before, but let's list the positives and negatives about Orlando as a place to live. Positives: none. Negatives: everything. Why wouldn't he want to be traded? I'm tired of it - he's whining that he wants to be traded, Orlando's whining that they want to keep him (especially their obnoxious GM Otis Smith, who constantly takes shots at the Heat). Trade him anywhere. He's a great player, wherever he is, Miami, or anyone else, will have to beat him to win a title. It's not, like, the end of everything if he gets traded. Oh, I mean, it's not the end of everything, except for Otis Smith and the entire Orlando franchise! Sorry dudes! See you in the lottery!
3) There was a game tonight, kind of. Both teams played their starters three quarters - Miami led by 20 or so after three. Then Miami put in its roster camp invitees, most of whom have no chance to make the team, Orlando left its starters in, sans Howard, and the lead suddenly ballooned to 37! Is that it? Is it over? Are we the champs? No? Oh, that was just a practice game. Damn -- thought we had wrapped the title up early...
4) LeBron, sort of, worked on his post game. But he still doesn't seem to understand the fundamental point of being down on the block. One, you can try to score from in close. Two, you can make the other team double team you, then find open people. Too often, he catches it, gives one shimmy, then fades away for a tough jumper that he can make because he is a freak. But there are better, more rhythmic, options. He has to be willing to hold the ball, and start to back people down. Overall, it was a positive development that he even went down there with some frequency - at a minimum, it changes the angle of attack somewhat, and gives the defense something else to think about. He made a couple of nice passes, including one sweet flip to a cutting Udonis Haslem, who missed the layup. We'll see how dedicated to it LeBron is when the real games start - can't hurt to practice it. They aren't going to play a game that truly matters until the playoffs, anyways...
5) Rookie point guard and flavor du jour Norris Cole looked pretty good. He spent a lot of time matched up against butterball-ish Magic backup point guard Chris Duhon, and was able to get up into Duhon's dribble defensively. Like that. Against Magic starter Jameer Nelson, he showed a little inability to get off of screens, but that's to be expected for a young player. I think his best skill is that he pushes the ball up the court, with his head up. He's a really nice ballhandler, unlike Mario Chalmers who treats the ball like a live hand grenade. He's going to get a chance to play. Also, Dexter Pittman went in there and threw his weight around a little - he still looks pretty fat, and slow, but he's fairly good at holding his spot on both ends of the court, and he has nice hands. He's going to get a chance, also. Because the season is going to have so many games, in so few days, everyone is going to get a chance to play. It will be fun to see if either of these two can take advantage of that, and craft a little role for himself.
6) I was planning to answer a question from good friend of the blog Thor down here in #6, but I have misplaced the list of questions he sent me a couple of weeks ago. And by "misplaced," I mean, "deleted the email." Instead, I will make one up for him, then answer it.
"Dear Dos, your last post was all about how the Heat franchise, and this season, is all about family. However, you hate people, are called "mysterious" by me and everyone else who knows you, and you dread going up north to be with your actual family...What gives?"
Dos: "What? That's totally different..."
We play Orlando again later this week in another exhibition game, not sure what day. Then, the real games start on Xmas, in Dallas! Suh-weet! If you need me before then, I'll be watching a porn I've been dying to see, which my friend MM burned and delivered to me over Greek omelettes at the O.P. today. And by "porn," I mean, Ryan Gosling's "Drive." Later!
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Thursday, December 15, 2011
Heat/Black vs. Heat/White - Preseason scrimmage
6 Thoughts
1) This is what it has come to, this is how popular it all is now - the Heat are now televising their preseason, intersquad scrimmages. That is bizarre; yet, I got more emails about this game than some playoff games last year. People. Are. Fired. Up. This season is going to be crazy -- we are jamming 66 games into a season two months shorter than a regular season. The Heat is going to play games three nights in a row, which never happens in an NBA season. They are going to play four games in five nights, multiple times. Five games in seven nights. Games, games, games! And, all this with a training camp a good three weeks shorter than normal. Ten nights from now, it starts for real in Orlando. So let's get ready to do it, let's get our nerdy-basketball-blog writing kinks out, let's put in some reps...Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to The Shane Battier Show!!!
2) As I said, the season is two months shorter this year, thanks to the lockout. But it is going to feel longer. Why? Well, for one, the schedule is going to be jam-packed with games -- to compensate, we'll probably do some shorter game posts, maybe have some guest writers, and maybe take a night or two off. But the biggest reason the season is going to feel longer? Because new Miami Heat forward Shane Battier is never, ever, going to stop talking. He talked at length to our boy, sideline reporter extraordinaire, Jason Jackson on the pre-game show. He talked at length to Chris Bosh on the bench during the game (probably went like this: "Blah, blah, blah, blahaha." "Blah?" "Yes - blah, blah, blobbyblob, blah.") He talked at length to steady Eric Reid and The Coach, Tony Fiorentino, after the game. And he isn't just doing "basketball talk" - he listens to the question, thinks about it, then gives a well-reasoned response in multiple-paragraph form. He really, really, really had a lot to say...for someone who didn't even dress for the game, because he is out with a mild quadriceps strain, which he felt twinge during practice yesterday, but now he feels fine, but is being cautious with it, but will return to practice on Saturday...You know how I know all this? BECAUSE SHANE BATTIER SAID SO!!! Look - all we want you to say is that you are excited to be here, and you are looking forward to the season. GOODNESS GRACIOUS, SHANE BATTIER!!! This is going to be a long, long season!
3) Speaking of injuries, a surprisingly charming Eddy Curry, who is trying out for the team on a minimum contract after missing the better part of the last three years because he was woefully overweight, has missed most of training camp with a hip flexor problem. That can happen when you blow yourself up to four hundred pounds by eating a steady diet of Now and Laters (I didn't make that up). He assured Jax that he was being "precautious" with the injury, making sure he was feeling prehealthy before going back out on the prefloor. Jax also asked him what it was about the Heat organization that made him want to come down here to try out for the team. I'm guessing one major factor was that they asked him. Also, empanadas.
4) Worst moment of the game: Midway through the first quarter when Dwyane Wade drove the lane, went up for a shot, and took an extremely hard foul from the ageless Juwan Howard, back for his eightieth year in the NBA. Juwan was taking the short term view of the season -- I knock this Wade guy out, my team definitely has a chance to win this scrimmage. Then, on about the next six trips down the court, Howard went all "Iso-Juwan" on offense, with (very) mixed results. Juwan rarely plays, but when he does, M.Minutos (welcome back M.Minutos!) likes to point out that he has no sense of self, ability, time, score, teammates, or anything else that would help you to make good decisions on a basketball court. On the positive side of the ledger - still looks absolutely terrific. Staying young, Big Fella!
5) Okay, one basketball note, everyone is going to be talking about it, so we might as well address it. Everyone already is talking about it. Rookie point guard, Norris Cole, drafted late in the first round, looked good. Let's all reign it in a little, though -- guys drafted late in the first round rarely amount to anything. That's just fact. And Norris Cole is a smallish point guard. Worse, he doesn't possess elite athleticism - he's more of a "B" athlete. And his jump shot is flawed -- has a weird, step-in catapult release. Those three things together generally spell disaster for an NBA career. And, yet, there was a little something about him...He's old for a rookie because he spent four years in college, and it showed - he looked mature, he had his head up when he dribbled, he found creases in the defense and kicked out to open shooters, and he made runners. He looked committed to pushing the ball up the court, as well - always a positive. You don't have to be a great athlete to push the ball up the court and create open shots in transition - Andre Miller is one of the best fast-break point guards in basketball, and he can't outrun me. Look, Norris Cole can't ever be a star - he's not a good enough athlete. But can he be serviceable? I don't know. But he looked sharp tonight. I can guarantee you there is already an outcry for him to supplant Emcee Chalmers as the starter. That's absurd (and it is also a low, low bar); but, let's keep our eye on him.
5.5) Midway through the third quarter, Cole eyed a wide open three, but turned it down, passing the ball away. "Yeah, his jump shot is awkward, and he doesn't want to shoot threes," I told M.Minutos. Next time down the court, an open three presented itself and he knocked it down without hesitation. Two trips later, same thing. Improved confidence from the rookie? No - all me. Reverse jinx in midseason form, just two and half quarters into a preseason scrimmage! The lockout didn't hurt me at all, I have not lost a step!!!
6) To that po-lice who gave me a speeding ticket in Pompano Beach last week? One, I lied to you, I am not sorry at all that I was speeding. Two, I'm not paying the ticket, you right-wing, fascist errand-boy. Three, you did kind of have a nice motorcyle, that was kind of cool. Happy Holidays, Robodouche!
There is an exhibition game Saturday night against Orlando. I find it hard to believe that I will watch it and then write about it, but you never know. More likely to have a definitive season preview some time next week. If you need me before then, I'm revising my Christmas list to move the noise-cancelling headphones to the very top -- it is going to take all the technology our greatest audio minds have to offer to drown out this Shane Battier! See you later!
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1) This is what it has come to, this is how popular it all is now - the Heat are now televising their preseason, intersquad scrimmages. That is bizarre; yet, I got more emails about this game than some playoff games last year. People. Are. Fired. Up. This season is going to be crazy -- we are jamming 66 games into a season two months shorter than a regular season. The Heat is going to play games three nights in a row, which never happens in an NBA season. They are going to play four games in five nights, multiple times. Five games in seven nights. Games, games, games! And, all this with a training camp a good three weeks shorter than normal. Ten nights from now, it starts for real in Orlando. So let's get ready to do it, let's get our nerdy-basketball-blog writing kinks out, let's put in some reps...Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to The Shane Battier Show!!!
2) As I said, the season is two months shorter this year, thanks to the lockout. But it is going to feel longer. Why? Well, for one, the schedule is going to be jam-packed with games -- to compensate, we'll probably do some shorter game posts, maybe have some guest writers, and maybe take a night or two off. But the biggest reason the season is going to feel longer? Because new Miami Heat forward Shane Battier is never, ever, going to stop talking. He talked at length to our boy, sideline reporter extraordinaire, Jason Jackson on the pre-game show. He talked at length to Chris Bosh on the bench during the game (probably went like this: "Blah, blah, blah, blahaha." "Blah?" "Yes - blah, blah, blobbyblob, blah.") He talked at length to steady Eric Reid and The Coach, Tony Fiorentino, after the game. And he isn't just doing "basketball talk" - he listens to the question, thinks about it, then gives a well-reasoned response in multiple-paragraph form. He really, really, really had a lot to say...for someone who didn't even dress for the game, because he is out with a mild quadriceps strain, which he felt twinge during practice yesterday, but now he feels fine, but is being cautious with it, but will return to practice on Saturday...You know how I know all this? BECAUSE SHANE BATTIER SAID SO!!! Look - all we want you to say is that you are excited to be here, and you are looking forward to the season. GOODNESS GRACIOUS, SHANE BATTIER!!! This is going to be a long, long season!
3) Speaking of injuries, a surprisingly charming Eddy Curry, who is trying out for the team on a minimum contract after missing the better part of the last three years because he was woefully overweight, has missed most of training camp with a hip flexor problem. That can happen when you blow yourself up to four hundred pounds by eating a steady diet of Now and Laters (I didn't make that up). He assured Jax that he was being "precautious" with the injury, making sure he was feeling prehealthy before going back out on the prefloor. Jax also asked him what it was about the Heat organization that made him want to come down here to try out for the team. I'm guessing one major factor was that they asked him. Also, empanadas.
4) Worst moment of the game: Midway through the first quarter when Dwyane Wade drove the lane, went up for a shot, and took an extremely hard foul from the ageless Juwan Howard, back for his eightieth year in the NBA. Juwan was taking the short term view of the season -- I knock this Wade guy out, my team definitely has a chance to win this scrimmage. Then, on about the next six trips down the court, Howard went all "Iso-Juwan" on offense, with (very) mixed results. Juwan rarely plays, but when he does, M.Minutos (welcome back M.Minutos!) likes to point out that he has no sense of self, ability, time, score, teammates, or anything else that would help you to make good decisions on a basketball court. On the positive side of the ledger - still looks absolutely terrific. Staying young, Big Fella!
5) Okay, one basketball note, everyone is going to be talking about it, so we might as well address it. Everyone already is talking about it. Rookie point guard, Norris Cole, drafted late in the first round, looked good. Let's all reign it in a little, though -- guys drafted late in the first round rarely amount to anything. That's just fact. And Norris Cole is a smallish point guard. Worse, he doesn't possess elite athleticism - he's more of a "B" athlete. And his jump shot is flawed -- has a weird, step-in catapult release. Those three things together generally spell disaster for an NBA career. And, yet, there was a little something about him...He's old for a rookie because he spent four years in college, and it showed - he looked mature, he had his head up when he dribbled, he found creases in the defense and kicked out to open shooters, and he made runners. He looked committed to pushing the ball up the court, as well - always a positive. You don't have to be a great athlete to push the ball up the court and create open shots in transition - Andre Miller is one of the best fast-break point guards in basketball, and he can't outrun me. Look, Norris Cole can't ever be a star - he's not a good enough athlete. But can he be serviceable? I don't know. But he looked sharp tonight. I can guarantee you there is already an outcry for him to supplant Emcee Chalmers as the starter. That's absurd (and it is also a low, low bar); but, let's keep our eye on him.
5.5) Midway through the third quarter, Cole eyed a wide open three, but turned it down, passing the ball away. "Yeah, his jump shot is awkward, and he doesn't want to shoot threes," I told M.Minutos. Next time down the court, an open three presented itself and he knocked it down without hesitation. Two trips later, same thing. Improved confidence from the rookie? No - all me. Reverse jinx in midseason form, just two and half quarters into a preseason scrimmage! The lockout didn't hurt me at all, I have not lost a step!!!
6) To that po-lice who gave me a speeding ticket in Pompano Beach last week? One, I lied to you, I am not sorry at all that I was speeding. Two, I'm not paying the ticket, you right-wing, fascist errand-boy. Three, you did kind of have a nice motorcyle, that was kind of cool. Happy Holidays, Robodouche!
There is an exhibition game Saturday night against Orlando. I find it hard to believe that I will watch it and then write about it, but you never know. More likely to have a definitive season preview some time next week. If you need me before then, I'm revising my Christmas list to move the noise-cancelling headphones to the very top -- it is going to take all the technology our greatest audio minds have to offer to drown out this Shane Battier! See you later!
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Sunday, December 11, 2011
Season Preview pt. I
6 Thoughts
1) Ahh, what a difference a year (plus a couple of locked-out months) makes! Training camp has opened - and last year, Miami's training camp was a zoo. Every practice, every comment, every preseason game, every pass, every shot, every time Joel Anthony grabbed a rebound only to watch it squirt inexplicably skyward, became fodder for debate, argument, analysis, speculation, etc. Not just in Miami, but nationally. ESPN created an entire webpage, staffed by a team of writers, just to cover the Heat, and left its normal staff and coverage for the other 29 teams. And, it never subsided, not for one moment, during the entire season, in which a Heat team which everyone claimed was mismatched, ill-coached, selfish, and evil, got to within a couple of soft fourth quarters from LeBron from winning the title. It was annoying, thrilling, agonizing, joyous - it was probably the most eventful, exciting, and significant season any NBA team has ever played. It was all about chaos. From beginning to end, that is what the season was about: chaos. But this year is different - it's a whole different vibe, at least locally, and to large degree, nationally, as other NBA controversies have stolen the interweb stories away from Miami. This year it isn't about chaos - refreshingly, the biggest offseason news is our boy Jax's report that the Heat will sport new uniforms this year. This year is about Family - because that is how the Heat organization does it. The Fam! Run by my dad, Mr. Pat Riley! Mr. LeBron James, shall we do it, shall we "Let's Go?" Yes, we shall. Let's do what we do!
2) So who is back? The Fam is back! And we've added to it! So obviously, Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem (sans braids!) are back. They started with Miami, have been here their entire careers, and though in years past each could have gone to bigger markets, and made more money, they've stayed, and they are the bedrock of the team. LeBron and Bosh are back, too, obviously, to try to help Dwyane, UD, and me win that second title. Again, LeBron and Bosh each passed on larger markets, and bigger dollars, to join The Fam. UD and Wade are like the cool older brothers who are awesome at basketball, have fake ids, and and lost their virginity at 14 (by winning an NBA title in their third season). LeBron and Bosh - they aren't Fam, exactly, but they live down the block and grew up coming down to our corner to play ball in the street, stay over for dinner, and spend endless hours lying in the grass outside drinking beer and wasting time (oops - that last part might have been my neighbor G and me). They aren't Fam by blood - but they are Fam by choice, by love...Which is different from how other franchises operate. Look at how the Lakers do - they've spent the past couple of weeks trying to trade Pau Gasol, only their best player in the last two NBA Finals that they won, and Lamar Odom, for Chris Paul, an outstanding, but somewhat gimpy-kneed point guard. When that didn't work, they iced Odom to Dallas, for nothing, and now will try to swap Gasol and Bynum to Orlando for Dwight Howard. Thanks for the titles, Pau and Lamar: now get to steppin'! Dallas won the championship last year, and declined to re-sign their second most important player in that run, Tyson Chandler, who walked to New York. They're breaking up their family after one season! Cold, Mark Cuban, cold! New York, in turn, did Chauncey Billups dirty by trading for him in the Melo deal last season (ripping him out of his hometown of Denver), but then jettisoning him this week to sign the aforementioned Chandler. Thanks for the twenty games of memories, Mr. Big Shots! Boston has been shopping their all star point guard Rajon Rondo for a season and a half...These are how other NBA teams do business - this is not how Miami does business. We win as a Family; we lose as a Family. Maybe that's bad business sense, or bad basketball sense, whatever, but down here, for now, that's how it's done. The Fam.
3) Also back, Emcee Mario Chalmers, three years, about four million per. He was a restricted free agent. There wasn't what you would call "overwhelming interest" in him, but Miami gave him a reasonable deal to return. He's forty percent loony tunes, but showed some significant mettle in last year's playoffs. In the end, he's the wacky and exasperating younger brother - he might be annoying, but he's still your brother...Also, other available options were even worse! James Jones is back as well - took three years at about the veteran's minimum. He, too, surely could have gone elsewhere, but opted to return to his hometown for less money, and less playing time. Lost in the cacophony of the Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller injuries last season, which probably cost Miami the championship, was James Jones' broken toe suffered during the playoffs. That left Miami out of backup wings in the Finals. With Miller and UD out, Jones stepped in and was terrific against Boston in the second round - shot the ball well, and while he is limited athletically, he competes defensively and always knows where to be on the court. He's a solid professional who you can throw out there at any time and feel that he won't kill you. He's like a great cousin - you don't hang around with him a lot, but when you do, you know you will have a solid time. Joel Anthony returns for another slippery year of hijinks, and Mike Miller survived being waived when it turned out his salary slot was not going to be enough to sign anyone better than he is, potentially - center Sam Dalembert was the target, but his asking price appears too high. Miller spent all summer getting in the best shape of his life, according to "sources" (him), only to have hernia surgery four weeks ago. He needs to hurry up and get healthy, so he can get back out there and get injured again! Joel's our original guy - he has a specific skill set which is really only valuable to Miami. He's Family. And Miller is UD's best friend, and close to LeBron - other teams might have waxed him to save money, but Miami's keeping him, at least for now, because he runs with The Fam.
4) So, who is new? Oh, no - backup forward Shane Battier! He went to Duke: strike one. He once severely injured Dwyane Wade (tore his shoulder out of its socket for no apparent reason), causing Dwyane to miss half a year, and throwing the entire Heat franchise into disarray for several seasons: strike two. And if there is anyone in the league who can out-talk Chris Bosh about every moment of a basketball season, and is willing to do it over-and-over-and-over in the media, it's Shane Battier: strike three! At least the Heat's debate team is going to be super-strong this year! The positives? One, he took below-market dollars to come here, which was all Miami had to spend due to the new collective bargaining agreement. Why? It figures: he's good friends with Heat owner Mr. Arison's son Nick (now a Heat executive). They went to Duke together. Two, basketball-wise, he is a solid, veteran defensive player. He's lost some quickness, but he knows how to play defense and is willing to take tough assignments, sparing LeBron and Dwyane minutes on tougher scorers. Also, he can make a corner three, and he doesn't figure to be overwhelmed by all the scrutiny this team is always under. Three, big Republican guy (though he did a Powell-esque flop to Obama in the last election). When the Republicans win this next election, at least we will have someone on this team psyched to meet Newt Gingrich at the White House, if we ever manage to win a title...I'm not gonna say Battier is Fam - he's more like the son of your mom's best friend, the one who is perfect - gets straight As, is a concert pianist, captain of the Water Polo team, and has a smart and beautiful girlfriend; while you can't make it to class, got cut from the basketball team because you missed six practices in a row to smoke weed in the parking lot with your townie friends, and tell everyone at school that you have a girlfriend, but that she lives in another town, and the only times you are able to see her are, coincidentally, the exact same times that no one from your school is around to verify her actual existence, ever. Even worse, when you have to hang out with this Battier kid, he's not condescending at all - he's super nice to you. So, overall, while I am not a Battier fan, he is a good guy to know, and to have on your team, I guess.
5) Who is gone? Well, Z retired and Jamal Magloire did the same, essentially, by signing with Toronto. Erick Dampier won't be back. There were a lot of rumors he has a fondness for the sticky-icky, which didn't leave a lot of time for basketball. Those departures were expected, and they don't really hurt the team. But you know what does hurt the team? NOT BRINGING BACK MIKE BIBBY, ONLY MY FAVORITE POINT GUARD IN THE HISTORY OF BASKETBALL!!! Yes, his prime ended in 2004; yes, he had, arguably, the worst collective post-season of any player in sports history last year - as we've pointed out, his highlight was throwing a towel during an opponent's free throw; yes, he seemed disengaged, uncomfortable, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat unlikable during his time here. Still, HE'S MIKE BIBBY!!! And guess where he's signing: THE KNICKS! MY LEAST-FAVORITE TEAM EVER! Please, someone, wake me up from this nightmare...
6) Movie Review: The movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. I don't remember the name, even though I watched it last night. First of all, let me say, someone reviewed this movie to me when it came out by saying, "Oh my God - you already are exactly like Woody Harreleson, and now, in this movie, he plays a loud, aggressively gay writer who loves sports! The only difference between you and this character is that you are much gayer!" Thanks for that - great review. I liked this movie. Started off a little too "Moonlight-y" for me, with snappy repartee and witty banter flying about like - well, kind of like at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, when The Captain and I are supposed to be working! It became frustrating quickly. Hey, Justin Timberlake, here's an idea: STOP TALKING FOR ONE SECOND AND HAVE SEX WITH MILA KUNIS!!! When they finally did get to it, the movie improved - no matter who was on top, it was a pretty good view! Finally, the film made great use of a running Third Eye Blind/Semisonic joke. It's funny because both bands were semi-lame late 90s early 2000s pop rock stars for teenage girls, and dudes who don't like cool music, right? I mean, it would be totally lame if a dude still had every Third Eye Blind album in his ipod, knows all the words to "Jumper," and once watched a six year old repeat of a Third Eye Blind concert on HDNet in its entirety (Mark Cuban's channel, by the way - there probably isn't any family programming on that network). I mean, that would be outrageously pitiful, right? Right!
We will come back in a few days with Part II of the season preview, probably. Until then, if you need me, I'll be on youtube, learning how to play songs on my guitar by watching my boy Marty Schwartz, which I've been doing all fall. I really wish you would step off that ledge, my friend!
1) Ahh, what a difference a year (plus a couple of locked-out months) makes! Training camp has opened - and last year, Miami's training camp was a zoo. Every practice, every comment, every preseason game, every pass, every shot, every time Joel Anthony grabbed a rebound only to watch it squirt inexplicably skyward, became fodder for debate, argument, analysis, speculation, etc. Not just in Miami, but nationally. ESPN created an entire webpage, staffed by a team of writers, just to cover the Heat, and left its normal staff and coverage for the other 29 teams. And, it never subsided, not for one moment, during the entire season, in which a Heat team which everyone claimed was mismatched, ill-coached, selfish, and evil, got to within a couple of soft fourth quarters from LeBron from winning the title. It was annoying, thrilling, agonizing, joyous - it was probably the most eventful, exciting, and significant season any NBA team has ever played. It was all about chaos. From beginning to end, that is what the season was about: chaos. But this year is different - it's a whole different vibe, at least locally, and to large degree, nationally, as other NBA controversies have stolen the interweb stories away from Miami. This year it isn't about chaos - refreshingly, the biggest offseason news is our boy Jax's report that the Heat will sport new uniforms this year. This year is about Family - because that is how the Heat organization does it. The Fam! Run by my dad, Mr. Pat Riley! Mr. LeBron James, shall we do it, shall we "Let's Go?" Yes, we shall. Let's do what we do!
2) So who is back? The Fam is back! And we've added to it! So obviously, Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem (sans braids!) are back. They started with Miami, have been here their entire careers, and though in years past each could have gone to bigger markets, and made more money, they've stayed, and they are the bedrock of the team. LeBron and Bosh are back, too, obviously, to try to help Dwyane, UD, and me win that second title. Again, LeBron and Bosh each passed on larger markets, and bigger dollars, to join The Fam. UD and Wade are like the cool older brothers who are awesome at basketball, have fake ids, and and lost their virginity at 14 (by winning an NBA title in their third season). LeBron and Bosh - they aren't Fam, exactly, but they live down the block and grew up coming down to our corner to play ball in the street, stay over for dinner, and spend endless hours lying in the grass outside drinking beer and wasting time (oops - that last part might have been my neighbor G and me). They aren't Fam by blood - but they are Fam by choice, by love...Which is different from how other franchises operate. Look at how the Lakers do - they've spent the past couple of weeks trying to trade Pau Gasol, only their best player in the last two NBA Finals that they won, and Lamar Odom, for Chris Paul, an outstanding, but somewhat gimpy-kneed point guard. When that didn't work, they iced Odom to Dallas, for nothing, and now will try to swap Gasol and Bynum to Orlando for Dwight Howard. Thanks for the titles, Pau and Lamar: now get to steppin'! Dallas won the championship last year, and declined to re-sign their second most important player in that run, Tyson Chandler, who walked to New York. They're breaking up their family after one season! Cold, Mark Cuban, cold! New York, in turn, did Chauncey Billups dirty by trading for him in the Melo deal last season (ripping him out of his hometown of Denver), but then jettisoning him this week to sign the aforementioned Chandler. Thanks for the twenty games of memories, Mr. Big Shots! Boston has been shopping their all star point guard Rajon Rondo for a season and a half...These are how other NBA teams do business - this is not how Miami does business. We win as a Family; we lose as a Family. Maybe that's bad business sense, or bad basketball sense, whatever, but down here, for now, that's how it's done. The Fam.
3) Also back, Emcee Mario Chalmers, three years, about four million per. He was a restricted free agent. There wasn't what you would call "overwhelming interest" in him, but Miami gave him a reasonable deal to return. He's forty percent loony tunes, but showed some significant mettle in last year's playoffs. In the end, he's the wacky and exasperating younger brother - he might be annoying, but he's still your brother...Also, other available options were even worse! James Jones is back as well - took three years at about the veteran's minimum. He, too, surely could have gone elsewhere, but opted to return to his hometown for less money, and less playing time. Lost in the cacophony of the Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller injuries last season, which probably cost Miami the championship, was James Jones' broken toe suffered during the playoffs. That left Miami out of backup wings in the Finals. With Miller and UD out, Jones stepped in and was terrific against Boston in the second round - shot the ball well, and while he is limited athletically, he competes defensively and always knows where to be on the court. He's a solid professional who you can throw out there at any time and feel that he won't kill you. He's like a great cousin - you don't hang around with him a lot, but when you do, you know you will have a solid time. Joel Anthony returns for another slippery year of hijinks, and Mike Miller survived being waived when it turned out his salary slot was not going to be enough to sign anyone better than he is, potentially - center Sam Dalembert was the target, but his asking price appears too high. Miller spent all summer getting in the best shape of his life, according to "sources" (him), only to have hernia surgery four weeks ago. He needs to hurry up and get healthy, so he can get back out there and get injured again! Joel's our original guy - he has a specific skill set which is really only valuable to Miami. He's Family. And Miller is UD's best friend, and close to LeBron - other teams might have waxed him to save money, but Miami's keeping him, at least for now, because he runs with The Fam.
4) So, who is new? Oh, no - backup forward Shane Battier! He went to Duke: strike one. He once severely injured Dwyane Wade (tore his shoulder out of its socket for no apparent reason), causing Dwyane to miss half a year, and throwing the entire Heat franchise into disarray for several seasons: strike two. And if there is anyone in the league who can out-talk Chris Bosh about every moment of a basketball season, and is willing to do it over-and-over-and-over in the media, it's Shane Battier: strike three! At least the Heat's debate team is going to be super-strong this year! The positives? One, he took below-market dollars to come here, which was all Miami had to spend due to the new collective bargaining agreement. Why? It figures: he's good friends with Heat owner Mr. Arison's son Nick (now a Heat executive). They went to Duke together. Two, basketball-wise, he is a solid, veteran defensive player. He's lost some quickness, but he knows how to play defense and is willing to take tough assignments, sparing LeBron and Dwyane minutes on tougher scorers. Also, he can make a corner three, and he doesn't figure to be overwhelmed by all the scrutiny this team is always under. Three, big Republican guy (though he did a Powell-esque flop to Obama in the last election). When the Republicans win this next election, at least we will have someone on this team psyched to meet Newt Gingrich at the White House, if we ever manage to win a title...I'm not gonna say Battier is Fam - he's more like the son of your mom's best friend, the one who is perfect - gets straight As, is a concert pianist, captain of the Water Polo team, and has a smart and beautiful girlfriend; while you can't make it to class, got cut from the basketball team because you missed six practices in a row to smoke weed in the parking lot with your townie friends, and tell everyone at school that you have a girlfriend, but that she lives in another town, and the only times you are able to see her are, coincidentally, the exact same times that no one from your school is around to verify her actual existence, ever. Even worse, when you have to hang out with this Battier kid, he's not condescending at all - he's super nice to you. So, overall, while I am not a Battier fan, he is a good guy to know, and to have on your team, I guess.
5) Who is gone? Well, Z retired and Jamal Magloire did the same, essentially, by signing with Toronto. Erick Dampier won't be back. There were a lot of rumors he has a fondness for the sticky-icky, which didn't leave a lot of time for basketball. Those departures were expected, and they don't really hurt the team. But you know what does hurt the team? NOT BRINGING BACK MIKE BIBBY, ONLY MY FAVORITE POINT GUARD IN THE HISTORY OF BASKETBALL!!! Yes, his prime ended in 2004; yes, he had, arguably, the worst collective post-season of any player in sports history last year - as we've pointed out, his highlight was throwing a towel during an opponent's free throw; yes, he seemed disengaged, uncomfortable, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat unlikable during his time here. Still, HE'S MIKE BIBBY!!! And guess where he's signing: THE KNICKS! MY LEAST-FAVORITE TEAM EVER! Please, someone, wake me up from this nightmare...
6) Movie Review: The movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. I don't remember the name, even though I watched it last night. First of all, let me say, someone reviewed this movie to me when it came out by saying, "Oh my God - you already are exactly like Woody Harreleson, and now, in this movie, he plays a loud, aggressively gay writer who loves sports! The only difference between you and this character is that you are much gayer!" Thanks for that - great review. I liked this movie. Started off a little too "Moonlight-y" for me, with snappy repartee and witty banter flying about like - well, kind of like at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, when The Captain and I are supposed to be working! It became frustrating quickly. Hey, Justin Timberlake, here's an idea: STOP TALKING FOR ONE SECOND AND HAVE SEX WITH MILA KUNIS!!! When they finally did get to it, the movie improved - no matter who was on top, it was a pretty good view! Finally, the film made great use of a running Third Eye Blind/Semisonic joke. It's funny because both bands were semi-lame late 90s early 2000s pop rock stars for teenage girls, and dudes who don't like cool music, right? I mean, it would be totally lame if a dude still had every Third Eye Blind album in his ipod, knows all the words to "Jumper," and once watched a six year old repeat of a Third Eye Blind concert on HDNet in its entirety (Mark Cuban's channel, by the way - there probably isn't any family programming on that network). I mean, that would be outrageously pitiful, right? Right!
We will come back in a few days with Part II of the season preview, probably. Until then, if you need me, I'll be on youtube, learning how to play songs on my guitar by watching my boy Marty Schwartz, which I've been doing all fall. I really wish you would step off that ledge, my friend!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Lockout Is Over!
6 Thoughts
1) Well, he did it. I don't know how my dad, Pat Riley, snuck in there and ended this lockout for all of us without attracting any attention - that's almost impossible in our twittery-googlish society - but he did it. We're good to go, with games scheduled to begin on Christmas Day - Miami will be in Dallas, to watch the Mavs receive their rings. That's brutal - but thanks to tivo I'll never see it, just like I never saw Dallas actually win the title, because I turned the game off a few moments before the final buzzer. For all I know, the Heat came back and won the championship. Anyways, we'll have some season-y preview-y stuff as we get closer to starting the games, but for now, here's what you need to know. C'mon, LeBron James, let's get it...Let's Go!
2) Nothing will really change for Miami this season. At times during the lockout, there existed the possibility that the new collective bargaining agreement would contain rules which would lead to Miami having to alter the structure of the team, perhaps even having to jettison one of the Big Three. And by "one of the Big Three," I think we all know I mean, "Chris Bosh." That didn't happen. No matter what does happen during the abbreviated free agency period which begins December 9, essentially Miami is going to use the exact same formula they used last year - try to win a title with Dwyane, LeBron, and Bosh providing the bulk of the scoring, rebounding, and defending. The role players may change some, but championship or no championship is going to come down to those three. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't - I don't think you could say it can't work. They were pretty darn close last year...
3) "Samuel Dalembert" is going to be trending in Miami for the next two to three weeks, until he signs a contract elsewhere. A lot of people think that this Sacramento King free agent center is going to sign in Miami for the new mid-level exception, like 4 years for 20 million. I don't think this will happen - I think Sacramento will keep him for more money than Miami can offer. People seem to think that Dalembert wants to sign in Miami because, one, he has a house in Boca; and two, Miami is closer to his native Haiti than Sacramento. Half the NBA has a house in South Florida. And Miami is closer to Haiti than Sacramento, yes. But there's, like, an ocean in between, and he'll be working during the season - it's not like he's going to be able to pop home for dinner. He's a solid rebounder and defender - I'm not going to complain if somehow Miami ends up with him - but if Udonis Haslem is back healthy this year, that goes a long way to addressing the front court rotation without having to spend all your available money on Dalembert. On the other hand, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid is a huge Sam Dalembert fan - never fails to point out how excited the South Florida Haitian community gets whenever Sammy returns to play in Miami! My former co-worker GD grew up in Haiti - "Hey, GD, how do you feel about Haiti's favorite son, Sam Dalembert, potentially joining the Heat?" "Sam Dalembert is Haitian?" So there's that...Also, it would be nice to have a starting center who doesn't naturally ooze dairy products from his pores...
4) Mike Miller put his house on the market a few weeks ago. It's been assumed for months that there would be an "amnesty clause" in the new CBA, allowing each team to waive one existing player without having that player's remaining salary count against its salary cap. Miller, who signed a five year deal before last season, had the most injury-plagued season I've ever seen a human being experience: broke one thumb at the beginning of training camp, then the other thumb at the end of the season; in between, suffered back-to-back concussions in a ten day span, sprained his ankle, and suffered a shoulder injury which required post-season shoulder surgery. If he's healthy, he's a big help - he can shoot, and he rebounds well for a wing. But last year he was essentially worthless. Rumors are that Miami let him know weeks ago that they would probably have to amnesty him to free up money to bring in more help, prompting him to put his house up for sale - sweet house, too:
He lives, for some reason, in North Broward, not too far from me. It's on the market for like nine million dollars - thinking of making a lowball offer of about $370,000, with an escalation clause which could push it north of $400,000. 'Course, if I go over $400K, I'm asking him to pay some of the closing costs. May not sound like a great offer to him right now, but if he has to pack and move in a hurry to, say, Portland, having an offer already on the table could look pretty sweet.
5) If I had to guess, I think the starting day point guard will be Tracy McGrady. Yes, that Tracy McGrady - he's still alive! Sort of! First, I think Mario Chalmers, who is a restricted free agent, is going to leave. He had his moments in the Finals last year, and I think he thinks he is good enough to play a bigger role on another team. I mean, he's not - but he's half-wackadoo, half-unconscious - he doesn't know he's not! See: Beasley, Mike ("This Dwyane Wade is taking all my shots and holding me back!"). Mike Bibby, while arguably my favorite point guard of all-time, even in his current radically-diminished form, isn't really a viable option - I mean, his season highlight was throwing a towel off the bench while Derrick Rose shot a free throw, possibly causing him to be distracted and miss. There aren't any good available free agent point guard on-the-ball defenders available, which is really the only thing they need at that spot (since LeBron is the offensive point guard). They drafted a rookie point guard, Norris Cole, at the top of the second round. That's a flyer, that's just a prayer - you hope maybe he does something...someday. So, I think they are going to end up signing grouchy, old, used-up Tracy McGrady to play the point. He isn't much of a playmaker, his wheels are shot, and even at his peak, his primary skill was bad shot-making, because he either couldn't, or didn't care about, creating good shots - which is not a skill Miami needs at all. His main two selling points? He had a decent season for a terrible and depressing Pistons squad last year, and he thinks he is good. Sounds enticing, I know. I think he starts opening day, with either Bibby, or some other scrap heap veteran backing him up (Jamal Tinsley? TJ Ford?), and rookie Cole as the emergency third option. I'm not advocating any of this, I'm just guessing that this is what will happen. By the way, before free agency last year, I predicted the team would end being Wade, Dalembert, and Andre Iguodala - and I was psyched! - so really, I know nothing.
6) Bradley Cooper is People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. This is news? Ummm, duhhh!!!
Okay, free agency, and training camps, etc, begin December 9th. We'll try to check in around that time. If you need me before then, I'll be out buying kayaks and jet skis - M.Miller's house is right on the coolest little inlet ever!!! Later!
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1) Well, he did it. I don't know how my dad, Pat Riley, snuck in there and ended this lockout for all of us without attracting any attention - that's almost impossible in our twittery-googlish society - but he did it. We're good to go, with games scheduled to begin on Christmas Day - Miami will be in Dallas, to watch the Mavs receive their rings. That's brutal - but thanks to tivo I'll never see it, just like I never saw Dallas actually win the title, because I turned the game off a few moments before the final buzzer. For all I know, the Heat came back and won the championship. Anyways, we'll have some season-y preview-y stuff as we get closer to starting the games, but for now, here's what you need to know. C'mon, LeBron James, let's get it...Let's Go!
2) Nothing will really change for Miami this season. At times during the lockout, there existed the possibility that the new collective bargaining agreement would contain rules which would lead to Miami having to alter the structure of the team, perhaps even having to jettison one of the Big Three. And by "one of the Big Three," I think we all know I mean, "Chris Bosh." That didn't happen. No matter what does happen during the abbreviated free agency period which begins December 9, essentially Miami is going to use the exact same formula they used last year - try to win a title with Dwyane, LeBron, and Bosh providing the bulk of the scoring, rebounding, and defending. The role players may change some, but championship or no championship is going to come down to those three. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't - I don't think you could say it can't work. They were pretty darn close last year...
3) "Samuel Dalembert" is going to be trending in Miami for the next two to three weeks, until he signs a contract elsewhere. A lot of people think that this Sacramento King free agent center is going to sign in Miami for the new mid-level exception, like 4 years for 20 million. I don't think this will happen - I think Sacramento will keep him for more money than Miami can offer. People seem to think that Dalembert wants to sign in Miami because, one, he has a house in Boca; and two, Miami is closer to his native Haiti than Sacramento. Half the NBA has a house in South Florida. And Miami is closer to Haiti than Sacramento, yes. But there's, like, an ocean in between, and he'll be working during the season - it's not like he's going to be able to pop home for dinner. He's a solid rebounder and defender - I'm not going to complain if somehow Miami ends up with him - but if Udonis Haslem is back healthy this year, that goes a long way to addressing the front court rotation without having to spend all your available money on Dalembert. On the other hand, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid is a huge Sam Dalembert fan - never fails to point out how excited the South Florida Haitian community gets whenever Sammy returns to play in Miami! My former co-worker GD grew up in Haiti - "Hey, GD, how do you feel about Haiti's favorite son, Sam Dalembert, potentially joining the Heat?" "Sam Dalembert is Haitian?" So there's that...Also, it would be nice to have a starting center who doesn't naturally ooze dairy products from his pores...
4) Mike Miller put his house on the market a few weeks ago. It's been assumed for months that there would be an "amnesty clause" in the new CBA, allowing each team to waive one existing player without having that player's remaining salary count against its salary cap. Miller, who signed a five year deal before last season, had the most injury-plagued season I've ever seen a human being experience: broke one thumb at the beginning of training camp, then the other thumb at the end of the season; in between, suffered back-to-back concussions in a ten day span, sprained his ankle, and suffered a shoulder injury which required post-season shoulder surgery. If he's healthy, he's a big help - he can shoot, and he rebounds well for a wing. But last year he was essentially worthless. Rumors are that Miami let him know weeks ago that they would probably have to amnesty him to free up money to bring in more help, prompting him to put his house up for sale - sweet house, too:
He lives, for some reason, in North Broward, not too far from me. It's on the market for like nine million dollars - thinking of making a lowball offer of about $370,000, with an escalation clause which could push it north of $400,000. 'Course, if I go over $400K, I'm asking him to pay some of the closing costs. May not sound like a great offer to him right now, but if he has to pack and move in a hurry to, say, Portland, having an offer already on the table could look pretty sweet.
5) If I had to guess, I think the starting day point guard will be Tracy McGrady. Yes, that Tracy McGrady - he's still alive! Sort of! First, I think Mario Chalmers, who is a restricted free agent, is going to leave. He had his moments in the Finals last year, and I think he thinks he is good enough to play a bigger role on another team. I mean, he's not - but he's half-wackadoo, half-unconscious - he doesn't know he's not! See: Beasley, Mike ("This Dwyane Wade is taking all my shots and holding me back!"). Mike Bibby, while arguably my favorite point guard of all-time, even in his current radically-diminished form, isn't really a viable option - I mean, his season highlight was throwing a towel off the bench while Derrick Rose shot a free throw, possibly causing him to be distracted and miss. There aren't any good available free agent point guard on-the-ball defenders available, which is really the only thing they need at that spot (since LeBron is the offensive point guard). They drafted a rookie point guard, Norris Cole, at the top of the second round. That's a flyer, that's just a prayer - you hope maybe he does something...someday. So, I think they are going to end up signing grouchy, old, used-up Tracy McGrady to play the point. He isn't much of a playmaker, his wheels are shot, and even at his peak, his primary skill was bad shot-making, because he either couldn't, or didn't care about, creating good shots - which is not a skill Miami needs at all. His main two selling points? He had a decent season for a terrible and depressing Pistons squad last year, and he thinks he is good. Sounds enticing, I know. I think he starts opening day, with either Bibby, or some other scrap heap veteran backing him up (Jamal Tinsley? TJ Ford?), and rookie Cole as the emergency third option. I'm not advocating any of this, I'm just guessing that this is what will happen. By the way, before free agency last year, I predicted the team would end being Wade, Dalembert, and Andre Iguodala - and I was psyched! - so really, I know nothing.
6) Bradley Cooper is People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. This is news? Ummm, duhhh!!!
Okay, free agency, and training camps, etc, begin December 9th. We'll try to check in around that time. If you need me before then, I'll be out buying kayaks and jet skis - M.Miller's house is right on the coolest little inlet ever!!! Later!
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Monday, October 31, 2011
October/November 2011
"Happy Halloween. I'm dressed as an aging, hoodie-wearing dad drinking a superstrong cocktail in his thermos while walking his kids around the neighborhood. How u?"
6 Thoughts
1) The NBA season is scheduled to start tonight, November 1st. Miami plays the Knicks in The Garden - sweeeeet opener! Stat an' Melo!!! Can't wait! Oddly, not much steam around the season beginning - it's almost like it isn't starting at all...How u?
2) Okay, so the lockout is still going on - there aren't any talks currently scheduled between the owners and the players, so I'm not gonna lie - it seems unlikely Miami is actually going to play in New York tonight. That's okay, that's okay, this thing will be settled at some point and we'll get to it. Sixty percent of the readers of this blog hate basketball anyways. In lockout news, Heat owner - and, like, owner of Israel - Mickey Arison got fined $500,000 for his tweets over the weekend ripping the other NBA owners, in general, and Clippers' owner Donald Sterling, a notorious turd-ass, specifically. His rip on Sterling was the best - a fan tweeted at him something like, "Donald Sterling is a notorious turd-ass, right?," and Arison re-tweeted it with an "lol." Man, that's going to be a little uncomfortable around the NBA Thanksgiving table in a couple of weeks. Mickey Arison is the coolest owner, ever. On general principles, I despise The Man, but Mickey is the best. In fact, in recognition of his coolness, and my respect for him, in this blog henceforth he shall now be referred to only as "Mr. Arison." Mr. Arison never complains about spending to win; the players all seem to love him; most of the other owners - the ones who aren't turd-asses - seem to love him; and, most of all, he hired my dad, Pat Riley, and has stayed out of his way, allowing pops to build this team to championship level, or near-championship level, three different times in fifteen or so years. Thank you, Mr. Arison. Please solve this lockout for your less-cool business partners...
3) Something you can do while the NBA is locked out: Acquire all the DVDs or downloads of this British police procedural called "Luther" and watch them. I hate police/legal procedurals, and I love it; M. Minutos loves them, and she double-loves it. It stars Stringer Bell, from The Wire, and his young partner, English Downey Jr. Lots of grisly British murders committed by otherwise impeccably-mannered psychopaths. Full disclosure: half my peeps are from England, and I love pretty much everything about that country, except Monty Python, and the very, very painfully so-hip-that-he-is-extremely-painfully-unhip Ricky Gervais. Ta.
4) Someone wrote in to ask how The Captain's Troubled White Man's Beard is doing. I am happy to report that it is gone. Yes - it was an awesome beard. Yes - if given the choice, I might have chosen for him to remain troubled and keep the beard. However, I am almost equally happy to report that The Captain has been as carefree as a frivolous young English lass lately, and, predictably, clean-shaven. One of his giddier moments recently occurred when someone complimented a snappy blue and gray shirt and tie combination he was sporting - "very modern," the compliment-giver applauded him. "Yes - you couldn't get colors like this thirty years ago," The Captain pointed out, somewhat immodestly. Blue and gray? Really? Like, in 1980, you might have been describing the ocean to someone, and you would be like, "It was such a clear blue," and the other person would look at you like you were out of your gourd because "blue" hadn't been invented yet? Really? Because I don't remember that at all, I have a somewhat different recollection of the evolution of color description in my lifetime. Still, though, great to see The Captain on top of his game, and looking more handsome than ever, without the beard.
5) Best email this blog has ever received, from a couple of weeks ago, from long-time reader D.S. This is the whole, un-doctored email, by the way:
I once sat in a doctor’s office in Jupiter – in the waiting room was Bryant Gumbel and Brent Musberger – they nodded at each other and never spoke – very strange
6) Best donut: glazed donut. It's a classic, boiling down the donut to the essential sweet-dough-and-sugar formula; it is pretty tough to mess up; and even if it is a bad glazed donut, it's probably still fairly decent. Worst donut: Boston Cream Pie donut. One, it's disgusting; it's totally inedible. Two, too easy to fuck up - could have too much cream in the middle, or not enough, or could be ill-distributed to one small region of the donut. Three, it's not even really a donut - it's more of an eclair, which is also disgusting. You're welcome. The end.
Now that the season is about to be delayed, I kind of miss it. But I don't miss having to write eighty-two game blogs! We'll be back when the lockout ends, if not sooner. Until then, if you need me, I'll be tweeting at Mr. Arison, trying to see if he can buy the closed Krispy Kreme shop near my office and re-open it. If anyone can do it, Mr. Arison can. How u!
6 Thoughts
1) The NBA season is scheduled to start tonight, November 1st. Miami plays the Knicks in The Garden - sweeeeet opener! Stat an' Melo!!! Can't wait! Oddly, not much steam around the season beginning - it's almost like it isn't starting at all...How u?
2) Okay, so the lockout is still going on - there aren't any talks currently scheduled between the owners and the players, so I'm not gonna lie - it seems unlikely Miami is actually going to play in New York tonight. That's okay, that's okay, this thing will be settled at some point and we'll get to it. Sixty percent of the readers of this blog hate basketball anyways. In lockout news, Heat owner - and, like, owner of Israel - Mickey Arison got fined $500,000 for his tweets over the weekend ripping the other NBA owners, in general, and Clippers' owner Donald Sterling, a notorious turd-ass, specifically. His rip on Sterling was the best - a fan tweeted at him something like, "Donald Sterling is a notorious turd-ass, right?," and Arison re-tweeted it with an "lol." Man, that's going to be a little uncomfortable around the NBA Thanksgiving table in a couple of weeks. Mickey Arison is the coolest owner, ever. On general principles, I despise The Man, but Mickey is the best. In fact, in recognition of his coolness, and my respect for him, in this blog henceforth he shall now be referred to only as "Mr. Arison." Mr. Arison never complains about spending to win; the players all seem to love him; most of the other owners - the ones who aren't turd-asses - seem to love him; and, most of all, he hired my dad, Pat Riley, and has stayed out of his way, allowing pops to build this team to championship level, or near-championship level, three different times in fifteen or so years. Thank you, Mr. Arison. Please solve this lockout for your less-cool business partners...
3) Something you can do while the NBA is locked out: Acquire all the DVDs or downloads of this British police procedural called "Luther" and watch them. I hate police/legal procedurals, and I love it; M. Minutos loves them, and she double-loves it. It stars Stringer Bell, from The Wire, and his young partner, English Downey Jr. Lots of grisly British murders committed by otherwise impeccably-mannered psychopaths. Full disclosure: half my peeps are from England, and I love pretty much everything about that country, except Monty Python, and the very, very painfully so-hip-that-he-is-extremely-painfully-unhip Ricky Gervais. Ta.
4) Someone wrote in to ask how The Captain's Troubled White Man's Beard is doing. I am happy to report that it is gone. Yes - it was an awesome beard. Yes - if given the choice, I might have chosen for him to remain troubled and keep the beard. However, I am almost equally happy to report that The Captain has been as carefree as a frivolous young English lass lately, and, predictably, clean-shaven. One of his giddier moments recently occurred when someone complimented a snappy blue and gray shirt and tie combination he was sporting - "very modern," the compliment-giver applauded him. "Yes - you couldn't get colors like this thirty years ago," The Captain pointed out, somewhat immodestly. Blue and gray? Really? Like, in 1980, you might have been describing the ocean to someone, and you would be like, "It was such a clear blue," and the other person would look at you like you were out of your gourd because "blue" hadn't been invented yet? Really? Because I don't remember that at all, I have a somewhat different recollection of the evolution of color description in my lifetime. Still, though, great to see The Captain on top of his game, and looking more handsome than ever, without the beard.
5) Best email this blog has ever received, from a couple of weeks ago, from long-time reader D.S. This is the whole, un-doctored email, by the way:
I once sat in a doctor’s office in Jupiter – in the waiting room was Bryant Gumbel and Brent Musberger – they nodded at each other and never spoke – very strange
6) Best donut: glazed donut. It's a classic, boiling down the donut to the essential sweet-dough-and-sugar formula; it is pretty tough to mess up; and even if it is a bad glazed donut, it's probably still fairly decent. Worst donut: Boston Cream Pie donut. One, it's disgusting; it's totally inedible. Two, too easy to fuck up - could have too much cream in the middle, or not enough, or could be ill-distributed to one small region of the donut. Three, it's not even really a donut - it's more of an eclair, which is also disgusting. You're welcome. The end.
Now that the season is about to be delayed, I kind of miss it. But I don't miss having to write eighty-two game blogs! We'll be back when the lockout ends, if not sooner. Until then, if you need me, I'll be tweeting at Mr. Arison, trying to see if he can buy the closed Krispy Kreme shop near my office and re-open it. If anyone can do it, Mr. Arison can. How u!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
September 2011
What is up? Summer is over, fall is here, and the NBA remains stalemated (stalemet?) in a lockout. Training camps and preseason are now in immediate jeopardy, which is good, because both are super-boring. A lot of people have been expressing concern – not really about the lockout itself, because they could care less. They seem to be more concerned about my well-being. I get a lot of questions which basically boil down to “What are you going to do with all the extra free time, loser?” To be honest, probably nothing productive. But tonight we are going to give you six thoughts! Let's Go!!!
6 Thoughts
1) I am not addicted to Xanax. Yes, I started taking it recently to reduce my anxiety during plane flights, and it worked fairly well. If you have never tried it before, it isn’t nearly as good as marijuana or ecstasy, or most other drugs – you don’t get to that same creamy altered state - but it is definitely better than copious amounts of alcohol, because you don’t have to pee as often. So for flights it works well. I thought about telling a 9/11 joke here, but it probably isn't appropriate. Also, I couldn't think of one. Jesus, I really, really hate flying...
2) You can not will the stigmata in to your body. At least I can’t. I tried, several times, during the summer. Basically I would just lie spread-eagled on my bed, shut my eyes, and try to put my mind in a, umm, stigmatic state. Never worked. Not even too close, really. One time I felt a little scrape on my right ankle, but it was just sand from the beach that O. Minutos had tracked into my bed. Now that I am thinking about it: Is the stigmata good or bad? I’m not too strong on religion, as you know. Like, if a priest gets the stigmata, is he psyched? Bummed? Dead? Not too sure, really. During one of the attempts, M.Minutos asked what I was doing, I told her, and she said, “You realize you’re not even Catholic, right?” Yes – yes, I do. That’s what makes this so difficult…
3) Biggest NBA news of the summer (and it’s not even close): LeBron has finally addressed the many questions about his receding hairline! As readers of this blog know, last season, on numerous occasions, M.Minutos accused LeBron of gradually raising his headband as time went on to disguise his growing forehead. This led to the Casa Minutos game: “Predict which season LeBron will let it go and shave his head.” I still stand by my strong belief that he should have done it before last season – coming to a new team, as a villain (albeit a pretty polite villain, overall), presented the perfect opportunity to get that done. He didn’t, and thus in late August finally had to issue this statement via Twitter:
Had a dream my hairline was back! Woke up and went to bathroom, turned on light slowly. Same old story. Damn! Lol #wishfulthinking
Besides destroying MVP Derrick Rose in the playoffs, this is the best thing LeBron has done as a member of the Heat! Getting ahead of this story, taking it “head on” with a little bit of humor, shows a reasonable sense of self-awareness and promotional savvy that he seemed to lack all season long. LeBron is growing up! And losing his hair in the process! I have to believe this will free him mentally – maybe this was one of the reasons he wouldn’t go down on the block on offense last year: fear his headband would get knocked off, and he would get exposed. As a fellow balding man, I can appreciate the angst it can create, and know that LeBron will be better for addressing the issue – at a certain point you just have to let it go, and shave it down. Over an 82 game season, three easy playoff series wins, and one excruciating Finals loss, I never really felt LeBron was “one of us.” He still may not be a true “Heat” – but we will definitely accept him into the balding community! Welcome to Baldsville, LeBron – you’re my new favorite player!!! It’s not Dwyane’s team anymore – it’s YOUR team!!! OUR team!!! LET'S GO!!!
4) Whitest People Ever: George Washington, Mark Linn Baker, Tim Tebow, and Rumsfeld...People Who Seem Very White But Are Not: Lincoln (very swarthy; bearded; and wore a top hat and cape, like a sultan); Republican candidate for president, and former CEO of the imaginary ‘Godfather’s Pizza,’ Herman Cain (actually pretty dark-skinned); and Philip Seymour Hoffman (Jewish). [Editor’s note: Now watching the Republican presidential debate. Candidate Cain just proposed that we model the U.S. social security system after Chile’s (the restaurant Chili's? chili the food?). Uh-oh – not sure that’s going to play too well amongst the conservative Republican Teapartiers. I think that next he’s about to come out in favor of Death Panels! Again, this is why black dudes should probably stick to being Democrats. On the other hand, from what I can tell, he is the only one of these candidates with a definitive plan to do anything about anything, even if it is a plan, possibly, centered on a tomato-and-bean based stew...]
5) New driving game: Wrong Foot Driving. Should be self-explanatory. By the way, this can be very dangerous - only try this if you are R.Minutos.
6) So I was talking to a dude at a party a couple of nights ago, and he’s seen the blog a time or two (or a thousand) and he’s like, “Seriously – what are you doing with all your time since there isn’t any basketball to think about,” and I laughed, and he got a real concerned look on his face and goes, “No – seriously, what are you doing with your time?” And I was, like, “Oh, seriously? I’m watching English Premier League soccer,” and then he thought I was being a pain in the ass, so he just walked away. But, seriously, that’s what I am doing. I had no idea that I liked EPL until this year. O.Minutos, P.Minutos and I got sucked into Copa America, the South American soccer championships, this summer. We watched for three straight weeks on Telemundo and Univision, despite the fact that none of us speaks a word of Spanish. We were drawn to Uruguay, and got on them early – when they ended up winning, and striker Luis Suarez was the tournament’s MVP, we felt Uruguyan – “Ich bin ein Uruguyan!!!” Then we found out Suarez plays for Liverpool in EPL (after leaving the Dutch league, where he was once suspended for biting a guy). Then we found out that the ownership group that owns the Boston Red Sox owns Liverpool – and no one is a more convenient, bandwagon-y Red Sox fan than I am. Then, it turns out that LeBron is an investor in Liverpool – and when LeBron went public with the bald thing, I was two-thirds of the way in! First, I had to make sure that Liverpool wasn’t too douche-y a team to root for: my Scottish friend Scott gave his blessing on that (only negative- turns out the Beatles are from Liverpool). Then I had to figure out the differences between EPL, La Liga, Serie A, and Bundisliga, and what the hell the Champions League is. I think I got that. I had to figure out how to see the Liverpool games – turns out that Fox (Fox! I thought they hate foreigners! Wait- what? Oh, just brown foreigners!) has a soccer channel which shows a ton of EPL – it’s way down in the 1700s on my dial. I had never been past, like, 1400. Since then, I have been loving it – I haven’t missed a game yet, Suarez has been on fire, and Liverpool is right back in the hunt to return to Europe (that’s inside-y soccer stuff). I am even watching the mid-week highlight shows! Things about EPL that are better than the NBA: One, no instant replay! Thank Christ! If the ref fucks up a call, he fucks up a call, and we all live with it. There’s no going back to the replay so that he can re-fuck up the call. He couldn’t get it right the first time – now we are going to trust him to review it and get it right? At the end of a game, when it’s really important? Hell-no-thank-you! How about the other seventy calls he fucked up during the course of the game – 2 points is 2 points, no matter when you score them. Replay in sports is the work of the devil or, maybe, Mark Cuban...Two, tons of foreign dudes with weird names. Liverpool has a guy – not even sure where he’s from, he may be Hollish – named Dirk Kuyt, except it’s pronounced “Cowt,” like “cow” with a “t” on the end...Three, no salary cap. If there were no salary cap in the NBA, Miami would never lose a game because it’s in Miami, they have Dwyane Wade, and the owner, Mickey Arison, like, owns Israel...Four, when you live in South Florida, tons and tons of people love soccer, and they all have a different club they like, and it’s fun to talk about it; for basketball, everyone just likes Miami, and they want to fire Spo every time the Heat lose a game...So I am all in on the EPL. New feature in this blog, starting next week: From The Top of the Table - Current EPL Standings (A Statistical Analysis)!!! When the basketball lockout is over, I’ll decide whether EPL or the NBA wins out. But for now, I am enjoying my new sport. Cheers!
I’ll be back in a few weeks, or whenever the lockout ends (maybe). Until then, if you need me, I’ll be at Anfield. You’ll never walk alone…
-----
6 Thoughts
1) I am not addicted to Xanax. Yes, I started taking it recently to reduce my anxiety during plane flights, and it worked fairly well. If you have never tried it before, it isn’t nearly as good as marijuana or ecstasy, or most other drugs – you don’t get to that same creamy altered state - but it is definitely better than copious amounts of alcohol, because you don’t have to pee as often. So for flights it works well. I thought about telling a 9/11 joke here, but it probably isn't appropriate. Also, I couldn't think of one. Jesus, I really, really hate flying...
2) You can not will the stigmata in to your body. At least I can’t. I tried, several times, during the summer. Basically I would just lie spread-eagled on my bed, shut my eyes, and try to put my mind in a, umm, stigmatic state. Never worked. Not even too close, really. One time I felt a little scrape on my right ankle, but it was just sand from the beach that O. Minutos had tracked into my bed. Now that I am thinking about it: Is the stigmata good or bad? I’m not too strong on religion, as you know. Like, if a priest gets the stigmata, is he psyched? Bummed? Dead? Not too sure, really. During one of the attempts, M.Minutos asked what I was doing, I told her, and she said, “You realize you’re not even Catholic, right?” Yes – yes, I do. That’s what makes this so difficult…
3) Biggest NBA news of the summer (and it’s not even close): LeBron has finally addressed the many questions about his receding hairline! As readers of this blog know, last season, on numerous occasions, M.Minutos accused LeBron of gradually raising his headband as time went on to disguise his growing forehead. This led to the Casa Minutos game: “Predict which season LeBron will let it go and shave his head.” I still stand by my strong belief that he should have done it before last season – coming to a new team, as a villain (albeit a pretty polite villain, overall), presented the perfect opportunity to get that done. He didn’t, and thus in late August finally had to issue this statement via Twitter:
Had a dream my hairline was back! Woke up and went to bathroom, turned on light slowly. Same old story. Damn! Lol #wishfulthinking
Besides destroying MVP Derrick Rose in the playoffs, this is the best thing LeBron has done as a member of the Heat! Getting ahead of this story, taking it “head on” with a little bit of humor, shows a reasonable sense of self-awareness and promotional savvy that he seemed to lack all season long. LeBron is growing up! And losing his hair in the process! I have to believe this will free him mentally – maybe this was one of the reasons he wouldn’t go down on the block on offense last year: fear his headband would get knocked off, and he would get exposed. As a fellow balding man, I can appreciate the angst it can create, and know that LeBron will be better for addressing the issue – at a certain point you just have to let it go, and shave it down. Over an 82 game season, three easy playoff series wins, and one excruciating Finals loss, I never really felt LeBron was “one of us.” He still may not be a true “Heat” – but we will definitely accept him into the balding community! Welcome to Baldsville, LeBron – you’re my new favorite player!!! It’s not Dwyane’s team anymore – it’s YOUR team!!! OUR team!!! LET'S GO!!!
4) Whitest People Ever: George Washington, Mark Linn Baker, Tim Tebow, and Rumsfeld...People Who Seem Very White But Are Not: Lincoln (very swarthy; bearded; and wore a top hat and cape, like a sultan); Republican candidate for president, and former CEO of the imaginary ‘Godfather’s Pizza,’ Herman Cain (actually pretty dark-skinned); and Philip Seymour Hoffman (Jewish). [Editor’s note: Now watching the Republican presidential debate. Candidate Cain just proposed that we model the U.S. social security system after Chile’s (the restaurant Chili's? chili the food?). Uh-oh – not sure that’s going to play too well amongst the conservative Republican Teapartiers. I think that next he’s about to come out in favor of Death Panels! Again, this is why black dudes should probably stick to being Democrats. On the other hand, from what I can tell, he is the only one of these candidates with a definitive plan to do anything about anything, even if it is a plan, possibly, centered on a tomato-and-bean based stew...]
5) New driving game: Wrong Foot Driving. Should be self-explanatory. By the way, this can be very dangerous - only try this if you are R.Minutos.
6) So I was talking to a dude at a party a couple of nights ago, and he’s seen the blog a time or two (or a thousand) and he’s like, “Seriously – what are you doing with all your time since there isn’t any basketball to think about,” and I laughed, and he got a real concerned look on his face and goes, “No – seriously, what are you doing with your time?” And I was, like, “Oh, seriously? I’m watching English Premier League soccer,” and then he thought I was being a pain in the ass, so he just walked away. But, seriously, that’s what I am doing. I had no idea that I liked EPL until this year. O.Minutos, P.Minutos and I got sucked into Copa America, the South American soccer championships, this summer. We watched for three straight weeks on Telemundo and Univision, despite the fact that none of us speaks a word of Spanish. We were drawn to Uruguay, and got on them early – when they ended up winning, and striker Luis Suarez was the tournament’s MVP, we felt Uruguyan – “Ich bin ein Uruguyan!!!” Then we found out Suarez plays for Liverpool in EPL (after leaving the Dutch league, where he was once suspended for biting a guy). Then we found out that the ownership group that owns the Boston Red Sox owns Liverpool – and no one is a more convenient, bandwagon-y Red Sox fan than I am. Then, it turns out that LeBron is an investor in Liverpool – and when LeBron went public with the bald thing, I was two-thirds of the way in! First, I had to make sure that Liverpool wasn’t too douche-y a team to root for: my Scottish friend Scott gave his blessing on that (only negative- turns out the Beatles are from Liverpool). Then I had to figure out the differences between EPL, La Liga, Serie A, and Bundisliga, and what the hell the Champions League is. I think I got that. I had to figure out how to see the Liverpool games – turns out that Fox (Fox! I thought they hate foreigners! Wait- what? Oh, just brown foreigners!) has a soccer channel which shows a ton of EPL – it’s way down in the 1700s on my dial. I had never been past, like, 1400. Since then, I have been loving it – I haven’t missed a game yet, Suarez has been on fire, and Liverpool is right back in the hunt to return to Europe (that’s inside-y soccer stuff). I am even watching the mid-week highlight shows! Things about EPL that are better than the NBA: One, no instant replay! Thank Christ! If the ref fucks up a call, he fucks up a call, and we all live with it. There’s no going back to the replay so that he can re-fuck up the call. He couldn’t get it right the first time – now we are going to trust him to review it and get it right? At the end of a game, when it’s really important? Hell-no-thank-you! How about the other seventy calls he fucked up during the course of the game – 2 points is 2 points, no matter when you score them. Replay in sports is the work of the devil or, maybe, Mark Cuban...Two, tons of foreign dudes with weird names. Liverpool has a guy – not even sure where he’s from, he may be Hollish – named Dirk Kuyt, except it’s pronounced “Cowt,” like “cow” with a “t” on the end...Three, no salary cap. If there were no salary cap in the NBA, Miami would never lose a game because it’s in Miami, they have Dwyane Wade, and the owner, Mickey Arison, like, owns Israel...Four, when you live in South Florida, tons and tons of people love soccer, and they all have a different club they like, and it’s fun to talk about it; for basketball, everyone just likes Miami, and they want to fire Spo every time the Heat lose a game...So I am all in on the EPL. New feature in this blog, starting next week: From The Top of the Table - Current EPL Standings (A Statistical Analysis)!!! When the basketball lockout is over, I’ll decide whether EPL or the NBA wins out. But for now, I am enjoying my new sport. Cheers!
I’ll be back in a few weeks, or whenever the lockout ends (maybe). Until then, if you need me, I’ll be at Anfield. You’ll never walk alone…
-----
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Summer of 2011, episode 1
Hello, people. We are in the middle of a lockout, and it is great. We don't know when the next season will start, or even when the players and owners will start negotiating again. Several foreign players, along with a couple of American players who don't save their money, have already decided to go play overseas next season to at least get some kind of guaranteed paycheck. That makes it feel like the lockout is going to last a looong time. That's sad. On the positive side, no one has emailed me to complain about Chris Bosh for weeks!...It's time to check in here, just say 'hey,' and give you a little idea of what we think about during lockouts.
6 Thoughts
1) Terrible idea: When it became apparent (via his Twitter feed) that Mario Chalmers was running a basketball camp. "Okay, then, when the whistle blows, we'll move on to this next station, where we will practice running aimlessly through a halfcourt defensive possession until we run into the back of someone's hip as they are shooting a 22 foot jump shot with the shot clock going off. Then, we'll break for some bug juice..."
Even worse idea: When it subsequently became apparent (also via his Twitter feed) that Mario Chalmers had somehow participated in opening a cancer ward of some sort in a Lawrence, Kansas hospital (where he went to college - in Lawrence, Kansas, not in the hospital itself). "Well, Dr. Chalmers has reviewed your blood work and MRI, and he believes that it is possible that you may have some kind of cancer of some sort, but he's not too sure. Leave your number, and he'll get back to you..."
2) I mean, if my choice is only between Casey Anthony and Nancy Grace, I'm sorry, maybe I'm a terrible person, but I'm picking Casey Anthony. For sex. For anything. What else is there?
3) Lot of political talk at Dos Minutos International Headquarters this summer. First, from the right, Republican "candidate" for president, Herman Godfather. I forgot his real name, hold on, let me look it up...Ahh, yes, Herman Cain. First thing, of course, the obvious thing - he's a black Republican dude. People can act mock-offended all they want - "What - I can't be a Republican just because I am black?" No, no you can't. That's the first thing. The second thing: I watched the first Republican presidential debate, mostly as a performance-art piece to torture M.Minutos. Apparently, Herman Cain was the CEO of something called Godfather's Pizza. Listen - I've lived in Connecticut, Hawaii, Boston, and Florida - what the fuck is Godfather's Pizza? I think, maybe, I have vaguely heard of it. It's like frozen pizza, right? So I had The Captain do some research. It is actually a nationwide chain of pizza restaurants which not too many people have ever heard of, and apparently no one goes to, and, in fact, there is one like two miles from Dos M. Int'l HQs, but we didn't even know about it because it is housed within a gas station! And yet somehow, over the entire ninety minute debate, not one other candidate ever turned to this dude and said, "Excuse me, let me ask you something - what the fuck is Godfather's Pizza?" That, plus the fact that no one ever would ask Milt - excuse me, Mitt - Romney a question told me all I needed to know about this debate - it was a sham. These people don't care about the issues - who puts a pizza restaurant in a gas station?
4) Also from the right: The Captain and I realized that, obviously, Republican candidate for president Michelle Bachman definitely should use one of two songs from Canadian supergroup Bachmann Turner Overdrive as her campaign theme. Either "Taking Care of Business," or "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" would suffice. Both of those songs have been used in campaigns many times - do you think Bachmann Turner Overdrive was going for that? Like, "this is great - not only is it catchy, but someday the lyrics are going to be perfect for some wack-a-doo, non-musically-inclined politician to blare a thirty-five year old song as a campaign theme."
5) If there is any God - next year's starting point guard for the Heat? Alex Morgan:
There is no way she isn't better than Mike Bibby. Seriously, omigod- please let Alex Morgan play on the Heat...
6) Finally, a sad, sad day for music fans several weeks ago when long-time Bruce Springsteen saxophonist Clarence Clemons died. The Big Man lived not too far from Dos M. Int'l HQs, and the day he died, I remembered the time I met him one evening at Swampgrass Willies in Palm Beach Gardens. It was before M.Minutos and I had kids, and we were out one evening watching a friend of ours play a gig there. I saw Clarence sitting at a table there with his wife, and I was, like, "Man, I wish I could go say hi to him." When I was a teenager, I loved Bruce, his music was really important to me, until I got a little older and realized that it was very proletarian to like him, and moved on to musical acts more sufficiently ironic. I didn't want to go over to Clarence in Swampgrass Willies and try to explain that to him - who wants to hassle someone when he is trying to relax? But M.Minutos talked me into it, she was, like, You'll always regret it if you don't, blah, blah, blah...so I did. I walked over, and introduced myself, and told him what a big fan I was (and left out the part where it got douche-y to be a Springsteen fan), and, honestly, he couldn't have been warmer or nicer. He thanked me, and shook my hand, and said something like, "Yeah - it has always been an honor to play the sax with that guy." Then I was, like, "Yeah, listen, about that - in all those years playing with Bruce, didn't it ever occur to you to, like, lose the saxophone, and pick up a guitar, and try to get your rocks off? Not even once? I mean saxophone? What the hell kind of instrument is that for a grown-ass man in a rock band? Jesus..." And then I leaped on to the stage, ripped the guitar out of my friend's hands, grabbed the mike and screamed, "This is for everyone who plays in a band that rocks," and played a screeching, epic version of Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life." The end.
See you soon, we'll check in later in the summer!
-----
6 Thoughts
1) Terrible idea: When it became apparent (via his Twitter feed) that Mario Chalmers was running a basketball camp. "Okay, then, when the whistle blows, we'll move on to this next station, where we will practice running aimlessly through a halfcourt defensive possession until we run into the back of someone's hip as they are shooting a 22 foot jump shot with the shot clock going off. Then, we'll break for some bug juice..."
Even worse idea: When it subsequently became apparent (also via his Twitter feed) that Mario Chalmers had somehow participated in opening a cancer ward of some sort in a Lawrence, Kansas hospital (where he went to college - in Lawrence, Kansas, not in the hospital itself). "Well, Dr. Chalmers has reviewed your blood work and MRI, and he believes that it is possible that you may have some kind of cancer of some sort, but he's not too sure. Leave your number, and he'll get back to you..."
2) I mean, if my choice is only between Casey Anthony and Nancy Grace, I'm sorry, maybe I'm a terrible person, but I'm picking Casey Anthony. For sex. For anything. What else is there?
3) Lot of political talk at Dos Minutos International Headquarters this summer. First, from the right, Republican "candidate" for president, Herman Godfather. I forgot his real name, hold on, let me look it up...Ahh, yes, Herman Cain. First thing, of course, the obvious thing - he's a black Republican dude. People can act mock-offended all they want - "What - I can't be a Republican just because I am black?" No, no you can't. That's the first thing. The second thing: I watched the first Republican presidential debate, mostly as a performance-art piece to torture M.Minutos. Apparently, Herman Cain was the CEO of something called Godfather's Pizza. Listen - I've lived in Connecticut, Hawaii, Boston, and Florida - what the fuck is Godfather's Pizza? I think, maybe, I have vaguely heard of it. It's like frozen pizza, right? So I had The Captain do some research. It is actually a nationwide chain of pizza restaurants which not too many people have ever heard of, and apparently no one goes to, and, in fact, there is one like two miles from Dos M. Int'l HQs, but we didn't even know about it because it is housed within a gas station! And yet somehow, over the entire ninety minute debate, not one other candidate ever turned to this dude and said, "Excuse me, let me ask you something - what the fuck is Godfather's Pizza?" That, plus the fact that no one ever would ask Milt - excuse me, Mitt - Romney a question told me all I needed to know about this debate - it was a sham. These people don't care about the issues - who puts a pizza restaurant in a gas station?
4) Also from the right: The Captain and I realized that, obviously, Republican candidate for president Michelle Bachman definitely should use one of two songs from Canadian supergroup Bachmann Turner Overdrive as her campaign theme. Either "Taking Care of Business," or "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" would suffice. Both of those songs have been used in campaigns many times - do you think Bachmann Turner Overdrive was going for that? Like, "this is great - not only is it catchy, but someday the lyrics are going to be perfect for some wack-a-doo, non-musically-inclined politician to blare a thirty-five year old song as a campaign theme."
5) If there is any God - next year's starting point guard for the Heat? Alex Morgan:
There is no way she isn't better than Mike Bibby. Seriously, omigod- please let Alex Morgan play on the Heat...
6) Finally, a sad, sad day for music fans several weeks ago when long-time Bruce Springsteen saxophonist Clarence Clemons died. The Big Man lived not too far from Dos M. Int'l HQs, and the day he died, I remembered the time I met him one evening at Swampgrass Willies in Palm Beach Gardens. It was before M.Minutos and I had kids, and we were out one evening watching a friend of ours play a gig there. I saw Clarence sitting at a table there with his wife, and I was, like, "Man, I wish I could go say hi to him." When I was a teenager, I loved Bruce, his music was really important to me, until I got a little older and realized that it was very proletarian to like him, and moved on to musical acts more sufficiently ironic. I didn't want to go over to Clarence in Swampgrass Willies and try to explain that to him - who wants to hassle someone when he is trying to relax? But M.Minutos talked me into it, she was, like, You'll always regret it if you don't, blah, blah, blah...so I did. I walked over, and introduced myself, and told him what a big fan I was (and left out the part where it got douche-y to be a Springsteen fan), and, honestly, he couldn't have been warmer or nicer. He thanked me, and shook my hand, and said something like, "Yeah - it has always been an honor to play the sax with that guy." Then I was, like, "Yeah, listen, about that - in all those years playing with Bruce, didn't it ever occur to you to, like, lose the saxophone, and pick up a guitar, and try to get your rocks off? Not even once? I mean saxophone? What the hell kind of instrument is that for a grown-ass man in a rock band? Jesus..." And then I leaped on to the stage, ripped the guitar out of my friend's hands, grabbed the mike and screamed, "This is for everyone who plays in a band that rocks," and played a screeching, epic version of Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life." The end.
See you soon, we'll check in later in the summer!
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Sunday, June 12, 2011
Mavs 105 Heat 95 Dallas wins championship 4-2
6 Thoughts
1) First of all, all credit where credit is due: The Dallas Mavericks are the champions, and they deserve it in every way. They were fantastic in the series - they won two games in Miami, which is all you need to know. Dirk Nowitzki is a fantastic player, and he is always a class act, win or lose; Jason Kidd is an all-time great point guard who is still savvy enough to help win ballgames; Jason Terry is a putz - but he played great; and even Dallas owner, Mark Cuban, whom I love to see lose - but only because he cares so much - deserves this because he is passionate, and he spends the money necessary to compete at the highest level. This Dallas franchise thought they were the better team in 2006 when Miami denied them a championship. This year, Dallas is the champion, and I can only imagine that it tastes all the sweeter for the wait. I am being truly honest when I say that I am happy for them. Congratulations to the Mavs! Out of respect to them, and in their honor, for the last time this year: Let's Go!
2) Look, we are mostly going to wrap up the season tonight, but just quickly, on the game: Miami got everything it could have asked for. As expected, back at home, the free throws flipped back Miami's way - they shot 33 to Dallas' 18. Tyson Chandler got into early foul trouble - that was predictable in Miami. More surprising, Nowitzki, for the most part, stunk the joint out, shot only 9-27. But with everything that went right, a couple of things went very wrong: Miami had already missed 13 free throws a minute into the fourth quarter. LeBron James found the missing jumper early, scoring a quick 9 points, but then was not quite assertive enough the rest of the night: his 21 points on 9-15 shooting with 6 assists and 4 rebounds was largely offset by his 6 turnovers. It wasn't the heroic night Miami needed from him. And besides Nowitzki, Dallas, for the second straight game, spread Miami out defensively and made shots. They finished 50% from the floor, and Jason Terry was the star of the game, scoring 27 points on 11-16 shots, many of them with LeBron covering him. Or trying to. Dwyane Wade was the best player in the series, but Nowitzki and Chandler were probably the second and third best. And it would be tough to argue that LeBron outplayed Jason Terry in the last couple...
3) Do I have any final thoughts on this whole Wade-LeBron-Bosh-The-Decision-Bump-Gate season? Yes, yes I do. In my mind, LeBron and Bosh came here for one reason, and one reason only: to help us win another championship. And by "us," I mean, of course, "Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, and me." Anything else is besides the point. I don't care what the media says, I don't care what the fans of the other teams say, I don't care what the players on the other teams say - none of it really matters on the court. In retrospect, though it often felt like torture - because every season often feels like torture to me - I enjoyed this season thoroughly because I thought we had a great chance to win the title. Right up until we didn't. Everyone else can spend the next however many months killing LeBron, killing Bosh, killing Coach Spo - that's whatever. Next year, again, I will think we have a great chance to win the title, and we'll see what happens. The only truly interesting thing I read about LeBron's struggles in this final series (and he was utterly brilliant in the two series before it) came today, in the New York Times, from Dirk Nowitzki (although I don't when he actually said it, and I'll have to paraphrase it). Dirk was widely seen as gagging away the 2006 championship, and came back the next year, had an even better regular season, then was terrible as the Mavs got beat in the first round by Golden State, in one of the biggest upsets in NBA history - for years he's had the reputation as "too soft," "not clutch," "mentally weak" - everything LeBron is getting now, and will get all offseason. Dirk, asked about the criticism LeBron has been receiving, said quietly and sympathetically, "Look - I've been getting hammered for 13 years; if we win the championship, at least I'll have one year where I don't." I love that - people love to make every game, every play, for guys like Dirk and LeBron a constant, ever-shifting referendum on their psyches, their "legacies," their careers. It's boring - to me, anyways, I guess some people like it. When the burden of proof is winning a title - and for guys like Dirk and LeBron, it is - there is going to be disappointment more often than there is going to be success. Dirk is a good example of perseverance for LeBron to follow. To LeBron, from me: Thank you for entertaining me this season - beating Boston and Chicago so handily was incredibly fun and exciting - and even more so, for giving a chance to win a title. And the same on both counts to Chris Bosh, Emcee Chalmers (fearless again tonight), and the rest of the crew. And to Dwyane and UD? They know - this is how we do - we're back at it next season. As long as you're here, I'm here; when you're done, I'm done.
4) Okay, okay, okay, enough sadness: it was a great season! We got to The Finals, could have won, didn't, but we still have a great chance to win next season! However, we don't know when that will be. The collective bargaining agreement between the players and the owners runs out before next season, and most informed parties expect a lockout ranging anywhere from "a few games" to "there will never be another professional basketball game played again in any of our natural lifetimes." So a lot of people are like, "How do you and M.Minutos end a season? And what do you in the offseason? And do you have any special plans if there is a lockout?" First of all, we ended this season like we have ended every season that did not result in a title. M.Minutos storms out of the room moments before the final buzzer so that she doesn't see the end of the game, and I turn off the television so I don't have to watch the other team celebrate. I promise you: as happy as I am for them, I will never see Dallas jumping around to celebrate their title! What series? Second, I take M.Minutos into the bedroom and make long, languorous love to her. By mutual agreement, she fantasizes about Dwyane Wade; and I fantasize about, well, also Dwyane Wade. Then, I don't read the newspaper or the internet or email or text messages for about four days, after which time, the world has moved on to other matters, and so have I. I perfected this strategy in the late 90s when every season the Heat would get eliminated by the Knicks in excruciating fashion - if I don't hear about it, it's pretty much like it never happened. As far as the offseason, we usually pick out shows we haven't seen, and then watch the entire series on DVD. Two offseasons ago, it was The Wire. Last summer, Dexter. This offseason, Breaking Bad. And if the lockout goes on a long, long time? Well, this may be premature, but I have an agreement in place with The Captain: if he ever becomes the athletic director for Notre Dame football, he will give me a one year contract to coach them for 5 million dollars. After that one season, if we decide we want to continue the partnership, we do so. If it doesn't work out, we part ways with no hard feelings. So I'll probably do some gameplanning for that, hire a staff, etc...I don't know that much about football, so I have a lot to learn...
5) Okay, we don't want to say goodbye for the season down in # 6, so we'll do it here in # 5. Worst moment of the season? Well, if we had lost in the finals to Dallas, it probably would have been that - since that never happened, it was definitely the night in Miami when we lost to Portland, at the tail end of a five game losing streak. Miami had lost four games in a row in excruciatingly ridiculous fashion - bizarre collapses, bad calls, heroic shots by the other team - and came out against Portland and played exceptionally hard and well, Dwyane and LeBron combined for like 70 points, and the Blazers still pasted them. It was the one time I thought, "Oh, no - maybe we just aren't good enough. I mean, that's kind of our 'A' game, and they waxed us." I remember just sitting there, looking at the tv, feeling doubt for the first time...A couple of nights later, Miami beat the Lakers, then Memphis and the Spurs, and I never felt that way again. Not even in the Dallas series, if it had ever happened. So that was the worst feeling. The best feeling? Everytime I had this conversation by email, text, or in person - it happened a lot, and it was usually about # 6, and it usually went like this: "Remember that time you wrote about --------?" "No." "Remember? You said something like ---- --- ------?" "Not really, no." "How can you not remember what you wrote?" "Oh - because I probably just made it up." Like, it always makes me feel good when I get a reminder that people read the blog because I don't usually think about it that way - in my mind, it's just for me and M.Minutos. And 2010 was such a difficult year for me - I was tired, mentally-breaking down, and had to suspend the blog for a while mid-season, while I worked out my troubles in therapy, and elsewhere. And I remember feeling better at the beginning of 2011, and telling my therapist about the blog, and that it makes me happy. And he was like, "Well, why don't you start writing it again?" And I thought about it, and I was so happy and relaxed partially because I was sleeping more, and feeling better about my life, and I remember saying to The Captain, "What if I bring back Dos, and then I hate it, and have to stop it again?" And he goes, "Who cares?" And that made me laugh, and I was, like, "Yes, let's write the blog again." And then when people read it, and even if they only enjoy the basketball parts, which some people do, and even if they only enjoy the # 6, which some people do, it is still a good feeling. Not a good feeling - a special, great feeling! So thank you to everyone out there, even if you only read this one post - it means a lot to me. And while 2010 was one of my worst personal years, so far 2011 is one my best, and in some small way, everyone who reads Dos Minutos has contributed to that. At the end of every season, I am always so tired of staying up late to write it, that I always assume that I won't bring it back the next season, but tonight, at least, I feel pretty lucky to have it, and pretty good - so who knows? This was the greatest four month run of basketball I've ever had: Connecticut won the Big East tournament, then the national tournament; O.Minutos led his team to the 9 year old championship; and the Heat got to within two games of an NBA title - if I don't bring Dos back, I'm worried I'll jinx this run of good fortune. If we've learned anything this season: Always respect the power of the jinx!
6) I spent 5 hours today on a boat with some friends and 10 nine year olds hopped up on Doritos, fruit rolls ups, and ice cream, shuttling back and forth through the intercoastal to a sandbar called "Beer Can Island." You do the math. When I lived up north, I assumed that living in Florida is kind of like being on constant vacation - and, by the way, it is. I feel totally lucky that in five minutes, I can be at my friend's house, hopping in his boat and jetting out into the Atlantic. Which raises a question I often get asked by friends who are still up north: When are you going to buy a boat? And the answer is: Never! And the reason is: I am too lazy! I am happy - thrilled - to go out on your boat with you, a few times a year. Just know that as soon as we hit the dock at the end of the day, I am out of there (like LeBron in the fourth quarter of a championship game - ouch!). I am not staying to help you take stuff off the boat, I am not helping to wash it down with the hose, I am not carrying all the empty beer bottles I drank to the recycling bin - Jesus, I just spent 5 hours out in the hot Florida sun! I am tired, and I need to go home and take a nap! Which is exactly what I did today! Man, I love Florida - the sun, the sea, and friends with boats!!!
Annnd, that's it - that's a wrap on the season! If you are lucky, I won't bring this blog back whenever the new season starts! Either way, if you need me until then- I already told you: I'm going in to wake up M.Minutos now TO MAKE LONG, LANGUOROUS LOVE TO HER!!! And if you do need me, it has to be non-basketball-related. Because. I. Am. On. Vacation. Beginning. Right. NOW!!! SEE YA!
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1) First of all, all credit where credit is due: The Dallas Mavericks are the champions, and they deserve it in every way. They were fantastic in the series - they won two games in Miami, which is all you need to know. Dirk Nowitzki is a fantastic player, and he is always a class act, win or lose; Jason Kidd is an all-time great point guard who is still savvy enough to help win ballgames; Jason Terry is a putz - but he played great; and even Dallas owner, Mark Cuban, whom I love to see lose - but only because he cares so much - deserves this because he is passionate, and he spends the money necessary to compete at the highest level. This Dallas franchise thought they were the better team in 2006 when Miami denied them a championship. This year, Dallas is the champion, and I can only imagine that it tastes all the sweeter for the wait. I am being truly honest when I say that I am happy for them. Congratulations to the Mavs! Out of respect to them, and in their honor, for the last time this year: Let's Go!
2) Look, we are mostly going to wrap up the season tonight, but just quickly, on the game: Miami got everything it could have asked for. As expected, back at home, the free throws flipped back Miami's way - they shot 33 to Dallas' 18. Tyson Chandler got into early foul trouble - that was predictable in Miami. More surprising, Nowitzki, for the most part, stunk the joint out, shot only 9-27. But with everything that went right, a couple of things went very wrong: Miami had already missed 13 free throws a minute into the fourth quarter. LeBron James found the missing jumper early, scoring a quick 9 points, but then was not quite assertive enough the rest of the night: his 21 points on 9-15 shooting with 6 assists and 4 rebounds was largely offset by his 6 turnovers. It wasn't the heroic night Miami needed from him. And besides Nowitzki, Dallas, for the second straight game, spread Miami out defensively and made shots. They finished 50% from the floor, and Jason Terry was the star of the game, scoring 27 points on 11-16 shots, many of them with LeBron covering him. Or trying to. Dwyane Wade was the best player in the series, but Nowitzki and Chandler were probably the second and third best. And it would be tough to argue that LeBron outplayed Jason Terry in the last couple...
3) Do I have any final thoughts on this whole Wade-LeBron-Bosh-The-Decision-Bump-Gate season? Yes, yes I do. In my mind, LeBron and Bosh came here for one reason, and one reason only: to help us win another championship. And by "us," I mean, of course, "Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, and me." Anything else is besides the point. I don't care what the media says, I don't care what the fans of the other teams say, I don't care what the players on the other teams say - none of it really matters on the court. In retrospect, though it often felt like torture - because every season often feels like torture to me - I enjoyed this season thoroughly because I thought we had a great chance to win the title. Right up until we didn't. Everyone else can spend the next however many months killing LeBron, killing Bosh, killing Coach Spo - that's whatever. Next year, again, I will think we have a great chance to win the title, and we'll see what happens. The only truly interesting thing I read about LeBron's struggles in this final series (and he was utterly brilliant in the two series before it) came today, in the New York Times, from Dirk Nowitzki (although I don't when he actually said it, and I'll have to paraphrase it). Dirk was widely seen as gagging away the 2006 championship, and came back the next year, had an even better regular season, then was terrible as the Mavs got beat in the first round by Golden State, in one of the biggest upsets in NBA history - for years he's had the reputation as "too soft," "not clutch," "mentally weak" - everything LeBron is getting now, and will get all offseason. Dirk, asked about the criticism LeBron has been receiving, said quietly and sympathetically, "Look - I've been getting hammered for 13 years; if we win the championship, at least I'll have one year where I don't." I love that - people love to make every game, every play, for guys like Dirk and LeBron a constant, ever-shifting referendum on their psyches, their "legacies," their careers. It's boring - to me, anyways, I guess some people like it. When the burden of proof is winning a title - and for guys like Dirk and LeBron, it is - there is going to be disappointment more often than there is going to be success. Dirk is a good example of perseverance for LeBron to follow. To LeBron, from me: Thank you for entertaining me this season - beating Boston and Chicago so handily was incredibly fun and exciting - and even more so, for giving a chance to win a title. And the same on both counts to Chris Bosh, Emcee Chalmers (fearless again tonight), and the rest of the crew. And to Dwyane and UD? They know - this is how we do - we're back at it next season. As long as you're here, I'm here; when you're done, I'm done.
4) Okay, okay, okay, enough sadness: it was a great season! We got to The Finals, could have won, didn't, but we still have a great chance to win next season! However, we don't know when that will be. The collective bargaining agreement between the players and the owners runs out before next season, and most informed parties expect a lockout ranging anywhere from "a few games" to "there will never be another professional basketball game played again in any of our natural lifetimes." So a lot of people are like, "How do you and M.Minutos end a season? And what do you in the offseason? And do you have any special plans if there is a lockout?" First of all, we ended this season like we have ended every season that did not result in a title. M.Minutos storms out of the room moments before the final buzzer so that she doesn't see the end of the game, and I turn off the television so I don't have to watch the other team celebrate. I promise you: as happy as I am for them, I will never see Dallas jumping around to celebrate their title! What series? Second, I take M.Minutos into the bedroom and make long, languorous love to her. By mutual agreement, she fantasizes about Dwyane Wade; and I fantasize about, well, also Dwyane Wade. Then, I don't read the newspaper or the internet or email or text messages for about four days, after which time, the world has moved on to other matters, and so have I. I perfected this strategy in the late 90s when every season the Heat would get eliminated by the Knicks in excruciating fashion - if I don't hear about it, it's pretty much like it never happened. As far as the offseason, we usually pick out shows we haven't seen, and then watch the entire series on DVD. Two offseasons ago, it was The Wire. Last summer, Dexter. This offseason, Breaking Bad. And if the lockout goes on a long, long time? Well, this may be premature, but I have an agreement in place with The Captain: if he ever becomes the athletic director for Notre Dame football, he will give me a one year contract to coach them for 5 million dollars. After that one season, if we decide we want to continue the partnership, we do so. If it doesn't work out, we part ways with no hard feelings. So I'll probably do some gameplanning for that, hire a staff, etc...I don't know that much about football, so I have a lot to learn...
5) Okay, we don't want to say goodbye for the season down in # 6, so we'll do it here in # 5. Worst moment of the season? Well, if we had lost in the finals to Dallas, it probably would have been that - since that never happened, it was definitely the night in Miami when we lost to Portland, at the tail end of a five game losing streak. Miami had lost four games in a row in excruciatingly ridiculous fashion - bizarre collapses, bad calls, heroic shots by the other team - and came out against Portland and played exceptionally hard and well, Dwyane and LeBron combined for like 70 points, and the Blazers still pasted them. It was the one time I thought, "Oh, no - maybe we just aren't good enough. I mean, that's kind of our 'A' game, and they waxed us." I remember just sitting there, looking at the tv, feeling doubt for the first time...A couple of nights later, Miami beat the Lakers, then Memphis and the Spurs, and I never felt that way again. Not even in the Dallas series, if it had ever happened. So that was the worst feeling. The best feeling? Everytime I had this conversation by email, text, or in person - it happened a lot, and it was usually about # 6, and it usually went like this: "Remember that time you wrote about --------?" "No." "Remember? You said something like ---- --- ------?" "Not really, no." "How can you not remember what you wrote?" "Oh - because I probably just made it up." Like, it always makes me feel good when I get a reminder that people read the blog because I don't usually think about it that way - in my mind, it's just for me and M.Minutos. And 2010 was such a difficult year for me - I was tired, mentally-breaking down, and had to suspend the blog for a while mid-season, while I worked out my troubles in therapy, and elsewhere. And I remember feeling better at the beginning of 2011, and telling my therapist about the blog, and that it makes me happy. And he was like, "Well, why don't you start writing it again?" And I thought about it, and I was so happy and relaxed partially because I was sleeping more, and feeling better about my life, and I remember saying to The Captain, "What if I bring back Dos, and then I hate it, and have to stop it again?" And he goes, "Who cares?" And that made me laugh, and I was, like, "Yes, let's write the blog again." And then when people read it, and even if they only enjoy the basketball parts, which some people do, and even if they only enjoy the # 6, which some people do, it is still a good feeling. Not a good feeling - a special, great feeling! So thank you to everyone out there, even if you only read this one post - it means a lot to me. And while 2010 was one of my worst personal years, so far 2011 is one my best, and in some small way, everyone who reads Dos Minutos has contributed to that. At the end of every season, I am always so tired of staying up late to write it, that I always assume that I won't bring it back the next season, but tonight, at least, I feel pretty lucky to have it, and pretty good - so who knows? This was the greatest four month run of basketball I've ever had: Connecticut won the Big East tournament, then the national tournament; O.Minutos led his team to the 9 year old championship; and the Heat got to within two games of an NBA title - if I don't bring Dos back, I'm worried I'll jinx this run of good fortune. If we've learned anything this season: Always respect the power of the jinx!
6) I spent 5 hours today on a boat with some friends and 10 nine year olds hopped up on Doritos, fruit rolls ups, and ice cream, shuttling back and forth through the intercoastal to a sandbar called "Beer Can Island." You do the math. When I lived up north, I assumed that living in Florida is kind of like being on constant vacation - and, by the way, it is. I feel totally lucky that in five minutes, I can be at my friend's house, hopping in his boat and jetting out into the Atlantic. Which raises a question I often get asked by friends who are still up north: When are you going to buy a boat? And the answer is: Never! And the reason is: I am too lazy! I am happy - thrilled - to go out on your boat with you, a few times a year. Just know that as soon as we hit the dock at the end of the day, I am out of there (like LeBron in the fourth quarter of a championship game - ouch!). I am not staying to help you take stuff off the boat, I am not helping to wash it down with the hose, I am not carrying all the empty beer bottles I drank to the recycling bin - Jesus, I just spent 5 hours out in the hot Florida sun! I am tired, and I need to go home and take a nap! Which is exactly what I did today! Man, I love Florida - the sun, the sea, and friends with boats!!!
Annnd, that's it - that's a wrap on the season! If you are lucky, I won't bring this blog back whenever the new season starts! Either way, if you need me until then- I already told you: I'm going in to wake up M.Minutos now TO MAKE LONG, LANGUOROUS LOVE TO HER!!! And if you do need me, it has to be non-basketball-related. Because. I. Am. On. Vacation. Beginning. Right. NOW!!! SEE YA!
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