6 Thoughts
1) Man, that was a tough game. Whooo, boy, both teams ground, dude. Knicks hung in tough as nails - Miami kept hittin' them in the face, and hittin' them in the face, and hittin' them in the face; and the Knicks stayed in it, and stayed in it, and. stayed. in .it...All night...UNTIL LATE IN THE GAME WHEN BATTIOKE, MIKE MIL-LAR, AND, ESPECIALLY, MARIO "EMCEEEEEEEE" CHALMERS STARTED RAINING IT ALL OVER THEM!!! 2-0, HOME COURT DEFENDED, OFF TO NYC, LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO!!!
2) Both "Big 3s," if you want to call them that, were excellent tonight. For Miami, Dwyane Wade did his Wade thing early, posting hard for buckets, slipping behind the defense off the ball for layups, and generally wreaking havoc. 25 points on 11-18 for Wade, including 19 in the first half. KJ James controlled the game from the top all night, and relentlessly pounded the ball into the lane, creating for himself - 19 points on 8-18 - and others, 9 assists, only 2 turnovers (and 7 boards and a couple of steals). Even Chris Bosh had a delightfully polite 21 points on 7-12. He was able to get himself to the line by stepping to the rim, letting guys bat the ball back into his face, and hoping the refs called a foul - whatever works...But the Knicks three best players also came to play: Carmelo Anthony was able to catch the ball in more comfortable areas and blistered the Heat with his midrange game: 15 first quarter points, 20 by half, and 30 for the game. Amare Stoudamire stumbled to the basket and managed to flip in 18 points on 6-8, and, for the first half at least, Tyson Chandler summoned memories of last June's Finals loss to Dallas by keeping innumerable balls alive on the offensive boards. Chandler finished with 13 points on 6-8, pretty much all of them dunks, and 7 boards. That's 65 points for the Heat big guys; 61 for the Knicks. It was a war - both stars on both teams lowered their heads and attacked the rim. So how did the Heat win?
3) The Heat won because in the fourth quarter, with both teams looking dog tired, they created better shots. Melo looked gassed and spent much of the quarter deferring to JR Smith and Baron Davis isolation one-on-ones rather than battle with KJ and Battier. Miami spread the floor out with shooters, let Dwyane and KJ penetrate, collapse the defense, and find open teammates. Emcee Chalmers (13 points, 6 assists) scored the first 6 points of the quarter on an open jumper when the defense doubled KJ, a floater in the lane when he penetrated and the defense stayed at home with shooters, and another floater in the lane where he penetrated and got knocked down. Then his triple off a KJ kickout with 7 minutes to go put the Heat up 12. Then, with 5 minutes to go, Bosh hit an open corner triple after a drive and kick with the shot clock going off to put Miami ahead 15, and Shane Battier and Mike Mil-lar hit triples off of sublime ball movement inside of 5 minutes to close the Knicks out. Good team basketball. Chalmers, Battioke, and Mil-lar were a combined 8-15 on threes, and the team finished with 28 assists on 38 hoops. 9 assists for KJ, 6 for Emcee, and 4 each for Wade, Bosh, and Mil-lar (stellar game from Mil-lar 11,4, 4 in 29 minutes). That's phenomenal, that's what Chalmers, Battier, and Mil-lar were brought here to do: space the floor for Dwyane and KJ, and make open-opportunity jumpers. The Knicks iso-heavy offense, by contrast, created 15 assists on 38 buckets. They played tough, and shot well - but for 48 minutes, Miami created the better shots. In the NBA, more often than not, that is what wins games.
4) A few things about Emcee Chalmers - after UD and Dwyane, he's probably my favorite player on the team - he's a mess-up, but he's our mess-up, if you get me. Also, he makes it much easier to write this blog, because he does at least three bizarre things almost every game. And, he is starting to develop a reputation for playing well in big games. Played huge against Dallas last year in the Finals, and here he is again, off to a good start against the Knicks. He's definitely unafraid of the moment, if only because he is forty to eighty percent unconscious at any given moment. I've said this for the last two years now: I trust him more than anybody on our team with an open look at a big triple if his feet are set. Love that kid. One more thing to consider, something I thought about a couple of weeks ago while GFOB AH and I got to sit courtside during warmups at The Trip, and watched a vaguely interested Chalmers come out for early shooting in bright red kicks and socks up to his knees, and spend 25 minutes lofting half-hearted moonballs towards the basket. Do you know how hard it is to make the NBA, in general? I mean, Udonis Haslem is 6'8", a very good athlete, tough as nails, was incredibly well-coached in high school and college, and he's a decent NBA player; I mean, he's not as good as the top players, but he's better than a million other 6'8" guys whom he beat out along the way to the NBA. Now take that same scenario, and make UD 6'1" instead of 6'8" - that's Emcee Chalmers. Do you know how many guys who are 6'1" and play basketball and would like to be in the NBA exist on Earth? Millions and millions - one of them is typing the words you are reading right now. Think about how many dudes you know who are 6'1" compared to how many you know who are 6'8" - that's how many more players Mario Chalmers had to beat out than UD, or Chris Bosh, or Amare Stoudamire. And until he got to college, every time UD showed up to a new team, guaranteed he was a head taller than everyone else there - guaranteed the coaches were going to give him the first chance to be on the team, get the most attention, etc, because he was so tall. Every time Emcee Chalmers showed up, no one would know if he could play or not until he started playing. And if there was some kind of alley oop drill early in the tryout, the coaches would have been like, "no, this kid is a spaz," and cut him! The odds that kid has overcome (or Baron Davis, or Norris Cole, or Mike Bibby - especially Mike Bibby!) are unfathomable. You can't fathom the odds! Puts it in a little perspective. Emcee Chalmers - again, I love that kid. I hope we win a title, because I will be super-proud of him...
5) The pugnacious Joey Crawford was reffing the game tonight. He once famously challenged mild-mannered Tim Duncan to a fight, during a game, was fired, and then, bizarrely, re-hired. Recently I saw him get incensed on a play that he thought Orlando's Ryan Anderson flopped on, called an incorrect foul on Anderson out of spite, and then deliberately altered his path to petulantly step over Anderson in a blatant attempt to try to goad Anderson into an argument (Anderson lept up, but was restrained by his teammates). He was up to his usual antics tonight - missed a blatant over-the-back on Tyson Chandler while tip-dunking, then when Chandler screamed harmlessly in the general direction of Mike Mil-lar after sending him crashing into the crowd, Crawford angrily t'd him up, while Carmelo Anthony shook his head and laughed sarcastically on the bench, like, "same old Crawford." I think it is pretty well known around the league that Crawford is a clown. But guess who doesn't know it (or doesn't want to admit it because he is so nice): Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino! Tony always looks for the good in people. When Crawford blew a second half call on a clean block by KJ James on Stoudamire, KJ objected vociferously, and Crawford, aggravated, waived him off - KJ was lucky not to receive a technical from the hot-headed official. Tony assessed the situation by pointing out Crawford badly missed the call, but reasoned, "Crawford has a pretty good disposition; he'll say to a guy 'I'll go back and look at the call later, maybe I missed it.'" One, you know who else also had pretty good dispositions? Pol Pot, Ted Bundy, and the Loch Ness Monster. Oh, and Rick Santorum. Two, what he usually actually says to a guy in a situation like that is probably more like, "I'll go back and look at it; maybe I missed it. But if I didn't, I'm going to come back out here and punch you in the face for daring to question me." Three, how about just not missing such an easy call? Wouldn't that actually be the best solution? What? Oh, right - I forgot, this is the NBA...
6) Very wordy tonight, sorry. Let's go quick here. I was in a department store on Sunday: clearance sale on argyle socks!!! Two pairs for $1.50!!! You think this win makes me feel good? You think I like being up 2-0 on the hated New York Knicks? How do you think I feel when I am wearing a sporty pair of .75 cent argyle socks? NEVER BETTER!!! I LIVE FOR ARGYLE!!! I'D PAINT MY HOUSE ARGYLE IF M.MINUTOS WOULDN'T DIVORCE ME!!! ARGYLLLLLEEEEE!!!
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Well, we're up 2-0, and we just need to go to New York and get one of the two games there - first one is Thursday, second one is Sunday afternoon (bleccchhh). If you need me before then, I'll be making a care package of argyle socks to send to Emcee Chalmers. He's 6'1, I'm 6'1"; he loves argyle, I love argyle. Love that kid!!! See you Thursday!
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Monday, April 30, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Heat 100 Knicks 67 Heat lead 1-0
6 Thought
1) Well, that was a pretty good start to the playoffs. That's it, right? It's over, right? We're the champs? Oh - we still have to win 15 more games? Ahhhh, bummer. KJ James going ham; volume shooting from "the others;" and defense, defense, and more defense. It's just one game; but it was one goooood game, and the Heat lead the Knicks 1-0 in this best of 7 playoffs series. We're gonna touch the sky, babygirl! Let's gooooo!
2) A lot of times KJ James, especially on Twitter, likes to point out when people are "going ham." He'll be watching, like, an Olympic curling match (if you follow him on Twitter, you know he watches a ton of sports), and he'll be, like, "Finland goin' ham right about now!" He really, really gets excited. White people, you wanna know what "going ham" means? You know: going crazy, killing it, going bananas, going off. Today, during the second quarter, in which the Heat outscored the Knicks 40-13, KJ went double jambon! He went ham, he went cheese - He! Went! Off! Started the quarter barreling to the hoop, getting to the line, and pitching out for Shane Battier triples. Then, late in the quarter, with the Heat pushed out to a 14 point lead, Knicks center Tyson Chandler gave him a bit of a cheap shot - walked into a screen that KJ didn't see coming, since it was off the ball, and he was trotting back on defense. The refs correctly called it a Flagrant 1 foul - it wasn't ejectable, but it wasn't a basketball play, either - and KJ made both free throws, and then on the ensuing possession okey doked JR Smith into the air, took a hard blow as Smith landed and still managed to bank in a 20 footer for a 5 point trip. After a Heat stop, he made a step back 20 footer, and then after another Heat stop, ended the quarter by barreling to the basket, taking a hip check from Jared Jeffries en route, and flipped the ball into the basket while stumbling (although he missed the free throw - stiff!). 9-0 run by KJ, capping a 24-2 Heat run, halftime, 23 point lead, ballgame. Ham.
3) I mean, we really put in the defense for this one! Holy cow! Miami dogged Knicks star Carmelo Anthony's every step on the court. They made it tough for him to even receive the ball out on the perimeter. He'd, like, post 23 feet from the hoop on the wing, with KJ James fronting him as hard as he could, and the Knicks guards would have to try to loop the ball down into space in the corner and hope that Melo could track it down before KJ got to it, or the help side big got to it, or before it just went out of bounds. When he was able to get to it, he had KJ in his shirt, and a big coming to help if he tried to go off the dribble. By the way - this was all in the first quarter! Then Shane Battier came into the game and leaned on him even more, while KJ roamed around playing defensive centerfield. Melo was 1-9 in the first half (3-15 for game) and the Knicks had 17 turnovers (24 for game). They'll adjust, it won't be like this all series - one thing that would help them is actually throwing the ball to the roller on the screen and rolls (although to be fair, they tried it a couple of times and Chandler and Stoudamire kept plowing into people for offensive fouls). I think the biggest takeaway from the defensive effort is that all second half of the season, when people were like, "what is wrong with the Heat," what was wrong with the Heat, in large part, was that they were just waiting for the playoffs to start. This is exactly what happened last year - they said, during last season, when the playoffs start, it will be different. And it was - energy and activity rose dramatically across the board. This year, they didn't even really address it - just kind of shrugged. And here it was again: increased activity defensively, and more driving to the rim offensively. It's just one game - you are going to have bad games in the playoffs, lose games in the playoffs - but it was a good start. It demonstrated, once again, that the Heat have another gear beyond their regular season speed.
4) Look, if Miami is going to have a chance to win the championship, it can't be all KJ (10-14, 32 points in 32 minutes) and Dwyane (8-13 for 19 in 31 minutes), with an occasional sprinkling of Bosh (a very weak 3-7 for 9 in 24 minutes, with 3 missed layups - in his first game back after a couple of weeks off, we'll give him a break). Other guys - primarily Chalmers, Battier, and Mike Mil-lar - have to make some plays. They aren't going to be super-efficient - if they were, they would be totally different people - but they have to stay at it, shoot open shots, grab a board here and there. You know: make plays, that's what I'm saying, are you listening? Make plays! In the first half, when this was still a ballgame, Battier made two triples, two free throws, grabbed 5 rebounds, and drove Carmelo so bonkers that, at one point, when Melo's headband got knocked askew, he didn't even bother to fix it. That's what I'm talking about. Mil-lar made three triples, although two were in the non-competitive second half, and Chalmers chipped in with 11 points, 3 steals, and 9 assists, and, somehow, only 2 turnovers. He didn't even throw an errant alley-oop pass, although this was mostly because he didn't try any alley-oop passes. Combined those 3 guys made 6 triples and scored 28 points. When they do that, Miami is tough.
5) Referees: super excitable today. Udonis Haslem got fouled going to the rim early in the game, and as he walked to the free throw line, he and Stoudamire were jawing at each other, but totally in a non-confrontational way. I mean, they were yapping, but that's all they were doing, and neither of those guys ever starts anything - they both play inside the rules. Suddenly, referee Ed Malloy came sprinting into the middle of them with a furious look on his face, and emphatically t'd up both guys, who were suddenly united in their disdain for Ed Malloy. I thought the t's themselves were ridiculous, but even if you wanted to set a tone by being strict, why be so aggressive about it? Ed Malloy looked like a Tea Party dude - just senseless rage distorting his face. Calm down, Ed Malloy. Then, Tyson Chandler hit KJ with his little cheap shot and referee Gary Zielinski immediately ran in and ejected him! After reviewing the play, they changed the call, but again, why so happy to eject someone? Finally, in the second half, in an absolute blowout, Carmelo Anthony fouled Dwyane Wade on a drive, was left holding the ball, didn't protest the call, and passed it lightly out to referee Danny Crawford where, apparently, it hit Crawford in the back (tv cameras didn't pick it up). Again, here came Ed Malloy steaming in with the technical foul! Goodness gracious, these guys were ready to go, in a super bad way. I'm assuming we won't have this crew again for awhile, and that's a good thing - they were too amped up...
6) Injury report. First of all, Derrick Rose hurt his knee in the Bulls first playoff game against the Sixers today and is out for the rest of the playoffs. I never root for a dude to get injured, and I love rooting against Rose, and, frankly, the Bulls played Miami tougher this season when they didn't have Rose, because they moved the ball more on offense. I'm sad the Heat won't be the team with an opportunity to send him, personally, home for the season. Silver lining: he won't play on the American Olympic team this summer, which means I won't have to root for Argentina, since there is no way I'm rooting for a team with that petulant little egomaniac on it, even if it had Dwyane and UD...In the Heat game, Knicks rookie guard Iman Shumpert looked like he suffered a bad knee injury as well, a non-contact crumple to the floor. I felt really badly for him, he's a spirited young kid who competes hard, especially on the defensive end. Hate to see that. Silver lining: more Mike Bibby!!! Bibs got to play 21 minutes, although he was 0-4 from the floor (I was stunned by each miss). Also threw an alley-oop attempt that crashed off the back iron! Highlight of his game: when he had KJ James defensively in space and forced him into a fallaway 22 footer that KJ missed (one of only three misses in the game by him), and then, moments later, he had Shane Battier in the post, Battioke tried to walk him backwards, and Bibs pulled the chair on him, forcing a travel! They talk about KJ James guarding all five positions defensively! Bibby doin' it outside, doin' it inside - doin' it all! Love you, boy!
Holy smokes - I was really excited by this game! For the first time in the four years I've been writing this blog, well over 300 games, I have never before miscounted the number of thoughts I had written - I had 2 "3s" above, so you are getting an extra one! I'm giving you everything I have - and more, just like Mike Bibby!
7) I went for a jog outside before the game today. Usually, I will run about 4 or 5 miles inside at the gym on the treadmill. It doesn't really tire me out - I fight boredom more than actual fatigue. I will also sometimes lift weights, but a lot times I'll skip that part of my workout because it is so difficult. Why do they have to make the weights so heavy? That's crazy, that's counterproductive if it's going to make people skip it. Anyways, today I decided I would run outside. I used to do it all the time - I ran a marathon six or seven years ago. It was overcast today, not particularly hot, not overly windy. But, damnnn, was that crap hard. I felt like I was in one of those football workouts where someone had looped a long, thick elastic band around my waist for resistance, and I was running uphill, and against the wind. Also, I felt like someone was punching me in the thighs every step that I took. Each minute seemed like four minutes on the treadmill. I only ran three miles, and when I was done, I was twice as gassed as I am after running at the gym. Even right now, hours later, I feel like someone was pounding my ankles with a jackhammer. The moral of the story? I am old.
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I don't want to take too much credit for the win, but quietly, without making a big deal about it, I changed my normal Heat game watching position from the extreme right side of the couch to the extreme left side of the couch. Annnddd, we won by about a hundred points. You're welcome! We're back for Game Two Monday. If you need me before then, I'll be icing down my tattered knees and ankles - Pat Ewing style! See you Monday!
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1) Well, that was a pretty good start to the playoffs. That's it, right? It's over, right? We're the champs? Oh - we still have to win 15 more games? Ahhhh, bummer. KJ James going ham; volume shooting from "the others;" and defense, defense, and more defense. It's just one game; but it was one goooood game, and the Heat lead the Knicks 1-0 in this best of 7 playoffs series. We're gonna touch the sky, babygirl! Let's gooooo!
2) A lot of times KJ James, especially on Twitter, likes to point out when people are "going ham." He'll be watching, like, an Olympic curling match (if you follow him on Twitter, you know he watches a ton of sports), and he'll be, like, "Finland goin' ham right about now!" He really, really gets excited. White people, you wanna know what "going ham" means? You know: going crazy, killing it, going bananas, going off. Today, during the second quarter, in which the Heat outscored the Knicks 40-13, KJ went double jambon! He went ham, he went cheese - He! Went! Off! Started the quarter barreling to the hoop, getting to the line, and pitching out for Shane Battier triples. Then, late in the quarter, with the Heat pushed out to a 14 point lead, Knicks center Tyson Chandler gave him a bit of a cheap shot - walked into a screen that KJ didn't see coming, since it was off the ball, and he was trotting back on defense. The refs correctly called it a Flagrant 1 foul - it wasn't ejectable, but it wasn't a basketball play, either - and KJ made both free throws, and then on the ensuing possession okey doked JR Smith into the air, took a hard blow as Smith landed and still managed to bank in a 20 footer for a 5 point trip. After a Heat stop, he made a step back 20 footer, and then after another Heat stop, ended the quarter by barreling to the basket, taking a hip check from Jared Jeffries en route, and flipped the ball into the basket while stumbling (although he missed the free throw - stiff!). 9-0 run by KJ, capping a 24-2 Heat run, halftime, 23 point lead, ballgame. Ham.
3) I mean, we really put in the defense for this one! Holy cow! Miami dogged Knicks star Carmelo Anthony's every step on the court. They made it tough for him to even receive the ball out on the perimeter. He'd, like, post 23 feet from the hoop on the wing, with KJ James fronting him as hard as he could, and the Knicks guards would have to try to loop the ball down into space in the corner and hope that Melo could track it down before KJ got to it, or the help side big got to it, or before it just went out of bounds. When he was able to get to it, he had KJ in his shirt, and a big coming to help if he tried to go off the dribble. By the way - this was all in the first quarter! Then Shane Battier came into the game and leaned on him even more, while KJ roamed around playing defensive centerfield. Melo was 1-9 in the first half (3-15 for game) and the Knicks had 17 turnovers (24 for game). They'll adjust, it won't be like this all series - one thing that would help them is actually throwing the ball to the roller on the screen and rolls (although to be fair, they tried it a couple of times and Chandler and Stoudamire kept plowing into people for offensive fouls). I think the biggest takeaway from the defensive effort is that all second half of the season, when people were like, "what is wrong with the Heat," what was wrong with the Heat, in large part, was that they were just waiting for the playoffs to start. This is exactly what happened last year - they said, during last season, when the playoffs start, it will be different. And it was - energy and activity rose dramatically across the board. This year, they didn't even really address it - just kind of shrugged. And here it was again: increased activity defensively, and more driving to the rim offensively. It's just one game - you are going to have bad games in the playoffs, lose games in the playoffs - but it was a good start. It demonstrated, once again, that the Heat have another gear beyond their regular season speed.
4) Look, if Miami is going to have a chance to win the championship, it can't be all KJ (10-14, 32 points in 32 minutes) and Dwyane (8-13 for 19 in 31 minutes), with an occasional sprinkling of Bosh (a very weak 3-7 for 9 in 24 minutes, with 3 missed layups - in his first game back after a couple of weeks off, we'll give him a break). Other guys - primarily Chalmers, Battier, and Mike Mil-lar - have to make some plays. They aren't going to be super-efficient - if they were, they would be totally different people - but they have to stay at it, shoot open shots, grab a board here and there. You know: make plays, that's what I'm saying, are you listening? Make plays! In the first half, when this was still a ballgame, Battier made two triples, two free throws, grabbed 5 rebounds, and drove Carmelo so bonkers that, at one point, when Melo's headband got knocked askew, he didn't even bother to fix it. That's what I'm talking about. Mil-lar made three triples, although two were in the non-competitive second half, and Chalmers chipped in with 11 points, 3 steals, and 9 assists, and, somehow, only 2 turnovers. He didn't even throw an errant alley-oop pass, although this was mostly because he didn't try any alley-oop passes. Combined those 3 guys made 6 triples and scored 28 points. When they do that, Miami is tough.
5) Referees: super excitable today. Udonis Haslem got fouled going to the rim early in the game, and as he walked to the free throw line, he and Stoudamire were jawing at each other, but totally in a non-confrontational way. I mean, they were yapping, but that's all they were doing, and neither of those guys ever starts anything - they both play inside the rules. Suddenly, referee Ed Malloy came sprinting into the middle of them with a furious look on his face, and emphatically t'd up both guys, who were suddenly united in their disdain for Ed Malloy. I thought the t's themselves were ridiculous, but even if you wanted to set a tone by being strict, why be so aggressive about it? Ed Malloy looked like a Tea Party dude - just senseless rage distorting his face. Calm down, Ed Malloy. Then, Tyson Chandler hit KJ with his little cheap shot and referee Gary Zielinski immediately ran in and ejected him! After reviewing the play, they changed the call, but again, why so happy to eject someone? Finally, in the second half, in an absolute blowout, Carmelo Anthony fouled Dwyane Wade on a drive, was left holding the ball, didn't protest the call, and passed it lightly out to referee Danny Crawford where, apparently, it hit Crawford in the back (tv cameras didn't pick it up). Again, here came Ed Malloy steaming in with the technical foul! Goodness gracious, these guys were ready to go, in a super bad way. I'm assuming we won't have this crew again for awhile, and that's a good thing - they were too amped up...
6) Injury report. First of all, Derrick Rose hurt his knee in the Bulls first playoff game against the Sixers today and is out for the rest of the playoffs. I never root for a dude to get injured, and I love rooting against Rose, and, frankly, the Bulls played Miami tougher this season when they didn't have Rose, because they moved the ball more on offense. I'm sad the Heat won't be the team with an opportunity to send him, personally, home for the season. Silver lining: he won't play on the American Olympic team this summer, which means I won't have to root for Argentina, since there is no way I'm rooting for a team with that petulant little egomaniac on it, even if it had Dwyane and UD...In the Heat game, Knicks rookie guard Iman Shumpert looked like he suffered a bad knee injury as well, a non-contact crumple to the floor. I felt really badly for him, he's a spirited young kid who competes hard, especially on the defensive end. Hate to see that. Silver lining: more Mike Bibby!!! Bibs got to play 21 minutes, although he was 0-4 from the floor (I was stunned by each miss). Also threw an alley-oop attempt that crashed off the back iron! Highlight of his game: when he had KJ James defensively in space and forced him into a fallaway 22 footer that KJ missed (one of only three misses in the game by him), and then, moments later, he had Shane Battier in the post, Battioke tried to walk him backwards, and Bibs pulled the chair on him, forcing a travel! They talk about KJ James guarding all five positions defensively! Bibby doin' it outside, doin' it inside - doin' it all! Love you, boy!
Holy smokes - I was really excited by this game! For the first time in the four years I've been writing this blog, well over 300 games, I have never before miscounted the number of thoughts I had written - I had 2 "3s" above, so you are getting an extra one! I'm giving you everything I have - and more, just like Mike Bibby!
7) I went for a jog outside before the game today. Usually, I will run about 4 or 5 miles inside at the gym on the treadmill. It doesn't really tire me out - I fight boredom more than actual fatigue. I will also sometimes lift weights, but a lot times I'll skip that part of my workout because it is so difficult. Why do they have to make the weights so heavy? That's crazy, that's counterproductive if it's going to make people skip it. Anyways, today I decided I would run outside. I used to do it all the time - I ran a marathon six or seven years ago. It was overcast today, not particularly hot, not overly windy. But, damnnn, was that crap hard. I felt like I was in one of those football workouts where someone had looped a long, thick elastic band around my waist for resistance, and I was running uphill, and against the wind. Also, I felt like someone was punching me in the thighs every step that I took. Each minute seemed like four minutes on the treadmill. I only ran three miles, and when I was done, I was twice as gassed as I am after running at the gym. Even right now, hours later, I feel like someone was pounding my ankles with a jackhammer. The moral of the story? I am old.
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I don't want to take too much credit for the win, but quietly, without making a big deal about it, I changed my normal Heat game watching position from the extreme right side of the couch to the extreme left side of the couch. Annnddd, we won by about a hundred points. You're welcome! We're back for Game Two Monday. If you need me before then, I'll be icing down my tattered knees and ankles - Pat Ewing style! See you Monday!
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Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wizards 104 Heat 70
1) What? I absolutely did not nap during the entire game. I couldn't - a good deal of the time I was wide awake reading "Soccernomics!" It's like "Moneyball," except about soccer! So good! Andy Car-rollllll!!!! The only thing I noticed about the game was that at one point I saw Eddy Curry step on Mike Miller's ankle, sending him limping to the sidelines. Of course. The regular season is over. First round playoff opponent - the New York York Knicks! Say that it is not so! Here we go again, just like back in the day, just like we always do about this time, if "this time" means "12-15 years ago!" Shall we get hype? Let's get hype! C'mon, KJ, come on, du: LET'S GO!!!
2) Playoff time! Time to swash buckles! Time to storm barns! Come on, get it, get it! We're gonna touch the sky, baby girl!!! We have a playoff theme song, and it's Kanye West's "Touch the Sky!" One, you can sing along to it! Two, Curtis Mayfield! Three, it's about reaching for the skies, reaching for your dreams! Four, it's got an Evel Knievel-esque video! Five, every damn time Dwyane, UD, and I come up in the spot, we're looking extra fly! Extra Fly! COME AND GET SOME, NEW YORK KNICKS, COME AND GET SOME!!! NO JUGAMOS JUEGOS, WE DON'T MESS, MAN, ALL WE DO IS WIN!!! LET'S GO (KJ), AND LET'S GET IT (Gabrielle U)!!! (shhhh - Knicks make me super-nervous)
3) On the serious side, if you've been a Heat fan for a long, long time, like the people in Casa Minutos have been, you lived through four consecutive playoffs series between the Heat and Knicks from 1997-2000. Annnnd, after the first one they were all nightmares, as the Heat lost on their home court in a winner take all game in those last three. One time we got killed; one time Mashburn passed the ball to Clarence Weatherspoon and he missed; annnnd one time Allan Houston made a floater at the buzzer. There were lots of fights: PJ Brown vs. Charlie Ward; Zo vs Larry Johnson; Jeff Van Gundy vs Zo's ankle. There was the Eric Murdoch throat-slit, and the Chris Childs throat slit, there was the Zo three pointer, there was Tim Hardaway's 20 point third quarter, there was Anthony Carter's shot over the backboard - so many moments, good and bad, mostly bad. The animosity was so, so high- I'm not sure I've ever seen two teams hate each other so much by the end of the fourth series. And each team's best player, Zo and Pat Ewing, were best friends! Uh-oh: Dwyane, KJ, and the Knicks' best player, Carmelo Anthony, are all best friends! Here we go again!
4) Everyone keeps asking me for predictions. I don't know, mannn, that's not really what I do. I more, like, watch the games, and then say what I saw. Miami, OKC, and Chicago were the best three teams I saw. I didn't see San Antonio much. Miami needs Miller, Battier, Haslem, and Chalmers to make a few shots. It's more of a volume proposition in the playoffs - efficiency goes down across the board, and you have to keep shooting. Baskets come hard. KJ will get his; Dwyane will get his. Even Bosh will wander into a few. But those other guys need to make a few shots. When they do that, Miami's the best team. I don't know if they will do that; but if they do, Miami has as good a chance as anyone. You know what's scary? Out of that group, the guy I worry about least is Chalmers. I know he'll shoot open looks in big spots. Yikes.
5) Well, it's settled, the "Who is the Bigger Racist" contest from last game: white people win! From GFOB EW, who only happens to be a world-class chef:
Dude...HoJo's fried clams are a HUGE childhood memory...good times! Every family road trip included a stop for a big plate of 'em...good call
Yeahhhh! White people unite!!!
6) Judge Smails > Judge Reinhold > Judge Ito > Traffic court judges who think they are supercool and berate friends of mine who received bogus moving violation tickets, and go to court to state their cases. So cool: you can berate someone who allegedly failed to change lanes in time to avoid a po-lice giving another fine citizen a ticket, even though neither citizen harmed anyone. Wow- very dignified, Your Highness!...Wait- you don't think that just because it's a friend of mine, and I had that one parking incident...okay, two parking incidents...okay, thr-okay, maybe four, if you count the one where the parking ticket po-lice didn't give me a ticket, but we did get into a curse-out with each other. I mean, just maybe- nahhh...
---
Okay, okay, okay - we'll be back Saturday for Game One against the Knicks. Remember: it's a seven game series. You can't win it or lose it Saturday. People overreact every game of every playoffs series - you people don't do that, you people try to stay cool, okay? Just revel in the thrill of it all. We're gonna touch the sky! If you need me before Saturday, I'll be mapquesting the nearest Howard Johnson's. Have fun watching the game!
-----
2) Playoff time! Time to swash buckles! Time to storm barns! Come on, get it, get it! We're gonna touch the sky, baby girl!!! We have a playoff theme song, and it's Kanye West's "Touch the Sky!" One, you can sing along to it! Two, Curtis Mayfield! Three, it's about reaching for the skies, reaching for your dreams! Four, it's got an Evel Knievel-esque video! Five, every damn time Dwyane, UD, and I come up in the spot, we're looking extra fly! Extra Fly! COME AND GET SOME, NEW YORK KNICKS, COME AND GET SOME!!! NO JUGAMOS JUEGOS, WE DON'T MESS, MAN, ALL WE DO IS WIN!!! LET'S GO (KJ), AND LET'S GET IT (Gabrielle U)!!! (shhhh - Knicks make me super-nervous)
3) On the serious side, if you've been a Heat fan for a long, long time, like the people in Casa Minutos have been, you lived through four consecutive playoffs series between the Heat and Knicks from 1997-2000. Annnnd, after the first one they were all nightmares, as the Heat lost on their home court in a winner take all game in those last three. One time we got killed; one time Mashburn passed the ball to Clarence Weatherspoon and he missed; annnnd one time Allan Houston made a floater at the buzzer. There were lots of fights: PJ Brown vs. Charlie Ward; Zo vs Larry Johnson; Jeff Van Gundy vs Zo's ankle. There was the Eric Murdoch throat-slit, and the Chris Childs throat slit, there was the Zo three pointer, there was Tim Hardaway's 20 point third quarter, there was Anthony Carter's shot over the backboard - so many moments, good and bad, mostly bad. The animosity was so, so high- I'm not sure I've ever seen two teams hate each other so much by the end of the fourth series. And each team's best player, Zo and Pat Ewing, were best friends! Uh-oh: Dwyane, KJ, and the Knicks' best player, Carmelo Anthony, are all best friends! Here we go again!
4) Everyone keeps asking me for predictions. I don't know, mannn, that's not really what I do. I more, like, watch the games, and then say what I saw. Miami, OKC, and Chicago were the best three teams I saw. I didn't see San Antonio much. Miami needs Miller, Battier, Haslem, and Chalmers to make a few shots. It's more of a volume proposition in the playoffs - efficiency goes down across the board, and you have to keep shooting. Baskets come hard. KJ will get his; Dwyane will get his. Even Bosh will wander into a few. But those other guys need to make a few shots. When they do that, Miami's the best team. I don't know if they will do that; but if they do, Miami has as good a chance as anyone. You know what's scary? Out of that group, the guy I worry about least is Chalmers. I know he'll shoot open looks in big spots. Yikes.
5) Well, it's settled, the "Who is the Bigger Racist" contest from last game: white people win! From GFOB EW, who only happens to be a world-class chef:
Dude...HoJo's fried clams are a HUGE childhood memory...good times! Every family road trip included a stop for a big plate of 'em...good call
Yeahhhh! White people unite!!!
6) Judge Smails > Judge Reinhold > Judge Ito > Traffic court judges who think they are supercool and berate friends of mine who received bogus moving violation tickets, and go to court to state their cases. So cool: you can berate someone who allegedly failed to change lanes in time to avoid a po-lice giving another fine citizen a ticket, even though neither citizen harmed anyone. Wow- very dignified, Your Highness!...Wait- you don't think that just because it's a friend of mine, and I had that one parking incident...okay, two parking incidents...okay, thr-okay, maybe four, if you count the one where the parking ticket po-lice didn't give me a ticket, but we did get into a curse-out with each other. I mean, just maybe- nahhh...
---
Okay, okay, okay - we'll be back Saturday for Game One against the Knicks. Remember: it's a seven game series. You can't win it or lose it Saturday. People overreact every game of every playoffs series - you people don't do that, you people try to stay cool, okay? Just revel in the thrill of it all. We're gonna touch the sky! If you need me before Saturday, I'll be mapquesting the nearest Howard Johnson's. Have fun watching the game!
-----
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Celtics 78 Heat 66
6 Thoughts
1) That was one of the best, most thrilling sporting events I've seen in years. What? No, no the Heat-Celtics game - I mean the Champions League semifinal that I watched right before it, with Chelsea holding off Messi and Barcelona to go through to the final. The Heat-Celtics game was an abomination! None of the Heat's top guys played, only Paul Pierce played for the Celtics (and only for 18 minutes). It was super-bad, and pretty dull. Believe me: you don't really need to know anything about this game, your life isn't going to be any poorer for not knowing much about it. Let's quickly zip through a couple of the lowlights, talk about Chris Bosh's namesake pears in #5, and play "Who is the Bigger Racist?" down in #6. One more game left after tonight, then bring on the New York Knicks! Let's Go!
2) Miami turned the ball over a mind-boggling 11 times in the first quarter alone, yet led at the end of the quarter 17-10 because Boston did not score for the first 6:15 of the game. The score was 34-28 Heat at halftime.
3) Miami shot one free throw in the entire first half, and it was on an illegal defense technical foul against Boston. They didn't shoot any more free throws until there were 6 minutes to go in the entire game! Impressive!
4) I don't care what Coach Spo and KJ James say after this game: I don't think we got better today.
5) Okay, that's enough with that game..So P.Minutos and I were in the market over the weekend. Is anyone here a big fan of pears? I am not. I like the flavor, but not a huge fan of the texture – too mealy. However, for the last couple of weeks I have been eating an occasional pear or two, just to change things up. As one would expect, I buy green pears. Why? Because that is what any normal person would do…But when P.Minutos and I were in the produce section, I noticed that there were brown pears right next to the green pairs. Not only that, the name of the brown pears was pretty much “Bosh” pears. The spelling there might be off a little, but I am pretty sure they are named after Chris Bosh. Bosh pears? Yes, of course, I want those! They are brown, like Bosh, and they are going to have a subtle, smooth taste, not at all overpowering, although, ultimately, they may leave you wanting just a little bit more. Anyways, we acquired some Bosh pears, brought them home, and put them in the fruit basket. Later that night, M.Minutos was all over a Bosh pear, munching it down like Bosh munched down rebounds in his last two games before he went over his quota. I’m like, “Oh, you really love those Bosh pears, don’t you,” and she was, like, “Yes – finally you got some normal pears, instead of those crazy green ones,” which led to a big argument about what type of pear is normal. As I pointed out to her, she’s from Wisconsin, how would she possibly know what constitutes “normal,” which she would not concede, but which she knows, even now as she reads this, is entirely accurate. At work the next day, I was telling The Captain about The Pear Incident, and he was, like, “Brown pears are normal to her – what in the hell is wrong with her,” and I was like, “Well, she’s from Wisconsin, and she says that brown pears are the normal pear there.” As The Captain pointed out, “Good reason to leave.” Bosh pears, I mean, come on. What’s next? Chalmers Pot Pie?
6) This is a segment called “Who is the Bigger Racist?” As you know, M.Minutos is a lovely, charismatic young(ish) black woman, and I am a dorky white dude. Often, we try to see who can out-racist the other person. You be the judge on this one. We were watching “Madmen” the other night- “Mad Men?” Not too sure how you construct that title. Part of the episode centered around the Howard Johnson motel and restaurant chain, the very lovely and homey luxury establishments that you can find all over this great country of ours. Someone on the show mentioned that the house specialty at HoJo’s is fried clams and orange sherbet. In the recesses of my mind, I was, like, “Yeah, I’ve been there and had fried clams,” and I pointed this out to M.Minutos, who looked at me like I had gone insane. And I was, like, “Yeah, I think my dad used to take me there when I was a little kid, or maybe my grandmother, and we’d get fried clams,” and she was, like, “You would eat fried clams at a Howard Johnson’s,” and I was like, “I guess, sure,” and she was like, “Only white people would ever do that. White people are crazy.” Okay –fine. White people are crazy. Crazy like a fox, because Howard Johnson’s fried clams are delicious, at least in my memory. A short while later, after Madmen had ended, we were watching this stupid show called “Shark Tank.” It is a show where entrepreneurs come on to try to get rich dudes to invest in their business ideas – one of the sharks is Mark Cuban and, unbelievably, he’s the least creepy guy on the show, if that gives you any indication of how unpleasant the people come across. Anyways, one guy comes on to pitch a perfume he has made – it smells like newly printed money, and its name, appropriately, is “Money.” And none of the investors really wanted to buy it, except for this one little unpleasant poorly dressed black dude, who, not coincidentally I think, invented the FUBU line of clothing. The few times I have seen the show, that dude has never invested in anything – but he was all over this money scent, wanted to buy 80% of company (which the inventor stupidly turned down). I was, like, “I don’t know, M – that dude should have taken the FUBU dude’s offer. If anyone is going to buy a perfume that smells like money, it’s going to be the same clientle who would buy FUBU.” And she was, like, “What do you mean, black people?” And I just shrugged. I mean, I wouldn’t buy it…So, you be the judge: who is more racist? Trick question: “race + power = racism”(according to Kevin Powell, circa 1991), and in my household M.Minutos has all the power. Therefore, she is the racist. Thanks for playing.
---
Last game of the regular season is Thursday against Washington, and I'm sure no one will be playing in that one, either. We'll try to prepare some year end awards for that night. If you need me before then, I'll be working on a new recipe for Battier Teriyaki. See you Thursday!
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1) That was one of the best, most thrilling sporting events I've seen in years. What? No, no the Heat-Celtics game - I mean the Champions League semifinal that I watched right before it, with Chelsea holding off Messi and Barcelona to go through to the final. The Heat-Celtics game was an abomination! None of the Heat's top guys played, only Paul Pierce played for the Celtics (and only for 18 minutes). It was super-bad, and pretty dull. Believe me: you don't really need to know anything about this game, your life isn't going to be any poorer for not knowing much about it. Let's quickly zip through a couple of the lowlights, talk about Chris Bosh's namesake pears in #5, and play "Who is the Bigger Racist?" down in #6. One more game left after tonight, then bring on the New York Knicks! Let's Go!
2) Miami turned the ball over a mind-boggling 11 times in the first quarter alone, yet led at the end of the quarter 17-10 because Boston did not score for the first 6:15 of the game. The score was 34-28 Heat at halftime.
3) Miami shot one free throw in the entire first half, and it was on an illegal defense technical foul against Boston. They didn't shoot any more free throws until there were 6 minutes to go in the entire game! Impressive!
4) I don't care what Coach Spo and KJ James say after this game: I don't think we got better today.
5) Okay, that's enough with that game..So P.Minutos and I were in the market over the weekend. Is anyone here a big fan of pears? I am not. I like the flavor, but not a huge fan of the texture – too mealy. However, for the last couple of weeks I have been eating an occasional pear or two, just to change things up. As one would expect, I buy green pears. Why? Because that is what any normal person would do…But when P.Minutos and I were in the produce section, I noticed that there were brown pears right next to the green pairs. Not only that, the name of the brown pears was pretty much “Bosh” pears. The spelling there might be off a little, but I am pretty sure they are named after Chris Bosh. Bosh pears? Yes, of course, I want those! They are brown, like Bosh, and they are going to have a subtle, smooth taste, not at all overpowering, although, ultimately, they may leave you wanting just a little bit more. Anyways, we acquired some Bosh pears, brought them home, and put them in the fruit basket. Later that night, M.Minutos was all over a Bosh pear, munching it down like Bosh munched down rebounds in his last two games before he went over his quota. I’m like, “Oh, you really love those Bosh pears, don’t you,” and she was, like, “Yes – finally you got some normal pears, instead of those crazy green ones,” which led to a big argument about what type of pear is normal. As I pointed out to her, she’s from Wisconsin, how would she possibly know what constitutes “normal,” which she would not concede, but which she knows, even now as she reads this, is entirely accurate. At work the next day, I was telling The Captain about The Pear Incident, and he was, like, “Brown pears are normal to her – what in the hell is wrong with her,” and I was like, “Well, she’s from Wisconsin, and she says that brown pears are the normal pear there.” As The Captain pointed out, “Good reason to leave.” Bosh pears, I mean, come on. What’s next? Chalmers Pot Pie?
6) This is a segment called “Who is the Bigger Racist?” As you know, M.Minutos is a lovely, charismatic young(ish) black woman, and I am a dorky white dude. Often, we try to see who can out-racist the other person. You be the judge on this one. We were watching “Madmen” the other night- “Mad Men?” Not too sure how you construct that title. Part of the episode centered around the Howard Johnson motel and restaurant chain, the very lovely and homey luxury establishments that you can find all over this great country of ours. Someone on the show mentioned that the house specialty at HoJo’s is fried clams and orange sherbet. In the recesses of my mind, I was, like, “Yeah, I’ve been there and had fried clams,” and I pointed this out to M.Minutos, who looked at me like I had gone insane. And I was, like, “Yeah, I think my dad used to take me there when I was a little kid, or maybe my grandmother, and we’d get fried clams,” and she was, like, “You would eat fried clams at a Howard Johnson’s,” and I was like, “I guess, sure,” and she was like, “Only white people would ever do that. White people are crazy.” Okay –fine. White people are crazy. Crazy like a fox, because Howard Johnson’s fried clams are delicious, at least in my memory. A short while later, after Madmen had ended, we were watching this stupid show called “Shark Tank.” It is a show where entrepreneurs come on to try to get rich dudes to invest in their business ideas – one of the sharks is Mark Cuban and, unbelievably, he’s the least creepy guy on the show, if that gives you any indication of how unpleasant the people come across. Anyways, one guy comes on to pitch a perfume he has made – it smells like newly printed money, and its name, appropriately, is “Money.” And none of the investors really wanted to buy it, except for this one little unpleasant poorly dressed black dude, who, not coincidentally I think, invented the FUBU line of clothing. The few times I have seen the show, that dude has never invested in anything – but he was all over this money scent, wanted to buy 80% of company (which the inventor stupidly turned down). I was, like, “I don’t know, M – that dude should have taken the FUBU dude’s offer. If anyone is going to buy a perfume that smells like money, it’s going to be the same clientle who would buy FUBU.” And she was, like, “What do you mean, black people?” And I just shrugged. I mean, I wouldn’t buy it…So, you be the judge: who is more racist? Trick question: “race + power = racism”(according to Kevin Powell, circa 1991), and in my household M.Minutos has all the power. Therefore, she is the racist. Thanks for playing.
---
Last game of the regular season is Thursday against Washington, and I'm sure no one will be playing in that one, either. We'll try to prepare some year end awards for that night. If you need me before then, I'll be working on a new recipe for Battier Teriyaki. See you Thursday!
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Sunday, April 22, 2012
Heat 97 Rockets 88
6 Thoughts
1) When Norris Cole finally scored Miami's first points on a short jump shot with 9:40 still remaining in the first quarter, I didn't know how I was going to make it through the game - I was already incredibly bored. But, with Miami playing for virtually nothing (other than to end Houston's slight playoff hopes), and with every excuse to go through the motions, KJ James delivered another tremendous performance. He scored 32 points, had 8 rebounds, and 5 assists - but more importantly, his competitiveness on both ends of the floor turned this into a real, and watchable, basketball game. When he and Mike Mil-lar hit back-to-back triples with 2 minutes to go to push the Heat out to a 6 point lead, even I was re-engaged. Again, there is no reason KJ even has to be out there - I think he really, truly does just love to play...In his honor (and he's the one who started it): Let's Go!
2) KJ started and played 36 minutes. Who didn't play? Dwyane Wade: out (dislocated finger, non-shooting hand). Mario "Emcee" Chalmers : out (flu). Ronny Turiaf: out (he's always hurt, every year, no matter what team he is on). Chris Bosh: out (something the team tonight termed "leg muscle fatigue"). Whoa, whoa, whoa - Chris Bosh has leg muscles?
3) Play of the game: tie. First, with the clock running down at the end of the first quarter, KJ James drove down the right side of the lane, and then threw an absolute fastball across the paint to a cutting Joel Anthony. Guess what happened? What? No! Of course he didn't catch it! Obviously what happened was the ball went through his hands like someone had greased up a waterslide with Crisco - it actually came shooting out of his hands moving even faster than it had been going in! And, obviously, it sizzled right to Shane Battioke, standing all alone on the perimeter, who somehow surrounded it, quickly wiped all the grease off the ball, and drained a jumper as time expired...Second, when Courtney Lee stole a crosscourt pass, tried to get all the way to the rim with KJ chasing him, and not only did KJ take his layup to the glass and pin it, but then somehow managed to get his other hand up there, catch it, land, maintain his balance before falling out of bounds, and then pass the ball upcourt to a teammate (where it was shortly turned over again, but whatever). Crazy.
4) All offseason everyone thought that Miami was going to sign Sam Dalembert to play center, and then instead signed Shane Battier to backup KJ and Dwyane's backup, Mike Mil-lar. A lot of people criticised the move at the time. Tonight, in a game the Rockets had to win to keep their playoff hopes alive, Dalembert played 9 minutes, scored 0 points, and had 2 rebounds and 2 turnovers. He didn't look to be in particularly good shape, either. For the year, he averages 7 points and 7 rebounds. Hard to say that would have been a huge upgrade. Hard to say Battier was much better, though - he has shot the ball so poorly (a solid 4-8 tonight), that it has tended to offset some of the things he has done well, like defend, and hustle out extra possessions on loose balls and steals (5 steals tonight)...On a related note, left over from Thursday night: when GFOB AH and I were sitting courtside during warmups, we were snapping off pictures like there was no tomorrow - if you were one of the several dozen people to whom I texted a blurry picture of Emcee Chalmers with bright red kicks halfheartedly launching three point floaters up towards the rim, you're welcome. But the best photo of all occurred when Battier, who really worked hard in shootaround and got up a good sweat, was walking directly towards where we were sitting on the sideline. He had his head down, and he was coming over to shoot triples from right in front of us. As he got to about 10 feet away, AH stuck his camera phone out and aimed it. Unfortunately, Battier picked this exact moment to look up directly into the phone jammed in his mug. He looked like he wanted to smile, but he was tired, dripping with sweat, and most of all, it was just a little bit creepy that two grown men were sitting there taking pictures of him walking around on a basketball court like two hours before the game was even going to start. He's a good dude, he tried to smile, but it came out more like a strained grimace, laced with a tinge of aggravation. Basically, like this:
Best part: AH didn't even realize Battier had given him the partial stink-eye, since he was so busy snapping the shot!
5) This dude - Ha!
6) Really got nothing for you here tonight. How about this: my birthday is Tuesday, I turn 100. My dad (my real dad, not Pat Riley), who really is the dopest dude on earth, called me last week and was, like, "I'd like to get you a present, is there anything you would like, like maybe an electronic thing, like do you want a Kindle, or an iPad," and I was like, "No, I would never use those things." And he was like, "Well, can you think about it, and then call me if you think of something," and I was, like, "Okay," and then tonight I was watching the game, and my legs were hurting from jogging this weekend, and I realized I need new running sneakers, so I called him and said that I could use new running sneakers, and he said, "Great! Can you go buy some, and then I'll send you a check!" No joke. The end. Goodnight.
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Two games left. In Boston Tuesday - my birthday! - doubtful that it will be a highly contested affair, I doubt many starters will play. If you need me before then, I'll be turning that Battioke photo into a mural-sized poster. See you Tuesday!
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1) When Norris Cole finally scored Miami's first points on a short jump shot with 9:40 still remaining in the first quarter, I didn't know how I was going to make it through the game - I was already incredibly bored. But, with Miami playing for virtually nothing (other than to end Houston's slight playoff hopes), and with every excuse to go through the motions, KJ James delivered another tremendous performance. He scored 32 points, had 8 rebounds, and 5 assists - but more importantly, his competitiveness on both ends of the floor turned this into a real, and watchable, basketball game. When he and Mike Mil-lar hit back-to-back triples with 2 minutes to go to push the Heat out to a 6 point lead, even I was re-engaged. Again, there is no reason KJ even has to be out there - I think he really, truly does just love to play...In his honor (and he's the one who started it): Let's Go!
2) KJ started and played 36 minutes. Who didn't play? Dwyane Wade: out (dislocated finger, non-shooting hand). Mario "Emcee" Chalmers : out (flu). Ronny Turiaf: out (he's always hurt, every year, no matter what team he is on). Chris Bosh: out (something the team tonight termed "leg muscle fatigue"). Whoa, whoa, whoa - Chris Bosh has leg muscles?
3) Play of the game: tie. First, with the clock running down at the end of the first quarter, KJ James drove down the right side of the lane, and then threw an absolute fastball across the paint to a cutting Joel Anthony. Guess what happened? What? No! Of course he didn't catch it! Obviously what happened was the ball went through his hands like someone had greased up a waterslide with Crisco - it actually came shooting out of his hands moving even faster than it had been going in! And, obviously, it sizzled right to Shane Battioke, standing all alone on the perimeter, who somehow surrounded it, quickly wiped all the grease off the ball, and drained a jumper as time expired...Second, when Courtney Lee stole a crosscourt pass, tried to get all the way to the rim with KJ chasing him, and not only did KJ take his layup to the glass and pin it, but then somehow managed to get his other hand up there, catch it, land, maintain his balance before falling out of bounds, and then pass the ball upcourt to a teammate (where it was shortly turned over again, but whatever). Crazy.
4) All offseason everyone thought that Miami was going to sign Sam Dalembert to play center, and then instead signed Shane Battier to backup KJ and Dwyane's backup, Mike Mil-lar. A lot of people criticised the move at the time. Tonight, in a game the Rockets had to win to keep their playoff hopes alive, Dalembert played 9 minutes, scored 0 points, and had 2 rebounds and 2 turnovers. He didn't look to be in particularly good shape, either. For the year, he averages 7 points and 7 rebounds. Hard to say that would have been a huge upgrade. Hard to say Battier was much better, though - he has shot the ball so poorly (a solid 4-8 tonight), that it has tended to offset some of the things he has done well, like defend, and hustle out extra possessions on loose balls and steals (5 steals tonight)...On a related note, left over from Thursday night: when GFOB AH and I were sitting courtside during warmups, we were snapping off pictures like there was no tomorrow - if you were one of the several dozen people to whom I texted a blurry picture of Emcee Chalmers with bright red kicks halfheartedly launching three point floaters up towards the rim, you're welcome. But the best photo of all occurred when Battier, who really worked hard in shootaround and got up a good sweat, was walking directly towards where we were sitting on the sideline. He had his head down, and he was coming over to shoot triples from right in front of us. As he got to about 10 feet away, AH stuck his camera phone out and aimed it. Unfortunately, Battier picked this exact moment to look up directly into the phone jammed in his mug. He looked like he wanted to smile, but he was tired, dripping with sweat, and most of all, it was just a little bit creepy that two grown men were sitting there taking pictures of him walking around on a basketball court like two hours before the game was even going to start. He's a good dude, he tried to smile, but it came out more like a strained grimace, laced with a tinge of aggravation. Basically, like this:
Best part: AH didn't even realize Battier had given him the partial stink-eye, since he was so busy snapping the shot!
5) This dude - Ha!
6) Really got nothing for you here tonight. How about this: my birthday is Tuesday, I turn 100. My dad (my real dad, not Pat Riley), who really is the dopest dude on earth, called me last week and was, like, "I'd like to get you a present, is there anything you would like, like maybe an electronic thing, like do you want a Kindle, or an iPad," and I was like, "No, I would never use those things." And he was like, "Well, can you think about it, and then call me if you think of something," and I was, like, "Okay," and then tonight I was watching the game, and my legs were hurting from jogging this weekend, and I realized I need new running sneakers, so I called him and said that I could use new running sneakers, and he said, "Great! Can you go buy some, and then I'll send you a check!" No joke. The end. Goodnight.
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Two games left. In Boston Tuesday - my birthday! - doubtful that it will be a highly contested affair, I doubt many starters will play. If you need me before then, I'll be turning that Battioke photo into a mural-sized poster. See you Tuesday!
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Saturday, April 21, 2012
Wizards 86 Heat 84
6 Thoughts
1) What a bizarre game. The Heat decided to rest KJ James (preventative maintenance), and Chris Bosh is still on mandatory leave (over rebound quota); and they decided to play Dwyane Wade to, I suppose, maintain some semblance of order. When Wade dislocated a finger on his left hand three minutes into the game, KJ ran into the locker room to get taped up, but Coach Spo wisely decided to let the game go, essentially concede the number one seed to the Bulls, and start to prepare for the playoffs. Howwweverrr, Washington was so terrible that Mike Miller nearly won the game with one torrid late third quarter/early fourth quarter blitz, which is something that probably hasn't happened since he was playing at the Corn Palace in South Dakota. Both teams played atrocious basketball. Miami, because their three best players were out, and the Wizards because they haven't been good since Wes Unseld retired. In the end, Miami fell just a bit short, some of the playoff picture started to set itself, while other elements are in disarray, and the game was fairly entertaining in a "terrible basketball" kind of way. Let's zip through this - no one has offered me preventative maintenance yet, and I am exhausted...
2) Playoff picture - here's what we know: any Miami loss in the next three games (Houston, Boston, Washington), or any Chicago win (no idea - actually, I think they have two games left, and play Indiana once) makes Chicago the #1 seed, and Miami the #2 seed. The negatives: if Miami plays Chicago in the Eastern Conference Finals, Chicago gets an extra home game. They had it last year, but Miami won there twice. Also, the most likely #7 seed are the New York Knicks - that's the toughest possible first round opponent for a top four seed. The positives: most people would tend to think that Boston is better than Indiana right now, and the third best team in the East. They are locked in to the #4/5 spot, which means they play Chicago in the second round. Miami only plays the winner, if they beat the Knicks, and then Indiana in the second round. Also, it's still possible that Philadelphia could outplay the Knicks the rest of the season, and swipe the #7 from New York, making them Miami's first round opponent, which would be an easier matchup, on paper, for Miami. We'll see what happens. Wacky things can happen in the playoffs, and the route you thought was best turns out to be worst - but not usually, not in the NBA playoffs. Chalk is usually chalk...
3) Okay, Dwyane Wade dislocated a finger on his left hand about two minutes into the game. After the game, he said it is the first time he has ever done that. That seems amazing since I have done it a couple dozen times, and athletically Dwyane and I are very similar, obviously. I doubt we'll see him play in these next three games, so rust could be a problem, but if he's anything like me, which of course he is, his hand should be fairly good to go come the playoffs next weekend.
4) Listen, I think everyone here, I think we all agree that KJ James is a fantastic basketball player, and actually a pretty nice dude, but it isn't like we love him, luvvv him, like Dwyane or UD or Mike Bibby. It's kind of like the curse of being 6'8" and ridiculously talented. He's sooo far from being an underdog, it's hard to relate to him on a personal level. He's an overdog. But, every once in a while he will do something that kind of endears himself to us. Tonight when Dwyane got hurt and it was obvious he wasn't going to play anymore, after several minutes of watching Dexter Pittman as the focal point of the offense, backed by Shane Battioke trying to break guys down off the dribble despite the fact that he can't bend at the knees (we lead the league in guys with this affliction), KJ ran into the locker room to get taped up, even though he was not scheduled to play. And there he was, looking all ready to go in and try to help on his night off. Luckily, Coach Spo didn't press his luck with the basketball gods (David Stern and, probably, John Wooden), and never inserted KJ. After the game, Spo revealed that no one asked KJ to get taped, that he did it on his own to try to help. In his two years here, I really have never seen KJ do anything on a basketball court, or in general, that looked like he was doing anything but being a good teammate. Unless you count his constant yelling at Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, which I really don't, since everyone is doing that: KJ, Spo, UD, the fans, the refs. The only person who doesn't yell at Chalmers is Dwyane, since he's been with him the longest - he knows it isn't going to help anything.
5) UD was so, so terrible tonight. He had 15 rebounds in 29 minutes, but there were so many missed shots by these two teams that it was the equivalent of getting like 6 in a normal game. He did have a transition follow-dunk of a missed Chalmers layup to tie the game with 4 seconds to go, but I think he then missed the help assignment on the last play of the game when Nene scored to win it. Further, he kept receiving passes, barreling into traffic, and shooting the ball into peoples' armpits. So, so terrible, I love this kid so, so much, he is such a warrior, and he's my favorite basketball player of all-time - and frankly, he has to play because we don't have better options - but right now it is rough. Just rough. Come on, UD, we need you in these playoffs, boy...
6) So seven year old P.Minutos and I were out doing some errands today - that kid is a good sidekick, he's down for anything, once you pry him away from the gang of little kids that congregates in front of our house all weekend long. We hit the library, the market - you know, the usual. So, at one point we are at a red light, and the car in front of us is an old hearse which some kid has (seemingly) acquired, applied a sweet multi-layered red and black paint job on it (red on top half, black on bottom half), and then painted what I assume was the movie poster from the most recent Planet of the Apes movie - maybe called "Rise of the Planet of the Apes?" - on the rear of the car. Whatever it was called, the name of the movie was also painted right there on the back - there were apes, the name of the movie...that's what I'm saying, it was like the movie poster reproduced. I heard that film was pretty engaging, but I didn't see it - no need to, already seen the original one, starring the great, great Charlton Heston, over 100 times. I still contend, as vigilant readers of this blog would know, that the scene in which the apes are trying to capture Charlton Heston, and it takes them about 15 minutes to do so, even though there are like 150 apes, half of them on horseback; they have guns and nets; Heston is like 70 years old; and he's cornered in an area roughly the size of my kitchen, is the greatest movie scene of all-time. Heston is dodging to-and-fro like a geriatric Barry Sanders, and he keeps careening, like, directly at a camera, then looks right in the camera, realizes he's going to collide with it, and veers crazily out of the way. But I digress...So P.Minutos and I decide to pull up on the side of the Planet of the Apes car to see what kind of dude created this masterpiece, and, basically, he looked like L'il Wayne. Not even totally positive it wasn't L'il Wayne. It doesn't even matter - the point is, you are either ballin', or you're not ballin', and this kid was clearly ballin'. The end.
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Oh my God, I can't believe we have three more meaningless games I need to write about before the playoffs. Does anybody else want to take a turn? We're back tomorrow against Houston. If you need me before then, I'll be diagramming an escape route in case apes ever invade my kitchen. NRA Forever!!!
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1) What a bizarre game. The Heat decided to rest KJ James (preventative maintenance), and Chris Bosh is still on mandatory leave (over rebound quota); and they decided to play Dwyane Wade to, I suppose, maintain some semblance of order. When Wade dislocated a finger on his left hand three minutes into the game, KJ ran into the locker room to get taped up, but Coach Spo wisely decided to let the game go, essentially concede the number one seed to the Bulls, and start to prepare for the playoffs. Howwweverrr, Washington was so terrible that Mike Miller nearly won the game with one torrid late third quarter/early fourth quarter blitz, which is something that probably hasn't happened since he was playing at the Corn Palace in South Dakota. Both teams played atrocious basketball. Miami, because their three best players were out, and the Wizards because they haven't been good since Wes Unseld retired. In the end, Miami fell just a bit short, some of the playoff picture started to set itself, while other elements are in disarray, and the game was fairly entertaining in a "terrible basketball" kind of way. Let's zip through this - no one has offered me preventative maintenance yet, and I am exhausted...
2) Playoff picture - here's what we know: any Miami loss in the next three games (Houston, Boston, Washington), or any Chicago win (no idea - actually, I think they have two games left, and play Indiana once) makes Chicago the #1 seed, and Miami the #2 seed. The negatives: if Miami plays Chicago in the Eastern Conference Finals, Chicago gets an extra home game. They had it last year, but Miami won there twice. Also, the most likely #7 seed are the New York Knicks - that's the toughest possible first round opponent for a top four seed. The positives: most people would tend to think that Boston is better than Indiana right now, and the third best team in the East. They are locked in to the #4/5 spot, which means they play Chicago in the second round. Miami only plays the winner, if they beat the Knicks, and then Indiana in the second round. Also, it's still possible that Philadelphia could outplay the Knicks the rest of the season, and swipe the #7 from New York, making them Miami's first round opponent, which would be an easier matchup, on paper, for Miami. We'll see what happens. Wacky things can happen in the playoffs, and the route you thought was best turns out to be worst - but not usually, not in the NBA playoffs. Chalk is usually chalk...
3) Okay, Dwyane Wade dislocated a finger on his left hand about two minutes into the game. After the game, he said it is the first time he has ever done that. That seems amazing since I have done it a couple dozen times, and athletically Dwyane and I are very similar, obviously. I doubt we'll see him play in these next three games, so rust could be a problem, but if he's anything like me, which of course he is, his hand should be fairly good to go come the playoffs next weekend.
4) Listen, I think everyone here, I think we all agree that KJ James is a fantastic basketball player, and actually a pretty nice dude, but it isn't like we love him, luvvv him, like Dwyane or UD or Mike Bibby. It's kind of like the curse of being 6'8" and ridiculously talented. He's sooo far from being an underdog, it's hard to relate to him on a personal level. He's an overdog. But, every once in a while he will do something that kind of endears himself to us. Tonight when Dwyane got hurt and it was obvious he wasn't going to play anymore, after several minutes of watching Dexter Pittman as the focal point of the offense, backed by Shane Battioke trying to break guys down off the dribble despite the fact that he can't bend at the knees (we lead the league in guys with this affliction), KJ ran into the locker room to get taped up, even though he was not scheduled to play. And there he was, looking all ready to go in and try to help on his night off. Luckily, Coach Spo didn't press his luck with the basketball gods (David Stern and, probably, John Wooden), and never inserted KJ. After the game, Spo revealed that no one asked KJ to get taped, that he did it on his own to try to help. In his two years here, I really have never seen KJ do anything on a basketball court, or in general, that looked like he was doing anything but being a good teammate. Unless you count his constant yelling at Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, which I really don't, since everyone is doing that: KJ, Spo, UD, the fans, the refs. The only person who doesn't yell at Chalmers is Dwyane, since he's been with him the longest - he knows it isn't going to help anything.
5) UD was so, so terrible tonight. He had 15 rebounds in 29 minutes, but there were so many missed shots by these two teams that it was the equivalent of getting like 6 in a normal game. He did have a transition follow-dunk of a missed Chalmers layup to tie the game with 4 seconds to go, but I think he then missed the help assignment on the last play of the game when Nene scored to win it. Further, he kept receiving passes, barreling into traffic, and shooting the ball into peoples' armpits. So, so terrible, I love this kid so, so much, he is such a warrior, and he's my favorite basketball player of all-time - and frankly, he has to play because we don't have better options - but right now it is rough. Just rough. Come on, UD, we need you in these playoffs, boy...
6) So seven year old P.Minutos and I were out doing some errands today - that kid is a good sidekick, he's down for anything, once you pry him away from the gang of little kids that congregates in front of our house all weekend long. We hit the library, the market - you know, the usual. So, at one point we are at a red light, and the car in front of us is an old hearse which some kid has (seemingly) acquired, applied a sweet multi-layered red and black paint job on it (red on top half, black on bottom half), and then painted what I assume was the movie poster from the most recent Planet of the Apes movie - maybe called "Rise of the Planet of the Apes?" - on the rear of the car. Whatever it was called, the name of the movie was also painted right there on the back - there were apes, the name of the movie...that's what I'm saying, it was like the movie poster reproduced. I heard that film was pretty engaging, but I didn't see it - no need to, already seen the original one, starring the great, great Charlton Heston, over 100 times. I still contend, as vigilant readers of this blog would know, that the scene in which the apes are trying to capture Charlton Heston, and it takes them about 15 minutes to do so, even though there are like 150 apes, half of them on horseback; they have guns and nets; Heston is like 70 years old; and he's cornered in an area roughly the size of my kitchen, is the greatest movie scene of all-time. Heston is dodging to-and-fro like a geriatric Barry Sanders, and he keeps careening, like, directly at a camera, then looks right in the camera, realizes he's going to collide with it, and veers crazily out of the way. But I digress...So P.Minutos and I decide to pull up on the side of the Planet of the Apes car to see what kind of dude created this masterpiece, and, basically, he looked like L'il Wayne. Not even totally positive it wasn't L'il Wayne. It doesn't even matter - the point is, you are either ballin', or you're not ballin', and this kid was clearly ballin'. The end.
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Oh my God, I can't believe we have three more meaningless games I need to write about before the playoffs. Does anybody else want to take a turn? We're back tomorrow against Houston. If you need me before then, I'll be diagramming an escape route in case apes ever invade my kitchen. NRA Forever!!!
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Thursday, April 19, 2012
Miami 83 Chicago 72
6 Thoughts
1) So I went to the game tonight, and had a great time. First, though, let's talk about my driving. I don't know if I have mentioned it in this blog before, but I am a rock-solid driver. I am steady, I get my hands right to 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock on the wheel, I don't go too fast, or get too crazy, but I keep a good pace going. I picked up Great Friend of the Blog AH at his office, and he was like, "are you going to drive," and I was like "absolutely - I'm rock-solid behind the wheel, and you'll be in good hands." Look, don't take my word for it - ask AH. He got there on time, we made a crisp exit back on to the highway and got back home efficiently - basically, I delivered. In between, I got a super-cool tour of the inner workings of The Trip, got to spend a little time courtside ogling a Dos Minutos favorite (not Jax), and the Heat got a satisfying win in a chippy game which, hopefully, will set the tone for a great Eastern Conference Final between these two rivals. It is super-late because I had to revisit the entire game with M.Minutos when I got home, but let's do it, let's go!
2) So GFOB AH has season tickets, and he not only invited me to the game, but he also hooked it up with his season ticket rep to get us down on the floor for warmups. Basically, you go in a side entrance, and a young dude gives you a little tour of the bowels of The Trip, including the lounge down there where the cool dudes hang out, the 2006 championship trophy on the wall which is the last thing the players see before they come out on the court, and then you walk through the players' entrance on to the floor, and get to sit courtside during warmups. I was like 4 feet from James Jones draining triple after triple, getting his pregame work in - it is easy to forget how many shots these guys can make when there is no defense. JJ would make 7 or 8 in a row, miss, then make another 7 or 8 in a row. We shook hands with The Coach, Tony Fiorentino - AH started to explain the concept of the Dos Minutos blog to Tony, while I fled in embarrassment - I gave a thumbs up to Coach Askins when he made a 30 footer while he was seated on the bench, which made him laugh - it was superfun. I was also sitting next to a young man who, one, had the exact same birthday as me (April 24), and two, his parents had somehow tricked him into thinking they were coming to watch the game on the big screen, and then broke the news that they wouldn't be watching the game on the overhead scoreboard, as they had led him to believe, but that the game was actually going to be played right here, on this floor, and that they were staying for it, which sent the kid into a certain spasmodic ecstasy. That was a hard one to pull off, by the way - I mean we were sitting in an eighteen thousand seat arena with a huge Miami Heat logo 10 feet away, and Shane Battier practicing hook shots so close to us that we could have stripped the ball from him. You might have thought something was up. But, no, this kid was totally surprised that a basketball game was going to be played...Anyways, I don't get star-struck often, but towards the end of the session, who came out for some shooting work but Dos Minutos favorite Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, who immediately started shooting from behind the arc right in front of me - I absolutely could have reached out and fouled him, which I was so tempted to do. He spends two-thirds of his time on a basketball court either fouling someone, or trying to foul someone - I felt like he would have appreciated it. Also, I totally prepared myself to duck quickly in case he decided to try to throw a pass to anyone. It was amazing - the only way I could have been more excited was if somehow Mario Chalmers had morphed into Mike Bibby. Still, so awesome - thank you AH for hooking it up!
3) Next, we got tacos for dinner in the arena - AH said that was his go-to meal in The Trip, the taco stand near his seats (which are awesome, by the way, center court, low enough to be up in it, high enough to see the plays develop). He was spot-on, the tacos were good. My favorite part was the kid actually making the tacos, his name was Taequin, or Triquan, or something, whatever it was, I had never seen it before, and it was awesome. So they were like soft tacos, and then he would put chicken or beef in them, and ask you what else you wanted: cheese, jalapenos, etc. And. then. he. would. put. the. stuff. on. it. at. about. this. pace. really. slowly. really. really. slowly. We had plenty of time, it wasn't aggravating, it was totally fascinating - he wasn't some punk kid who didn't care, he did a good job making the tacos, and smiled when you thanked him. But he was just really, really deliberate. And if it were, like, his first day ever making tacos, like if he were totally unfamiliar with the concept of a taco, so that all day he had to keep repeating in his head, "so, like, you put chicken in this floppy shell thing, and then other foods like right on top of it - okay, this is weird, but I think I get it," then his pace would have made total sense, you would be, like, "well, of course he is slow, he's never even heard of tacos before." But this kid's job is to make tacos! That's what he do! It was amazing! Good tacos, though!
4) Okay, the Heat won this game because they controlled the glass, for the most part. The difference between these two teams is that Miami has the superior skill players, and Chicago has the more physical frontline. So on a night like tonight, when Miami wins the rebounding category 45-40, even without new rebounding sensation Chris Bosh (out - still over rebound quota), they are probably going to win. UD had 10, KJ James had 11, Dexter Pittman (surprisingly competent all around tonight) had 7 in 16 minutes, and Shane Battioke had 6 in 23. Battioke also completed the biggest sequence of the game: when Chicago, struggling to keep themselves in it late, tried to post Carlos Boozer (by the way, absolutely their version of Chris Bosh - the dude who is always going to get blamed anytime anything goes wrong) against James. Boozer tried to back James up with the dribble, but couldn't budge him, whereupon he tried to spin in the lane, KJ stripped him, Miami ran out, and Battioke hit a triple to pretty much salt it away. KJ was by far the best player on the court: 27 points, 11 rebounds, 6 assists, only 1 turnover, absolutely spectacular defense, and...
5) ...one HUGE heavy-heavy-duty knockout screen on the extremely irritating and diminutive John Lucas III. Lucas never saw the screen coming and ran full-speed into KJ's shoulder, flattening him like a pancake. If you recall, earlier this season KJ jumped clear over John Lucas III and dunked on an alley-oop, and tonight he launched him halfway to kingdom come. After gathering himself, Lucas charged at KJ, got in his face, and KJ kind of brushed him away - both guys got technicals, although KJ's was absurd. The game was super-chippy - these teams do not like each other. It included a fairly aggressive double-forearm shiver from the usually mild-mannered James Jones up high on Joakim Noah, which got Jones ejected. I think it is fairly safe to assume, based on Noah's track record in Miami (last year screamed at a fan, calling him a f*cking f*ggot) that he said something inappropriate to Jones, and that the something inappropriate included the n-word. Just a guess. It also featured Rip Hamilton jabbing Dwyane Wade in the stomach with an elbow, and Dwyane responding by belting him to the floor, which earned both of them technicals. And, of course, the usual Joakim Noah histrionics which included him mock-clapping at calls he didn't like, and then getting into an argument with every member of the Heat, the referees, and everyone sitting in the first five rows. Listen, Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau was the architect of doucheball in Boston - when you play the Bulls, you have to expect a heavy dose of it. Joakim Noah isn't quite the perfect master of the black magic of douchery - that's Kevin Garnett - but he's like a Jedi-douche warrior. I mean, he can douche it up with the best of them. Just makes the win more satisfying. I am rambling. I am exhausted.
6) Been thinking about this a lot lately: it is way easier to see the reasons that you don't like another person than it is to see the reasons that another person might not like you. Wayyy easier.
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Had a great time - Chicago will probably still be the one seed, and that is probably better for Miami, but we'll see how that shakes out over this last week before the playoffs. Four games left for the Heat (wow), and the next one is Saturday against Washington. If you need me before then, I'll be checking the tire pressure on my Prius. Rock-solid.
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1) So I went to the game tonight, and had a great time. First, though, let's talk about my driving. I don't know if I have mentioned it in this blog before, but I am a rock-solid driver. I am steady, I get my hands right to 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock on the wheel, I don't go too fast, or get too crazy, but I keep a good pace going. I picked up Great Friend of the Blog AH at his office, and he was like, "are you going to drive," and I was like "absolutely - I'm rock-solid behind the wheel, and you'll be in good hands." Look, don't take my word for it - ask AH. He got there on time, we made a crisp exit back on to the highway and got back home efficiently - basically, I delivered. In between, I got a super-cool tour of the inner workings of The Trip, got to spend a little time courtside ogling a Dos Minutos favorite (not Jax), and the Heat got a satisfying win in a chippy game which, hopefully, will set the tone for a great Eastern Conference Final between these two rivals. It is super-late because I had to revisit the entire game with M.Minutos when I got home, but let's do it, let's go!
2) So GFOB AH has season tickets, and he not only invited me to the game, but he also hooked it up with his season ticket rep to get us down on the floor for warmups. Basically, you go in a side entrance, and a young dude gives you a little tour of the bowels of The Trip, including the lounge down there where the cool dudes hang out, the 2006 championship trophy on the wall which is the last thing the players see before they come out on the court, and then you walk through the players' entrance on to the floor, and get to sit courtside during warmups. I was like 4 feet from James Jones draining triple after triple, getting his pregame work in - it is easy to forget how many shots these guys can make when there is no defense. JJ would make 7 or 8 in a row, miss, then make another 7 or 8 in a row. We shook hands with The Coach, Tony Fiorentino - AH started to explain the concept of the Dos Minutos blog to Tony, while I fled in embarrassment - I gave a thumbs up to Coach Askins when he made a 30 footer while he was seated on the bench, which made him laugh - it was superfun. I was also sitting next to a young man who, one, had the exact same birthday as me (April 24), and two, his parents had somehow tricked him into thinking they were coming to watch the game on the big screen, and then broke the news that they wouldn't be watching the game on the overhead scoreboard, as they had led him to believe, but that the game was actually going to be played right here, on this floor, and that they were staying for it, which sent the kid into a certain spasmodic ecstasy. That was a hard one to pull off, by the way - I mean we were sitting in an eighteen thousand seat arena with a huge Miami Heat logo 10 feet away, and Shane Battier practicing hook shots so close to us that we could have stripped the ball from him. You might have thought something was up. But, no, this kid was totally surprised that a basketball game was going to be played...Anyways, I don't get star-struck often, but towards the end of the session, who came out for some shooting work but Dos Minutos favorite Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, who immediately started shooting from behind the arc right in front of me - I absolutely could have reached out and fouled him, which I was so tempted to do. He spends two-thirds of his time on a basketball court either fouling someone, or trying to foul someone - I felt like he would have appreciated it. Also, I totally prepared myself to duck quickly in case he decided to try to throw a pass to anyone. It was amazing - the only way I could have been more excited was if somehow Mario Chalmers had morphed into Mike Bibby. Still, so awesome - thank you AH for hooking it up!
3) Next, we got tacos for dinner in the arena - AH said that was his go-to meal in The Trip, the taco stand near his seats (which are awesome, by the way, center court, low enough to be up in it, high enough to see the plays develop). He was spot-on, the tacos were good. My favorite part was the kid actually making the tacos, his name was Taequin, or Triquan, or something, whatever it was, I had never seen it before, and it was awesome. So they were like soft tacos, and then he would put chicken or beef in them, and ask you what else you wanted: cheese, jalapenos, etc. And. then. he. would. put. the. stuff. on. it. at. about. this. pace. really. slowly. really. really. slowly. We had plenty of time, it wasn't aggravating, it was totally fascinating - he wasn't some punk kid who didn't care, he did a good job making the tacos, and smiled when you thanked him. But he was just really, really deliberate. And if it were, like, his first day ever making tacos, like if he were totally unfamiliar with the concept of a taco, so that all day he had to keep repeating in his head, "so, like, you put chicken in this floppy shell thing, and then other foods like right on top of it - okay, this is weird, but I think I get it," then his pace would have made total sense, you would be, like, "well, of course he is slow, he's never even heard of tacos before." But this kid's job is to make tacos! That's what he do! It was amazing! Good tacos, though!
4) Okay, the Heat won this game because they controlled the glass, for the most part. The difference between these two teams is that Miami has the superior skill players, and Chicago has the more physical frontline. So on a night like tonight, when Miami wins the rebounding category 45-40, even without new rebounding sensation Chris Bosh (out - still over rebound quota), they are probably going to win. UD had 10, KJ James had 11, Dexter Pittman (surprisingly competent all around tonight) had 7 in 16 minutes, and Shane Battioke had 6 in 23. Battioke also completed the biggest sequence of the game: when Chicago, struggling to keep themselves in it late, tried to post Carlos Boozer (by the way, absolutely their version of Chris Bosh - the dude who is always going to get blamed anytime anything goes wrong) against James. Boozer tried to back James up with the dribble, but couldn't budge him, whereupon he tried to spin in the lane, KJ stripped him, Miami ran out, and Battioke hit a triple to pretty much salt it away. KJ was by far the best player on the court: 27 points, 11 rebounds, 6 assists, only 1 turnover, absolutely spectacular defense, and...
5) ...one HUGE heavy-heavy-duty knockout screen on the extremely irritating and diminutive John Lucas III. Lucas never saw the screen coming and ran full-speed into KJ's shoulder, flattening him like a pancake. If you recall, earlier this season KJ jumped clear over John Lucas III and dunked on an alley-oop, and tonight he launched him halfway to kingdom come. After gathering himself, Lucas charged at KJ, got in his face, and KJ kind of brushed him away - both guys got technicals, although KJ's was absurd. The game was super-chippy - these teams do not like each other. It included a fairly aggressive double-forearm shiver from the usually mild-mannered James Jones up high on Joakim Noah, which got Jones ejected. I think it is fairly safe to assume, based on Noah's track record in Miami (last year screamed at a fan, calling him a f*cking f*ggot) that he said something inappropriate to Jones, and that the something inappropriate included the n-word. Just a guess. It also featured Rip Hamilton jabbing Dwyane Wade in the stomach with an elbow, and Dwyane responding by belting him to the floor, which earned both of them technicals. And, of course, the usual Joakim Noah histrionics which included him mock-clapping at calls he didn't like, and then getting into an argument with every member of the Heat, the referees, and everyone sitting in the first five rows. Listen, Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau was the architect of doucheball in Boston - when you play the Bulls, you have to expect a heavy dose of it. Joakim Noah isn't quite the perfect master of the black magic of douchery - that's Kevin Garnett - but he's like a Jedi-douche warrior. I mean, he can douche it up with the best of them. Just makes the win more satisfying. I am rambling. I am exhausted.
6) Been thinking about this a lot lately: it is way easier to see the reasons that you don't like another person than it is to see the reasons that another person might not like you. Wayyy easier.
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Had a great time - Chicago will probably still be the one seed, and that is probably better for Miami, but we'll see how that shakes out over this last week before the playoffs. Four games left for the Heat (wow), and the next one is Saturday against Washington. If you need me before then, I'll be checking the tire pressure on my Prius. Rock-solid.
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Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Heat 96 Raptors 72
6 Thoughts
1) Do I have to say it? Do you really want me to say it? Okay...We're the Two Seed Champs, boy, Two Seed Champs! Clinched the two seed for the second year in a row!!! Two! Seed! Champs! Let's go!
2) Quick playoff scenario recap: Miami, with tonight's win, can't be lower than the two seed in the Eastern Conference. Several scenarios are still possible (Miami could still catch Chicago for the one seed; New York could rise or fall, etc), but what is highly probable is that Miami will play the Knicks in the first round, play Indiana in the second round, and play the Boston-Bulls winner in the Eastern Conference Finals (assuming we beat NYK and Indiana). On the one hand, for a top 4 seed, the Knicks are the hardest first round series - they are clearly better than Philadelphia, Orlando, and Atlanta, at least to me. That's a tough break. On the other hand, if you can't beat the Knicks, you certainly aren't going to beat the Bulls and, say, OKC, anyways, so the whole thing was pointless. And, on the positive side, while Indiana is a very good team, the hottest team in the East after the All-Star break has been Boston - letting them and Chicago hammer each other's brains out in the second round, and having to play only one of them is probably the most favorable path, although, personally, I would love nothing more than to be the team to send Kevin Garnett home for the season. Again.
3) Dwyane Wade sat out the game: preventative maintenance. Also sitting out, Chris Bosh: over his rebound quota, with 29 in the past 2 games. He's like a farmer on a government subsidy, he can only get so many rebounds a month before he gets shut down. GFOB Snets points out that Bosh left his rebounding fields fallow for much of the season while still getting paid, so he's actually under his quota for the year, but listen, this is a bureaucracy, we don't apply common sense. Rules are rules: he's over the quota for the month, he sits.
4) KJ James played. I suppose he probably should have rested, also - he hasn't taken a game off yet down the stretch, and he said he hasn't wanted to, that he likes to play too much. He did concede he'd be willing to take a game or two off next week, which absolutely should happen. And, Toronto is terrible when healthy - when they aren't even playing their guys, like tonight, they're not even an NBA team. But, dude, to watch KJ go out there tonight and not just play great, but to play with so much energy, and even more so, to play correctly - I mean, he's a machine, dude. Maybe he won't play well in the Finals again if Miami is lucky enough to get that far - he was great in the playoffs last year until the last couple of games - I don't know. But during this season, he has been a machine. He scored 28 points on 12-15 in three quarters, but it was one play in particular that stood out to me. On a meaningless third quarter possession, he came off an elbow screen and roll with Dexter Pittman into space, came to a jump stop, and threw a perfect little bounce pass back to Dex for a finish. Like, KJ could have shot the open jumper, he could have been like, "Dex is never going to finish that," but he didn't, he threw the perfect pass to an imperfect teammate, and the dude finished. KJ is so good at basketball, and say what you will about him, but he plays the right way. He isn't selfish, he plays hard, he defends - he plays the right way. You might not like him, or like The Decision, or whatever - personally, I like other dudes on the team way better - but I have total respect for his approach out there, even on a night like tonight when there is absolutely no reason that he has to play that way. Or even play at all. Admirable...
5) ...But he's also a physical freak, too. Toronto scored a bucket with about 4 seconds left in the first half. Mike Mil-lar (13 points on 3-4 triples) snatched the ball out of the basket, stepped out of bounds, and threw an overhand baseball pass down the court to just inside the three point line. KJ went up in between two large Toronto defenders (the Johnson brothers, James and Amir) and, one-handed, snatched the fastball out of the sky. He landed, lowered his head, and got his shoulder up ahead of James Johnson on his right, powered past him, and then with Amir Johnson still draped all over his left shoulder, kind of shrugged him off, and made a running, right-handed flip shot from the lane just before the buzzer sounded. Probably no other player in the league makes that play. Incredible athleticism.
6) Well, the Space Shuttle took its last flight this week. We're shutting down the shuttle program because it is too difficult and not cost-effective - like, it never really goes anywhere, or does anything meaningful, even though it costs taxpayers, I would imagine, thousands of dollars for even one flight. Like, we still haven't found the Martians, yet, or any aliens, for that matter. We just couldn't figure out a way to get anything done with the Space Shuttle program. Yet, I am supposed to still believe that forty years ago, with vastly inferior technology, we shot a rocket up off the revolving and rotating Earth, towards a revolving and rotating Moon, gave it enough power to get all the way there, but not so much that it wouldn't land perfectly and softly on a crater-filled surface with zero gravity...and then somehow, remotely, re-launched it and reversed the process perfectly? We can't do the Space Shuttle anymore - but the moon landing seems plausible to you? #DontBelieveTheirLies #TheTruthIsOutThere
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I am making a rare journey down to The Trip tomorrow night to see the Heat play the Bulls. Huge kudos to Great Friend of the Blog AH, who invited me to go. On the other hand, if I have to see Joakim Noah in person celebrating on The Trip's floor, I may never speak to AH again. If you need me before tomorrow night, I'll be ripping the sections on space "travel" out of O and P Minutos' science books, and replacing them with "Jack and the Beanstalk," since that is a far more realistic mode of space transport. Have a good night, naive lemmings!
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1) Do I have to say it? Do you really want me to say it? Okay...We're the Two Seed Champs, boy, Two Seed Champs! Clinched the two seed for the second year in a row!!! Two! Seed! Champs! Let's go!
2) Quick playoff scenario recap: Miami, with tonight's win, can't be lower than the two seed in the Eastern Conference. Several scenarios are still possible (Miami could still catch Chicago for the one seed; New York could rise or fall, etc), but what is highly probable is that Miami will play the Knicks in the first round, play Indiana in the second round, and play the Boston-Bulls winner in the Eastern Conference Finals (assuming we beat NYK and Indiana). On the one hand, for a top 4 seed, the Knicks are the hardest first round series - they are clearly better than Philadelphia, Orlando, and Atlanta, at least to me. That's a tough break. On the other hand, if you can't beat the Knicks, you certainly aren't going to beat the Bulls and, say, OKC, anyways, so the whole thing was pointless. And, on the positive side, while Indiana is a very good team, the hottest team in the East after the All-Star break has been Boston - letting them and Chicago hammer each other's brains out in the second round, and having to play only one of them is probably the most favorable path, although, personally, I would love nothing more than to be the team to send Kevin Garnett home for the season. Again.
3) Dwyane Wade sat out the game: preventative maintenance. Also sitting out, Chris Bosh: over his rebound quota, with 29 in the past 2 games. He's like a farmer on a government subsidy, he can only get so many rebounds a month before he gets shut down. GFOB Snets points out that Bosh left his rebounding fields fallow for much of the season while still getting paid, so he's actually under his quota for the year, but listen, this is a bureaucracy, we don't apply common sense. Rules are rules: he's over the quota for the month, he sits.
4) KJ James played. I suppose he probably should have rested, also - he hasn't taken a game off yet down the stretch, and he said he hasn't wanted to, that he likes to play too much. He did concede he'd be willing to take a game or two off next week, which absolutely should happen. And, Toronto is terrible when healthy - when they aren't even playing their guys, like tonight, they're not even an NBA team. But, dude, to watch KJ go out there tonight and not just play great, but to play with so much energy, and even more so, to play correctly - I mean, he's a machine, dude. Maybe he won't play well in the Finals again if Miami is lucky enough to get that far - he was great in the playoffs last year until the last couple of games - I don't know. But during this season, he has been a machine. He scored 28 points on 12-15 in three quarters, but it was one play in particular that stood out to me. On a meaningless third quarter possession, he came off an elbow screen and roll with Dexter Pittman into space, came to a jump stop, and threw a perfect little bounce pass back to Dex for a finish. Like, KJ could have shot the open jumper, he could have been like, "Dex is never going to finish that," but he didn't, he threw the perfect pass to an imperfect teammate, and the dude finished. KJ is so good at basketball, and say what you will about him, but he plays the right way. He isn't selfish, he plays hard, he defends - he plays the right way. You might not like him, or like The Decision, or whatever - personally, I like other dudes on the team way better - but I have total respect for his approach out there, even on a night like tonight when there is absolutely no reason that he has to play that way. Or even play at all. Admirable...
5) ...But he's also a physical freak, too. Toronto scored a bucket with about 4 seconds left in the first half. Mike Mil-lar (13 points on 3-4 triples) snatched the ball out of the basket, stepped out of bounds, and threw an overhand baseball pass down the court to just inside the three point line. KJ went up in between two large Toronto defenders (the Johnson brothers, James and Amir) and, one-handed, snatched the fastball out of the sky. He landed, lowered his head, and got his shoulder up ahead of James Johnson on his right, powered past him, and then with Amir Johnson still draped all over his left shoulder, kind of shrugged him off, and made a running, right-handed flip shot from the lane just before the buzzer sounded. Probably no other player in the league makes that play. Incredible athleticism.
6) Well, the Space Shuttle took its last flight this week. We're shutting down the shuttle program because it is too difficult and not cost-effective - like, it never really goes anywhere, or does anything meaningful, even though it costs taxpayers, I would imagine, thousands of dollars for even one flight. Like, we still haven't found the Martians, yet, or any aliens, for that matter. We just couldn't figure out a way to get anything done with the Space Shuttle program. Yet, I am supposed to still believe that forty years ago, with vastly inferior technology, we shot a rocket up off the revolving and rotating Earth, towards a revolving and rotating Moon, gave it enough power to get all the way there, but not so much that it wouldn't land perfectly and softly on a crater-filled surface with zero gravity...and then somehow, remotely, re-launched it and reversed the process perfectly? We can't do the Space Shuttle anymore - but the moon landing seems plausible to you? #DontBelieveTheirLies #TheTruthIsOutThere
---
I am making a rare journey down to The Trip tomorrow night to see the Heat play the Bulls. Huge kudos to Great Friend of the Blog AH, who invited me to go. On the other hand, if I have to see Joakim Noah in person celebrating on The Trip's floor, I may never speak to AH again. If you need me before tomorrow night, I'll be ripping the sections on space "travel" out of O and P Minutos' science books, and replacing them with "Jack and the Beanstalk," since that is a far more realistic mode of space transport. Have a good night, naive lemmings!
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Monday, April 16, 2012
Heat 101 Nets 98
6 Thoughts
1) LeBron.
2) LeBron.
3) LeBron.
4) LeBron.
5) If it turns out Chris Bosh could have just been rebounding all year (29 in the last 2 days), it is going to be super-annoying.
6) Before a bizarrely pro-Heat crowd in New Jersey, the Heat dialed up the intensity to somewhere between 0 and negative 100, slept-walked through three quarters against one of the worst teams in the league - without their only good player - trailed by double digits multiple times, and then with 5 minutes to go, re-inserted KJ James, and he scored 17 straight points for Miami, who finally won when the Nets couldn't get the ball inbounds for a tying three point attempt (bad teams, man). It was an atrocious, atrocious outing by Miami, but to be fair, at this point of the season, on a (sort of) road back-to-back, I guess any win is a good one, meaningless or not. For perspective, Chicago lost at home to Washington tonight on the second night of their own back-to-back. As M.Minutos pointed out after the game, we have been on the other end of finishing KJ James rushes like that too many times in the past - he literally just lowered his head and powered his way to the rim over and over while multiple Nets tried to tackle him to the ground - that we went old school in #1-4, and let him use his old name for a while...That's all I have to say about that game. Who really cares, in the end?...More importantly, we have a winner in the "Go To Drink" competition, and appropriately, it is GFOB and only die hard New Jersey Nets fan I know - and maybe the only die hard New Jersey Nets fan in captivity - Plumber. He wrote right in with "Gin and Tonic," and he is so, so spot on. I've known that kid for almost 25 years, and he has always been super-smart - a gin and tonic is simple, refreshing, not colorful, you can absolutely order it from a dude or woman bartender with a straight face - it's perfect. And Plumber doesn't even drink! I think most often, a Gin and Tonic comes with a slice of lemon or lime, but when I make my own at home, I'm using a slice of tangerine, and calling it a Plumber and Tonic. Of course, I'm not going to do that in a social situation, because I don't want to be relentlessly mocked, I'll just let them put the lime or lemon in it. In closing, thank you, Plumber, you are a gentleman, and thoughtful, and you always come through in a pressure situation. You are truly a great, great friend of the blog, and a great friend in life. Also, to the jackapple who wrote in to say I should stop drinking because I am not man enough to drink (he was less polite about it, though), you are not a great friend of the blog, and I am sending Plumber to your house to beat you up.
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We're off until Wednesday, when we play Toronto, and then we play the next night at home against Chicago, for maybe the 100th time in the last three weeks. I'll be going to that game with GFOB AH - should be a good one! If you need me before then, I'll be slicing tangerines. Bottoms up!
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1) LeBron.
2) LeBron.
3) LeBron.
4) LeBron.
5) If it turns out Chris Bosh could have just been rebounding all year (29 in the last 2 days), it is going to be super-annoying.
6) Before a bizarrely pro-Heat crowd in New Jersey, the Heat dialed up the intensity to somewhere between 0 and negative 100, slept-walked through three quarters against one of the worst teams in the league - without their only good player - trailed by double digits multiple times, and then with 5 minutes to go, re-inserted KJ James, and he scored 17 straight points for Miami, who finally won when the Nets couldn't get the ball inbounds for a tying three point attempt (bad teams, man). It was an atrocious, atrocious outing by Miami, but to be fair, at this point of the season, on a (sort of) road back-to-back, I guess any win is a good one, meaningless or not. For perspective, Chicago lost at home to Washington tonight on the second night of their own back-to-back. As M.Minutos pointed out after the game, we have been on the other end of finishing KJ James rushes like that too many times in the past - he literally just lowered his head and powered his way to the rim over and over while multiple Nets tried to tackle him to the ground - that we went old school in #1-4, and let him use his old name for a while...That's all I have to say about that game. Who really cares, in the end?...More importantly, we have a winner in the "Go To Drink" competition, and appropriately, it is GFOB and only die hard New Jersey Nets fan I know - and maybe the only die hard New Jersey Nets fan in captivity - Plumber. He wrote right in with "Gin and Tonic," and he is so, so spot on. I've known that kid for almost 25 years, and he has always been super-smart - a gin and tonic is simple, refreshing, not colorful, you can absolutely order it from a dude or woman bartender with a straight face - it's perfect. And Plumber doesn't even drink! I think most often, a Gin and Tonic comes with a slice of lemon or lime, but when I make my own at home, I'm using a slice of tangerine, and calling it a Plumber and Tonic. Of course, I'm not going to do that in a social situation, because I don't want to be relentlessly mocked, I'll just let them put the lime or lemon in it. In closing, thank you, Plumber, you are a gentleman, and thoughtful, and you always come through in a pressure situation. You are truly a great, great friend of the blog, and a great friend in life. Also, to the jackapple who wrote in to say I should stop drinking because I am not man enough to drink (he was less polite about it, though), you are not a great friend of the blog, and I am sending Plumber to your house to beat you up.
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We're off until Wednesday, when we play Toronto, and then we play the next night at home against Chicago, for maybe the 100th time in the last three weeks. I'll be going to that game with GFOB AH - should be a good one! If you need me before then, I'll be slicing tangerines. Bottoms up!
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Sunday, April 15, 2012
Heat 93 Knicks 85
6 Thoughts
1) I was at the beach all day; I'm tired; I have sand in my booty; I need to finish my tax return; and 9 year old O.Minutos has figured out how to run his drum machine up through his guitar amp while practicing, and he's currently playing Linkin Park riffs with speed metal drums about 10 feet away from me. Solid win for Miami in a pointless game for them, but one the Knicks wanted badly. Let's go, let's get it done, and then take a nap...
2) I thought Miami respected the process today, it was a good job by them, a good, professional basketball game, when they weren't compelled to deliver one. The Knicks are probably solidly in the playoffs, but they would like to get up out of the 7th or 8th spot to avoid playing the Heat or Chicago in the first round. Miami could have gone through the motions and let the Knicks have it, but they didn't, they stayed in there, played their new lineup rotations, and defended. I thought they lacked energy and settled offensively, especially in the second half, but they defended enough to win. Carmelo Anthony blistered the Heat all game long...except for the latter minutes of the fourth quarter, when KJ James took him, and forced him into long fallaway jumpers as Miami pulled away down the stretch with a 18-3 run. If there one was "most encouraging" performance, it was Chris Bosh's. I thought his recovery and block of a Landry Fields layup during the closing run was the biggest play of the game. More than that, it just seemed he made a general effort to get to the ball off the glass. He's never going to be a great rebounder, because he is not explosive off the floor, or strong, and because he is a statue. But when you're 6'11" just making an effort to go get the ball once in a while matters. The Knicks play small, I'm not going to lie, but still, Bosh's 14 rebounds (and 16 points) against his one of his many nemeses, Tyson Chandler, was encouraging. When Bosh plays with a little bit of effort, it makes a huge difference.
3) So Coach Spo has switched up the rotations in anticipation of the playoffs. Halfway through the first and third quarters, Emcee Chalmers comes out, Mike Miller comes in, and the team plays with no nominal point guard - it's kind of dopey to say it that way, it's what people who don't watch Miami play every game say - "no point guard" - because KJ James has always been the offensive point guard since he has been here. It is more accurate to say they "go big." Both times it worked perfectly. I don't have the statistics, or anything - this isn't the kind of blog where we keep track of anything, if you haven't noticed - but Miami closed the first quarter on a rush to get to plus 9, and the big lineup played well again in the third. Miller didn't shoot it great - 1-4 - but I thought he hunted shots, and thus spaced the floor, and it is a strong defensive and rebounding group. But, what hasn't worked well is the smaller group that plays after that group's run is done. KJ plays with three shooters (out of the group of Miller, Battier, James Jones, and Chalmers), and one big. Theoretically, KJ James should do one of two things: either go down on the block, force a double team, and then spit to shooters; or, beat his guy off the dribble, force help, and spit to shooters. Instead, he tends to come off a screen and shoot open 18 footers while the defenders hug the perimeter. That defeats the whole purpose of that lineup - if KJ is going to treat those guys as floor-spacers, and try to score himself, then he has to try to get to the rim. He can get an 18 footer any time he wants no matter who is on the floor. Too often today, that group bogged down, and let the Knicks back in the game. Something to work on for the next couple of weeks.
4) Wade has now played more games in a Miami Heat uniform than anyone else, passing Alonzo Mourning. And Udonis Haslem is about to pass Zo as well. It is hard to imagine any franchise having both a more successful and more likable core than Dwyane, UD, and me. You're welcome, Miami!
5) Listen, Mike Woodson, how do you expect to beat a very good Miami Heat team when you only play Mike Bibby 5 minutes? Especially when Mike Bibby is your guy - that's treasonous. Mike Bibby should play, on the average, 42-44 minutes a night, and I'd like to see him take anywhere between 22-25 shots. You're not utilizing your personnel properly, Mike Woodson - I think your re-grown eyebrows are clouding your judgement. I can't lie: when Mike Bibby took his one shot, an open three in the second quarter, and it missed off the back iron, I let out an audible groan of disappointment, and drew a look of disgust from M.Minutos. I just don't know how to quit you, Mike Bibby.
6) Mario "Emcee" Chalmers' 5 Favorite Sandwiches: 5) Peanut Butter and Jelly; 4) Ham and Cheese, with bar-b-que potato chips crunched into it; 3) "The Gargantuan" from Jimmy John's; 2) anything with Fluff; 1) Bagel, Egg, and Cheese.
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This was the first game of four in five nights - that's absolutely brutal when you have nothing left to play for. Why doesn't the NBA just have us play every single night until the playoffs start? We play New Jersey tomorrow - let's hope a couple of guys get "preventative maintenance." I'd sit KJ tomorrow, and then sit Wade and Bosh Wednesday against Toronto, and then let everyone play as a practice game Thursday night against Chicago. If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be re-experiencing pounding Linkin Park riffs in my sleep all night long.
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1) I was at the beach all day; I'm tired; I have sand in my booty; I need to finish my tax return; and 9 year old O.Minutos has figured out how to run his drum machine up through his guitar amp while practicing, and he's currently playing Linkin Park riffs with speed metal drums about 10 feet away from me. Solid win for Miami in a pointless game for them, but one the Knicks wanted badly. Let's go, let's get it done, and then take a nap...
2) I thought Miami respected the process today, it was a good job by them, a good, professional basketball game, when they weren't compelled to deliver one. The Knicks are probably solidly in the playoffs, but they would like to get up out of the 7th or 8th spot to avoid playing the Heat or Chicago in the first round. Miami could have gone through the motions and let the Knicks have it, but they didn't, they stayed in there, played their new lineup rotations, and defended. I thought they lacked energy and settled offensively, especially in the second half, but they defended enough to win. Carmelo Anthony blistered the Heat all game long...except for the latter minutes of the fourth quarter, when KJ James took him, and forced him into long fallaway jumpers as Miami pulled away down the stretch with a 18-3 run. If there one was "most encouraging" performance, it was Chris Bosh's. I thought his recovery and block of a Landry Fields layup during the closing run was the biggest play of the game. More than that, it just seemed he made a general effort to get to the ball off the glass. He's never going to be a great rebounder, because he is not explosive off the floor, or strong, and because he is a statue. But when you're 6'11" just making an effort to go get the ball once in a while matters. The Knicks play small, I'm not going to lie, but still, Bosh's 14 rebounds (and 16 points) against his one of his many nemeses, Tyson Chandler, was encouraging. When Bosh plays with a little bit of effort, it makes a huge difference.
3) So Coach Spo has switched up the rotations in anticipation of the playoffs. Halfway through the first and third quarters, Emcee Chalmers comes out, Mike Miller comes in, and the team plays with no nominal point guard - it's kind of dopey to say it that way, it's what people who don't watch Miami play every game say - "no point guard" - because KJ James has always been the offensive point guard since he has been here. It is more accurate to say they "go big." Both times it worked perfectly. I don't have the statistics, or anything - this isn't the kind of blog where we keep track of anything, if you haven't noticed - but Miami closed the first quarter on a rush to get to plus 9, and the big lineup played well again in the third. Miller didn't shoot it great - 1-4 - but I thought he hunted shots, and thus spaced the floor, and it is a strong defensive and rebounding group. But, what hasn't worked well is the smaller group that plays after that group's run is done. KJ plays with three shooters (out of the group of Miller, Battier, James Jones, and Chalmers), and one big. Theoretically, KJ James should do one of two things: either go down on the block, force a double team, and then spit to shooters; or, beat his guy off the dribble, force help, and spit to shooters. Instead, he tends to come off a screen and shoot open 18 footers while the defenders hug the perimeter. That defeats the whole purpose of that lineup - if KJ is going to treat those guys as floor-spacers, and try to score himself, then he has to try to get to the rim. He can get an 18 footer any time he wants no matter who is on the floor. Too often today, that group bogged down, and let the Knicks back in the game. Something to work on for the next couple of weeks.
4) Wade has now played more games in a Miami Heat uniform than anyone else, passing Alonzo Mourning. And Udonis Haslem is about to pass Zo as well. It is hard to imagine any franchise having both a more successful and more likable core than Dwyane, UD, and me. You're welcome, Miami!
5) Listen, Mike Woodson, how do you expect to beat a very good Miami Heat team when you only play Mike Bibby 5 minutes? Especially when Mike Bibby is your guy - that's treasonous. Mike Bibby should play, on the average, 42-44 minutes a night, and I'd like to see him take anywhere between 22-25 shots. You're not utilizing your personnel properly, Mike Woodson - I think your re-grown eyebrows are clouding your judgement. I can't lie: when Mike Bibby took his one shot, an open three in the second quarter, and it missed off the back iron, I let out an audible groan of disappointment, and drew a look of disgust from M.Minutos. I just don't know how to quit you, Mike Bibby.
6) Mario "Emcee" Chalmers' 5 Favorite Sandwiches: 5) Peanut Butter and Jelly; 4) Ham and Cheese, with bar-b-que potato chips crunched into it; 3) "The Gargantuan" from Jimmy John's; 2) anything with Fluff; 1) Bagel, Egg, and Cheese.
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This was the first game of four in five nights - that's absolutely brutal when you have nothing left to play for. Why doesn't the NBA just have us play every single night until the playoffs start? We play New Jersey tomorrow - let's hope a couple of guys get "preventative maintenance." I'd sit KJ tomorrow, and then sit Wade and Bosh Wednesday against Toronto, and then let everyone play as a practice game Thursday night against Chicago. If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be re-experiencing pounding Linkin Park riffs in my sleep all night long.
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Friday, April 13, 2012
Heat 105 Bobcats 82
6 Thoughts
1) Ummm, what seed do we have to finish to play Charlotte in the first round? This was an awful, meaningless game against an awful, meaningless team. There are exactly two weeks left in the season - 8 games - and none of them will have any meaning for Miami. It's Friday night, let's roll through this quick and get on to the parties!
2) How bad is Charlotte? Historically bad. They are 7-51. If they don't win another game - and it's hard to see how they could - they will finish with the worst record in NBA history. They don't have even one average NBA starter on their roster. They aren't even a professional basketball franchise, not really. Their coach, Paul Silas, sometimes lets his son, Stephen, coach the team, just for fun (that's not a joke, by the way). Their general manager, Rod Higgins, signed his son Cory to play for the team, even though he isn't an NBA-level player. Maybe that doesn't quite illustrate how bad they are. Try this: Joel Anthony and Dexter Pittman combined for 26 points on 10-16 shooting! Now you feel me? Who is the genius who put this group together? Ummmm:
Hey, who is that old dude in the train engineer's cap sitting with Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton? "Sir, do you think this train is going to be on time? I have tickets to the Dave Matthews-Tim Reynolds show in Charlottesville tonight." Man, oh man. Nobody - I mean nobody - stays cool forever...
3) Finally someone - and by "someone," I mean "my dad, Pat Riley" - got to Coach Spo and made him rest guys. Tonight Dwyane Wade, Mike Mil-lar, UD Haslem (Hubie-ism), and Ronny Turiaf were all held out. Even still, Spo wouldn't let go of the rope. He called their absences "preventative maintenance!" Spo, it's okay, you can rest guys. It's totally allowed. Lighten up, dude, you're young. I mean, kind of. Enjoy life a little. "Preventative maintenance," goodness gracious...
4) Play of the game: tie. Both involved Bobcats dorky big man BJ Mullens. In the first quarter he caught the ball twenty feet from the basket with Chris Bosh pushed up on him. After holding the ball for about 8 seconds, he decided to try to "rip move" Bosh. Which means hold the ball low, then swing it up through the defender's arms, fling the ball anywhere, and draw a foul. The only flaw in Mullens' plan was that Bosh didn't have his arms extended - statues can't change arm position - and as Mullens started his rip move he had nothing to come up through, so he just extended the ball into Bosh's lower-midriff where it kind of stuck, and then Bosh politely plucked it away from him. Sweet move by Mullens. In the fourth quarter, he set a screen for Charlotte rookie, and Connecticut NCAA champion, Kemba Walker, rolled to the right elbow, received a nice slip pass from Walker, sighted the basket, then fired a laser pass to Bobcat teammate Derrick Brown, who was running to the basket to rebound, never looked for a pass, and the ball ricocheted off the side of his head and went towards the basket with good pace, but alas, wide. #AndyCarroll
5) Mario "Emcee" Chalmers' Five Greatest Rappers of All-Time: 5) Busta Rhymes; 4) Chris Brown; 3) Tupac; 2) "That Black Eyed Peas Girl;" 1) Chingy
6) I need a "go-to" drink. Something that I can comfortably order, and maybe even enjoy, when I am in a bar-like social situation. The "comfortably ordering" part far outweighs actually enjoying the drink, by the way - that's how I roll. Peer pressure. So, like, I'm an aging, white hipster doofus: what am I supposed to order at a bar? I want to seem at least somewhat manly (to whatever degree possible). Suggestions today at Dos M. Int'l HQs consisted of a "Rusty Nail" (drambuie and something), and grapefruit and vodka, which had some lame name like a "Misty Sea Breeze," or something equally un-orderable for a dude. That's the whole point - I already look like a dork, I can't go to the bar and order a "Rusty Nail," or a "Purple Parrott," or anything like that. They will laugh me right out of there. Oh, someone also suggested a "Cuba Libre," which is just a rum-and-coke (even I know that), and they suggested I order it every time saying "Cuba" like "coo-ba." Cuz that's going to go over huge in Miami - dude, do you know how much trouble Ozzie Guillen has been in the last few days?...A couple of weeks ago, I was eating raw oysters and I ordered a martini because it was the oyster bar's happy hour special, which was pretty awesome until I remembered that a martini tastes like turpentine, and I had to choke it down while pretending I enjoyed it. Oh, and by the way, beer gives me a "stomach virus," like UD had last night, and these days I'm just drinking to forget my white man's angst anyways - just get it in me quick, I don't have time to drink three beers to feel loose. When GFOB Plumber was down in Miami for a recent visit, he was stunned when we went to the bar at the Winter Haven and I ordered a mojito: "I'd read you order them in the blog, but I thought you were joking." You know who could totally drink grapefruit and vodka? Dwyane Wade. He's cool - he could be like, "it's crisp and refreshing," whereas people will just think I am twerpy. You know Bosh drinks Appletinis. Anyways, if you have a suggestion for a "go-to" drink for me, send it in...
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Next game is on Sunday in New York against the Knicks. Big, big game...for the Knicks. Not so much for us, totally meaningless. Ahhh, well. If you need me before then, i'll be right thurr...
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1) Ummm, what seed do we have to finish to play Charlotte in the first round? This was an awful, meaningless game against an awful, meaningless team. There are exactly two weeks left in the season - 8 games - and none of them will have any meaning for Miami. It's Friday night, let's roll through this quick and get on to the parties!
2) How bad is Charlotte? Historically bad. They are 7-51. If they don't win another game - and it's hard to see how they could - they will finish with the worst record in NBA history. They don't have even one average NBA starter on their roster. They aren't even a professional basketball franchise, not really. Their coach, Paul Silas, sometimes lets his son, Stephen, coach the team, just for fun (that's not a joke, by the way). Their general manager, Rod Higgins, signed his son Cory to play for the team, even though he isn't an NBA-level player. Maybe that doesn't quite illustrate how bad they are. Try this: Joel Anthony and Dexter Pittman combined for 26 points on 10-16 shooting! Now you feel me? Who is the genius who put this group together? Ummmm:
Hey, who is that old dude in the train engineer's cap sitting with Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton? "Sir, do you think this train is going to be on time? I have tickets to the Dave Matthews-Tim Reynolds show in Charlottesville tonight." Man, oh man. Nobody - I mean nobody - stays cool forever...
3) Finally someone - and by "someone," I mean "my dad, Pat Riley" - got to Coach Spo and made him rest guys. Tonight Dwyane Wade, Mike Mil-lar, UD Haslem (Hubie-ism), and Ronny Turiaf were all held out. Even still, Spo wouldn't let go of the rope. He called their absences "preventative maintenance!" Spo, it's okay, you can rest guys. It's totally allowed. Lighten up, dude, you're young. I mean, kind of. Enjoy life a little. "Preventative maintenance," goodness gracious...
4) Play of the game: tie. Both involved Bobcats dorky big man BJ Mullens. In the first quarter he caught the ball twenty feet from the basket with Chris Bosh pushed up on him. After holding the ball for about 8 seconds, he decided to try to "rip move" Bosh. Which means hold the ball low, then swing it up through the defender's arms, fling the ball anywhere, and draw a foul. The only flaw in Mullens' plan was that Bosh didn't have his arms extended - statues can't change arm position - and as Mullens started his rip move he had nothing to come up through, so he just extended the ball into Bosh's lower-midriff where it kind of stuck, and then Bosh politely plucked it away from him. Sweet move by Mullens. In the fourth quarter, he set a screen for Charlotte rookie, and Connecticut NCAA champion, Kemba Walker, rolled to the right elbow, received a nice slip pass from Walker, sighted the basket, then fired a laser pass to Bobcat teammate Derrick Brown, who was running to the basket to rebound, never looked for a pass, and the ball ricocheted off the side of his head and went towards the basket with good pace, but alas, wide. #AndyCarroll
5) Mario "Emcee" Chalmers' Five Greatest Rappers of All-Time: 5) Busta Rhymes; 4) Chris Brown; 3) Tupac; 2) "That Black Eyed Peas Girl;" 1) Chingy
6) I need a "go-to" drink. Something that I can comfortably order, and maybe even enjoy, when I am in a bar-like social situation. The "comfortably ordering" part far outweighs actually enjoying the drink, by the way - that's how I roll. Peer pressure. So, like, I'm an aging, white hipster doofus: what am I supposed to order at a bar? I want to seem at least somewhat manly (to whatever degree possible). Suggestions today at Dos M. Int'l HQs consisted of a "Rusty Nail" (drambuie and something), and grapefruit and vodka, which had some lame name like a "Misty Sea Breeze," or something equally un-orderable for a dude. That's the whole point - I already look like a dork, I can't go to the bar and order a "Rusty Nail," or a "Purple Parrott," or anything like that. They will laugh me right out of there. Oh, someone also suggested a "Cuba Libre," which is just a rum-and-coke (even I know that), and they suggested I order it every time saying "Cuba" like "coo-ba." Cuz that's going to go over huge in Miami - dude, do you know how much trouble Ozzie Guillen has been in the last few days?...A couple of weeks ago, I was eating raw oysters and I ordered a martini because it was the oyster bar's happy hour special, which was pretty awesome until I remembered that a martini tastes like turpentine, and I had to choke it down while pretending I enjoyed it. Oh, and by the way, beer gives me a "stomach virus," like UD had last night, and these days I'm just drinking to forget my white man's angst anyways - just get it in me quick, I don't have time to drink three beers to feel loose. When GFOB Plumber was down in Miami for a recent visit, he was stunned when we went to the bar at the Winter Haven and I ordered a mojito: "I'd read you order them in the blog, but I thought you were joking." You know who could totally drink grapefruit and vodka? Dwyane Wade. He's cool - he could be like, "it's crisp and refreshing," whereas people will just think I am twerpy. You know Bosh drinks Appletinis. Anyways, if you have a suggestion for a "go-to" drink for me, send it in...
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Next game is on Sunday in New York against the Knicks. Big, big game...for the Knicks. Not so much for us, totally meaningless. Ahhh, well. If you need me before then, i'll be right thurr...
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Thursday, April 12, 2012
Bulls 96 Heat 86 ot
6 Thoughts
1) Tough loss on the road. Encouraging in certain ways, especially effort-wise, but nonetheless a tough loss. KJ made a huge late triple off an offensive rebound by - of all people - Chris Bosh, but then moments later missed a free throw to ice it. Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau yanked last year's MVP Derrick Rose, who was absolutely embarrassed by KJ all night -- annndd then, of course, his replacement, CJ Watson, made a three under duress to send the game to overtime, whereupon Dwyane Wade got tomahawked on the head by Omer Asik to no call, and then Taj Gibson dunked on the ensuing runout with a brush-by foul called for the and-one. Of course that happened! Why wouldn't it? Tough loss, but the Heat seemed engaged, and played hard - losing in overtime to one of the best teams in the league on their home floor with absolutely nothing at stake isn't the worst result of all-time. More importantly than the result, the game highlighted almost exactly how these two teams match up with each other, strength-and-weakness-wise. Not sure if that was good punctuation there using all those dashes in that last phrase...Let's go!
2) Okay, Heat weakness/Bulls strength: Miami's defensive glass. Basically, the issue breaks down like this: every time the Bulls shoot and miss, we can't get the rebound. We either lose it clean, or someone - usually Chris Bosh or Shane Battier, but sometimes Mike Miller or Ronny Turiaf - tips it back out politely to the perimeter, and then someone on the Bulls drains an open jumper. Or sometimes Taj Gibson or Joakim Noah grabs it up close and dunks it back in. Either way, not good. There are probably like statistics for this - yes, the Bulls had 15 offensive rebounds, I see. I estimate that out of their 96 points, maybe 85 were second chance points? More? Coach Spo tried to address this by removing Ronny Turiaf from the starting lineup and inserting UD. I'm not sure it really went much better- Bulls had a bunch of putbacks in the first half; in the second half UD sat out with a "stomach virus." M.Minutos pointed out that the more common household terminology would be "diarrhea." Anyways, I'm not sure what Miami can do about this issue - they aren't good rebounders. So that's a problem.
3) Heat strength/Bulls weakness: KJ James can guard Derrick Rose; Derrick Rose can't guard KJ James. We've said this many times - it was the difference in the Eastern Conference Finals last season. I don't want this to be a "dump on Derrick Rose" session, even though I don't like him much personally - he has such a sour, unlikable personality that I think it's possible that Dwyane is still the more-revered Chicago native son. Also, he cheated on SATs, and won't nut up and admit it. You know, when you cheat on a test, the only person truly getting cheated is yourself, or so I am told...He is a very, very good player - but he has a somewhat limited skill set: he is a high-volume, medium-efficiency scorer. Those are both valuable skills - shot creation is a very valuable skill - and the Bulls are structured to take advantage of that. They pound the offensive boards and play great defense - they don't need an efficient offense, just an offense which creates enough opportunities to win. But against Miami, Rose's efficiency plunges any time KJ guards him. It's not a small sample size, either. Last year in the playoffs, KJ played him in fourth quarters and Rose's numbers were horrific - 3 for 20-something. Whatever it was, it was bad. Tonight was worse: 1-13 for 2 points, and Rose looked extremely tentative any time KJ was on him, which was often. Derrick Rose's primary ability as a basketball player is that he is never tentative. So, you know, this is a problem for Chicago. After he hit the backside of the backboard on a drive against KJ to turn the ball over again with a couple of minutes to go, Thibodeau yakked him and never put him back in. I don't know how Chicago solves that problem either. If they play in the playoffs, KJ's still going to be 6'8", Rose is still going to be 6'2". Rose's backup, CJ Watson, is the better ball mover - tonight the answer was to play him instead of Rose, and it worked. We'll see if that continues to be the solution going forward.
4) This is really just a Heat weakness: Mike Miller and Shane Battier were utterly atrocious tonight. Miller was 1-9 from the floor, but it was more the way he played. For him to be of value, he has to play like James Jones Plus (essentially, like last year's revelation "Playoff James Jones," PJJ, where he starts doing things - like dribbling - that he hasn't done in four straight seasons). Meaning, if he has daylight, he has to pull the trigger. His primary job is floor spacing - then, everything else. It wasn't the1-9 tonight; it was the 6 or 7 that he didn't pull when he had a sliver of space. Of the 8 misses, a lot of them were on plays he had to make at the ends of shot clocks, after he (or also Battier) didn't fire a look earlier in the shot clock, and the ball found its way back to them late. Meanwhile, Bulls floor spacer Kyle Korver did exactly what Miller should be doing: came off screens aggressively looking to hunt shots. He made 5-6 triples and 6-8 overall for 17 points in 19 minutes. Great job by him. Maybe Mike doesn't have his legs back yet, but if he's going to be out there, to me he's got to let it fly at every opportunity. That's how you solve that problem - just rip it. Do it like you did it at the Corn Palace in South Dakota, Big Fella! Basket's the same height!
5) Have we talked about Battioke yet? Let's talk about Battioke. Battioke was Shane Battier's charity event, held at the iconic Eden Roc hotel in Miami Beach a few weeks ago. As you can probably figure out from the name of the event, essentially Shane Battier (and his teammates) dress up in ridiculous outfits and sing karaoke songs. The night kicked off with Battioke donning a white jump suit and singing "Eye of the Tiger." Of course he did! LeBron wore a wig and sang "Superfreak-" he was actually pretty good. GFOB Thor suggested that we make my dad Pat Riley's version of "My Girl" a candidate for our theme song, but there are a couple of problems with that. One, my dad isn't the best singer. Two, it's not really a headbanger - maybe in 1940 or whenever the original song came out it was, but not now. Three, and most importantly, I've spent the last week receiving emails that my dad, Pat Riley, should be fired, along with Coach Erik Spoelstra, Chris Bosh, Mike Mil-lar, and in one particularly vengeful email, the entire Sunsports crew: Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino, Jax. Everyone except Johanna Gomez, essentially. Okay, I feel like I should address these emails en masse - transparency! And here is what I say. Yes, the team has struggled as of late. Everyone feels terrible about that, and is nervous about the playoffs - if the team plays like they have been in the playoffs, we are not going to get out of the East. Tonight was better - and if CJ Waston's tough triple doesn't go in, and we win, we would be no better or worse off for the playoffs than we are right now - remember that. You'd feel better; but it wouldn't truly be better. On the other hand, this is exactly how last season went down. Nobody thought we had any chance in the playoffs. Then, LeBron played more minutes, Dwyane played more minutes, both guys rebounded more, defended harder, and the Heat essentially breezed through the east playoffs before getting derailed by Dallas. I do not know if that will happen again. I do not. I do know it could happen again, for sure. Let's say it doesn't, though, let's say Miami loses to Chicago in the Eastern Conference Finals, or to Boston in the semis - what would happen? For sure, Spo would get waxed. It may or may not be fair, they may or may not find a better coach (I'm guessing it would be Nate McMillan) - doesn't matter. He will get waxed. My dad, Pat Riley, is not going to get waxed. He might decide enough is enough and retire, but he's not going to get waxed. You can keep writing it to me if you want, but it isn't going to happen. As GFOB Snets and I discussed yesterday, my dad has made the exact same mistake twice in the last four years: he saw a perimeter-oriented big - first Beasley, then Bosh - and tried to build a frontcourt around him. Exact same mistake. Big, big mistakes! If you want to claim this is a fireable offense - and maybe it is - okay. The reality is, he isn't going to get fired, no matter how much you want him to. And by the way, why would people keep writing this to me - that's my dad you are talking about firing!..What he is going to do is break this group up, no doubt. The first thing he is going to try to do is find a trade for Bosh - I think he does this no matter how the season turns out. Until we see what Bosh does in the playoffs, we aren't going to have any idea of his value - right now I'd say it's somewhere between "Anderson Varejo" and "a corpse." (In fairness, Chris was pretty good tonight: 20 points, 8 polite rebounds, and somehow, 4 blocks! Knocked Carlos Boozer over on one block - Mon Dieu!) Say you can't move Bosh because no one wants him. What are you going to do, trade Dwyane Wade? That's absurd - I hope. Personally, and I said this about UD two summers ago, I'd rather have Dwyane and lose every game, then not have Dwyane and win every game. Dwyane, UD, and I already brought this town a title - it'd be nice to get another one this year, or any year, but it isn't necessary to cement our legacies. That only leaves one guy to trade: my man KJ. I absolutely would call Orlando about a KJ for Dwight Howard swap (would probably mean we keep his dad Juwan around for another year). I absolutely would call the Lakers about a KJ for Bynum swap. If I had to, I absolutely would send him back to Cleveland for Kyrie Irving and Varejo, or something like that, if had to be KJ or Dwyane. Absolutely. Without even giving it a thought. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Let's just let it play out and see what happens. In the meantime, while we are wallowing in anticipatory grief, instead of a head-banging theme song for a triumphant playoff run, let's play a song about what it would be like to lose in the playoffs again this year. I mean, it would be pretty much like a plane crash, right? Check out Drive-by Truckers, "The Lonely Crash of Pat Ri-," I mean, "Angels and Fuselage" - in the third verse, when the engines stop, and everyone knows that the plane is going down, just imagine all of us, sitting there, watching Derrick Rose knife through our defense, miss a layup, and then seeing Joakim Noah dunk the rebound - and Bosh - back through the rim, late in the fourth quarter of game four as we are about to get swept. I mean, you think things are bad now - just think about that!
6) A lot of questions about Castro in my inbox, dudes, all prompted by Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen's pro-Castro remarks last week. A lot of questions - most of them implying that I might be a Castro-sympathizer because of his beard. Look, I don't respect the dude - his behavior is not cool. The beard? I mean, that's a tough one, you're putting me in a tough spot there. Let's just say that without Castro, maybe there never is a James Harden - and you know I love James Harden! On the other hand, as a half-Jew, if, say, New York Knick coach Mike Woodson made a virulently anti-Semitic remark, I might be disappointed, because I love Mike Woodson, even when he shaved off his eyebrows, if only because his point guard in Atlanta for years was Mike Bibby, but I certainly wouldn't be outraged. I might be like, "Et tu, Mike Woodson?," but I honestly don't think I would give it that much thought. On the other hand, guess what? Mike Woodson would never do that! A man smart enough to start Mike Bibby at point guard, even when everyone was like, "Mike Bibby is still in the league?," would never make an anti-Semitic comment! So you know what? Fine, Marlins - fire Ozzie Guillen! And hire Mike Woodson! Let's go!
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Well, we're right back at it tomorrow. Charlotte is in town. Only two weeks left in the season, then the playoffs. Playoffs are always a no-lose situation: win and advance; lose, stop writing this stupid blog, and read some books, for a change. If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be setting the trimmer to "bone-clean" and getting at those eyebrows - I had forgotten how much I love this look! See you tomorrow!
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1) Tough loss on the road. Encouraging in certain ways, especially effort-wise, but nonetheless a tough loss. KJ made a huge late triple off an offensive rebound by - of all people - Chris Bosh, but then moments later missed a free throw to ice it. Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau yanked last year's MVP Derrick Rose, who was absolutely embarrassed by KJ all night -- annndd then, of course, his replacement, CJ Watson, made a three under duress to send the game to overtime, whereupon Dwyane Wade got tomahawked on the head by Omer Asik to no call, and then Taj Gibson dunked on the ensuing runout with a brush-by foul called for the and-one. Of course that happened! Why wouldn't it? Tough loss, but the Heat seemed engaged, and played hard - losing in overtime to one of the best teams in the league on their home floor with absolutely nothing at stake isn't the worst result of all-time. More importantly than the result, the game highlighted almost exactly how these two teams match up with each other, strength-and-weakness-wise. Not sure if that was good punctuation there using all those dashes in that last phrase...Let's go!
2) Okay, Heat weakness/Bulls strength: Miami's defensive glass. Basically, the issue breaks down like this: every time the Bulls shoot and miss, we can't get the rebound. We either lose it clean, or someone - usually Chris Bosh or Shane Battier, but sometimes Mike Miller or Ronny Turiaf - tips it back out politely to the perimeter, and then someone on the Bulls drains an open jumper. Or sometimes Taj Gibson or Joakim Noah grabs it up close and dunks it back in. Either way, not good. There are probably like statistics for this - yes, the Bulls had 15 offensive rebounds, I see. I estimate that out of their 96 points, maybe 85 were second chance points? More? Coach Spo tried to address this by removing Ronny Turiaf from the starting lineup and inserting UD. I'm not sure it really went much better- Bulls had a bunch of putbacks in the first half; in the second half UD sat out with a "stomach virus." M.Minutos pointed out that the more common household terminology would be "diarrhea." Anyways, I'm not sure what Miami can do about this issue - they aren't good rebounders. So that's a problem.
3) Heat strength/Bulls weakness: KJ James can guard Derrick Rose; Derrick Rose can't guard KJ James. We've said this many times - it was the difference in the Eastern Conference Finals last season. I don't want this to be a "dump on Derrick Rose" session, even though I don't like him much personally - he has such a sour, unlikable personality that I think it's possible that Dwyane is still the more-revered Chicago native son. Also, he cheated on SATs, and won't nut up and admit it. You know, when you cheat on a test, the only person truly getting cheated is yourself, or so I am told...He is a very, very good player - but he has a somewhat limited skill set: he is a high-volume, medium-efficiency scorer. Those are both valuable skills - shot creation is a very valuable skill - and the Bulls are structured to take advantage of that. They pound the offensive boards and play great defense - they don't need an efficient offense, just an offense which creates enough opportunities to win. But against Miami, Rose's efficiency plunges any time KJ guards him. It's not a small sample size, either. Last year in the playoffs, KJ played him in fourth quarters and Rose's numbers were horrific - 3 for 20-something. Whatever it was, it was bad. Tonight was worse: 1-13 for 2 points, and Rose looked extremely tentative any time KJ was on him, which was often. Derrick Rose's primary ability as a basketball player is that he is never tentative. So, you know, this is a problem for Chicago. After he hit the backside of the backboard on a drive against KJ to turn the ball over again with a couple of minutes to go, Thibodeau yakked him and never put him back in. I don't know how Chicago solves that problem either. If they play in the playoffs, KJ's still going to be 6'8", Rose is still going to be 6'2". Rose's backup, CJ Watson, is the better ball mover - tonight the answer was to play him instead of Rose, and it worked. We'll see if that continues to be the solution going forward.
4) This is really just a Heat weakness: Mike Miller and Shane Battier were utterly atrocious tonight. Miller was 1-9 from the floor, but it was more the way he played. For him to be of value, he has to play like James Jones Plus (essentially, like last year's revelation "Playoff James Jones," PJJ, where he starts doing things - like dribbling - that he hasn't done in four straight seasons). Meaning, if he has daylight, he has to pull the trigger. His primary job is floor spacing - then, everything else. It wasn't the1-9 tonight; it was the 6 or 7 that he didn't pull when he had a sliver of space. Of the 8 misses, a lot of them were on plays he had to make at the ends of shot clocks, after he (or also Battier) didn't fire a look earlier in the shot clock, and the ball found its way back to them late. Meanwhile, Bulls floor spacer Kyle Korver did exactly what Miller should be doing: came off screens aggressively looking to hunt shots. He made 5-6 triples and 6-8 overall for 17 points in 19 minutes. Great job by him. Maybe Mike doesn't have his legs back yet, but if he's going to be out there, to me he's got to let it fly at every opportunity. That's how you solve that problem - just rip it. Do it like you did it at the Corn Palace in South Dakota, Big Fella! Basket's the same height!
5) Have we talked about Battioke yet? Let's talk about Battioke. Battioke was Shane Battier's charity event, held at the iconic Eden Roc hotel in Miami Beach a few weeks ago. As you can probably figure out from the name of the event, essentially Shane Battier (and his teammates) dress up in ridiculous outfits and sing karaoke songs. The night kicked off with Battioke donning a white jump suit and singing "Eye of the Tiger." Of course he did! LeBron wore a wig and sang "Superfreak-" he was actually pretty good. GFOB Thor suggested that we make my dad Pat Riley's version of "My Girl" a candidate for our theme song, but there are a couple of problems with that. One, my dad isn't the best singer. Two, it's not really a headbanger - maybe in 1940 or whenever the original song came out it was, but not now. Three, and most importantly, I've spent the last week receiving emails that my dad, Pat Riley, should be fired, along with Coach Erik Spoelstra, Chris Bosh, Mike Mil-lar, and in one particularly vengeful email, the entire Sunsports crew: Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino, Jax. Everyone except Johanna Gomez, essentially. Okay, I feel like I should address these emails en masse - transparency! And here is what I say. Yes, the team has struggled as of late. Everyone feels terrible about that, and is nervous about the playoffs - if the team plays like they have been in the playoffs, we are not going to get out of the East. Tonight was better - and if CJ Waston's tough triple doesn't go in, and we win, we would be no better or worse off for the playoffs than we are right now - remember that. You'd feel better; but it wouldn't truly be better. On the other hand, this is exactly how last season went down. Nobody thought we had any chance in the playoffs. Then, LeBron played more minutes, Dwyane played more minutes, both guys rebounded more, defended harder, and the Heat essentially breezed through the east playoffs before getting derailed by Dallas. I do not know if that will happen again. I do not. I do know it could happen again, for sure. Let's say it doesn't, though, let's say Miami loses to Chicago in the Eastern Conference Finals, or to Boston in the semis - what would happen? For sure, Spo would get waxed. It may or may not be fair, they may or may not find a better coach (I'm guessing it would be Nate McMillan) - doesn't matter. He will get waxed. My dad, Pat Riley, is not going to get waxed. He might decide enough is enough and retire, but he's not going to get waxed. You can keep writing it to me if you want, but it isn't going to happen. As GFOB Snets and I discussed yesterday, my dad has made the exact same mistake twice in the last four years: he saw a perimeter-oriented big - first Beasley, then Bosh - and tried to build a frontcourt around him. Exact same mistake. Big, big mistakes! If you want to claim this is a fireable offense - and maybe it is - okay. The reality is, he isn't going to get fired, no matter how much you want him to. And by the way, why would people keep writing this to me - that's my dad you are talking about firing!..What he is going to do is break this group up, no doubt. The first thing he is going to try to do is find a trade for Bosh - I think he does this no matter how the season turns out. Until we see what Bosh does in the playoffs, we aren't going to have any idea of his value - right now I'd say it's somewhere between "Anderson Varejo" and "a corpse." (In fairness, Chris was pretty good tonight: 20 points, 8 polite rebounds, and somehow, 4 blocks! Knocked Carlos Boozer over on one block - Mon Dieu!) Say you can't move Bosh because no one wants him. What are you going to do, trade Dwyane Wade? That's absurd - I hope. Personally, and I said this about UD two summers ago, I'd rather have Dwyane and lose every game, then not have Dwyane and win every game. Dwyane, UD, and I already brought this town a title - it'd be nice to get another one this year, or any year, but it isn't necessary to cement our legacies. That only leaves one guy to trade: my man KJ. I absolutely would call Orlando about a KJ for Dwight Howard swap (would probably mean we keep his dad Juwan around for another year). I absolutely would call the Lakers about a KJ for Bynum swap. If I had to, I absolutely would send him back to Cleveland for Kyrie Irving and Varejo, or something like that, if had to be KJ or Dwyane. Absolutely. Without even giving it a thought. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Let's just let it play out and see what happens. In the meantime, while we are wallowing in anticipatory grief, instead of a head-banging theme song for a triumphant playoff run, let's play a song about what it would be like to lose in the playoffs again this year. I mean, it would be pretty much like a plane crash, right? Check out Drive-by Truckers, "The Lonely Crash of Pat Ri-," I mean, "Angels and Fuselage" - in the third verse, when the engines stop, and everyone knows that the plane is going down, just imagine all of us, sitting there, watching Derrick Rose knife through our defense, miss a layup, and then seeing Joakim Noah dunk the rebound - and Bosh - back through the rim, late in the fourth quarter of game four as we are about to get swept. I mean, you think things are bad now - just think about that!
6) A lot of questions about Castro in my inbox, dudes, all prompted by Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen's pro-Castro remarks last week. A lot of questions - most of them implying that I might be a Castro-sympathizer because of his beard. Look, I don't respect the dude - his behavior is not cool. The beard? I mean, that's a tough one, you're putting me in a tough spot there. Let's just say that without Castro, maybe there never is a James Harden - and you know I love James Harden! On the other hand, as a half-Jew, if, say, New York Knick coach Mike Woodson made a virulently anti-Semitic remark, I might be disappointed, because I love Mike Woodson, even when he shaved off his eyebrows, if only because his point guard in Atlanta for years was Mike Bibby, but I certainly wouldn't be outraged. I might be like, "Et tu, Mike Woodson?," but I honestly don't think I would give it that much thought. On the other hand, guess what? Mike Woodson would never do that! A man smart enough to start Mike Bibby at point guard, even when everyone was like, "Mike Bibby is still in the league?," would never make an anti-Semitic comment! So you know what? Fine, Marlins - fire Ozzie Guillen! And hire Mike Woodson! Let's go!
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Well, we're right back at it tomorrow. Charlotte is in town. Only two weeks left in the season, then the playoffs. Playoffs are always a no-lose situation: win and advance; lose, stop writing this stupid blog, and read some books, for a change. If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be setting the trimmer to "bone-clean" and getting at those eyebrows - I had forgotten how much I love this look! See you tomorrow!
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Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Celtics 115 Heat 107
6 Thoughts
1) Man, what a weird game: just when you think the Celtics are ready to hit you full-on with the doucheball, they go the total opposite direction, make about 100 jump shots in a row, so that even though the Heat scored easily and often - 107 points against the hottest defense in the league - the Celtics held on for a pretty easy win in Miami. Everyone expected a playoff-type game, but it was anything but - a lot of open shots, a lot of baskets, not a lot of great defense. Sixty-one percent shooting in the game for the C's, including an absurd 9-14 on triples. Goodness! I have to be honest with you - I think I preferred doucheball. Let's go, although it's not going to help, because no matter how hard, or how fast we go, the Celtics are probably just going to make another jumper!
2) After the game, Coach Spo, who loves catch phrases, had a new one: "we feel uncomfortable." He used it maybe 15 different times in a 5 minute press conference. "We are uncomfortable with the way we are playing." "Our rotations are uncomfortable." "We are missing plays at the rim, and that made us uncomfortable." But he also used it in a positive way: "I think the fact that we feel uncomfortable will help us get better (another Spo catch phrase "get better" - Heat players have had that one phrase pounded into their brains so much that they say it all the time, KJ James hasn't said anything but "we are getting better" in an interview for months)." Guess who is really uncomfortable right now? Me! This is the time of the year where every game affects playoff seeding, and so every score I see in every other Eastern Conference game forces me to recalibrate who stands where in the conference. Why? I don't know - it's just what I do. It's not even that important - I just feel like I need to know. Right now, the standings fall in the best possible way for Miami. They are sitting second, and Indiana leads Boston for the #3 seed by two games (although Boston holds the tiebreaker). If Indiana holds them off, and Boston stays ahead of the Sixers to win their division, Boston will be the 4 seed. Thus, they play Chicago in the second round - Miami only plays the winner. The nightmare scenario is the Sixers catch Boston to win the division - they are three back right now, and were in complete free-fall, but they hammered New Jersey tonight, and still, inexplicably, have two more games against them in the last 2 weeks, along with a few other soft opponents. In that scenario, Boston could fall to the #7 seed, and we play them in the first round. Look, at some point you have to go through Boston or Chicago - we had to go through both last year. For me, personally, I'd prefer to put it off as long as possible. I'll be uncomfortably checking all the scores tomorrow night again...
3) If the playoffs started right now, I don't think we could win a championship. We are not playing well enough. Let's just kind of touch on the main problem, and then move on. Okay? The main problem is Chris Bosh. He's an All-Star level player, even if he isn't a great, great player. But since the All-Star game, he has stunk the joint out almost every night. He was 5-13 for 13 points tonight. Meanwhile, the two guys he covered, Kevin Garnett and Brandon Bass, were 11-14 for 24 and 4-8 for 12 (and 10 boards) respectively, a lot of them right over Bosh. He got outplayed by both guys! Also, on the biggest play of the game, he got stuck with Paul Pierce on a switch, got taken to the rim, and didn't even get a contest on Pierce's layup, even though Pierce is 4" shorter and barely quicker than Bosh (though admittedly crafty). It isn't good enough. Last year he outplayed Garnett in the playoffs, but right now he isn't playing well enough for Miami to get to the Finals. With him playing cruddy night after night after night, it just becomes Wade and KJ and a bunch of other guys trying to help. They need Bosh to play better. I know he can play better - he did last year. I don't know if he will play better.
4) Lost in the barrage of Celtic jumpers, and Chris Bosh's ineffective play, was how good KJ James was. Wade still doesn't quite seem to have his legs back (9-21 for 20 points) - not sure why he played tonight. By contrast, Derrick Rose played one game after sitting 10 or so, but Chicago has sat him back down to get him even healthier. So, without Wade at his best, and without Bosh helping, it was pretty much up to KJ James to keep Miami in the game all by himself. Annnnddd, he did: 36 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists. He was spectacular. Without him, Miami loses this game by 30. Oh, you know who else did help? Emcee Chalmers! Miami got down 18 early, and as he tends to do in big games, especially when the team gets stagnant, Emcee went into "F-this, I don't care that I'm slow, can't jump, and can't dribble mode," and started flying around the court making plays. 18 on 6-9 for Emcee, only 1 turnover. It's odd, but he does seem to play better the bigger the game - his worst games are, like, against Sacramento on a random Wednesday night.
5) Next candidate for Playoff Theme Song:
C'mon, boy! Yessir! No song ever made the dorky white boys who thought they were rad get down faster or harder at Play It Again Sam's on Commonwealth Avenue in Boston in the early 90s than this jam! Plus, Big Daddy Kane looks like Stringer Bell from The Wire. How about this: one night, me, M.Minutos, and Big Daddy and JoGo! You feel me? Yeahhhh, you feel me! I get the job done - I work, ba-beeee! This is a good one, c'mon, this is the leader in the clubhouse right about now!
6) In Dos Minutos International Headquarters today I was on the phone with this dude who has an irrational affection for me, and he goes, "listen - you are absolutely terrific - you are the Jimmy Stewart of the Palm Beaches!" One, yes I am. Great point. Two, very current reference - I'm not even totally sure who Jimmy Stewart is. Some old actor dude, right? Three, my momma named me "Clay" - so call me "Clay." Goodnight.
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Next game is Thursday against Chicago, when we can all watch Chris Bosh get manhandled by Joakim Noah. Oh, and Carlos Boozer (and his spray on hair). Oh, and Omer Asik. Oh, and Taj Gibson. Oh, and Kurt Thomas. Oh, and Horace Grant. Oh, and Dennis Rodman. Oh, and Bill Wennington (did anyone ever think to nickname him "Bull" Wennington? no? too lame? yeah, I wouldn't do it, either, I swear). Oh, and James Edwards. Oh, and Norm Van Lear. Is that a guy? Norm Van Brocklin? Norm someone from the old days. You get the point. Looking forward to-it. If you need me before then, I'll be going through the closet for my old parachute pants! New Jack Swing, indeed!
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1) Man, what a weird game: just when you think the Celtics are ready to hit you full-on with the doucheball, they go the total opposite direction, make about 100 jump shots in a row, so that even though the Heat scored easily and often - 107 points against the hottest defense in the league - the Celtics held on for a pretty easy win in Miami. Everyone expected a playoff-type game, but it was anything but - a lot of open shots, a lot of baskets, not a lot of great defense. Sixty-one percent shooting in the game for the C's, including an absurd 9-14 on triples. Goodness! I have to be honest with you - I think I preferred doucheball. Let's go, although it's not going to help, because no matter how hard, or how fast we go, the Celtics are probably just going to make another jumper!
2) After the game, Coach Spo, who loves catch phrases, had a new one: "we feel uncomfortable." He used it maybe 15 different times in a 5 minute press conference. "We are uncomfortable with the way we are playing." "Our rotations are uncomfortable." "We are missing plays at the rim, and that made us uncomfortable." But he also used it in a positive way: "I think the fact that we feel uncomfortable will help us get better (another Spo catch phrase "get better" - Heat players have had that one phrase pounded into their brains so much that they say it all the time, KJ James hasn't said anything but "we are getting better" in an interview for months)." Guess who is really uncomfortable right now? Me! This is the time of the year where every game affects playoff seeding, and so every score I see in every other Eastern Conference game forces me to recalibrate who stands where in the conference. Why? I don't know - it's just what I do. It's not even that important - I just feel like I need to know. Right now, the standings fall in the best possible way for Miami. They are sitting second, and Indiana leads Boston for the #3 seed by two games (although Boston holds the tiebreaker). If Indiana holds them off, and Boston stays ahead of the Sixers to win their division, Boston will be the 4 seed. Thus, they play Chicago in the second round - Miami only plays the winner. The nightmare scenario is the Sixers catch Boston to win the division - they are three back right now, and were in complete free-fall, but they hammered New Jersey tonight, and still, inexplicably, have two more games against them in the last 2 weeks, along with a few other soft opponents. In that scenario, Boston could fall to the #7 seed, and we play them in the first round. Look, at some point you have to go through Boston or Chicago - we had to go through both last year. For me, personally, I'd prefer to put it off as long as possible. I'll be uncomfortably checking all the scores tomorrow night again...
3) If the playoffs started right now, I don't think we could win a championship. We are not playing well enough. Let's just kind of touch on the main problem, and then move on. Okay? The main problem is Chris Bosh. He's an All-Star level player, even if he isn't a great, great player. But since the All-Star game, he has stunk the joint out almost every night. He was 5-13 for 13 points tonight. Meanwhile, the two guys he covered, Kevin Garnett and Brandon Bass, were 11-14 for 24 and 4-8 for 12 (and 10 boards) respectively, a lot of them right over Bosh. He got outplayed by both guys! Also, on the biggest play of the game, he got stuck with Paul Pierce on a switch, got taken to the rim, and didn't even get a contest on Pierce's layup, even though Pierce is 4" shorter and barely quicker than Bosh (though admittedly crafty). It isn't good enough. Last year he outplayed Garnett in the playoffs, but right now he isn't playing well enough for Miami to get to the Finals. With him playing cruddy night after night after night, it just becomes Wade and KJ and a bunch of other guys trying to help. They need Bosh to play better. I know he can play better - he did last year. I don't know if he will play better.
4) Lost in the barrage of Celtic jumpers, and Chris Bosh's ineffective play, was how good KJ James was. Wade still doesn't quite seem to have his legs back (9-21 for 20 points) - not sure why he played tonight. By contrast, Derrick Rose played one game after sitting 10 or so, but Chicago has sat him back down to get him even healthier. So, without Wade at his best, and without Bosh helping, it was pretty much up to KJ James to keep Miami in the game all by himself. Annnnddd, he did: 36 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists. He was spectacular. Without him, Miami loses this game by 30. Oh, you know who else did help? Emcee Chalmers! Miami got down 18 early, and as he tends to do in big games, especially when the team gets stagnant, Emcee went into "F-this, I don't care that I'm slow, can't jump, and can't dribble mode," and started flying around the court making plays. 18 on 6-9 for Emcee, only 1 turnover. It's odd, but he does seem to play better the bigger the game - his worst games are, like, against Sacramento on a random Wednesday night.
5) Next candidate for Playoff Theme Song:
6) In Dos Minutos International Headquarters today I was on the phone with this dude who has an irrational affection for me, and he goes, "listen - you are absolutely terrific - you are the Jimmy Stewart of the Palm Beaches!" One, yes I am. Great point. Two, very current reference - I'm not even totally sure who Jimmy Stewart is. Some old actor dude, right? Three, my momma named me "Clay" - so call me "Clay." Goodnight.
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Next game is Thursday against Chicago, when we can all watch Chris Bosh get manhandled by Joakim Noah. Oh, and Carlos Boozer (and his spray on hair). Oh, and Omer Asik. Oh, and Taj Gibson. Oh, and Kurt Thomas. Oh, and Horace Grant. Oh, and Dennis Rodman. Oh, and Bill Wennington (did anyone ever think to nickname him "Bull" Wennington? no? too lame? yeah, I wouldn't do it, either, I swear). Oh, and James Edwards. Oh, and Norm Van Lear. Is that a guy? Norm Van Brocklin? Norm someone from the old days. You get the point. Looking forward to-it. If you need me before then, I'll be going through the closet for my old parachute pants! New Jack Swing, indeed!
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