6 Thoughts
1) Brutal back-to-back: home in Miami against the former champion Dallas Mavericks last night, with an extra late start since 90% of our games are on national tv so America can hatewatch us; then leave right after the game with a long flight to Toronto, which I believe is somewhere in Canada, maybe in the Winnipeg-Nova Scotia area. Team reportedly got to bed around 5am, then an early start in Canada, 7pm, since I think folks there have to be up early the next morning to go ice fishing. Not exactly sure what goes on up there in Canada, but I feel like I have a pretty solid understanding...It was a grind for 3 quarters, dead tied, but Miami won the fourth quarter going away, thanks to...
2)...Dwyane Wade, who scored 13 in the 4th, including a pullup three over the top of the Toronto zone to put Miami ahead by 8 with 6 minutes to go, then a floater on the next possession, then a breakaway dunk when Chris Bosh fell down in the defensive paint area, sat on the ground for about 9 seconds, then happened to get up right as Toronto assumed he was just going to sit there the entire possession and threw an entry pass to where he was. The ball hit him, and deflected out to Wade, who got a runout dunk. Ballgame. 30, 6, 6, with 3 steals and a block for Side-part Dwyane. How u?
3) Bosh had a mixed night. Numbers looked great: 30 points (on 11-18) with 8 boards and 3 blocks. Had 12 of his own in the fourth (he and Wade combined for 25 of the 30 in the quarter). Basically, after Wade got it going in the fourth, every defensive player on Toronto started chasing him all over the court, and Bosh kept slipping to the rim for dunks. However, I don't think it was a surprise that Raptor forward Amir Johnson, whom Bosh checked most of the night, had 12 points and 12 rebounds on 6-8 shooting. 6 of the rebounds were offensive, as he beat Bosh to the ball over and over early...For most of the first three quarters, I thought Coach Erik Spoelstra made a really poor tactical choice by having Joel "Butter" Anthony guard Toronto's best scorer, the jump shooting big Andrea Bargiani, and having Bosh guard Johnson. Not only did Johnson go to work on the glass, but Joel tends to help to the paint too much to be effective on Bargiani. Toronto kept putting Joel in pick plays, he would help on the ball handler, then Bargiani would slide to open space, receive a pass and fire - he scored 25 through three quarters...
4)...but in the fourth quarter, Spo adjusted. He put KJ James on Bargiani, with occasional spot duty from Battier, and that was pretty much the end of the big Italian - only had 2 in the fourth quarter as Miami pulled away. Again, I thought KJ looked exhausted. He seemed to lack explosion off the floor, and didn't attack the rim with much (any?) gusto, although he did pass the ball crisply. Still, his line at the end of the night, 11-18, for 26 points, with 4 rebounds and 9 assists, was more than solid. Still think they should sit him down for a week or so. I might be wrong, maybe he's fine, or maybe he'll just get his legs back under him - but I'd sit him...Nothing really to be gained over this next month - can't win the title now, but we could lose it if he doesn't get his quicks back.
5) Ronny Turiaf had 17 more energetic minutes: a bucket, 3 boards, 2 steals, a block - basically a lot of energy. More importantly, we noticed he is the anti-KJ in terms of bench attire. Watch how many layers KJ has to strip off to check into a game. It goes like, towel off from around the neck in scarf-like fashion, then warmup, then light sweatshirt, then long-sleeve t-shirt, then t-shirt: check in. Sometimes Spo has to take a timeout just to have enough time to get all his clothes off. Turiaf sits and watches with only a muscle-shirt on over his jersey, which is especially odd because he is a large, barrel-chested man with absolutely no arm muscles whatsoever. He could check into a game in about a second and a half if he had to. I didn't even know the Heat had muscles shirts - I can't remember another player wearing the one he wears. Maybe he had his own made...He's not from America, you know.
6) I think we have covered this before, but do you know what the best song ever written is? Of course, it's "Train in Vain," by The Clash. They are the only band that ever really mattered; everyone else is superfluous, to some greater or lesser degree. They broke up at the peak of their powers, resisted any temptation to get back together for years and years, and then Joe Strummer, one of the two leaders of the band, died far too soon. That sucks, but maybe not as bad as it would suck to watch them murder their legacy, like the Rolling Stones have done over the past 30 years or so. So, imagine my horror when earlier this week I saw the following video. By the way, yes, this is what I do - sit around and google "The Clash" and watch grainy old concert clips of them. This is Mick Jones, who with Strummer, wrote all The Clash's songs, and sang a lot of them including "Train in Vain." He never could sing at all, but he had more heart than anyone who could sing, and he is one of the best rock stars ever, which is what makes this video so disturbing. Jesus, Mick Jones - you're Mick Jones. What the hell are you doing? I think this was at the Boynton Beach Public Library. And why are you so happy? This is an f.u. song!!! What happened to the f.u.???? I can't unsee this...
---
Next game is Sunday in Boston. Somehow, in our last 16 games we play Boston three times, which is utterly bizarre. Nice job, NBA schedule-makers! Not only that, they are our most likely first round playoff opponent, which means we could play them like 10 times in the next 40 days. Who is ready for Doucheball!!!! Kevin Garnett - douching it up 10 more times against us! Great! If you need me before Sunday, I'll be trying to figure out the second greatest song of all-time...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Heat 106 Mavericks 85
6 Thoughts
1) The alleged defending NBA champion Dallas Mavericks - I still haven't seen solid evidence that they beat us - came to Miami tonight, seeking revenge for a savage opening night beatdown the Heat gave them in Dallas, ohhh, about a hundred years ago, got a hot shooting start, scooted out to an early lead...and then got systematically ground out of the game by Miami's balanced scoring, defensive activity, aggressive rebounding...and Ronny Turiaf? Yeah, yeah, boy, we're gonna tell you the truth about Ronny in #2, talk about KJ's physical state in #3, Shane Battier's f.u.in #4, and DeeDub's new haircut in #5. Then, in #6, a feature we like to call "Dos Minutos Gives GFOB Tommy Wade Life Advice." If you believe in Ronny and all that he can do for you, then keep reading. Let's go!
2) The truth about Ronny (to non-basketball GFOBs, by the way, it's "Rown-e," like rhymes with "own-e") is that he's the sweetest little NBA rotation big. Is he a starter? No. Is he what you would call "good?" No. Is he better than Dexter Pittman? Oh, yes, he's a million times better. He's an actual, legitimate, NBA rotation big man. He is high energy, pretty quick, a good jumper, and plays hard. He's the anti-Chris Bosh; he's the opposite of a statue! Came in for a short stint in the second quarter, caught the ball in the mid-post, blatantly hooked Maverick stiff Brandon Wright, and whirled in for a basket - that's one more time than Joel Anthony has done that in his entire career. Then, after a Mavs miss that Matrix Marion was about to tip in, went up from behind and cleverly slapped the ball off out his hand, off the backboard, saving two points - that's one more time than Chris Bosh has done that in his entire career. Came in again in the third quarter, and husssstttllled down the court in transition from well behind a runout, and when Wade missed a layup (missed blatant foul on Jet Terry), and KJ missed a tip follow, Turiaf was there to grab the ball, get shoved in the back, and make two free throws to put the Heat up 12. Moments later, he blocked a Maverick layup, leading to another runout extending the lead further, and then in the fourth quarter, made a brilliant defensive play by showing hard on a pick and roll, forcing Mavs guard Rodrique Beaubois almost back to midcourt, from where he tried to throw a 40 foot pass while going backwards, which KJ picked off, and the Heat again turned into points on the other end. Turiaf was active: finished his 18 minutes with 4 points, 6 rebounds, and 3 (!) blocks, and was aggressive on both ends in a positive way. In the NBA playoffs, you can never - never - have too many competent bigs. It's not possible. And so the truth about Ronny is that he's a special kind of player that makes his dad feel proud; you know, the kind of player who stands out in a crowd. Make it official, Heat fans: give him your love!
3) Yo, du, KJ is not feeling it, du (that's my new "thing": I've shortened "dude" to "du" - getting older, don't have a lot of time to waste on unnecessary sounds). He, apparently, had some horrific collision with Grant Hill last week, which I missed while away, which gave him a concussion and a sore elbow; he dislocated his finger earlier this week; and he is probably suffering from general fatigue. He passed up open jumpers all night, and made a concerted effort to get to the rim and to post up. As always, didn't get any calls on drives, and the Mavs doubled him immediately any time he posted. But his attention to detail and effort opened up the offense for Miami, and his defense, as usual, was rock solid. For a normal human, his 19 points (on 8-16), with 9 boards, 5 assists, and 2 steals would be 'cause celebre,' but for KJ, it felt more like, "Let's give this du a night or two off." Miami has a ton of games left against good teams in their last 17: 2 with Chicago, another with OKC, 3 with a surging Celtics club. And there is no stretch from now until the playoffs when Miami does not play at least every other night - that's crazy. The only thing that matters is being as healthy and rested as possible when the playoffs start. Why wouldn't you sit KJ tomorrow night against Toronto?
4) I didn't feel like Shane Battier was sharp tonight. Early in the game, he failed to close out on Vince Carter, let him line up a triple, which he drained. Moments later, he forced Lamar Odom - who is left-handed - left, and Odom swished an easy jumper. "What the hell are you doing, Shane," I complained, who responded by instantly hitting a triple of his own. In the second half, upon entering, he immediately threw a pass to Udonis Haslem (productive 16 point night) which nearly was intercepted - "Jeez, Shane, can you wake up," I groaned, whereupon he immediately drilled another three. You're welcome.
5) Dwyane Wade has recently gone to a classic, old-school black du "side part." Here's a picture of it.
It's a good look for him, and he has been promoting it on twitter, advising young kids everywhere to rock this "new" old style. But, still, the best side part ever? Ol' Fred Douglass! You know, this du:
6) "Dos Minutos Gives GFOB Tommy Wade Life Advice" - As many of you may know, Great Friend of the Blog Tommy Wade writes in from time-to-time. Sometimes he sends videos which we post in "Tommy Wade's Video Corner." Other times, like today, he needs life advice. As always, obviously, he's come to the right place. Let's post his entire email, and then give our thoughts after it:
Mr Minutos,
This is your fan, Tommy Wade again.
I had a question that you could possibly enlighten me.
I went to the very first Heat game in my life this past monday vs the Pacers. Although we lost and had negative 10 style points, I had the greatest time in my life. I finally got to see up close how physical the forwards play. How smooth Wade is on the court. I saw how much respect Wade commands. During the 3rd quarter, wade flat out started yelling at Lebron, before shooting his free throws. The whole crowd was silent. Lebron in a failed attempt to explain himself: "but...but...*silence*"
Anyways, I also found out that Lebron and Wade constantly sneer/stare at Mario. And when Mario feels dissed, he makes a point to PROVE himself by fouling someone or turning the ball over again. I def get frustrated w mario, but maybe that kid needs a hug more than anything. His dad is a coach, so he definitely gets sick of all the coach talk in his ear. Have u noticed that mario facial expression is priceless when teammates tell him what to do? He's like a kid who just got yelled at for running around next to a pool..."Imma walk away and act like i don't hear y'all....but once u turn ur back imma start running again and do my thing"
What are your thoughts?
Oh. The real question is. I always thought i didn't need money to be happy. But after sitting in the front row monday. I found out that money provides options.
I recall that you often times take ur kids to see the games. Do you think we should reserve front row seats for kids when they grow older, so that they appreciate it more?
Should we be allowed to indulge or constantly remind ourselves of humble beginnings?
Would love to hear your thoughts
Cheers.
Tommy
First of all, Tommy Wade, I am a fan of yours, and thank you for writing and for placing your trust in us here at Dos Minutos. Smart move. Second of all, I loved your email. It showed your love of the game, and you brought us right into the action with the way your cousin Dwyane and KJ James were constantly yelling at Mario "Emcee" Chalmers. Then it took a turn to the more contemplative as you wrestled with the age-old question of how much happiness wealth can buy. Then you finished up with a random shot at either Beyonce, or GFOB Plumber's Nets - or both. It was pretty much the ideal Dos Minutos email - if we received more like this one, we'd occasionally publish a mailbag, or something. Most emails we get are, like, "Why don't we trade James Jones for Kobe?" And, because I liked your email so much, I am going to try to give you an actual sincere answer, which most people do not think I am capable of...Okay, here goes: I find that as I get older, I don't enjoy going to the games the way I once did. The luxury of being at home on my couch, with the ability to fast-forward through timeouts, pause the game so that M.Minutos and I can yell at Emcee Chalmers ourselves, or make deli sandwiches on a whim, outweighs the visceral excitement of being at the game live for me, for the most part. But an even greater factor: when I am at the games live nowadays, I always get the sensation of "these are just guys playing basketball - why the hell did I just pay $350 to watch this? This is utterly retarded." I don't want Dwyane and KJ and Emcee Chalmers and Mike Mil-lar and Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant and all the other players to be, like, real people. No! I want them to be on tv! Be tv stars! The whole tv show is better than the game anyways. You get Eric Reid tracking the minutiae of Heat statistical achievement; you get "Hot Seconds with Jax" game shows, and Jax overlaughing at KJ's corny post-game jokes; you root for home game telecasts to feature Johanna Gomez instead of the (still quite lovely - just not quite as, ummm, lovely) white gal (whatever her name is); and you get the Sunsports "Crotch-Dunk Cam," where they violently switch to a low, under-the-basket angle on every breakaway so that you can't really see what is going on, except for giant crotches landing right in your grill. And, of course, the actual game, with instant replays, and statistics. It's a lot for the money, considering that it's free...All that being said - that's just me. If you like the games down close, definitely spend the money for it - you only live once, kid, and you should never feel bad about splashing the cash if you worked hard for it, and you aren't hurting anyone. You said you loved it, so keep going, if you can. Trust your instincts. You were smart enough to write in to this blog for life advice - to me, that means you're probably smart enough to figure out what works for you. As always, you killed it, Tommy Wade. And I would sit in the front row with you anytime...
---
Well, we're right back at it tomorrow night against Toronto. I have to be honest with you - I don't even know who is on Toronto these days. They still got Mo Pete? If you need me before then, I'll be killing it with Tommy Wade. Later, dus...
-----
1) The alleged defending NBA champion Dallas Mavericks - I still haven't seen solid evidence that they beat us - came to Miami tonight, seeking revenge for a savage opening night beatdown the Heat gave them in Dallas, ohhh, about a hundred years ago, got a hot shooting start, scooted out to an early lead...and then got systematically ground out of the game by Miami's balanced scoring, defensive activity, aggressive rebounding...and Ronny Turiaf? Yeah, yeah, boy, we're gonna tell you the truth about Ronny in #2, talk about KJ's physical state in #3, Shane Battier's f.u.in #4, and DeeDub's new haircut in #5. Then, in #6, a feature we like to call "Dos Minutos Gives GFOB Tommy Wade Life Advice." If you believe in Ronny and all that he can do for you, then keep reading. Let's go!
2) The truth about Ronny (to non-basketball GFOBs, by the way, it's "Rown-e," like rhymes with "own-e") is that he's the sweetest little NBA rotation big. Is he a starter? No. Is he what you would call "good?" No. Is he better than Dexter Pittman? Oh, yes, he's a million times better. He's an actual, legitimate, NBA rotation big man. He is high energy, pretty quick, a good jumper, and plays hard. He's the anti-Chris Bosh; he's the opposite of a statue! Came in for a short stint in the second quarter, caught the ball in the mid-post, blatantly hooked Maverick stiff Brandon Wright, and whirled in for a basket - that's one more time than Joel Anthony has done that in his entire career. Then, after a Mavs miss that Matrix Marion was about to tip in, went up from behind and cleverly slapped the ball off out his hand, off the backboard, saving two points - that's one more time than Chris Bosh has done that in his entire career. Came in again in the third quarter, and husssstttllled down the court in transition from well behind a runout, and when Wade missed a layup (missed blatant foul on Jet Terry), and KJ missed a tip follow, Turiaf was there to grab the ball, get shoved in the back, and make two free throws to put the Heat up 12. Moments later, he blocked a Maverick layup, leading to another runout extending the lead further, and then in the fourth quarter, made a brilliant defensive play by showing hard on a pick and roll, forcing Mavs guard Rodrique Beaubois almost back to midcourt, from where he tried to throw a 40 foot pass while going backwards, which KJ picked off, and the Heat again turned into points on the other end. Turiaf was active: finished his 18 minutes with 4 points, 6 rebounds, and 3 (!) blocks, and was aggressive on both ends in a positive way. In the NBA playoffs, you can never - never - have too many competent bigs. It's not possible. And so the truth about Ronny is that he's a special kind of player that makes his dad feel proud; you know, the kind of player who stands out in a crowd. Make it official, Heat fans: give him your love!
3) Yo, du, KJ is not feeling it, du (that's my new "thing": I've shortened "dude" to "du" - getting older, don't have a lot of time to waste on unnecessary sounds). He, apparently, had some horrific collision with Grant Hill last week, which I missed while away, which gave him a concussion and a sore elbow; he dislocated his finger earlier this week; and he is probably suffering from general fatigue. He passed up open jumpers all night, and made a concerted effort to get to the rim and to post up. As always, didn't get any calls on drives, and the Mavs doubled him immediately any time he posted. But his attention to detail and effort opened up the offense for Miami, and his defense, as usual, was rock solid. For a normal human, his 19 points (on 8-16), with 9 boards, 5 assists, and 2 steals would be 'cause celebre,' but for KJ, it felt more like, "Let's give this du a night or two off." Miami has a ton of games left against good teams in their last 17: 2 with Chicago, another with OKC, 3 with a surging Celtics club. And there is no stretch from now until the playoffs when Miami does not play at least every other night - that's crazy. The only thing that matters is being as healthy and rested as possible when the playoffs start. Why wouldn't you sit KJ tomorrow night against Toronto?
4) I didn't feel like Shane Battier was sharp tonight. Early in the game, he failed to close out on Vince Carter, let him line up a triple, which he drained. Moments later, he forced Lamar Odom - who is left-handed - left, and Odom swished an easy jumper. "What the hell are you doing, Shane," I complained, who responded by instantly hitting a triple of his own. In the second half, upon entering, he immediately threw a pass to Udonis Haslem (productive 16 point night) which nearly was intercepted - "Jeez, Shane, can you wake up," I groaned, whereupon he immediately drilled another three. You're welcome.
5) Dwyane Wade has recently gone to a classic, old-school black du "side part." Here's a picture of it.
It's a good look for him, and he has been promoting it on twitter, advising young kids everywhere to rock this "new" old style. But, still, the best side part ever? Ol' Fred Douglass! You know, this du:
Mr Minutos,
This is your fan, Tommy Wade again.
I had a question that you could possibly enlighten me.
I went to the very first Heat game in my life this past monday vs the Pacers. Although we lost and had negative 10 style points, I had the greatest time in my life. I finally got to see up close how physical the forwards play. How smooth Wade is on the court. I saw how much respect Wade commands. During the 3rd quarter, wade flat out started yelling at Lebron, before shooting his free throws. The whole crowd was silent. Lebron in a failed attempt to explain himself: "but...but...*silence*"
Anyways, I also found out that Lebron and Wade constantly sneer/stare at Mario. And when Mario feels dissed, he makes a point to PROVE himself by fouling someone or turning the ball over again. I def get frustrated w mario, but maybe that kid needs a hug more than anything. His dad is a coach, so he definitely gets sick of all the coach talk in his ear. Have u noticed that mario facial expression is priceless when teammates tell him what to do? He's like a kid who just got yelled at for running around next to a pool..."Imma walk away and act like i don't hear y'all....but once u turn ur back imma start running again and do my thing"
What are your thoughts?
Oh. The real question is. I always thought i didn't need money to be happy. But after sitting in the front row monday. I found out that money provides options.
And now that I've seen a real game up close. Nose bleeds seats will no longer do it for me anymore. It's like if i watch everything in blue ray, DVD won't do it.
Am i corrupted or spoiled by the seats?
I recall that you often times take ur kids to see the games. Do you think we should reserve front row seats for kids when they grow older, so that they appreciate it more?
Should we be allowed to indulge or constantly remind ourselves of humble beginnings?
Cuz the cycle will never end if we follow a path of luxury..look how bored beyonce is in her front row seats at Jersey. jk. But u get my point
Would love to hear your thoughts
Cheers.
Tommy
First of all, Tommy Wade, I am a fan of yours, and thank you for writing and for placing your trust in us here at Dos Minutos. Smart move. Second of all, I loved your email. It showed your love of the game, and you brought us right into the action with the way your cousin Dwyane and KJ James were constantly yelling at Mario "Emcee" Chalmers. Then it took a turn to the more contemplative as you wrestled with the age-old question of how much happiness wealth can buy. Then you finished up with a random shot at either Beyonce, or GFOB Plumber's Nets - or both. It was pretty much the ideal Dos Minutos email - if we received more like this one, we'd occasionally publish a mailbag, or something. Most emails we get are, like, "Why don't we trade James Jones for Kobe?" And, because I liked your email so much, I am going to try to give you an actual sincere answer, which most people do not think I am capable of...Okay, here goes: I find that as I get older, I don't enjoy going to the games the way I once did. The luxury of being at home on my couch, with the ability to fast-forward through timeouts, pause the game so that M.Minutos and I can yell at Emcee Chalmers ourselves, or make deli sandwiches on a whim, outweighs the visceral excitement of being at the game live for me, for the most part. But an even greater factor: when I am at the games live nowadays, I always get the sensation of "these are just guys playing basketball - why the hell did I just pay $350 to watch this? This is utterly retarded." I don't want Dwyane and KJ and Emcee Chalmers and Mike Mil-lar and Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant and all the other players to be, like, real people. No! I want them to be on tv! Be tv stars! The whole tv show is better than the game anyways. You get Eric Reid tracking the minutiae of Heat statistical achievement; you get "Hot Seconds with Jax" game shows, and Jax overlaughing at KJ's corny post-game jokes; you root for home game telecasts to feature Johanna Gomez instead of the (still quite lovely - just not quite as, ummm, lovely) white gal (whatever her name is); and you get the Sunsports "Crotch-Dunk Cam," where they violently switch to a low, under-the-basket angle on every breakaway so that you can't really see what is going on, except for giant crotches landing right in your grill. And, of course, the actual game, with instant replays, and statistics. It's a lot for the money, considering that it's free...All that being said - that's just me. If you like the games down close, definitely spend the money for it - you only live once, kid, and you should never feel bad about splashing the cash if you worked hard for it, and you aren't hurting anyone. You said you loved it, so keep going, if you can. Trust your instincts. You were smart enough to write in to this blog for life advice - to me, that means you're probably smart enough to figure out what works for you. As always, you killed it, Tommy Wade. And I would sit in the front row with you anytime...
---
Well, we're right back at it tomorrow night against Toronto. I have to be honest with you - I don't even know who is on Toronto these days. They still got Mo Pete? If you need me before then, I'll be killing it with Tommy Wade. Later, dus...
-----
Monday, March 26, 2012
Pacers 105 Heat 90
6 Thoughts
1) Man, the road can really take it out of you. I mean, when you have to be at your best when you are flying from city to city, schlepping your bags, going from one climate extreme to another - it can be difficult...Oh, not for the Heat, I have no idea what was wrong with them tonight. I mean for me - I had to be up at 4:30am this morning to catch the car service ride from my brother's house in DC to the airport. And, yet, here I am, standing tall, ready to deliver! I'm back and better than ever, although my body temperature may never recover from the last couple of days - dipped under 65 degrees more than once! Road warrior, baby! Come on, come on, DC-style, Allons-y!
2) Let's just start off by re-setting everything. You know - you know - the more things change, the more they stay the same. Any cliche you want. Same as it ever was. What goes around comes around - not sure that one fits, actually. My point is, Saturday, I came out of the Natural History Museum in DC, and on the Mall there was a large demonstration: pro-Atheism. Do you capitalize "Atheism?" It's not a religion, exactly. Anyways, they were up there yackety-yacking, you know, pro-science, anti-fundamentalism; and on the fringes of the demonstration, predictably, were the hard-core Christians, demonstrating against the demonstrators. Funny, by the way, how it's always Christian dudes who have the time to go demonstrate against the pro-science folks - you don't see a lot of Jews or Muslims down there being outraged over a bunch of wackadoos with nothing better to do on a Saturday. And I asked A.Minutos what he thought you had to do to have a large demonstration on the mall - get a permit? "Yeah, if you're soft," he sneered. It's a good point - if you are getting permission to have a demonstration, how important is the demonstration, really? Isn't it kind of an exercise in futility? Nothing that happened down on that Mall Saturday is really going to change anything - it's when someone gets really passionate and goes balls-to-the-wall with his beliefs that something has a chance to change. It's kind of like an NBA season - no one can really prove anything during the regular season. There is nothing Miami can do during this regular season to make anyone think any differently about them - if they won all 66 games, the national media is still going to be perched on the sidelines, just like the Christian dudes on the Mall, trying to explain why Miami has no chance to win the title. Maybe they will; maybe they won't. They just lost back-to-back road games against good teams, and didn't play particularly well. Still, they are 35-13. Chicago got blown out at home tonight and has 11 losses; OKC has 12. Everyone else has more. I'll get thirty-five emails tomorrow telling me they have no chance to win the title after these last two nights, but the reality is, Miami's got 18 games to go - they could lose them all, and I still really don't believe anyone but Chicago has a better than remote chance of beating them in a seven game series. This is just like last year - everyone thought Miami didn't win enough games during the regular season, but the regular season is a farce, it's meaningless, just like that demonstration on the Mall, just like the demonstration on the Mall last year, and just like the demonstration on the Mall the year before that. And, by the way, just saying, as a descendant of England (on my half-white side), this isn't a problem in English Premier League soccer, where almost every week has significance. Better system. My overall point? The regular season is stupid, and English people are smarter than us.
3) Annnd, yet, all that being said, I think we would all feel more confident if we had a power forward who didn't rebound like the FDR monument - with polio, sitting in a chair. Two rebounds in 36 minutes tonight for Chris Bosh. He looked exhausted - left back-to-back free throws short with 3 minutes left in the game. That never happens. I really don't know what is going to become of this kid. I honestly don't think he'll be here next year. Miami will either: 1 - play well, win the title, and then spin Bosh off for multiple parts to ease some of the rebounding and defending load on Dwyane and KJ; or, 2 - play poorly, not win the title, then spin Bosh off for multiple parts to ease some of the rebounding and defending load on Dwyane and KJ. Either way, it's tough to see how he returns, in my opinion. He's had a bad, bad year. He's a very good player, but the one thing they needed from him this year was a little more aggression defending and rebounding. Everyone knew that - he had to know it. Instead, he has rebounded and defended with the exact same level of aggression, which is to say, limited. Limited aggression...On the positive side, I couldn't go more than two feet the past week in Washington without seeing a statue, and it always reminded me of home!
4) Cherry blossoms, boy! It was Cherry blossom season in DC, and they were everywhere, raining down their pinkish white petals over everything within wind's reach. Just like Emcee Chalmers in the first quarter! As part of our "All Chalmers, All the Time" strategy, Chalmers dominated play on both ends of the court in the opening moments, and not always in a good way. Had: three steals; one alley-oop that he threw too high to Wade, and we didn't score; another alley-oop that he opted not to throw, going for a bounce pass to Wade, on which he also did not score; he made a layup and a triple; he travelled on a bizarre play in transition when he tried to run into Darren Collison to draw a foul, missed him, and stumbled through the lane; he committed an illegal screen when he cross-body-blocked a Pacer with two forearms, didn't hear a whistle, so then tried to shove him to the ground, all approximately two feet away from a referee; then committed a second foul by wildly careening into a driver, forcing Spo to lift him with three whole minutes still remaining in the quarter! We were down 8 or so when he left, so it was tough to say it was working, but we really got our money's worth from that stint!
5) George Washington > all other completely honest people throughout history > all marginally honest people (normal people) > pretty dishonest people > thieves and totally dishonest criminals > Frank Vogel #Don'tBelieveHisLies
6) As a half-Jew, half-White person, couldn't help but notice that the Charles Lindbergh exhibit in the Air and Space Museum spent a great deal of time extolling his "achievements" flying his dumb little plane to-and-fro, but totally left out the part where he was a raging anti-Semite, and a Nazi sympathizer. Oh, that's cool - I see how we do. Well, guess what, Air Space and Museum? I didn't leave a dollar in the giant donation box by the door when I left your museum, unlike the Natural History Museum, the National Gallery of Art, and every other museum I visited in which I did leave a dollar. So I guess your support of a virulent anti-Semite really hurt you more than it hurt me. Ha!
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I think we are off until Thursday, when we play Dallas! Hot dog, that should be a fun game in an otherwise sloggy last month of action. If you need me before then, I'll be throwing all my support behind Sully Sullenberger in this year's "Greatest All-Time American Aviator" contest. Roger out!
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1) Man, the road can really take it out of you. I mean, when you have to be at your best when you are flying from city to city, schlepping your bags, going from one climate extreme to another - it can be difficult...Oh, not for the Heat, I have no idea what was wrong with them tonight. I mean for me - I had to be up at 4:30am this morning to catch the car service ride from my brother's house in DC to the airport. And, yet, here I am, standing tall, ready to deliver! I'm back and better than ever, although my body temperature may never recover from the last couple of days - dipped under 65 degrees more than once! Road warrior, baby! Come on, come on, DC-style, Allons-y!
2) Let's just start off by re-setting everything. You know - you know - the more things change, the more they stay the same. Any cliche you want. Same as it ever was. What goes around comes around - not sure that one fits, actually. My point is, Saturday, I came out of the Natural History Museum in DC, and on the Mall there was a large demonstration: pro-Atheism. Do you capitalize "Atheism?" It's not a religion, exactly. Anyways, they were up there yackety-yacking, you know, pro-science, anti-fundamentalism; and on the fringes of the demonstration, predictably, were the hard-core Christians, demonstrating against the demonstrators. Funny, by the way, how it's always Christian dudes who have the time to go demonstrate against the pro-science folks - you don't see a lot of Jews or Muslims down there being outraged over a bunch of wackadoos with nothing better to do on a Saturday. And I asked A.Minutos what he thought you had to do to have a large demonstration on the mall - get a permit? "Yeah, if you're soft," he sneered. It's a good point - if you are getting permission to have a demonstration, how important is the demonstration, really? Isn't it kind of an exercise in futility? Nothing that happened down on that Mall Saturday is really going to change anything - it's when someone gets really passionate and goes balls-to-the-wall with his beliefs that something has a chance to change. It's kind of like an NBA season - no one can really prove anything during the regular season. There is nothing Miami can do during this regular season to make anyone think any differently about them - if they won all 66 games, the national media is still going to be perched on the sidelines, just like the Christian dudes on the Mall, trying to explain why Miami has no chance to win the title. Maybe they will; maybe they won't. They just lost back-to-back road games against good teams, and didn't play particularly well. Still, they are 35-13. Chicago got blown out at home tonight and has 11 losses; OKC has 12. Everyone else has more. I'll get thirty-five emails tomorrow telling me they have no chance to win the title after these last two nights, but the reality is, Miami's got 18 games to go - they could lose them all, and I still really don't believe anyone but Chicago has a better than remote chance of beating them in a seven game series. This is just like last year - everyone thought Miami didn't win enough games during the regular season, but the regular season is a farce, it's meaningless, just like that demonstration on the Mall, just like the demonstration on the Mall last year, and just like the demonstration on the Mall the year before that. And, by the way, just saying, as a descendant of England (on my half-white side), this isn't a problem in English Premier League soccer, where almost every week has significance. Better system. My overall point? The regular season is stupid, and English people are smarter than us.
3) Annnd, yet, all that being said, I think we would all feel more confident if we had a power forward who didn't rebound like the FDR monument - with polio, sitting in a chair. Two rebounds in 36 minutes tonight for Chris Bosh. He looked exhausted - left back-to-back free throws short with 3 minutes left in the game. That never happens. I really don't know what is going to become of this kid. I honestly don't think he'll be here next year. Miami will either: 1 - play well, win the title, and then spin Bosh off for multiple parts to ease some of the rebounding and defending load on Dwyane and KJ; or, 2 - play poorly, not win the title, then spin Bosh off for multiple parts to ease some of the rebounding and defending load on Dwyane and KJ. Either way, it's tough to see how he returns, in my opinion. He's had a bad, bad year. He's a very good player, but the one thing they needed from him this year was a little more aggression defending and rebounding. Everyone knew that - he had to know it. Instead, he has rebounded and defended with the exact same level of aggression, which is to say, limited. Limited aggression...On the positive side, I couldn't go more than two feet the past week in Washington without seeing a statue, and it always reminded me of home!
4) Cherry blossoms, boy! It was Cherry blossom season in DC, and they were everywhere, raining down their pinkish white petals over everything within wind's reach. Just like Emcee Chalmers in the first quarter! As part of our "All Chalmers, All the Time" strategy, Chalmers dominated play on both ends of the court in the opening moments, and not always in a good way. Had: three steals; one alley-oop that he threw too high to Wade, and we didn't score; another alley-oop that he opted not to throw, going for a bounce pass to Wade, on which he also did not score; he made a layup and a triple; he travelled on a bizarre play in transition when he tried to run into Darren Collison to draw a foul, missed him, and stumbled through the lane; he committed an illegal screen when he cross-body-blocked a Pacer with two forearms, didn't hear a whistle, so then tried to shove him to the ground, all approximately two feet away from a referee; then committed a second foul by wildly careening into a driver, forcing Spo to lift him with three whole minutes still remaining in the quarter! We were down 8 or so when he left, so it was tough to say it was working, but we really got our money's worth from that stint!
5) George Washington > all other completely honest people throughout history > all marginally honest people (normal people) > pretty dishonest people > thieves and totally dishonest criminals > Frank Vogel #Don'tBelieveHisLies
6) As a half-Jew, half-White person, couldn't help but notice that the Charles Lindbergh exhibit in the Air and Space Museum spent a great deal of time extolling his "achievements" flying his dumb little plane to-and-fro, but totally left out the part where he was a raging anti-Semite, and a Nazi sympathizer. Oh, that's cool - I see how we do. Well, guess what, Air Space and Museum? I didn't leave a dollar in the giant donation box by the door when I left your museum, unlike the Natural History Museum, the National Gallery of Art, and every other museum I visited in which I did leave a dollar. So I guess your support of a virulent anti-Semite really hurt you more than it hurt me. Ha!
---
I think we are off until Thursday, when we play Dallas! Hot dog, that should be a fun game in an otherwise sloggy last month of action. If you need me before then, I'll be throwing all my support behind Sully Sullenberger in this year's "Greatest All-Time American Aviator" contest. Roger out!
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Thunder 103 Heat 87
Dos Says: I am sending Snets' post about last night's game from my usual perch at the kitchen table - so good to be home, ladies and gentlemen! Only saw a couple of minutes of it since I was still with my family in Washington, DC, so I haven't seen the team in a week. Luckily, over the course of the week, I was "treated" to some quality basketball from the Washington Wizards, who seemingly had a game and lost every night I was in town. I'll be back with tomorrow's post about tonight's Pacer game, but here's Snets one more time - thanks, Snets! Come on, let's go, ALLONS-Y!!!
Thunder 103 Heat 87
Tiger finally wins on the PGA Tour, 30 months after his driveway beatdown. It was a pleasant afternoon watching golf. I used my pool for the first time this season, took the dogs to the dog park - I had such hopes, dreams and aspirations. Miss B prepared a lovely dinner. Who knew of the putrid wretched future that awaited me last evening. Allons-y
This was supposed to be a challenge game for the HEAT. Did we meet the challenge – hardly. This effort was troubling. We didn’t win a quarter. OKC was an organized buzz saw and we ran right into it. There was really nothing that you could say, as in – “well we sucked but at least we did this or that better”. We looked like the JV team playing the seniors. They were organized and crisp – we were ridiculous!
21 freaking turnovers and I think that was kind. I loved the one where Chris Bosh hit LBJ in the back. But of course after the half time pep talk, we’d have our shit together and come out swinging – NOT! we opened with 3 straight turnovers.
The biggest problem last night – our point guard play. Chalmers and Cole shot a combined 1 for 7. OKC, obviously watched the tape of the 2nd half of the Detroit game – leave our point guard unguarded and double team somebody else – the strategy is that our 1’s can’t hit the floor if they fell out of bed so let them shoot. Chalmers was simply beyond description last night – not sure he would have gotten on the floor in the D league with his play. Cole, his confidence appears shattered – his minutes are going down and his ability to make plays or even try to make plays has disappeared.
Ibaka and Perkins, who are in there for their D – shot a combined 16 for 22 and had 16 boards between them. I’m still scratching my head trying to figure out what happened. Where was our vaunted D? Odds on 6th man of the year James Harden was 6 for 7 with 6 boards – most of his points scored on fast breaks. The Thunder had 26 assists on 39 field goals – in other words they played team basketball – and totally outclassed us. Can we beat this team in a 7 game series? Not bloody likely right now. Even if we had controlled our turnovers, OKC would not let us get into our sets and chased every ball down – they looked like we do when we are firing on all cylinders. The fans in that arena are nuts. I mean what else is there to do in Oklahoma – watch the wheat grow? Do they even grow wheat in Oklahoma? Turiaf only played 11 minutes but had 4 points and 3 boards. The dude can catch the ball and put it back. Even Joel must be hearing steps because he all of a sudden is catching better – but he’s still dropping them too. We played long stretches last night with no natural 1 and 5 on the floor at the same time. That smacks of desperation.
James once again in the 4th quarter tried to be the facilitator instead of using his penetration and post up skills. What gets in this guy’s head. He needs to get down low and use his size and skill – they should not let him bring the ball up, especially in the 4th quarter. In fairness, he is not playing at full strength but Jeez Louise Lebron. No one other than Wade gets mad on this team. There are times when you have to be nasty – Stephen Jacksony – Kevin Garnetty – someone who grabs, stifles, trash talks when required. We don’t have that – our coach doesn’t have that. You need to have that from time to time when your pure talent isn’t working. Chris Bosh doesn’t have it – he’s a funny guy but he plays like he’s from Europe – sometime it works but when you play a team like this – it is a big hole. Chalmers certainly doesn’t have it, LBJ for all his bluster doesn’t have that. Damn it – we need to put some people on their butts from time to time.
Ok ok it was just a regular season game but we came very close to being absolutely humiliated by this team. As we slink off to Indy – they left the arena as world beaters – they left that arena thinking, we just beat the dog doo out of the HEAT – NO ONE can beat us – it’s Ring City BABY!
Or maybe it was all just a clever diversion……. Welcome back to Dos – I would rather read anything he writes – even with the obscure musical references – time to put on the headphones – I think Blodwyn Pig is up next.
Dos Says: Shots fired in the general direction of the good citizens of OKC!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Heat 88 Pistons 73
Heat 88 Pistons 73
We scored 29 freaking points in the 2nd half and won by 15, Tiger is leading going into the weekend for the first time since like the Clinton administration, John Goodman guilty and immediately incarcerated, Tony managed to get in even extra Mount Vernon mentions, yep everything sounds like status quo – Allons-y
Row-nee Turiaf, played 11 minutes – 4 points two missed free throws 4 boards, a steal and an assist. He looked like he belonged. He was a disruptive presence in the middle – not a world beater. I would describe him as a little taller, a little more skilled Joel Anthony. If we can get 10-12 points and 10 boards from our 5’s, that’s going put us over the top. I don’t think we will see Pittman or Curry play anything but garbage minutes for the rest of the season.
The squad posed for a picture in support of the family of Trayvon Martin. Spo called it a powerful statement. The entire team was there except for Shane Battier, whose mom and dad were visiting him and he decided to spend some time with them. It WAS a powerful statement. I found it disconcerting to hear Spo being questioned at length about it. I’m certainly not trying to minimize the situation, it just didn’t seem like the right time and place. No matter which side of this argument you fall on, it was cool of the team to let their feeling be known in an understated classy way – my hoodie is off to them and I hope it gave some degree of comfort to the this young man’s parents.
Ok back to the game and of course the sartorial splendor of our very own Jason Jackson. Yes it was ascot Friday but the bright canary yellow Craig Sagerish sports coat!!!! – mmmm, actually I kind of liked it. Very Tweety Birdish. I would love to live next door to this guy – you would never leave your back fence.
Everyone knows that Wade lost the bet to UD as UF Gators defeated Marquette to get into the elite 8. As loser, Wade had to put a Gator vanity plate on his car for a year. Now what kind of car does Wade have I wondered. Apparently he got some McLaren 12C for his birthday and that’s what UD wanted it 0n. We’ll see I guess.
•Second half of this game, it finally dawned on the HEAT that they were in Detroit, up 26, they were on to OKC after this one, and then they played about as sloppy as you possibly can. Turnovers, errant passes, Wade through up a lob for LBJ that was about 4 feet too high (Rio appreciated it). One thing they did very well this game was to shut down Ben Gordon after his 45 point outburst last game. I think he was 9 for 9 on three’s and tonight he was 0 for 4 and scored 10 meaningless points. They did forget to guard Brandon Knight a few times but so what – who cares - I’m struggling here. This was about as boring a game as we’ve seen. Folks who stayed home on a beautiful Florida Friday night to watch this, are true HEAT fans or like me, they have no life whatsoever.
I’m not going to waste anymore time on this one except to say that I hope that Terrell Harris gets to dress and gets some PT in this last third of the season. I think this kid is a winner and I would like to see him play a little more. It is pretty much ordained that we will have the 2nd seed so Spo take some minutes from the big three – deactivate the Huge 2 (Pittman and Curry) and get Harris some time on the floor. Ok, time for bed – can’t wait for the game on Sunday night – you know that arena is going to be a madhouse. The fans in OKC are up there with the best in the league and this is a signature game for both squads. Dos come back – this is brutal!
Dos says: #WeAreTrayvon
#ThanksSnets
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Heat 99 Suns 95
I am in DC and did not see the game - Snets takes it from here:
Heat 99 Suns 95
The most interesting thing I read today was that Dwight Howard farts in the locker room, loudly – that sports writers think that’s funny and that somehow this is an indication of his leadership skills. Second thing, is that the second best record in the NBA since the All Star break at 9-2 (Bulls 10-2) is our visiting opponent tonight – Los Suns! So Allons-y!
Obviously Chris Bosh played like we expect to play every night but the real star of this game, once again was the Dos favorite РUD. 15 hard fought points (mostly from the foul line) and 9 boards in 31 minutes. His most valuable contributions though, was his D in the waning minutes of the game. He was not going to let 10 points down ruin his night Рinsert all the warrior clich̩s here Рhe treated the front court of the Suns like his mouthpiece.
And speaking of 10 points down – a 19-4 run (including a 17-0) run to end the game - that had to have given us a real shot of confidence even playing without our all-world Center, Mrs. Butterworth.
Let’s talk about centers – Marcin Gortat – who by the way is the starting center on the NBA all-ugly team, is averaging a double double this year and was 13 and 8 tonight but between UD and Bosh – he really was not that much of a factor. Our two centers only played 19 foul filled minutes and scored 7 points. One of the guys on Twitter quipped – given enough time, Curry and Pittman are going to foul each other! Even with that, we tied them with 41 boards apiece. So what do we do going forward – Turiaf – Hollins from Cleveland – that Russian dude that Dos likes…. I really hope we take a look at Ryan Hollins – he’s a tall skinny guy but he’s nasty (remember the game against us last year in Cleveland) – he’s from UCLA, a center factory if there ever was one. Come on Dos – get your daddy to fill up our last roster spot with Hollins – that’s my pick. One thing though, don’t you appreciate Joel Anthony after this game for his disruptive presence after seeing us play with out him. He’s giving up 6 inches and 50 or 60 pounds a night. No he doesn’t fill up the stat sheet and no everytime LBJ throws him the ball it’s an adventure but you still have to appreciate his contributions. No, he’s not a starting quality center but there is a place for him. With so much of the cap tied up in the big 3 – what do you expect we’re going to get. So let’s quit screwing around, get someone in here now (my pick Ryan Hollins) so that he can contribute in the playoffs. If hell freezes over and Kaman gets bought out and the league lets us pick him up – we’ll figure that out when and if. It will be a good problem to have.
Let’s talk about point guards – looks like Fisher is going to OKC. Personally, I’m glad about that. Our point guards tonight only scored a total of 5 points. Our starter had 1, but he had 8 assists, some of them sports center moments and 5 steals. He was steady and played in control and didn’t throw the ball into the stands. Norris Cole – what happened to this guy – did Wade and James take him out back of the AAA and slap the shit out of him for shooting so much. Again, he played in control 4 points and 4 dimes. I don’t vote for augmenting the point guard position. Between Wade, LBJ and Mike Miller we have plenty of alternatives.
My brother is a Raptor’s season ticket holder (try and not hold that against the family) and happens to be visiting from Toronto. When you walk into his house, the first thing you see – the very first thing , is a framed game jersey worn by his hero – Steve Nash. Steve at 38 years old scored 9 points and dished out 10 assists, he played hard all game. The guy is a class act – Steve Nash that is, not my brother. Remember, he’s a Raptor’s season ticket holder, nuf said!
By the way, I want to shoot on site that freaking pig with the pin wheels in the insurance ad, he needs to be killed and Flo, you are one Progressive ad from making the hit list also.
Well that’s my feeble attempt for this game – in Detroit on Friday, and then OKC on Sunday. That should be a game and a half. I hope we have Ryan Hollins by then. Maybe they can entice him with one of those cool locker room attendant shirts that Tony and Eric were wearing tonight. Maybe I’ll get one for Dos for a homecoming present…….
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Heat 91 Magic 81
6 Thoughts
1) What the...? Dwight Howard is still on this team? He's been traded to one team or another seemingly two dozen times in the past 6 months before he walked for nothing as a free agent this upcoming offseason. Instead, he signed up for another year of living in Orlando? What? Who is his agent? Oh - only the guy pushing to try to get him to Los Angeles, New Jersey, Dallas, or anywhere but Orlando for the past year! Now, instead of a cake matchup against a Philadelphia or Indiana, Miami inevitably will have to play this team in the second round - and they are easily better than those two teams. The whole Dwight thing doesn't make any sense, it's totally confusing. I think Jameer Nelson said it best in his pre-game interview on Sunsports: "He's one of the biggest names in the game; anytime he is going through something, it's going to be notarized." He's right. And just because we're feeling magnanimous, we're not even going to make fun of Orlando tonight. Let's be honest: is it that much worse than Dallas or New Jersey? (shhhh, but yes). Let's go!
2) The game itself was a grind - Orlando stretches you out all over the court by surrounding Howard with three point shooters, and they compete defensively. Bosh got the Heat off to a good start with 10 first quarter points, abusing Ryan Anderson on the block (Bosh scored 23 on 9-13 overall), but Miami couldn't get two jump shots in a row to go down, and with KJ James struggling with his jumper, the fourth quarter fell to Dwyane, and he delivered: 14 points in the quarter, and 31 overall, to win fairly comfortably. Dwyane missed a jumper at the buzzer that would have won the game in Orlando at the beginning of this past week - one does wonder whether if that went in, Dwight is playing for the Lakers or the Nets tonight.
3) The real star of the game for Miami was the defense and the rebounding. Miami challenged shooters, holding Orlando to 39% from the floor, turned them over 20 times, and were able to contain Howard, who went only 7-17 for 18 points. The Heat also outrebounded the Magic 42-36. Though Miami's bigs don't rebound well - I mean, one of them has hands made out of two sticks of butter, and the other is a human statue - their wings rebound exceptionally well, and they have to make up the difference against good rebounding teams. Dwyane had 6 tonight from one wing, and KJ James outrebounded Dwight Howard 12-11. It was a rare night on which KJ shot the ball poorly (4-14 for 14 points), but he played an impressive all-around game. Besides his 12 rebounds (all on the defensive glass, helping to keep Howard in check), he also had 7 assists and 5 steals, and innumerable outstanding defensive possessions where he forced and contested difficult shots. Solid job by KJ of contributing on a night where the offense didn't come as easily as it normally does.
4) Noche Latino tonight in Miami, an annual tradition in which NBA teams around the league honor our Latino fans by placing an "El" or a "Los" in front of their team name on their jerseys. As a blog solidly committed to promoting understanding between Latins and everyone else, mostly by naming the blog "Dos Minutos," though we speak no Spanish whatsoever, we thank El Heat. But you know who we don't thank? The Orlando Magic, who apparently willfully decided not to participate in Noche Latino, and wore their normal uniforms. Racists! One more reason to leave Orlando, Dwight Howard!
5) Sometimes it's all about leaving a legacy. Very nice post game piece featuring Mario Chalmers visiting a group of local second graders recently to promote friendship. In the piece, one young girl asked him if it is fun to hang out with Dwyane Wade and KJ James, and he answered that it is, and that those two guys are his mentors, but what he was really thinking was that Dwyane never talks to him anymore, and KJ spends half of each game screaming at him when he messes up, which is fairly often. That's not how friends treat other friends (unless you live in Orlando and it is your Latin friend). I'll be visiting that school myself this week to deliver the message, "Kids, whatever Mr. Chalmers told you to do last week, in general, do anything but that." That's not even the legacy we are talking about, though. The legacy we are talking about happened Saturday afternoon, when M.Minutos and I spent about three minutes watching an NCAA tournament game and Marquette guard Todd Mayo (younger brother of OJ Mayo) charged up the left side of the court in transition with the ball, located a teammate sprinting to the rim down the right wing, unleashed a forty-foot laser beam alley-oop try that went 8 feet over his outstretched teammate's hands, landed about thirty rows up in the crowd behind the basket, and M.Minutos and I, at the exact same time, without even looking at each other, both just go, "Chalmers." Legacy.
6) From this month's issue of my- I mean, someone-who-I-don't-know-but-somehow-their-magazine-got-delivered-to-my-door - GQ:
Dear Style Guy,
Everyone I work with has started wearing ties, even though our dress code is business casual. I want to dress a little nicer, too, but while maintaining some individuality. So I was going to start wearing an ascot. But is it better paired with a belt or with suspenders?
Answer: You're talking about what the Brits call a day cravat. A proper ascot is the pinned formal tie worn with morning dress. Cravats are leisurely, and I don't think you should wear one to work unless you are of a certain profession, such as poet, critic, private librarian, paratrooper, golf pro, bookie, or godfather. And it's probably best worn with a belt, as you're in enough trouble already.
Or a television basketball host, I would imagine. #Jax
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I'm on vacation for a while. I'll be missing Tuesday against Phoenix, Friday against someone else, not too sure who, and Sunday against OKC. By the way, that is more missed games in one week than I missed in the last two season combined! That's totally healthy! Snets may sub in for me for some of those games, if he feels like it. Either way, I should be back for next Monday's game against Indiana. If you need me before then, I'll guess I'll be throwing out all my ascots: "stupid basketball blog writer" was not on the accepted professions list! See you in a week!
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1) What the...? Dwight Howard is still on this team? He's been traded to one team or another seemingly two dozen times in the past 6 months before he walked for nothing as a free agent this upcoming offseason. Instead, he signed up for another year of living in Orlando? What? Who is his agent? Oh - only the guy pushing to try to get him to Los Angeles, New Jersey, Dallas, or anywhere but Orlando for the past year! Now, instead of a cake matchup against a Philadelphia or Indiana, Miami inevitably will have to play this team in the second round - and they are easily better than those two teams. The whole Dwight thing doesn't make any sense, it's totally confusing. I think Jameer Nelson said it best in his pre-game interview on Sunsports: "He's one of the biggest names in the game; anytime he is going through something, it's going to be notarized." He's right. And just because we're feeling magnanimous, we're not even going to make fun of Orlando tonight. Let's be honest: is it that much worse than Dallas or New Jersey? (shhhh, but yes). Let's go!
2) The game itself was a grind - Orlando stretches you out all over the court by surrounding Howard with three point shooters, and they compete defensively. Bosh got the Heat off to a good start with 10 first quarter points, abusing Ryan Anderson on the block (Bosh scored 23 on 9-13 overall), but Miami couldn't get two jump shots in a row to go down, and with KJ James struggling with his jumper, the fourth quarter fell to Dwyane, and he delivered: 14 points in the quarter, and 31 overall, to win fairly comfortably. Dwyane missed a jumper at the buzzer that would have won the game in Orlando at the beginning of this past week - one does wonder whether if that went in, Dwight is playing for the Lakers or the Nets tonight.
3) The real star of the game for Miami was the defense and the rebounding. Miami challenged shooters, holding Orlando to 39% from the floor, turned them over 20 times, and were able to contain Howard, who went only 7-17 for 18 points. The Heat also outrebounded the Magic 42-36. Though Miami's bigs don't rebound well - I mean, one of them has hands made out of two sticks of butter, and the other is a human statue - their wings rebound exceptionally well, and they have to make up the difference against good rebounding teams. Dwyane had 6 tonight from one wing, and KJ James outrebounded Dwight Howard 12-11. It was a rare night on which KJ shot the ball poorly (4-14 for 14 points), but he played an impressive all-around game. Besides his 12 rebounds (all on the defensive glass, helping to keep Howard in check), he also had 7 assists and 5 steals, and innumerable outstanding defensive possessions where he forced and contested difficult shots. Solid job by KJ of contributing on a night where the offense didn't come as easily as it normally does.
4) Noche Latino tonight in Miami, an annual tradition in which NBA teams around the league honor our Latino fans by placing an "El" or a "Los" in front of their team name on their jerseys. As a blog solidly committed to promoting understanding between Latins and everyone else, mostly by naming the blog "Dos Minutos," though we speak no Spanish whatsoever, we thank El Heat. But you know who we don't thank? The Orlando Magic, who apparently willfully decided not to participate in Noche Latino, and wore their normal uniforms. Racists! One more reason to leave Orlando, Dwight Howard!
5) Sometimes it's all about leaving a legacy. Very nice post game piece featuring Mario Chalmers visiting a group of local second graders recently to promote friendship. In the piece, one young girl asked him if it is fun to hang out with Dwyane Wade and KJ James, and he answered that it is, and that those two guys are his mentors, but what he was really thinking was that Dwyane never talks to him anymore, and KJ spends half of each game screaming at him when he messes up, which is fairly often. That's not how friends treat other friends (unless you live in Orlando and it is your Latin friend). I'll be visiting that school myself this week to deliver the message, "Kids, whatever Mr. Chalmers told you to do last week, in general, do anything but that." That's not even the legacy we are talking about, though. The legacy we are talking about happened Saturday afternoon, when M.Minutos and I spent about three minutes watching an NCAA tournament game and Marquette guard Todd Mayo (younger brother of OJ Mayo) charged up the left side of the court in transition with the ball, located a teammate sprinting to the rim down the right wing, unleashed a forty-foot laser beam alley-oop try that went 8 feet over his outstretched teammate's hands, landed about thirty rows up in the crowd behind the basket, and M.Minutos and I, at the exact same time, without even looking at each other, both just go, "Chalmers." Legacy.
6) From this month's issue of my- I mean, someone-who-I-don't-know-but-somehow-their-magazine-got-delivered-to-my-door - GQ:
Dear Style Guy,
Everyone I work with has started wearing ties, even though our dress code is business casual. I want to dress a little nicer, too, but while maintaining some individuality. So I was going to start wearing an ascot. But is it better paired with a belt or with suspenders?
Answer: You're talking about what the Brits call a day cravat. A proper ascot is the pinned formal tie worn with morning dress. Cravats are leisurely, and I don't think you should wear one to work unless you are of a certain profession, such as poet, critic, private librarian, paratrooper, golf pro, bookie, or godfather. And it's probably best worn with a belt, as you're in enough trouble already.
Or a television basketball host, I would imagine. #Jax
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I'm on vacation for a while. I'll be missing Tuesday against Phoenix, Friday against someone else, not too sure who, and Sunday against OKC. By the way, that is more missed games in one week than I missed in the last two season combined! That's totally healthy! Snets may sub in for me for some of those games, if he feels like it. Either way, I should be back for next Monday's game against Indiana. If you need me before then, I'll guess I'll be throwing out all my ascots: "stupid basketball blog writer" was not on the accepted professions list! See you in a week!
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Friday, March 16, 2012
Heat 84 Sixers 78
6 Thoughts
1) Miami played a great first half, and led by 29 at the beginning of the third quarter. They played atrociously in the second half, and let the lead slide all the way down to 4, before holding on to win. Here's the rundown: in #2, we'll talk about Udonis Haslem winning the game. In #3, why we are consistently struggling offensively in third quarters. Then in #4, the rebounding issue, and in #5, as always against the Sixers, we criticize Elton Brand. To close it out in #6, we would briefly discuss Third Eye Blind if we knew anything about them, which we don't, since obviously no self-respecting, grown adult male would ever know anything about Third Eye Blind. Let's go!
2) I know this is hard to believe, but sometimes people will email the blog to criticize something that I wrote. Every once in a while, someone will accuse me of never writing anything mean about Dwyane or Udonis. First of all, with all due respect, those people can go to hell. Second of all, neither Dwyane nor Udonis has ever done anything wrong on the court, ever, since they've been on the Heat. Sometimes the referees will mess them up, but that's about it - can't really blame them for that. That being said, it would be tough to argue that this has been Udonis' best season. He hasn't, ummm, made quite as many jumpers as one would like, he hasn't finished well inside, and Chris Bosh's propensity for tipping rebounds instead of grabbing them has rubbed off on him. But, tonight he won the game. As Miami's offense ground to a complete and total halt (only 27 second half points), and Philly closed to single digits halfway through the fourth, UD scored 8 points on 4-4 shooting, including three critical jumpers. He won the game. I said this at the end of the 09-10 season, when UD was a free agent, and it seemed like Miami would not have the cap room to bring him back: I'd rather lose every game with Udonis, than win every game without him. And I still feel that way - he's my favorite basketball player ever, and probably my favorite human being ever, after Ben Gazzara, and then my family. For those of you who don't like that, you can stop reading "Dos Minutos," and switch over to "The Daily Bosh."
3) You know why the offense keeps grinding to a halt in the third quarter of games? Because in first halves, Dwyane and KJ James go to the block and freakin' kill people. In the third quarter, they stand around on the perimeter and let Emcee Chalmers and Joel Anthony run late pick-and-rolls. Then Dwyane comes out halfway through the quarter for his normal rest, and KJ runs the offense by dribbling for 17 seconds 44 feet from the hoop, and then passing to Chalmers so he can run the late pick and roll with Joel. Why? I have no idea why. I have no explanation, or joke. That's just how we do, I guess.
4) Rebounding. Here's the thing with rebounding: our big guys pretty much stink at rebounding - just like last year. When we play a team that's good on the boards in the regular season, like Orlando, like Chicago, a lot of times we get killed on the boards - just like last year. Every fan starts looking for the magical volume rebounder who is going to save us - last year it was Zydrunas Ilgauskas, or Jamal Magloire, or Erick Dampier. This year it is Dexter Pittman, Eddy Curry, Kyrylo Fesenko, Shavlik Randolph, or Ronny Turiaf. Guess what? Just like last year, none of those guys is going to help. Just stop it! Don't write me anymore about terrible bigs! And when I write to you about them, don't write me back! In the playoffs, Dwyane and KJ have to rebound for us to win - just like last year. They have to make up the difference. In the first half tonight, after two straight road losses to tough teams, facing another good team in their building, those two went to work on the glass - 9 first half rebounds for Dwyane (11 for the game), and 7 overall from KJ. That's a ton of rebounds from your two wings. In the pregame, Tony Fiorentino highlighted the need to shore up that area, pointing out, in particular, that Chris Bosh needed to get to get more physical and body opposing bigs away from the rim. That would be a great idea...if he were a totally and completely different person, the kind who would have the will and physicality to body someone off the boards, rather than stand there with his hands in the air like a statue. When it matters, let's leave the bodying people off the boards to Dwyane and KJ.
5) Elton Brand with an impactful 3-8 for 6 points tonight in 29 painful minutes. I can't respect someone who doesn't even have the decency to try to get in shape when he's getting paid 17 million dollars a season. It's one thing not to play well; it's another to be woefully out of shape. Pitiful This is not what Coach K taught you at Duke, Elton. He told you to get in shape, then cheat by leaping in front of drivers at the last second, directly under the rim, and to fall down when they make any contact with you whatsoever. You don't even deserve the name Elton - even Elton John was cooler than you. Elton John rocked, he was a nerdy, balding little wimp (like me!), but at least he put it all out there, he gave it everything he had, he beat the crap out of that little keyboard and hammered us with "Saturday Night's Good for Fighting," or whatever it is called. You're like bad hair-transplant, "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues," Elton John, and that's a terrible thing to be...On the other hand, is there any chance the Sixers buy him out? Maybe he could help us with our rebounding!
6) I saw today in the very excellent daily periodical, The Palm Beach Post, that Third Eye Blind will be playing at our annual music festival down at the waterfront in West Palm Beach, called Sunfest. Yes!..Ummm, I mean, "oh, whatever." Last season, one night after a Heat game, I obviously didn't stay up for an extra hour watching a recent live Third Eye Blind concert on Mark Cuban's station HDNet, which is the worst television channel name ever, and I definitely didn't notice that in their stage set, the band ran their name together with no spaces in big lights behind them, like this: THIRDEYEBLIND, and I couldn't stop thinking about how there was no way you could look at that and not think "THIRDEY EBLIND," instead of "THIRD EYE BLIND." Not that I care, since I totally don't know the words to every single song on their 1997 debut, Third Eye Blind, which featured 5 singles - "Semi-Charmed Life," "Graduate," "How's It Going to Be," "Losing a Whole Year," and "Jumper" - and sold over 7 million albums. I would never, ever know the words to those songs, because Third Eye Blind is clearly for teenage girls, although to be honest, I think it is totally okay for a dude to admit that lead singer Stephan Jenkins has a certain insouciant charm. And I would never, not in a million years, stay up late one night and teach myself how to play "Jumper" on an acoustic guitar. So I really, really, won't be going to see them play Sunfest. I mean, don't make any plans to do something with me that night because, actually, I totally have something else to do, but it's with another group of friends that you don't know, from a different town, and it definitely has nothing to do with going to see Third Eye Blind...
---
We're back Sunday against Orlando. Dwight Howard is definitely off that team now, right? He forced the trade to New Jersey, right? There's no way that turned out to be a whole big sham where his agent was trying to force him there, but he didn't really want to go, and in the end he stood up for himself and stayed in - ewwwwww - Orlando, right? Ahhh, it's going to be so nice to play them without the big fella in the middle! If you need me before then, I'll be wishing you would step back off that ledge, my friend, and you could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in...
-----
1) Miami played a great first half, and led by 29 at the beginning of the third quarter. They played atrociously in the second half, and let the lead slide all the way down to 4, before holding on to win. Here's the rundown: in #2, we'll talk about Udonis Haslem winning the game. In #3, why we are consistently struggling offensively in third quarters. Then in #4, the rebounding issue, and in #5, as always against the Sixers, we criticize Elton Brand. To close it out in #6, we would briefly discuss Third Eye Blind if we knew anything about them, which we don't, since obviously no self-respecting, grown adult male would ever know anything about Third Eye Blind. Let's go!
2) I know this is hard to believe, but sometimes people will email the blog to criticize something that I wrote. Every once in a while, someone will accuse me of never writing anything mean about Dwyane or Udonis. First of all, with all due respect, those people can go to hell. Second of all, neither Dwyane nor Udonis has ever done anything wrong on the court, ever, since they've been on the Heat. Sometimes the referees will mess them up, but that's about it - can't really blame them for that. That being said, it would be tough to argue that this has been Udonis' best season. He hasn't, ummm, made quite as many jumpers as one would like, he hasn't finished well inside, and Chris Bosh's propensity for tipping rebounds instead of grabbing them has rubbed off on him. But, tonight he won the game. As Miami's offense ground to a complete and total halt (only 27 second half points), and Philly closed to single digits halfway through the fourth, UD scored 8 points on 4-4 shooting, including three critical jumpers. He won the game. I said this at the end of the 09-10 season, when UD was a free agent, and it seemed like Miami would not have the cap room to bring him back: I'd rather lose every game with Udonis, than win every game without him. And I still feel that way - he's my favorite basketball player ever, and probably my favorite human being ever, after Ben Gazzara, and then my family. For those of you who don't like that, you can stop reading "Dos Minutos," and switch over to "The Daily Bosh."
3) You know why the offense keeps grinding to a halt in the third quarter of games? Because in first halves, Dwyane and KJ James go to the block and freakin' kill people. In the third quarter, they stand around on the perimeter and let Emcee Chalmers and Joel Anthony run late pick-and-rolls. Then Dwyane comes out halfway through the quarter for his normal rest, and KJ runs the offense by dribbling for 17 seconds 44 feet from the hoop, and then passing to Chalmers so he can run the late pick and roll with Joel. Why? I have no idea why. I have no explanation, or joke. That's just how we do, I guess.
4) Rebounding. Here's the thing with rebounding: our big guys pretty much stink at rebounding - just like last year. When we play a team that's good on the boards in the regular season, like Orlando, like Chicago, a lot of times we get killed on the boards - just like last year. Every fan starts looking for the magical volume rebounder who is going to save us - last year it was Zydrunas Ilgauskas, or Jamal Magloire, or Erick Dampier. This year it is Dexter Pittman, Eddy Curry, Kyrylo Fesenko, Shavlik Randolph, or Ronny Turiaf. Guess what? Just like last year, none of those guys is going to help. Just stop it! Don't write me anymore about terrible bigs! And when I write to you about them, don't write me back! In the playoffs, Dwyane and KJ have to rebound for us to win - just like last year. They have to make up the difference. In the first half tonight, after two straight road losses to tough teams, facing another good team in their building, those two went to work on the glass - 9 first half rebounds for Dwyane (11 for the game), and 7 overall from KJ. That's a ton of rebounds from your two wings. In the pregame, Tony Fiorentino highlighted the need to shore up that area, pointing out, in particular, that Chris Bosh needed to get to get more physical and body opposing bigs away from the rim. That would be a great idea...if he were a totally and completely different person, the kind who would have the will and physicality to body someone off the boards, rather than stand there with his hands in the air like a statue. When it matters, let's leave the bodying people off the boards to Dwyane and KJ.
5) Elton Brand with an impactful 3-8 for 6 points tonight in 29 painful minutes. I can't respect someone who doesn't even have the decency to try to get in shape when he's getting paid 17 million dollars a season. It's one thing not to play well; it's another to be woefully out of shape. Pitiful This is not what Coach K taught you at Duke, Elton. He told you to get in shape, then cheat by leaping in front of drivers at the last second, directly under the rim, and to fall down when they make any contact with you whatsoever. You don't even deserve the name Elton - even Elton John was cooler than you. Elton John rocked, he was a nerdy, balding little wimp (like me!), but at least he put it all out there, he gave it everything he had, he beat the crap out of that little keyboard and hammered us with "Saturday Night's Good for Fighting," or whatever it is called. You're like bad hair-transplant, "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues," Elton John, and that's a terrible thing to be...On the other hand, is there any chance the Sixers buy him out? Maybe he could help us with our rebounding!
6) I saw today in the very excellent daily periodical, The Palm Beach Post, that Third Eye Blind will be playing at our annual music festival down at the waterfront in West Palm Beach, called Sunfest. Yes!..Ummm, I mean, "oh, whatever." Last season, one night after a Heat game, I obviously didn't stay up for an extra hour watching a recent live Third Eye Blind concert on Mark Cuban's station HDNet, which is the worst television channel name ever, and I definitely didn't notice that in their stage set, the band ran their name together with no spaces in big lights behind them, like this: THIRDEYEBLIND, and I couldn't stop thinking about how there was no way you could look at that and not think "THIRDEY EBLIND," instead of "THIRD EYE BLIND." Not that I care, since I totally don't know the words to every single song on their 1997 debut, Third Eye Blind, which featured 5 singles - "Semi-Charmed Life," "Graduate," "How's It Going to Be," "Losing a Whole Year," and "Jumper" - and sold over 7 million albums. I would never, ever know the words to those songs, because Third Eye Blind is clearly for teenage girls, although to be honest, I think it is totally okay for a dude to admit that lead singer Stephan Jenkins has a certain insouciant charm. And I would never, not in a million years, stay up late one night and teach myself how to play "Jumper" on an acoustic guitar. So I really, really, won't be going to see them play Sunfest. I mean, don't make any plans to do something with me that night because, actually, I totally have something else to do, but it's with another group of friends that you don't know, from a different town, and it definitely has nothing to do with going to see Third Eye Blind...
---
We're back Sunday against Orlando. Dwight Howard is definitely off that team now, right? He forced the trade to New Jersey, right? There's no way that turned out to be a whole big sham where his agent was trying to force him there, but he didn't really want to go, and in the end he stood up for himself and stayed in - ewwwwww - Orlando, right? Ahhh, it's going to be so nice to play them without the big fella in the middle! If you need me before then, I'll be wishing you would step back off that ledge, my friend, and you could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in...
-----
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Bulls 106 Heat 102
6 Thoughts
1) I'm glad this back-to-back is over. These two nights were not fun at all. I can't lie, I barely watched the fourth quarter, I got bored with the actual game, then fixated on reading people tweeting about the game, rather than watching the game itself. Here's what I gathered: people really, really love Dwyane Wade with an intensity matched only by how much they really, really hate Chris Bosh and Mario Chalmers!...I don't know how many more basketball games I can watch in my life - I'm watching these playoffs, and then retiring. Tweet at me what happens next season, okay? Let's go!
2) The Heat seemingly caught a break tonight when Derrick Rose didn't play due to a sore groin, probably caused by the Chicago media, you know, "working" him. A little more on his absence down in #5. But, honestly, duh, his replacements, CJ Watson and John Lucas III are far inferior players, but they're probably peskier defenders, and tonight they both played more efficiently on offense than Rose usually does against Miami. 35 points on a combined 12-19 from those two - goodness gracious. In fact, this game was a microcosm of this matchup, which is likely to play out again in the Eastern Conference Finals. The Bulls are bigger, deeper, and more physical upfront, and for long periods of time, they can dominate the glass, and the defensive lane. Rose is a very good player, but he gets a disproportionate amount of credit for his team's success: they win because they lock down and rebound. Chicago crushed Miami on the boards 50-34 tonight. But late in the game, after Chicago had seemingly pushed the lead out of reach, Dwyane Wade and KJ James erupted, particularly Wade, who went for 19 in the fourth quarter. 36 for Wade on 16-26; 35 for James on 14-25. They didn't get any help - on nights where they do, it's tough for Chicago to beat those two guys. On nights where Chicago can hold everyone else, like tonight, Chicago can win. We'll see what happens in the playoffs, I suppose - in general, it's hard to believe that these aren't the two best teams in basketball.
3) Chris Bosh was particularly putrid with a 3-15 and an absolutely pitiful 3 rebounds in 37 minutes. I've had it with him again - this game doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things, but you'd just like to see him get up for the fight a little more often, even just for the hell of it. At one point, Tony Fiorentino pointed out to Eric Reid that even a ton of missed shots in a row isn't going to faze Bosh. But, in a way, that's exactly the problem when it goes bad. Nothing ever fazes him - he just stays so freaking even. You think he'd be shooting crappy and get mad at some point, and go get a rebound, or take a hard foul, or something. But, no, he just keeps wandering along, shooting open jumpers, make or miss. On the other hand, his eveness (eveninity?) probably serves him well when he is draining big jumpers late in games, which he does all the time - he's the Heat's most reliable fourth quarter shooter. Such an enigma, Chris Bosh, you are coy, and you are unknowable!!! Ahhh, well. We'll see - if we win the title, all is forgiven. If we lose the title, he won't be here next season anyways.
4) I never, ever do this, but this is a personal message for The Captain, because I'll forget to tell him tomorrow: Ed Pickney's son Austin is going to Northwood to play college basketball for Rollie Massimino next season! Northwood is a college, right? That's right next door to Dos Minutos International Headquarters! We are so there! Austin Pickney Fan Club!
5) Derrick Rose is a great player, but, goodness, he was wearing a blue suit, grey shirt, grey tie combo with mismatched patterns that looked like it came from T.J. Maxx for about $100, total. Do they still have T.J. Maxx, by the way? You wonder if he is scared to dress better for fear of being ridiculed by his teammate, noted homophobe Joakim Noah. #queereyeforthestraightguy
6) "With all due respect" = "you are a jackapple, and I do not respect you"
---
Tough road trip continues Friday in Philadelphia. Right now, I honestly could not be more tired of the NBA - just trying to make it to the end of the season for the playoffs to start. I'm out of town next week, maybe that will recharge my batteries - need to ask Snets if he can replace me. Yoooo, Snets, can you replace me next week? If you need me before Friday, I'll by making my banners for Austin Pickney's home debut! Only about 8 months away!
-----
1) I'm glad this back-to-back is over. These two nights were not fun at all. I can't lie, I barely watched the fourth quarter, I got bored with the actual game, then fixated on reading people tweeting about the game, rather than watching the game itself. Here's what I gathered: people really, really love Dwyane Wade with an intensity matched only by how much they really, really hate Chris Bosh and Mario Chalmers!...I don't know how many more basketball games I can watch in my life - I'm watching these playoffs, and then retiring. Tweet at me what happens next season, okay? Let's go!
2) The Heat seemingly caught a break tonight when Derrick Rose didn't play due to a sore groin, probably caused by the Chicago media, you know, "working" him. A little more on his absence down in #5. But, honestly, duh, his replacements, CJ Watson and John Lucas III are far inferior players, but they're probably peskier defenders, and tonight they both played more efficiently on offense than Rose usually does against Miami. 35 points on a combined 12-19 from those two - goodness gracious. In fact, this game was a microcosm of this matchup, which is likely to play out again in the Eastern Conference Finals. The Bulls are bigger, deeper, and more physical upfront, and for long periods of time, they can dominate the glass, and the defensive lane. Rose is a very good player, but he gets a disproportionate amount of credit for his team's success: they win because they lock down and rebound. Chicago crushed Miami on the boards 50-34 tonight. But late in the game, after Chicago had seemingly pushed the lead out of reach, Dwyane Wade and KJ James erupted, particularly Wade, who went for 19 in the fourth quarter. 36 for Wade on 16-26; 35 for James on 14-25. They didn't get any help - on nights where they do, it's tough for Chicago to beat those two guys. On nights where Chicago can hold everyone else, like tonight, Chicago can win. We'll see what happens in the playoffs, I suppose - in general, it's hard to believe that these aren't the two best teams in basketball.
3) Chris Bosh was particularly putrid with a 3-15 and an absolutely pitiful 3 rebounds in 37 minutes. I've had it with him again - this game doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things, but you'd just like to see him get up for the fight a little more often, even just for the hell of it. At one point, Tony Fiorentino pointed out to Eric Reid that even a ton of missed shots in a row isn't going to faze Bosh. But, in a way, that's exactly the problem when it goes bad. Nothing ever fazes him - he just stays so freaking even. You think he'd be shooting crappy and get mad at some point, and go get a rebound, or take a hard foul, or something. But, no, he just keeps wandering along, shooting open jumpers, make or miss. On the other hand, his eveness (eveninity?) probably serves him well when he is draining big jumpers late in games, which he does all the time - he's the Heat's most reliable fourth quarter shooter. Such an enigma, Chris Bosh, you are coy, and you are unknowable!!! Ahhh, well. We'll see - if we win the title, all is forgiven. If we lose the title, he won't be here next season anyways.
4) I never, ever do this, but this is a personal message for The Captain, because I'll forget to tell him tomorrow: Ed Pickney's son Austin is going to Northwood to play college basketball for Rollie Massimino next season! Northwood is a college, right? That's right next door to Dos Minutos International Headquarters! We are so there! Austin Pickney Fan Club!
5) Derrick Rose is a great player, but, goodness, he was wearing a blue suit, grey shirt, grey tie combo with mismatched patterns that looked like it came from T.J. Maxx for about $100, total. Do they still have T.J. Maxx, by the way? You wonder if he is scared to dress better for fear of being ridiculed by his teammate, noted homophobe Joakim Noah. #queereyeforthestraightguy
6) "With all due respect" = "you are a jackapple, and I do not respect you"
---
Tough road trip continues Friday in Philadelphia. Right now, I honestly could not be more tired of the NBA - just trying to make it to the end of the season for the playoffs to start. I'm out of town next week, maybe that will recharge my batteries - need to ask Snets if he can replace me. Yoooo, Snets, can you replace me next week? If you need me before Friday, I'll by making my banners for Austin Pickney's home debut! Only about 8 months away!
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Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Magic 104 Heat 98 ot
6 Thoughts
1) Bad. That was bad. Everything about it was bad. Both teams were bad. Our coach was bad. The refs were bad. Predictably, the game went to overtime, so everyone had to suffer another five minutes. The game's nadir was reached late in overtime when, up 4, Dwight Howard missed 2 consecutive free throws (a mind-boggling 6-18 on the night, which allowed Miami to hang around), the second barely grazing the front iron, and then Miami, desperately needing a quick hoop, jogged it down to the other end at half-speed where Dwyane Wade completely whiffed a triple. Bad. I am sure there were worse games to watch this year, but my memory is also so bad that I can't remember them. Well, if form holds, this post will suck! Let's go!
2) We say all the time that KJ James doesn't have bad games, but even he couldn't escape this one. Sleepwalked through a 7-20 for 19 points. He did have 11 rebounds and 8 assists, but he really wasn't aggressive at all - kept declining to drive against Hedo Turkoglu, even though I am pretty sure he couldn't hold O.Minutos off the dribble. KJ was bad. He's entitled once in a while. Dwyane was also pretty low energy. He scored 28, but took 22 shots, and wasn't his normal dynamic self. Also made a poor decision, I thought, on the last possession of regulation, tied, by stepping back into a contested 20 footer against JJ Redick. It's the same shot he made last game against Indiana to win, but it's still a lazy play. It's a Kobe Bryant hero ball play - look at Kobe's late game shooting numbers sometime. They're putrid. If this was a real blog, I'd look them up for you, but it isn't, and I won't...
3) I'm not going to say the refs, specifically crew chief Ed Malloy were worse than KJ and Dwyane, but they were probably equally as bad. Miami shot no free throws in the entire second half and overtime. I'll be fair - they weren't attacking (except for Chris Bosh's dunk on Dwight Howard!). But, still, when the other team shoots 34 free throws for the game, and you shoot 11, and none of them come in the second half, that is disappointing. Ed Malloy's nadir also came late in overtime when he bizarrely waved off a Chris Bosh 3 point play which would have put Miami up 1 (and been our only free throw of the half!), gave Miami the ball on the side, KJ went to the rim, got hammered, didn't get a call even though everyone on the court stopped and Jameer Nelson went in for a layup to go up 4, and then Miami came back down and Malloy called an off-the-ball offensive foul on Emcee Chalmers, which would have effectively ended the game if Dwight Howard hadn't continued to miss free throws. I guess Ed Malloy is entitled once in a while, too.
4) Coach Spo ordered a Hack-a-Dwight with just over two minutes to go in the fourth quarter - obviously, those were the two in a row that he nailed. I'm not going to go on a rant - Spo's entitled to a soft moment, too - but, please, let's never do that again. That is the way bad teams play. We can get a stop, trust me. You know who didn't have a bad moment? Coach Stan Van Gundy! Love that man! I think he gets more out of this team than any other coach gets out of his talent on any other team. They play beautifully, even if they are not incredibly athletic...More importantly, he loves the High-Arm Fold, like in the picture below. I went to it in the second quarter - kept waiting for M.Minutos to look over, but she didn't, and my triceps were starting to cramp, so I finally broke down and had to tell her to look. "I couldn't wait any longer because it hurts," I lamented. "You need that roll of fat to rest them on," she observed. Solid point. If Spo (who is best friends with Stan Van - served as his assistant when SVG was here) ever goes Hack-a-Anybody again, we're bringing back Stan the Van.
5) Wait- Dwight Howard is still on this team? You have to be kidding me. I don't know what's sadder: how long this has dragged out for, or that I have miscalculated the trade deadline three different times this season! Every time we play Orlando, I have assumed that it was the last time we play them with Howard there. The trade deadline is Thursday; we play them again Sunday. There's no way he will still be on the team Sunday - he will be traded to New Jersey before then. This time I know I'm right! Though it would be superfunny if after tonight Orlando was like, "Heyyy, we just beat Miami - we could really win this thing! Let's keep him and see what happens," and then he leaves in the offseason and they get nothing. By the way, that scenario would be a thousand times less funny if he stayed and they actually beat us in the playoffs...As far as Howard forcing his way out of Orlando, I wholeheartedly support that. Reports this week - probably the first reliable and believable reports of the whole saga - surfaced that he really wants to play in Miami (duh), but there's no way we can part with the Human Statue, Chris Bosh, for him. He's going to have to go to New Jersey. Let's try one more time to illustrate why he should want to leave Orlando, we tried to explain it before, but I'm not sure you've totally got it yet: Orlando Jones, the actor > Orlando, the city. You know, this joker:
Got it now? I don't know how I can be any more clear!
6) Okay, okay - I had to go get an EKG a couple of weeks ago. Don't worry, I'm fine, thanks for your concern. If you don't believe me, for you EKG-fanatics, check out the results below. More importantly, I know it is tough to make out, but enlarge it if you have to: see the doctor who gave me the EKG? Dr. Weitman! Yes - the White Man! Listen, I'm a white man - when I am dealing with a potentially serious medical issue, I go as white as I can, because I know he will be sympathetic to my specific medical needs. And it doesn't get any whiter than this! Dr. White Man read the EKG and told me I am white as rain! Holla!
---
1) Bad. That was bad. Everything about it was bad. Both teams were bad. Our coach was bad. The refs were bad. Predictably, the game went to overtime, so everyone had to suffer another five minutes. The game's nadir was reached late in overtime when, up 4, Dwight Howard missed 2 consecutive free throws (a mind-boggling 6-18 on the night, which allowed Miami to hang around), the second barely grazing the front iron, and then Miami, desperately needing a quick hoop, jogged it down to the other end at half-speed where Dwyane Wade completely whiffed a triple. Bad. I am sure there were worse games to watch this year, but my memory is also so bad that I can't remember them. Well, if form holds, this post will suck! Let's go!
2) We say all the time that KJ James doesn't have bad games, but even he couldn't escape this one. Sleepwalked through a 7-20 for 19 points. He did have 11 rebounds and 8 assists, but he really wasn't aggressive at all - kept declining to drive against Hedo Turkoglu, even though I am pretty sure he couldn't hold O.Minutos off the dribble. KJ was bad. He's entitled once in a while. Dwyane was also pretty low energy. He scored 28, but took 22 shots, and wasn't his normal dynamic self. Also made a poor decision, I thought, on the last possession of regulation, tied, by stepping back into a contested 20 footer against JJ Redick. It's the same shot he made last game against Indiana to win, but it's still a lazy play. It's a Kobe Bryant hero ball play - look at Kobe's late game shooting numbers sometime. They're putrid. If this was a real blog, I'd look them up for you, but it isn't, and I won't...
3) I'm not going to say the refs, specifically crew chief Ed Malloy were worse than KJ and Dwyane, but they were probably equally as bad. Miami shot no free throws in the entire second half and overtime. I'll be fair - they weren't attacking (except for Chris Bosh's dunk on Dwight Howard!). But, still, when the other team shoots 34 free throws for the game, and you shoot 11, and none of them come in the second half, that is disappointing. Ed Malloy's nadir also came late in overtime when he bizarrely waved off a Chris Bosh 3 point play which would have put Miami up 1 (and been our only free throw of the half!), gave Miami the ball on the side, KJ went to the rim, got hammered, didn't get a call even though everyone on the court stopped and Jameer Nelson went in for a layup to go up 4, and then Miami came back down and Malloy called an off-the-ball offensive foul on Emcee Chalmers, which would have effectively ended the game if Dwight Howard hadn't continued to miss free throws. I guess Ed Malloy is entitled once in a while, too.
4) Coach Spo ordered a Hack-a-Dwight with just over two minutes to go in the fourth quarter - obviously, those were the two in a row that he nailed. I'm not going to go on a rant - Spo's entitled to a soft moment, too - but, please, let's never do that again. That is the way bad teams play. We can get a stop, trust me. You know who didn't have a bad moment? Coach Stan Van Gundy! Love that man! I think he gets more out of this team than any other coach gets out of his talent on any other team. They play beautifully, even if they are not incredibly athletic...More importantly, he loves the High-Arm Fold, like in the picture below. I went to it in the second quarter - kept waiting for M.Minutos to look over, but she didn't, and my triceps were starting to cramp, so I finally broke down and had to tell her to look. "I couldn't wait any longer because it hurts," I lamented. "You need that roll of fat to rest them on," she observed. Solid point. If Spo (who is best friends with Stan Van - served as his assistant when SVG was here) ever goes Hack-a-Anybody again, we're bringing back Stan the Van.
5) Wait- Dwight Howard is still on this team? You have to be kidding me. I don't know what's sadder: how long this has dragged out for, or that I have miscalculated the trade deadline three different times this season! Every time we play Orlando, I have assumed that it was the last time we play them with Howard there. The trade deadline is Thursday; we play them again Sunday. There's no way he will still be on the team Sunday - he will be traded to New Jersey before then. This time I know I'm right! Though it would be superfunny if after tonight Orlando was like, "Heyyy, we just beat Miami - we could really win this thing! Let's keep him and see what happens," and then he leaves in the offseason and they get nothing. By the way, that scenario would be a thousand times less funny if he stayed and they actually beat us in the playoffs...As far as Howard forcing his way out of Orlando, I wholeheartedly support that. Reports this week - probably the first reliable and believable reports of the whole saga - surfaced that he really wants to play in Miami (duh), but there's no way we can part with the Human Statue, Chris Bosh, for him. He's going to have to go to New Jersey. Let's try one more time to illustrate why he should want to leave Orlando, we tried to explain it before, but I'm not sure you've totally got it yet: Orlando Jones, the actor > Orlando, the city. You know, this joker:
Got it now? I don't know how I can be any more clear!
6) Okay, okay - I had to go get an EKG a couple of weeks ago. Don't worry, I'm fine, thanks for your concern. If you don't believe me, for you EKG-fanatics, check out the results below. More importantly, I know it is tough to make out, but enlarge it if you have to: see the doctor who gave me the EKG? Dr. Weitman! Yes - the White Man! Listen, I'm a white man - when I am dealing with a potentially serious medical issue, I go as white as I can, because I know he will be sympathetic to my specific medical needs. And it doesn't get any whiter than this! Dr. White Man read the EKG and told me I am white as rain! Holla!
---Back tomorrow night in Chicago. If you need me before then, I'll be looking for more photos - prop-heavy blog tonight, I'm like Carrot-Top. White-Top! Until then, Go White or Go Home!
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Saturday, March 10, 2012
Heat 93 Pacers 91 ot
6 Thoughts
1) "Guys, we've got this game - we're up like 6 with like a minute to go. Monster win for us - in Miami! All you have to do is make sure KJ James doesn't steal the ball like three times in a row, score a breakaway layup while getting punched in the groin by Dahntay Jones, and then knock down a corner triple to send the game to overtime, because if that happens, we'll probably get up 5 again with a minute to go, then KJ will hit another triple, bog down our offense by switching onto our point guard for the last few possessions, and then Dwyane Wade will hit a buzzer-beating twenty-footer with one of our guys landing on him to win the game...Okay? Pacers on three, one, two, three: Pacers!" Whooooops.
2) Besides KJ's late heroics, and Dwyane's winning shot, one of the biggest stories of the game was the officiating. It was utterly atrocious. In a related story, tonight's refereeing crew featured the 88 year old Dick Bavetta! Wait - are you trying to tell me that a basketball game reffed by Dick Bavetta was over-physical, highly contentious, and had both teams mad all night long? Not only am I telling you that, but Dick Bavetta wasn't even the worst ref on the floor! That would be his partner, Bennie Adams, who spent the entire game slow-calling fouls. It's one of the most annoying things you can do as a ref: wait to see if the ball goes into the basket before deciding whether or not to call a foul. You are absolutely not supposed to do that: if it's a foul, call a foul; if it's not a foul, don't call it. I promise you, Bennie Adams, no player, no coach, no fan, wants to watch a player drive to the basket, take a bump that looks like a foul, get the ball up to the hoop, watch it spin around, there's no whistle, it comes off the rim, the defensive team grabs it, spins to run up the floor, then you blow your whistle and call a foul. So brutal - and he must have done that 6 or 7 times tonight. He even extended it to out of bounds plays where he'd just stand there, obviously not sure who touched it last, wait to see if a player would give it away by heading back down the court, and when no one did, he'd point one way or the other and be like, "Pacer ball?" He was so, so, so bad. Not to be upstaged, on the last play of a tie game, Dwyane Wade went one-on-one with Paul George, garden-variety okey-doked him into the air, took a hard bump from George for an automatic foul, shot the ball anyways, and it went in for a three point play, except Dick Bavetta, standing, literally, four feet from Wade and George, didn't call a foul. It didn't even occur to me that he might not have called a foul until the ensuing timeout when M.Minutos (who turned momentum the Heat's way late in overtime by going hood-up with her sweatshirt) noticed Juwan Howard arguing with Bavetta while the rest of the team huddled. Amazing. You know one reason why America stinks now? I mean, except for Barack Obama, who killed Bin Laden? Because there are too often no consequences for sucking year after year after year - you still get to keep your job, like Dick Bavetta. Dick Bavetta killed America!
3) How many times does KJ James have to get tackled, or hit in the face, or smacked in the groin while driving to the basket in transition before someone calls a flagrant foul? In the first half, Dwyane Wade ran out with the ball chased by the land-locked David West, whose career has been murdered by a knee injury (4-18 from the floor tonight - no elevation or quickness anymore -one more year and he'll be Elton Brand). As Wade approached the rim, he felt West's hand on his back, and rather than get propelled into the basket stanchion by West (which happened anyways), he suddenly bounced the ball behind his back to a rampaging James. West whirled around and never jumped - just took a swing and hit KJ in the face as he elevated, dislodging the ball. The refs called a foul - after making sure the ball didn't go in the basket - but not a flagrant, which was absurd. KJ, as he always does, pretty much just walked to the free throw line, but the rest of the Heat players argued for a flagrant, along with, I guess, Pacer coach Frank Vogel (a known liar, remember - more on this in #5), who was assessed a technical foul, which Emcee Chalmers took, and predictably, missed! When even the coach of the other team thinks a foul should be flagrant, that's saying something. Dick Bavetta and Bennie Adams killed America! And now they are trying to kill KJ James!
4) Well, if you had March 10th against Indiana in the What Day Will Mike Miller Suffer a Debilitating Injury pool, you win. Sprained his ankle landing on Chris Bosh's foot while jumping for a rebound which, of course, Chris Bosh was not jumping for! Don't know how Mike lasted this long, frankly. Also, a sprained ankle seems so pedestrian for him. In the What Will Mike Miller's Injury Be pool, I had a detached retina, backed up with a second entry for tonsillitis.
5) The first time we played Indiana this season, Pacer coach Frank Vogel lied to Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino by telling them that his team wouldn't play zone, and that they hadn't even worked on a zone yet. Then, five minutes into the game, they went zone! Congratulations, Frank Vogel: you outwitted the Heat's television broadcast team! Tonight, in his pre-game interview, he told Eric and Tony, "we're a very good team trying to be great - we're not there yet." How do we know that's true? I didn't trust him - I thought they would come out on the court tonight and be great, thought he was lying about that. But, no, they were pretty much the same over-exuberant, flagrant fouling, mediocre hacksters that they always were - he was credible on this topic. You know what would help them get from good to great? One: trade the good players for great players. Two: get a head coach who doesn't lie - it brings everybody down knowing their coach can't be trusted.
6) I watched the second half of this game live-action, which I almost never do. I think Sunsports only showed the same two commercials during every timeout: one where a UFC guy adopts a tiger, or something - not sure what that was an ad for. UFC fighters? Zoos? The other for a new (?) show starring Kiefer Sutherland. It seemed like an "I see dead people" show, but the specific ad Sunsports keeps showing featured a guy sitting with an intense-looking Sutherland, and the guy goes, "Your son can see the past, present, and future," and then Sutherland looks at him, baffled, and goes, "I don't know what you mean..." Really? Which part of the time-space continuum have you never heard of, the past, the present, or the future? You really don't know what he means? He means your son can see the past, the present, and the future - I figured that out the very first time I saw the ad. Seems like a really smart character! Well-written! You could be like, "I don't believe you," that would make sense, or you could be like, "That seems bizarre," that would make sense, but to not understand what the guy means, that just seems dumb. Still, this looks like a great show - I liked "I see dead people" - so I will be watching.
---
So far we're 2-0 in our five game stretch against the best of the East. Tuesday we play Orlando, followed by Wednesday in Chicago: that's the hardest back-to-back Eastern conference double we can play. Should be fun. If you need me before then, I will be at Macy's buying M.Minutos a new hoodie for the mid-week back-to-back. See you Tuesday!
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1) "Guys, we've got this game - we're up like 6 with like a minute to go. Monster win for us - in Miami! All you have to do is make sure KJ James doesn't steal the ball like three times in a row, score a breakaway layup while getting punched in the groin by Dahntay Jones, and then knock down a corner triple to send the game to overtime, because if that happens, we'll probably get up 5 again with a minute to go, then KJ will hit another triple, bog down our offense by switching onto our point guard for the last few possessions, and then Dwyane Wade will hit a buzzer-beating twenty-footer with one of our guys landing on him to win the game...Okay? Pacers on three, one, two, three: Pacers!" Whooooops.
2) Besides KJ's late heroics, and Dwyane's winning shot, one of the biggest stories of the game was the officiating. It was utterly atrocious. In a related story, tonight's refereeing crew featured the 88 year old Dick Bavetta! Wait - are you trying to tell me that a basketball game reffed by Dick Bavetta was over-physical, highly contentious, and had both teams mad all night long? Not only am I telling you that, but Dick Bavetta wasn't even the worst ref on the floor! That would be his partner, Bennie Adams, who spent the entire game slow-calling fouls. It's one of the most annoying things you can do as a ref: wait to see if the ball goes into the basket before deciding whether or not to call a foul. You are absolutely not supposed to do that: if it's a foul, call a foul; if it's not a foul, don't call it. I promise you, Bennie Adams, no player, no coach, no fan, wants to watch a player drive to the basket, take a bump that looks like a foul, get the ball up to the hoop, watch it spin around, there's no whistle, it comes off the rim, the defensive team grabs it, spins to run up the floor, then you blow your whistle and call a foul. So brutal - and he must have done that 6 or 7 times tonight. He even extended it to out of bounds plays where he'd just stand there, obviously not sure who touched it last, wait to see if a player would give it away by heading back down the court, and when no one did, he'd point one way or the other and be like, "Pacer ball?" He was so, so, so bad. Not to be upstaged, on the last play of a tie game, Dwyane Wade went one-on-one with Paul George, garden-variety okey-doked him into the air, took a hard bump from George for an automatic foul, shot the ball anyways, and it went in for a three point play, except Dick Bavetta, standing, literally, four feet from Wade and George, didn't call a foul. It didn't even occur to me that he might not have called a foul until the ensuing timeout when M.Minutos (who turned momentum the Heat's way late in overtime by going hood-up with her sweatshirt) noticed Juwan Howard arguing with Bavetta while the rest of the team huddled. Amazing. You know one reason why America stinks now? I mean, except for Barack Obama, who killed Bin Laden? Because there are too often no consequences for sucking year after year after year - you still get to keep your job, like Dick Bavetta. Dick Bavetta killed America!
3) How many times does KJ James have to get tackled, or hit in the face, or smacked in the groin while driving to the basket in transition before someone calls a flagrant foul? In the first half, Dwyane Wade ran out with the ball chased by the land-locked David West, whose career has been murdered by a knee injury (4-18 from the floor tonight - no elevation or quickness anymore -one more year and he'll be Elton Brand). As Wade approached the rim, he felt West's hand on his back, and rather than get propelled into the basket stanchion by West (which happened anyways), he suddenly bounced the ball behind his back to a rampaging James. West whirled around and never jumped - just took a swing and hit KJ in the face as he elevated, dislodging the ball. The refs called a foul - after making sure the ball didn't go in the basket - but not a flagrant, which was absurd. KJ, as he always does, pretty much just walked to the free throw line, but the rest of the Heat players argued for a flagrant, along with, I guess, Pacer coach Frank Vogel (a known liar, remember - more on this in #5), who was assessed a technical foul, which Emcee Chalmers took, and predictably, missed! When even the coach of the other team thinks a foul should be flagrant, that's saying something. Dick Bavetta and Bennie Adams killed America! And now they are trying to kill KJ James!
4) Well, if you had March 10th against Indiana in the What Day Will Mike Miller Suffer a Debilitating Injury pool, you win. Sprained his ankle landing on Chris Bosh's foot while jumping for a rebound which, of course, Chris Bosh was not jumping for! Don't know how Mike lasted this long, frankly. Also, a sprained ankle seems so pedestrian for him. In the What Will Mike Miller's Injury Be pool, I had a detached retina, backed up with a second entry for tonsillitis.
5) The first time we played Indiana this season, Pacer coach Frank Vogel lied to Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino by telling them that his team wouldn't play zone, and that they hadn't even worked on a zone yet. Then, five minutes into the game, they went zone! Congratulations, Frank Vogel: you outwitted the Heat's television broadcast team! Tonight, in his pre-game interview, he told Eric and Tony, "we're a very good team trying to be great - we're not there yet." How do we know that's true? I didn't trust him - I thought they would come out on the court tonight and be great, thought he was lying about that. But, no, they were pretty much the same over-exuberant, flagrant fouling, mediocre hacksters that they always were - he was credible on this topic. You know what would help them get from good to great? One: trade the good players for great players. Two: get a head coach who doesn't lie - it brings everybody down knowing their coach can't be trusted.
6) I watched the second half of this game live-action, which I almost never do. I think Sunsports only showed the same two commercials during every timeout: one where a UFC guy adopts a tiger, or something - not sure what that was an ad for. UFC fighters? Zoos? The other for a new (?) show starring Kiefer Sutherland. It seemed like an "I see dead people" show, but the specific ad Sunsports keeps showing featured a guy sitting with an intense-looking Sutherland, and the guy goes, "Your son can see the past, present, and future," and then Sutherland looks at him, baffled, and goes, "I don't know what you mean..." Really? Which part of the time-space continuum have you never heard of, the past, the present, or the future? You really don't know what he means? He means your son can see the past, the present, and the future - I figured that out the very first time I saw the ad. Seems like a really smart character! Well-written! You could be like, "I don't believe you," that would make sense, or you could be like, "That seems bizarre," that would make sense, but to not understand what the guy means, that just seems dumb. Still, this looks like a great show - I liked "I see dead people" - so I will be watching.
---
So far we're 2-0 in our five game stretch against the best of the East. Tuesday we play Orlando, followed by Wednesday in Chicago: that's the hardest back-to-back Eastern conference double we can play. Should be fun. If you need me before then, I will be at Macy's buying M.Minutos a new hoodie for the mid-week back-to-back. See you Tuesday!
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Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Heat 89 Hawks 86
6 Thoughts
1) Look, it's been said many times by many people - okay, by me - that the heart and soul of the Miami Heat is provided by three people: Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, and me. So, in the closing moments of this game, when Dwyane made a key jump hook after struggling all night; then drove and found Udonis for a 16 foot jump shot; then drove again and found Udonis for a backdoor alley-oop dunk; and Udonis shut down Josh Smith on three straight possessions; then made a brilliant defensive play to slide off Smith and give a strong contest to Jannero Pargo's last ditch three point attempt; while the whole time I provided the reverse jinx by repeatedly screaming at Dwyane to throw the ball to KJ James, and demanding that KJ take Josh Smith defensively because I thought Smith would kill Udonis, I don't think anyone was surprised. Dwyane, Udonis, and me, we've closed out a ton of these games over the years. We all may be a older, but what we lack in athleticism, we make up for in savvy, and also, a total misguided belief on my part that KJ James should make every play on both ends down the stretch of games. Let's go...
2) Miami played hard for about two minutes of the third quarter, when the Hawks opened up a 10 point lead, and the Heat got mad and scored 13 straight; and for about two minutes in the fourth quarter, after the game was seemingly over when the Heat opened a 6 point lead with a few minutes to go, and the Hawks clawed back to a tie with a couple of minutes left. Both teams were on a back-to-back, looked exhausted, and that resulted in a game that was not at all fluid. The Hawks turned the ball over 121 times. Wait- what? Oh, only 21 times. Seemed like more. Meanwhile, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh combined to shoot 2-13 in the first half, and Miami trailed by a bucket, even though for the first time in franchise history, an opposing team went the entire first half without shooting a free throw, which I'm sure Hawks coach Larry Drew appreciated. Sometimes it's just that way in this league - a slog into the final moments, then the team that makes one more play wins. Tonight Miami got a bunch of big ones from Wade, Bosh made a key jumper, and UD brought it home. Still, one can't help thinking that the Hawks win this game by 20 if they still had Mike Bibby.
3) KJ James is a freak. He didn't even play well, but when Miami got down 10 in the third quarter, it was like he said, "Okay, I guess I need to do everything," and proceeded to do everything for about a four minute stretch to turn a 10 point deficit into a 3 point lead. A bunch of wing jumpers, a few deflections on defense, rebounding in traffic - problem solved. You wouldn't say he played particularly well or hard, and still his line was 12-20 for 31 points, 11 rebounds, 2 assists, a steal, 2 blocks, and he was clearly the best defensive player on the court. Though UD took Josh Smith at the end of the game (nice first half for Smith and he finished with 23 points), KJ took him during that third quarter run and Smith's inability to create offense against James during that stretch helped turn the momentum. Also, he spent his postgame interview looking into the camera and pitching Peyton Manning on coming down to the Dolphins. Doin'. It. All. I've never seen anyone play consistently better over the course of a season, and I've seen - we've all seen - Dwyane have some incredible years. But Dwyane has bad games; KJ really doesn't. Before the start of tonight's game, KJ was averaging 27.6 points, 8.5 rebounds, almost 7 assists, almost 2 steals, and he's shooting over 55% from the floor. And 40% on triples! And 77% from the line. And he's one of the best handful of defensive players in the league, and probably the only who regularly guards 4 different positions. That's crazy. It's just crazy. Totally crazy. The Miami Heat are all about Dwyane, UD, and me, but even I have to admit, I've never seen anything like this. Don't f- this up, KJ, you better win this title for Dwyane, UD, and me...
4) For the last time this season, the Heat were wearing their Miami Floridians throwback jerseys. We've been doing this for like eight seasons and I still have no idea who the Miami Floridians were. An ABA team? A lot of times, like tonight when Jason Jackson was interviewing a former Miami Floridian player named, umm - I have actually no idea what his name was - I am trying to watch the game. In any case, the unis are super unattractive, a multicolored melange of stripes, kind of reminiscent of the new Marlins uniforms. But you know what are supercool? The sweet cardigan warmup jackets! Slick - cardigan warmups! Made by Addidas (notice the stripes on the shoulder). They don't sell them to the public, which means I need to convince M.Minutos to knit me one on her loom. Modeled here by, who else, Mr. Double Popped Collar himself, Shane Battier!
5) In the fourth quarter, former Heat great Erick Dampier, whom I nicknamed "Screen Du Jour" because the moment he steps on to the basketball court his whole raison d'etre becomes screening people - on offense, on defense, during timeouts, whenever - checked in and laid maybe the most illegal screen of all-time on KJ James. Dampier was screening down at the elbow as KJ's guy was trying to pop to the top of the key to receive a pass. KJ tried to slip in the gap and cut the guy off at the foul line. As he did, Screen took one step, lowered his shoulder into KJ, locked up his other arm wth his free hand, and drove him into the ground. That's not easy to do - KJ has to weigh 260 pounds. The refs called a foul - not only was it the most illegal screen ever, but also arguably the most blatant foul of any kind of all-time - but I think we all enjoyed it. Screen du Jour should hold the title of Man Who Has Committed The Most Illegal Screen of All-Time, it's only fitting. Even KJ got up laughing.
6) Dos Minutos International Headquarters is located in a plaza, almost conveniently, right next to Publix (grocery store, for you non-Floridians). It would be totally convenient to grab something to eat, if the checkout lines at that store didn't move at the same approximate pace as Erick Dampier. Slllooowwwww. That's another story. Today, I was starving and hadn't brought anything to eat, so I was forced to go over there. Sometimes there are a few homeless dudes who sit on a bench between Dos M. Int'l HQs and the store. Today, as I walked by the bench, there was one of those dudes sitting there, and looking all, you know, homeless, and I was wearing a dapper ensemble consisting of a mauve Polo shirt with thin white stripes, light slacks, and a dark green tie. Someone pointed out that I looked like the tournament director at Wimbledon. As I walked by the homeless dude, I happened to catch his eye, and I started to give him a little nod, but before I could, he looks at me with utter disgust, and his voice dripping with derision, sneers out, "Office boy." HAAAAAAA!!!!! That was the funniest insult I ever got - and I've received a lot of them! How dare you, homeless dude! When I got back to Dos M. Int'l HQs, I told them the story, and The Captain goes, "Well, that guy has you pegged." That made my whole day- I feel like that homeless dude and I shared a moment! Godspeed, Occupy Bench dude - I hope you get back on your feet! Fight the Power!
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Got my new ipod today, I'm feeling good. Obviously, the first song I played on it was Motley Crue's "Girl, Don't Go Away Mad, Girl Just Go Away," if only because a lot of days, that's the only song that I play at all. I think we are off until Saturday, when we play Indiana. If you need me before then, I'll be in my office. Of course.
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1) Look, it's been said many times by many people - okay, by me - that the heart and soul of the Miami Heat is provided by three people: Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, and me. So, in the closing moments of this game, when Dwyane made a key jump hook after struggling all night; then drove and found Udonis for a 16 foot jump shot; then drove again and found Udonis for a backdoor alley-oop dunk; and Udonis shut down Josh Smith on three straight possessions; then made a brilliant defensive play to slide off Smith and give a strong contest to Jannero Pargo's last ditch three point attempt; while the whole time I provided the reverse jinx by repeatedly screaming at Dwyane to throw the ball to KJ James, and demanding that KJ take Josh Smith defensively because I thought Smith would kill Udonis, I don't think anyone was surprised. Dwyane, Udonis, and me, we've closed out a ton of these games over the years. We all may be a older, but what we lack in athleticism, we make up for in savvy, and also, a total misguided belief on my part that KJ James should make every play on both ends down the stretch of games. Let's go...
2) Miami played hard for about two minutes of the third quarter, when the Hawks opened up a 10 point lead, and the Heat got mad and scored 13 straight; and for about two minutes in the fourth quarter, after the game was seemingly over when the Heat opened a 6 point lead with a few minutes to go, and the Hawks clawed back to a tie with a couple of minutes left. Both teams were on a back-to-back, looked exhausted, and that resulted in a game that was not at all fluid. The Hawks turned the ball over 121 times. Wait- what? Oh, only 21 times. Seemed like more. Meanwhile, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh combined to shoot 2-13 in the first half, and Miami trailed by a bucket, even though for the first time in franchise history, an opposing team went the entire first half without shooting a free throw, which I'm sure Hawks coach Larry Drew appreciated. Sometimes it's just that way in this league - a slog into the final moments, then the team that makes one more play wins. Tonight Miami got a bunch of big ones from Wade, Bosh made a key jumper, and UD brought it home. Still, one can't help thinking that the Hawks win this game by 20 if they still had Mike Bibby.
3) KJ James is a freak. He didn't even play well, but when Miami got down 10 in the third quarter, it was like he said, "Okay, I guess I need to do everything," and proceeded to do everything for about a four minute stretch to turn a 10 point deficit into a 3 point lead. A bunch of wing jumpers, a few deflections on defense, rebounding in traffic - problem solved. You wouldn't say he played particularly well or hard, and still his line was 12-20 for 31 points, 11 rebounds, 2 assists, a steal, 2 blocks, and he was clearly the best defensive player on the court. Though UD took Josh Smith at the end of the game (nice first half for Smith and he finished with 23 points), KJ took him during that third quarter run and Smith's inability to create offense against James during that stretch helped turn the momentum. Also, he spent his postgame interview looking into the camera and pitching Peyton Manning on coming down to the Dolphins. Doin'. It. All. I've never seen anyone play consistently better over the course of a season, and I've seen - we've all seen - Dwyane have some incredible years. But Dwyane has bad games; KJ really doesn't. Before the start of tonight's game, KJ was averaging 27.6 points, 8.5 rebounds, almost 7 assists, almost 2 steals, and he's shooting over 55% from the floor. And 40% on triples! And 77% from the line. And he's one of the best handful of defensive players in the league, and probably the only who regularly guards 4 different positions. That's crazy. It's just crazy. Totally crazy. The Miami Heat are all about Dwyane, UD, and me, but even I have to admit, I've never seen anything like this. Don't f- this up, KJ, you better win this title for Dwyane, UD, and me...
4) For the last time this season, the Heat were wearing their Miami Floridians throwback jerseys. We've been doing this for like eight seasons and I still have no idea who the Miami Floridians were. An ABA team? A lot of times, like tonight when Jason Jackson was interviewing a former Miami Floridian player named, umm - I have actually no idea what his name was - I am trying to watch the game. In any case, the unis are super unattractive, a multicolored melange of stripes, kind of reminiscent of the new Marlins uniforms. But you know what are supercool? The sweet cardigan warmup jackets! Slick - cardigan warmups! Made by Addidas (notice the stripes on the shoulder). They don't sell them to the public, which means I need to convince M.Minutos to knit me one on her loom. Modeled here by, who else, Mr. Double Popped Collar himself, Shane Battier!
5) In the fourth quarter, former Heat great Erick Dampier, whom I nicknamed "Screen Du Jour" because the moment he steps on to the basketball court his whole raison d'etre becomes screening people - on offense, on defense, during timeouts, whenever - checked in and laid maybe the most illegal screen of all-time on KJ James. Dampier was screening down at the elbow as KJ's guy was trying to pop to the top of the key to receive a pass. KJ tried to slip in the gap and cut the guy off at the foul line. As he did, Screen took one step, lowered his shoulder into KJ, locked up his other arm wth his free hand, and drove him into the ground. That's not easy to do - KJ has to weigh 260 pounds. The refs called a foul - not only was it the most illegal screen ever, but also arguably the most blatant foul of any kind of all-time - but I think we all enjoyed it. Screen du Jour should hold the title of Man Who Has Committed The Most Illegal Screen of All-Time, it's only fitting. Even KJ got up laughing.
6) Dos Minutos International Headquarters is located in a plaza, almost conveniently, right next to Publix (grocery store, for you non-Floridians). It would be totally convenient to grab something to eat, if the checkout lines at that store didn't move at the same approximate pace as Erick Dampier. Slllooowwwww. That's another story. Today, I was starving and hadn't brought anything to eat, so I was forced to go over there. Sometimes there are a few homeless dudes who sit on a bench between Dos M. Int'l HQs and the store. Today, as I walked by the bench, there was one of those dudes sitting there, and looking all, you know, homeless, and I was wearing a dapper ensemble consisting of a mauve Polo shirt with thin white stripes, light slacks, and a dark green tie. Someone pointed out that I looked like the tournament director at Wimbledon. As I walked by the homeless dude, I happened to catch his eye, and I started to give him a little nod, but before I could, he looks at me with utter disgust, and his voice dripping with derision, sneers out, "Office boy." HAAAAAAA!!!!! That was the funniest insult I ever got - and I've received a lot of them! How dare you, homeless dude! When I got back to Dos M. Int'l HQs, I told them the story, and The Captain goes, "Well, that guy has you pegged." That made my whole day- I feel like that homeless dude and I shared a moment! Godspeed, Occupy Bench dude - I hope you get back on your feet! Fight the Power!
---
Got my new ipod today, I'm feeling good. Obviously, the first song I played on it was Motley Crue's "Girl, Don't Go Away Mad, Girl Just Go Away," if only because a lot of days, that's the only song that I play at all. I think we are off until Saturday, when we play Indiana. If you need me before then, I'll be in my office. Of course.
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Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Heat 108 Nets 78
6 Thoughts
1) How bad was this blowout, pt. 1: Miami's two greatest offensive strengths are transition offense, and getting to the free throw line. At halftime, they had zero fastbreak points, and had shot only one free throw, and led by 27. The halftime media battle of Hot Seconds with Jax between Ira Winderman and Chris Perkins ended up in a 2-2 tie, and that was farrr more scintillating than this game. Let's go!
2) How bad was this blowout, pt. 2: Wade, Bosh, and KJ James combined to play zero minutes in the fourth quarter; the Heat started with a group consisting of Dexter Pittman, Norris Cole, Mike Miller, James Jones, and Udonis Haslem, and instantly extended the lead from 32 to 40. If Dexter Pittman could play against this Nets team every night, he'd be Moses Malone.
3) Chris Bosh was back from a three game absence to be with his family after the death of his grandmother and, I have to admit, it was kind of nice to see him again. We were robbed of the usual "soft-off" we get in Nets games because Nets big man Brooks Lopez is out with a foot injury, but Bosh filled in admirably by ripping down 2 rebounds in 24 minutes. To be fair, he scored 20 points on 9-14, and probably could have scored 40 if he wanted to because the Nets made absolutely no effort to defend the rim, the perimeter, or anywhere else. Chris Bosh - it is good to have you back, best wishes to your family.
4) Play of the game: Obviously, in the first quarter when Dexter Pittman caught a ball with his back to the basket late in the shot clock, spun baseline, lofted a turnaround, and watched in amazement as it softly plopped off the top of the backboard and dropped down through the hoop! Is that only 2 points? That has to be worth more than two points! After career highs of 10 points and 6 boards in 15 minutes, Pitt visited Jax in the Sunsport Lounge and told him, "That's my shot!"
5) Okay, okay, okay. The New Jersey Nets aren't a great team, we know that, they have a great point guard in Deron Williams, but their second best player, Brooks Lopez, has missed almost all the season. In fairness, wins aren't their focus this season - the only thing that matters is acquiring Dwight Howard from the Orlando Magic, a trade that seems like it should have been completed months ago. If the Magic opt not to trade Howard to New Jersey, there is an excellent chance he will join them as a free agent in the offseason anyways, when they move to their new arena in Brooklyn. Is this a good move for Howard? Let's do the math. Three of the most popular destinations in the NBA are Los Angeles, Chicago, and Miami. Is Brooklyn as attractive a location as any of those three cities? Of course not! Don't be absurd! Los Angeles has great weather, is close to Hollywood, and a legacy of championships! Chicago is a supercool city and has an incredibly hard-working defensive core of young players who would absolutely win multiple titles with Howard aboard. Miami has beautiful beaches, the nightlife, spicy Latin women, and my dad, Pat Riley! Brooklyn seems like a town for hipster doofi who can't cut it in Manhattan, and the Nets will always be second-class citizens behind the Knicks. It's not even remotely as attractive as any of these locations! No premier free agent would ever want to go there, not ever, not in a hundred million years. Nev-ver...What? How about just staying in Orlando? Oh, no - that would be insane. Go to Brooklyn, Dwight Howard, that's a no-brainer. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, RUN!!!
6) Dos Minutos email exchange of the day:
Thor: Don't you think Ron Artest looks like Karl Malone?
Dos: What? You're from Australia, you don't like basketball, and you've never even heard of Dwight Howard. How do you know who Ron Artest and Karl Malone are?
Thor: I saw them on Piers Morgan.
Dos: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I don't want to blame anything on anybody, but I should mention that GFOB (Great Friend of the Blog) SF was visiting America (from Scotland) this past week while the Heat lost two games in a row. Last time he was here during basketball season, last season, they lost five in a row. He leaves yesterday, the Heat instantly win tonight by about 100 points. Just sayin'...We're back at it tomorrow night against Atlanta, we'll be on a bit of a late start at Casa Dos because M.Minutos is playing tennis in the evening. She could definitely be the next Zina Garrison. If you need me before then, I'll be out buying a new ipod - mine crapped out after only about 8 years - and you know what is going right on the new one before anything else? Do you? Do you, Jax? Drake!!! Yeah. Yeah. Uhhhnnnn.
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1) How bad was this blowout, pt. 1: Miami's two greatest offensive strengths are transition offense, and getting to the free throw line. At halftime, they had zero fastbreak points, and had shot only one free throw, and led by 27. The halftime media battle of Hot Seconds with Jax between Ira Winderman and Chris Perkins ended up in a 2-2 tie, and that was farrr more scintillating than this game. Let's go!
2) How bad was this blowout, pt. 2: Wade, Bosh, and KJ James combined to play zero minutes in the fourth quarter; the Heat started with a group consisting of Dexter Pittman, Norris Cole, Mike Miller, James Jones, and Udonis Haslem, and instantly extended the lead from 32 to 40. If Dexter Pittman could play against this Nets team every night, he'd be Moses Malone.
3) Chris Bosh was back from a three game absence to be with his family after the death of his grandmother and, I have to admit, it was kind of nice to see him again. We were robbed of the usual "soft-off" we get in Nets games because Nets big man Brooks Lopez is out with a foot injury, but Bosh filled in admirably by ripping down 2 rebounds in 24 minutes. To be fair, he scored 20 points on 9-14, and probably could have scored 40 if he wanted to because the Nets made absolutely no effort to defend the rim, the perimeter, or anywhere else. Chris Bosh - it is good to have you back, best wishes to your family.
4) Play of the game: Obviously, in the first quarter when Dexter Pittman caught a ball with his back to the basket late in the shot clock, spun baseline, lofted a turnaround, and watched in amazement as it softly plopped off the top of the backboard and dropped down through the hoop! Is that only 2 points? That has to be worth more than two points! After career highs of 10 points and 6 boards in 15 minutes, Pitt visited Jax in the Sunsport Lounge and told him, "That's my shot!"
5) Okay, okay, okay. The New Jersey Nets aren't a great team, we know that, they have a great point guard in Deron Williams, but their second best player, Brooks Lopez, has missed almost all the season. In fairness, wins aren't their focus this season - the only thing that matters is acquiring Dwight Howard from the Orlando Magic, a trade that seems like it should have been completed months ago. If the Magic opt not to trade Howard to New Jersey, there is an excellent chance he will join them as a free agent in the offseason anyways, when they move to their new arena in Brooklyn. Is this a good move for Howard? Let's do the math. Three of the most popular destinations in the NBA are Los Angeles, Chicago, and Miami. Is Brooklyn as attractive a location as any of those three cities? Of course not! Don't be absurd! Los Angeles has great weather, is close to Hollywood, and a legacy of championships! Chicago is a supercool city and has an incredibly hard-working defensive core of young players who would absolutely win multiple titles with Howard aboard. Miami has beautiful beaches, the nightlife, spicy Latin women, and my dad, Pat Riley! Brooklyn seems like a town for hipster doofi who can't cut it in Manhattan, and the Nets will always be second-class citizens behind the Knicks. It's not even remotely as attractive as any of these locations! No premier free agent would ever want to go there, not ever, not in a hundred million years. Nev-ver...What? How about just staying in Orlando? Oh, no - that would be insane. Go to Brooklyn, Dwight Howard, that's a no-brainer. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, RUN!!!
6) Dos Minutos email exchange of the day:
Thor: Don't you think Ron Artest looks like Karl Malone?
Dos: What? You're from Australia, you don't like basketball, and you've never even heard of Dwight Howard. How do you know who Ron Artest and Karl Malone are?
Thor: I saw them on Piers Morgan.
Dos: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---
I don't want to blame anything on anybody, but I should mention that GFOB (Great Friend of the Blog) SF was visiting America (from Scotland) this past week while the Heat lost two games in a row. Last time he was here during basketball season, last season, they lost five in a row. He leaves yesterday, the Heat instantly win tonight by about 100 points. Just sayin'...We're back at it tomorrow night against Atlanta, we'll be on a bit of a late start at Casa Dos because M.Minutos is playing tennis in the evening. She could definitely be the next Zina Garrison. If you need me before then, I'll be out buying a new ipod - mine crapped out after only about 8 years - and you know what is going right on the new one before anything else? Do you? Do you, Jax? Drake!!! Yeah. Yeah. Uhhhnnnn.
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